The Great Leveller: Best Served Cold, The Heroes and Red Country

by Joe Abercrombie

  Shivers had a pile of issues with it. It was plain the only thing Cosca had taken charge of for a good long while was a bottle. After the Bloody-Nine killed his brother, and cut his head off, and had it nailed up on a standard, Shivers’ father had taken to drinking. He’d taken to drinking, and rages, and having the shakes. He’d stopped making good choices, and he’d lost the respect of his people, and he’d wasted all he’d built, and died leaving Shivers nought but sour memories.

  ‘I don’t trust a man who drinks,’ he growled, not bothered about dressing it up. ‘A man takes to drinking, then he gets weak, then his mind goes.’

  Cosca sadly shook his head. ‘You have it back to front. A man’s mind goes, then he gets weak, then he takes to drink. The bottle is the symptom, not the cause. But though I am touched to my core by your concern, you need not worry on my account. I feel a great deal steadier today!’ He spread his hands out above the tabletop. It was true they weren’t shaking as bad as they had been. A gentle quiver rather than a mad jerk. ‘I’ll be back to my best before you know it.’

  ‘I can hardly wait to see that.’ Vitari strutted out from the kitchen, arms folded.

  ‘None of us can, Shylo!’ And Cosca slapped Shivers on the arm. ‘But enough about me! What criminals, footpads, thugs and other such human filth have you dug from the slimy backstreets of old Sipani? What fighting entertainers have you for our consideration? Musicians who murder? Deadly dancers? Singers with swords? Jugglers who . . . who . . .’

  ‘Kill?’ offered Shivers.

  Cosca’s grin widened. ‘Brusque and to the point, as always.’

  ‘Brusque?’

  ‘Thick.’ Vitari slid into the last chair and unfolded a sheet of paper on the scarred tabletop. ‘First up, there’s a band I found playing for bits near the docks. I reckon they make a fair stretch more from robbing passers-by than serenading them, though.’

  ‘Rough-and-tumble fellows, eh? The very type we need.’ Cosca stretched out his scrawny neck like a cock about to crow. ‘Enter!’

  The door squealed open and five men wandered in. Even where Shivers came from they would’ve been reckoned a rough-looking set. Greasy-haired. Pock-faced. Rag-dressed. Their eyes darted about, narrow and suspicious, dirty hands clutching a set of stained instruments. They shuffled up in front of the table, one of them scratching his groin, another prodding at a nostril with his drumstick.

  ‘And you are?’ asked Cosca.

  ‘We’re a band,’ the nearest said.

  ‘And has your band a name?’

  They looked at each other. ‘No. Why would it?’

  ‘Your own names, then, if you please, and your specialities both as entertainer and fighter.’

  ‘My name’s Solter. I play the drum, and the mace.’ Flicking his greasy coat back to show the dull glint of iron. ‘I’m better with the mace, if I’m honest.’

  ‘I’m Morc,’ said the next in line. ‘Pipe, and cutlass.’

  ‘Olopin. Horn, and hammer.’

  ‘Olopin, as well.’ Jerking a thumb sideways. ‘Brother to this article. Fiddle, and blades.’ Whipping a pair of long knives from his sleeves and spinning ’em round his fingers.

  The last had the most broken nose Shivers had ever seen, and he’d seen some bad ones. ‘Gurpi. Lute, and lute.’

  ‘You fight with your lute?’ asked Cosca.

  ‘I hits ’em with it just so.’ The man showed off a sideways swipe, then flashed two rows of shit-coloured teeth. ‘There’s a great-axe hidden in the body.’

  ‘Ouch. A tune, then, if you please, my fellows, and make it something lively!’

  Shivers weren’t much for music, but even he could tell it was no fine playing. The drum was out of time. The pipe was tuneless tooting. The lute was flat, probably on account of all the ironware inside. But Cosca nodded along, eyes shut, like he’d never heard sweeter music.

  ‘My days, what multi-talented fellows you are!’ he shouted after a couple of bars, bringing the din to a stuttering halt. ‘You’re hired, each one of you, at forty scales per man for the night.’

  ‘Forty . . . scales . . . a man?’ gawped the drummer.

  ‘Paid on completion. But it will be tough work. You will undoubtedly be called upon to fight, and possibly even to play. It may have to be a fatal performance, for our enemies. You are ready for such a commitment?’

  ‘For forty scales a man?’ They were all grinning now. ‘Yes, sir, we are! For that much we’re fearless.’

  ‘Good men. We know where to find you.’

  Vitari leaned across as the band made their way out. ‘Ugly set of bastards.’

  ‘One of the many advantages of a masked revel,’ whispered Cosca. ‘Stick ’em in motley and no one will be any the wiser.’

  Shivers didn’t much care for the idea of trusting his life to those lot. ‘They’ll notice the playing, no?’

  Cosca snorted. ‘People don’t visit Cardotti’s for the music.’

  ‘Shouldn’t we have checked how they fight?’

  ‘If they fight like they play we should have no worries.’

  ‘They play about as well as runny shit.’

  ‘They play like lunatics. With luck they fight the same way.’

  ‘That’s no kind of—’

  ‘I hardly thought of you as the fussy type.’ Cosca peered at Shivers down his long nose. ‘You need to learn to live a little, my friend. All victories worth the winning are snatched with vim and brio!’

  ‘With who?’

  ‘Carelessness,’ said Vitari.

  ‘Dash,’ said Cosca. ‘And seizing the moment.’

  ‘And what do you make of all this?’ Shivers asked Vitari. ‘Vim and whatever.’

  ‘If the plan goes smoothly we’ll get Ario and Foscar away from the others and—’ She snapped her fingers with a sharp crack. ‘Won’t matter much who strums the lute. Time’s running out. Four days until the great and good of Styria descend on Sipani for their conference. I’d find better men, in an ideal world. But this isn’t one.’

  Cosca heaved a throaty sigh. ‘It most certainly is not. But let’s not be downhearted – a few moments in and we’re five men to the good! Now, if I could just get a glass of wine we’d be well on our way to—’

  ‘No wine,’ growled Vitari.

  ‘It’s coming to something when a man can’t even wet his throat.’ The old mercenary leaned close enough that Shivers could pick out the broken veins across his cheeks. ‘Life is a sea of sorrows, my friend. Enter!’

  The next man barely fit through the warehouse door, he was that big. A few fingers taller than Shivers but a whole lot weightier. He had thick stubble across his great chunk of jaw and a mop of grey curls though he didn’t seem old. His heavy hands fussed with each other as he came towards the table, a bit stooped like he was shamed of his own size, boards giving a complaining creak every time one of his great boots came down.

  Cosca whistled. ‘My, my, that is a big one.’

  ‘Found him in a tavern down by the First Canal,’ said Vitari, ‘drunk as shit but everyone too scared to move him. Hardly speaks a word of Styrian.’

  Cosca leaned towards Shivers. ‘Perhaps you might take the lead with this one? The brotherhood of the North?’

  Shivers didn’t remember there being that much brotherhood up there in the cold, but it was worth a try. The words felt strange in his mouth, it was that long since he’d used them. ‘What’s your name, friend?’

  The big man looked surprised to hear Northern. ‘Greylock.’ He pointed at his hair. ‘S’always been this colour.’

  ‘What brought you all the way down here?’

  ‘Come looking for work.’

  ‘What sort o’ work?’

  ‘Whatever’ll have me, I reckon.’

  ‘Even if it’s bloody?’

  ‘Likely it will be. You’re a Northman?’

  ‘Aye.’

  ‘You look like a Southerner.’

  Shivers frowned, drew his fancy cuffs back and out of
sight under the table. ‘Well, I’m not one. Name’s Caul Shivers.’

  Greylock blinked. ‘Shivers?’

  ‘Aye.’ He felt a flush of pleasure that the man knew his name. He still had his pride, after all. ‘You heard o’ me?’

  ‘You was at Uffrith, with the Dogman?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘And Black Dow too, eh? Neat piece o’ work, the way I heard it.’

  ‘That it was. Took the city with no more’n a couple dead.’

  ‘No more’n a couple.’ The big man nodded slowly, eyes never leaving Shivers’ face. ‘That must’ve been real smooth.’

  ‘It was. He was a good chief for keeping folk alive, the Dogman. Best I took orders from, I reckon.’

  ‘Well, then. Since the Dogman ain’t here his self, it’d be my honour to stand shoulder to shoulder with a man like you.’

  ‘Right you are. Likewise. Pleased to have you along. He’s in,’ said Shivers in Styrian.

  ‘Are you sure?’ asked Cosca. ‘He has a certain . . . sourness to his eye that worries me.’

  ‘You need to learn to live a little,’ grunted Shivers. ‘Get some fucking brio in.’

  Vitari snorted laughter and Cosca clutched his chest. ‘Gah! Run through with my own rapier! Well, I suppose you can have your little friend. What could we do with a pair of Northmen, now?’ He threw up one finger. ‘We could mount a re-enactment! A rendering of that famous Northern duel – you know the one, Fenris the Feared, or whatever, and . . . you know, what’s-his-name now . . .’

  Shivers’ back went cold as he said the name. ‘The Bloody-Nine.’ ‘You’ve heard of it?’

  ‘I was there. Right in the thick. I held a shield at the edge of the circle.’

  ‘Excellent! You should be able to bring a frisson of historical accuracy to the proceedings, then.’

  ‘Frisson?’

  ‘Bit,’ grunted Vitari.

  ‘Why not just bloody say bit, then?’

  But Cosca was too busy grinning at his own notion. ‘A whiff of violence! Ario’s gentlemen will lap it up! And what better excuse for weapons in plain sight?’ Shivers was a sight less keen. Dressing up as the man who killed his brother, a man he’d nearly killed himself, and pretending to fight. The one thing in its favour was he wouldn’t have to strum a lute, at least.

  ‘What’s he saying?’ rumbled Greylock in Northern.

  ‘The two of us are going to pretend to have a duel.’

  ‘Pretend?’

  ‘I know, but they pretend all kinds o’ shit down here. We’ll put a show on. Act it out, you know. Entertainment.’

  ‘The circle’s no laughing matter,’ and the big man didn’t look like laughing either.

  ‘Down here it is. First we pretend, then we might have some others to fight for real. Forty scales if you can make it work.’

  ‘Right you are, then. First we pretend. Then we fight for real. Got it.’ Greylock gave Shivers a long, slow look, then lumbered away.

  ‘Next!’ bellowed Cosca. A skinny man pranced through the doorway in orange tights and a bright red jacket, big bag in one hand. ‘Your name?’

  ‘I am none other than-’ he gave a fancy bow ‘-the Incredible Ronco!’

  The old mercenary’s brows shot up as fast as Shivers’ heart sank. ‘And your specialities, both as entertainer and fighter?’

  ‘They are one and the same, sirs!’ Nodding to Cosca and Shivers. ‘My lady!’ Then to Vitari. He turned slowly round, reaching stealthily into his bag, then spun about, one hand to his face, cheeks puffed out—

  There was a rustle and a blaze of brilliant fire shot from Ronco’s lips, close enough for Shivers to feel the heat sting his cheek. He would’ve dived from his chair if he’d had the time, but instead he was left rooted – blinking, staring, gasping, as his eyes got used to the darkness of the warehouse again. A couple of patches of fire clung to the table, one just beyond the ends of Cosca’s trembling fingers. The flames sputtered, in silence, and died, leaving behind a smell that made Shivers want to puke.

  The Incredible Ronco cleared his throat. ‘Ah. A slightly more . . . vigorous demonstration than I intended.’

  ‘But damned impressive!’ Cosca wafted the smoke away from his face.

  ‘Undeniably entertaining, and undeniably deadly. You are hired, sir, at the price of forty scales for the night.’

  The man beamed. ‘Delighted to be of service!’ He bowed even lower this time round. ‘Sirs! My lady! I take . . . my leave!’

  ‘You sure about that?’ asked Shivers as Ronco strutted to the door. ‘Bit of a worry, ain’t it? Fire in a wooden building?’

  Cosca looked down his nose again. ‘I thought you Northmen were all wrath and bad teeth. If things turn sour, fire in a wooden building could be just the equaliser we need.’

  ‘The what we need, now?’

  ‘Leveller,’ said Vitari.

  That seemed a bad word to pick. They called death the Great Leveller, up in the hills of the North. ‘Fire indoors could end up levelling the lot of us, and in case you didn’t notice, that bastard weren’t too precise. Fire is dangerous.’

  ‘Fire is pretty. He’s in.’

  ‘But won’t he—’

  ‘Ah.’ Cosca held up a silencing hand.

  ‘We should—’

  ‘Ah.’

  ‘Don’t tell me—’

  ‘Ah, I said! Do you not have the word “ah” in your country? Murcatto put me in charge of the entertainers and, with the greatest of respect, that means I say who is in. We are not taking votes. You concentrate on mounting a show to make Ario’s gentlemen cheer. I’ll handle the planning. How does that sound?’

  ‘Like a short cut to disaster,’ said Shivers.

  ‘Ah, disaster!’ Cosca grinned. ‘I can’t wait. Who have we to consider in the meantime?’

  Vitari cocked one orange brow at her list. ‘Barti and Kummel – tumblers, acrobats, knife-artists and walkers on the high wire.’

  Cosca nudged Shivers in the ribs with his elbow. ‘Walkers on the high wire, there you go. How could that end badly?’

  The Peacemakers

  It was a rare clear day in the City of Fogs. The air was crisp and cold, the sky was perfectly blue and the King of the Union’s conference of peace was due to begin its noble work. The ragged rooflines, the dirty windows, the peeling doorways were all thick with onlookers, waiting eagerly for the great men of Styria to appear. They trickled down both gutters of the wide avenue below, a multicoloured confusion, pressing up against the grim grey lines of soldiers deployed to hold them back. The hubbub of the crowd was a weight on the air. Thousands of murmuring voices, stabbed through here and there by the shouts of hawkers, bellowed warnings, squeals of excitement. Like the sound of an army before a battle.

  Nervously waiting for the blood to start spilling.

  Five more dots, perched on the roof of a crumbling warehouse, were nothing to remark upon. Shivers stared down, big hands dangling over the parapet. Cosca had his boot propped carelessly on the cracked stonework, scratching at his scabby neck. Vitari leaned back against the wall, long arms folded. Friendly stood bolt upright to the side, seeming lost in a world of his own. The fact that Morveer and his apprentice were away on their own business gave Monza scant confidence. When she first met the poisoner, she hadn’t trusted him at all. Since Westport, she trusted him an awful lot less. And these were her troops. She sucked in a long, bitter breath, licked her teeth and spat down into the crowd below.

  When God means to punish a man, the Kantic scriptures say, he sends him stupid friends, and clever enemies.

  ‘That’s a lot o’ people,’ said Shivers, eyes narrowed against the chilly glare. Just the kind of stunning revelation Monza had come to expect from the man. ‘An awful lot.’

  ‘Yes.’ Friendly’s eyes flickered over the crowds, lips moving silently, giving Monza the worrying impression that he was trying to count them.

  ‘This is nothing.’ Cosca dismissed half of Sipani with an ai
ry wave. ‘You should have seen the throng that packed the streets of Ospria after my victory at the Battle of the Isles! They filled the air with falling flowers! Twice as many, at the least. You should have been there!’

  ‘I was there,’ said Vitari, ‘and there were half as many at the most.’

  ‘Does pissing on my dreams give you some sick satisfaction?’

  ‘A little.’ Vitari smirked at Monza, but she didn’t laugh. She was thinking of the triumph they’d put on for her in Talins, after the fall of Caprile. Or the massacre at Caprile, depending on who you asked. She remembered Benna grinning while she frowned, standing in his stirrups and blowing kisses to the balconies. The people chanting her name, even though Orso was riding in thoughtful silence just behind with Ario at his shoulder. She should’ve seen it coming then . . .

  ‘Here they are!’ Cosca shielded his eyes with one hand, leaning out dangerously far over the railing. ‘All hail our great leaders!’

  The noise of the crowd swelled as the procession came into view. Seven mounted standard-bearers brought up the front, flags on lances all at the exact same angle – the illusion of equality deemed necessary for peace talks. The cockleshell of Sipani. The white tower of Ospria. The three bees of Visserine. The black cross of Talins. The symbols of Puranti, Affoia and Nicante stirred lazily in the breeze alongside them. A man in gilded armour rode behind, the golden sun of the Union drooping from his black lance.

  Sotorius, Chancellor of Sipani, was the first of the great and good to appear. Or the mean and evil, depending on who you asked. He was truly ancient, with thin white hair and beard, hunched under the weight of the heavy chain of office he’d worn since long before Monza was born. He hobbled along doggedly with the aid of a cane and with the eldest of his many sons, probably in his sixties himself, at his elbow. Several columns of Sipani’s leading citizens followed, sun twinkling on jewels and polished leather, bright silk and cloth of gold.

  ‘Chancellor Sotorius,’ Cosca was noisily explaining to Shivers. ‘According to tradition, the host goes on foot. Still alive, the old bastard.’