Forget Me Not

by Erica Pensini

I wrapped up my belongings and, while I was busy getting ready, Cesar took away the book and placed it on the shelf in the exact spot where it belonged, as I noticed with surprise.

  “Have you read the book before?”, I asked when he walked back to my table

  “Why do you imagine so?”, he replied, and then, without waiting for my answer, he lead me to the door, gallantly placing his palm behind my back, and guiding my steps with the slightest pressure of his hand.

  When we left the library we walked awhile in silence, side by side without any physical contact, and my thoughts slipped back to what had happened in the laboratory. Then I noticed that Cesare was observing me with the corner of his eye, and I wondered for how long I had been floundering in my own thoughts.

  “Tomorrow I am inviting few friends to have dinner at my place, they are scientists, interesting fellows. I believe you could enjoy their company”, Cesare said abruptly, “and mine, I hope”, he added with a sly smile

  “I will be enchanted”, I said, the strange expression coming to my lips for reasons I could not define

  “You will be enchanted…you said so last time”, Cesar replied pensively, almost in a whisper, addressing me and yet talking to himself

  “Which time are you referring to?”, I asked, confused and intrigued by his ways

  “I think you used this expression before”, Cesar replied, his tone casual now

  “Am I wrong or is something worrying you?”, he then continued, abruptly changing the subject

  “Oh I am sorry, it is true that something crossed my mind few moments ago but I don’t want to think about it now that I am with you”, I said, flattered by his attentions.

  I had desired so much to talk to Cesar about what had happened with Otto Hermes, but now I could not get myself to do so.

  “You haven’t known me from a long time, an yet aren’t there people who you trust from the start, without being able to define why?”, Cesar said calmly, without resentment

  “Oh, but it is not lack of trust…”, I began

  “Let me bring you somewhere”, Cesar interrupted me, as if the previous object of our conversation was suddenly irrelevant

  “Where?”, I asked intrigued

  “Wait and see, if you trust me”, Cesar laughed

  I was silent for a moment.

  “I cannot explain why, but I sense that by telling you about what happened to me today I will trigger something…something dreadful…”, I said abruptly, suddenly realizing my fears

  “Something dreadful?”, Cesar asked, arching his long black brows in surprise

  “Yes…”

  “And yet you want to tell me”, Cesar concluded

  “How can you tell?”, I asked, startled by his acumen

  He smiled enigmatically without saying a word.

  “How can you tell?”, I iterated, and then, surrendering, I told him about Otto Hermes, about his odd behaviour and the samples he was stealing, I showed him the bottles I was carrying in my purse and explained all I knew about Iryssa Celata.

  Cesar listened without interrupting me, just nodding every now and then, and when I finally finished he frowned, as if pondering the facts.

  “So what do you think?”, I finally asked

  Cesar was silent for a moment.

  “I think you must be careful”, he said at last

  “But don’t you believe I can be mistaken in my interpretation of the facts?”, I asked, hoping for the illogical answer I knew he would not give me

  “If he was pocketing your samples, how could you be wrong about the fact that he meant to steal them?”, Cesar objected

  “Certainly he wanted to take them, but perhaps his aim is not to steal my work and use my results as if they were his… my supervisor knows what I have been working on anyways. How can Otto really sell my science as if it was his?”, I reasoned

  “I cannot tell you what your colleague has in mind, but is obvious is that his behaviour is suspicious. Caution is all I am advising”, Cesar said in a plain, reasonable tone that one could not argue against

  “What do you mean in practice with caution? What should I do?”, I asked, surrendering

  “Bring your samples and notebook with you at all times, do not leave them in the lab unless you are there. Keep your eyes open and try not to stay around the lab alone at night”

  “You think Otto could physically harm me?”, I exclaimed startled, the thought occurring to me for the first time

  “Maybe, or maybe not. He could certainly make you very uncomfortable by confronting you when there’s nobody else around”, Cesar said

  “Confront me?”

  “Confront you verbally, or hold conversations that it would be best for you not to hear. Be careful, that’s all”, Cesar said, in a conclusive tone that told me he had said all he wanted to say and did not want to continue discussing this matter for the time being.

  I nodded, and walked for a while with my head bowed, till Cesar stroked my hand and I raised my eyes.

  “Look”, he told me, stopping in front of a shop

  “The Main Apothecary” read the sign, written in fading letters. I stared at it, pondering how old it could be, and at the same time feeling a pang of pain within me as if I was observing an object from my childhood, now consumed by time, its scars marking my soul. Then I looked inside. There was an old man in there, bent over the counter grinding what I thought were herbs, keeping a candle beside him. I couldn’t see his face, but the mortar and pestle he was using and the candle were oddly familiar. Then I observed the shelves and the jars on them, and I can swear I had been there before.

  “I know this place…”, I whispered

  “Do you? Did you ever buy anything here? I never found it open. I am not generally one who buys herbal products, but I love the place”, Cesar said smiling

  I felt tears rolling down my eyes.

  “Iris…”, Cesar said, looking at me with surprised tenderness and concern

  My throat felt tight, and I swallowed down my tears unable to speak

  “Why are you crying?”, he asked, wiping my face with his light long fingers

  “I…I don’t know”, I said at last

  The man in the shop raised his face. He stared at me, bugging his eyes in the effort to make out my features. Then I saw a flash of recognition on his face, or so I thought, but before I could do anything he walked on the back of the store as if trying to hide the same emotions that were overwhelming me.

  “This man knows me…”, I said, “did you see?”

  “What man, Iris?”, Cesar asked

  “The one that was behind the counter”, I replied, not understanding why Cesar was asking

  “But there’s nobody behind the counter. The store is closed”, Cesar objected, looking at me oddly

  “Of course there is nobody now, but there was someone”, I insisted, a hiccup of anger peaking within me

  “Iris, there was nobody at the counter and there is nobody now”, Cesar said calmly

  I felt my balance vacillate.

  “Let me bring you home now”, Cesar said, “we’ll have more time together tomorrow. You will not forget the dinner at my place, right?”

  “I will not”, I confirmed faintly

  After I reached my attic I hid in bed without even having dinner, and I am writing these pages in bed now, afraid of myself, of my unstable mind, of everything around me. Or perhaps there is nothing to be afraid of, because all of this is nothing but a dream, a psychedelic adventure. What is happening to me? I hope the night will be short, now I hate the game of shadows and suffused shapes that animate the dark hours. I shall never go to the apothecary shop again. But why did Cesar close the book I was reading today? Can I trust him? Can I trust myself? Oh reader, sometimes I long for darkness and silence, as full and immense as death, so that the turmoil within in me can cease for once and for all.

  Chapter 18: Cesare Mercurio

  Today I walked to the laboratory with renewed excitement, brighten
ed by the prospect of new discoveries and of dining with my red haired beautiful obsession. Animated by this sanguine disposition, I organized all the necessary equipment to shed light on the nature of the white powder into which my mercury had transformed itself upon contact with droplets of hydrogen cyanide.

  I arranged a series of substances on the bench, each of which I had chosen for their distinctive properties. There were the oils, ranging from those having neutral nature, to the lenitive ones and to those that were aromatic and pungent to the skin. There were watery solutions of salts, there were acidic concoctions and their counterparts, caustic compositions that could quell their mordent asperity. And finally there were the spirits, liquids igniting fire into men’s chest when swallowed and yet as airy as evanescent breeze when left in open bottles. My white powder remained passive to the oils, and to the spirits and to all the watery concoctions but one.

  It was the caustic solution of a salt collected in the deepest caves of Gallia that triggered the transformation of my white powder. For the first instants I sprinkled the powder in the salt solution it dissolved completely, leaving the liquid uncoloured. And yet, knowing that patience is the virtue of the strong, I waited. Surely enough my determined perseverance was rewarded! After two times the sand in the hourglass consumed itself in a filament of powdery time, the solution transformed itself, turning flaky and dark. The rays of the sun were falling through the window, illuminating the jar and the flakes twirling within it. The dancing flocks grew larger in time, and finally settled on the bottom of the jar, forming a myriad of black aculei, their appearance as malevolent as the spell of a sorceress!

  By the time I finished annotating my observations the sun was melting away and a semi-obscurity slowly flooded the corners of my laboratory. Satisfied by the day, I headed towards my house to receive my guest and my wonderful Iryssa.

  When I reached home I found the table garnished with care and the dinner dishes waiting in the kitchen. The motherly benefactor was the lady who takes care of the cleanliness of my rooms and sometimes leaves me a meal, out of compassion for my solitary demeanor.

  I was still in the process of admiring what my maid had done when I heard a loud knock on the door. It was not the type of knock I expected from any of my guests, and I headed to the door irritated at the thought that somebody was about to spoil my reception.

  “Who is this?”, I thundered sternly

  “Sir, I am the servant of Sir Ignatius Irons. A great disaster has fallen upon us, please open the door, in the name of God!”, a pleading voice begged

  I opened the lock hastily, expecting grievous news and yet still ignorant of the entity of the tragedy I was about to hear.

  “My master is dead and Sir Humphrey is also”, the servant said, panting and with frenzied eyes staring from his terrified face

  “What happened? Speak without hesitation!”, I ordered, shaking the poor shivering man, prey myself of uncontrolled fear

  “We went to Sir Humphrey’s house, since my master and Sir Humphrey had agreed to ride the same carriage to your house, as you might already know. Sir Humphrey’s house on the way from…”, he started

  “Yes, of course. Now tell me what happened”, I interrupted

  “Our carriage was assaulted. It was only one man…”, he began and stopped

  “The assaulter was alone, and he was able to kill two men while you stood there watching?”, I shrieked in incredulity

  “He came out of nowhere sir. He jumped on the carriage and sliced my master’s and Sir Humphrey’s throat before I has the time to take action”, the servant replied apologetically

  “Just for a bunch of coins, I suppose”, I mumbled grasping my head in despair, “Such great minds destroyed for greedy stupidity”

  “No sir, nothing was taken but the men’s lives”, the servant said, shaking his head in bewildered desolation

  “Why were they murdered then?”, I asked astonished

  “I wouldn’t know, sir”, the servant replied, opening his arms

  I cannot say but it occurred to me that I had an enemy and that the murderer’s plan was to get to me by killing my friends. Iryssa, where are you?, I thought all of a sudden, and a cold shiver ran through my spine.

  “How did the man look like?”, I pressed

  “He was wearing a mask…”, said the servant

  “But was he tall or short, slim or stocky, and what type of clothing was he wearing?”, I insisted

  “He was dressed in black, and he was of average build…”, the servant told me hesitantly

  “Nothing more?”, I asked, irritated by having nothing but few fragments of information

  “It all happened so fast”, the servant defended himself, opening his arms in desolation

  “I trust the authorities are hunting down the scoundrel now”, I said

  “When the crime happened a crowd gathered. A strange man with a German accent pulled me by the arm- that’s why I remember him – he pulled me by the arm and asked me if the men were dead. When I nodded yes, still too shocked to speak, he walked away without proffering a single word. He did not seem like the typical nosey person who craves to see blood, and yet he was not there to help either…”, the servant remembered, shaking his head at the oddity of the man’s behaviour.

  Ricco Ermete, I thought.

  “A man with a German accent, you said?”, I inquired

  “Yes. He was not a tall man, but he was robust, with dark hair and blue eyes, strangely cold, almost expressionless”, the servant told me, this time with enough detail on the man’s appearance to confirm that my suspicions were not unfounded

  Was Ricco Ermete involved in the crime?

  “Come with me!” We need to protect a woman who might be in danger of life!”, I ordered

  “What…”, the servant started to mumble

  “Do you still have the carriage?”, I interrupted

  “Yes, it is waiting outside”, he confirmed

  I gave the servant the address of the apothecary shop.

  “Go to this place and find a woman named Iryssa, I will wait here in case she is already on her way to my home”, I said

  As the servant opened the door Iryssa’s figure appeared, her hand raised and ready to knock, her eyes rounded in surprise as the door opened

  “Oh!”, she exclaimed

  “Iryssa, oh Iryssa!”, I exclaimed in return, my eyes filling with tears of relief and joy

  The scene was certainly not a display of manly strength, but how could it matter when Iryssa was safe and sound?

  “Iryssa”, I repeated in a whisper

  “If you will excuse me…”, the servant said, disappearing with a bow

  “What is the cause for your distress?”, Iryssa asked, with a sweet smile and a confounded frown

  “Iryssa, I fear you are in danger”, I said, grasping her shoulders

  She shook her head as one does when talking to a kid

  “I was a few instant late perhaps, and I apologize for the delay, but why be so alerted?”, she replied calmly

  “I fear that Ricco Ermete is involved in the murder of my friends. They have been killed, Iryssa, and the servant said that a man with a German accent and of appearance in all ways similar to that of Ricco Ermete was there, right where they have been attacked. He inquired if the men were dead, and turned away calmly once he learned that the terrible deed was accomplished. Did he hire a killer, I wonder?”, I said, speaking frantically

  “Where and when did all this happen?”, Iryssa asked, paling

  “My friends were riding a carriage to reach me when they were murdered”, I began, then gave Iryssa the few details I have learned from the servant

  Iryssa remained silent for a while, her mind stirred with wuthering thoughts

  “But please come in”, I said, shamefaced at the sudden realization that I had kept her at the entrance, confounded as I was by the mayhem within me

  Iryssa stepped in, embracing the space with curious glances, forge
tful for one brief moment of the grievous circumstances. But then the anxiousness gripped her, and she grasped onto her purse with tense fingers.

  “I greatly regret that my account disturbed you, Iryssa. I have dinner ready, please make yourself at home. Here, let me take your coat”, I told Iryssa, slightly shivering with shyness as I slipped it off her delicate shoulders

  “There is something I must show you”, Iryssa said abruptly, interrupting my brief reverie

  “What is it?”, I asked, tensing in response to the tenseness in Iryssa’s voice

  Iryssa opened the purse she had been clutching and produced a bundle of notes.

  “Ricco Ermete accidentally dropped these papers today”, she said handing me the notes.

  I took them and began reading.

  “It is so odd that he dated them April 15, 1966, isn’t it?”, she observed

  I continued reading, leaving her question unanswered.

  “You never revealed to him any details about your science”, Iryssa spoke again, and paused

  “And yet I wonder…I wonder if these notes have anything to do with his presence in your laboratory. I have the feeling they do, although I cannot explain why”, she continued

  I kept reading the notes, growing more and more incredulous as I did so.

  “This is the exact description of the experiments I conducted today!”, I finally exclaimed, outraged

  “The exact description!”, I repeated

  Iryssa looked at me with shocked horror.

  “And you are right about the date, Iryssa, this donkey knows how to steal a scientist’s discoveries but he ignored which century we are in!”, I almost shouted, slamming the notes against my leg in frustration

  Iryssa looked at me in silence, and I blushed with shame at my behaviour.

  “Oh Iryssa! Please accept my apologies for this indecent outburst”, I begged her

  “You must not apologize, I understand your distress”, Iryssa said softly

  “Will you have some rest and food with me?”, I asked

  “Of course, Cesare”, she smiled sweetly, as if all troubles had disappeared

  But our meal was drenched in sadness, and it was in sadness that we parted. We exchanged promises of meeting again in the next days, and yet those promises were mirthless, darkened as they were by black clouds menacing further griefs.

  Chapter 19 - Iris

  Today I left the lab in an exhilarating mood, but my enthusiasm deflated when I discovered that my Iryssa Celata is not mine after all. I feel so lost tonight, now that I know that someone else before me already discovered what I have searched for so long, what I perceived as the essential manifestation of my abilities! But I am running ahead of the chronological order in which I want to describe the events to you…