After Burn

by Autumn Jones Lake

  I didn’t feel like our life was incomplete. Or we were missing anything. But after hearing our baby’s heartbeat today and finally sharing the news with the club, I can’t wipe the grin off my face.

  If only Hope shared my excitement.

  “You okay, baby doll?”

  She’s been quiet since we got roped into dinner at the clubhouse. I can’t tell if she’s not feeling well or it’s something else.

  Murphy and Heidi headed to bed a while ago.

  Hope and I are settled on the couch in front of the fireplace. Her head rests in my lap and my hand idly strokes through her hair, down her side and over her hip. She lets out a contented little sigh before answering my question.

  “This is nice. Do you think things will change?”

  “Between us or in general?”

  She sits up, drawing her knees to her chest. “Both, I guess.”

  “Sure. I know you think I’m a big caveman, but I’ll help you.”

  Her lips twitch. “I already know how good you are with babies after having Alexa here.”

  Couldn’t help it. Hard not to love that little girl. “Right. And you know the club will help. You saw how excited everyone was. They weren’t faking that shit.”

  Now I get a full laugh out of her. “True.”

  “What’s really bothering you, baby doll?”

  Her eyes gloss over and I work not to smile. Hormones. My sweet woman’s as sensitive as ever.

  “I don’t want anything to change between us.”

  “Everything will change. Good changes.”

  “Okay.”

  “Come here.” I lunge forward and wrap my arms around her, pulling her into my lap. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

  “I just did.”

  “My feelings for you won’t change. I love you more every day, Hope.”

  A soft aww sounds passes her parted lips and she leans in to press kisses over my cheek and to my ear. “I love you.”

  I settle my hand over her stomach and her mouth quirks. “You’ll be doing that more and more, won’t you?”

  “All the time.”

  While she’s staring down at my hand, I move and accidentally—I swear—brush the underside of her breast. The little gasp of surprise she lets out stirs me up.

  “Sensitive?”

  “No.” She hesitates. “Maybe.”

  I do it again.

  “Is that everything?” I ask, pressing kisses along her jaw.

  She bites her lip. “I… I loved going on that trip with you. Going to National. Being by your side. We had a lot of fun. Even though things got a little crazy in Florida at the end.”

  My mouth quirks, little crazy’s an understatement.

  “Loved having you with me.”

  “And now I can’t help feeling like that’s all over with.” She glances down. “You’ll still have to go off and do those things. But you’ll do them without me.”

  “Hey.” I touch my fingers to her chin and tilt her head up. “I don’t want to do any of that without you. Murphy made it work. So will we.”

  “You think so?”

  “Fuck yeah.”

  A weight seems to lift off her shoulders and she takes a deep breath.

  “Is that all that’s bothering you?”

  “What if you do decide to take a role on the national board? That will mean a lot more—”

  “Hope, I promise you, baby or no baby, that is the last thing I want to do.”

  “Okay.”

  “What else?”

  “Well, I already told you,” she runs her hands over her hips, “I’m worried about the gaining weight thing.” Her lips quirk into a smile. “But you helped me conquer that one pretty quick.”

  “Damn right I did.” I kiss the hollow at the base of her throat, along her collarbone and up to her ear. “I’m more than willing to show you how sexy you are any time you need a reminder.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  I need a nap.

  A long one.

  I felt like I was walking through mud all day. The drive home had never seemed so long.

  While I wait for the clubhouse gate to open, I pop another ginger candy in my mouth, hoping it settles my stomach. I can’t believe I have to carry around an emergency in-case-I-barf-all-over-myself bag with me now. Shirt, toothbrush, toothpaste, wet wipes, crackers, and my new favorite thing, ginger candies.

  It’s twilight as I pull into the clubhouse lot. Murphy and Z are silhouetted in the light spilling from one of the garages.

  Murphy turns and waves, then jogs over to my car.

  “Pull in there, Hope.” He points to the garage in front of me instead of where I normally park. “I want to check a few things tomorrow morning.”

  “Okay.”

  Something in my tone must catch his attention because instead of returning to Z, he follows me into the garage and holds my door open.

  “Everything okay?” he asks.

  “Just a long day.”

  Z and his dogs meet us outside the garage. “How was your day, Hope?”

  “Long.” I stop to pet both Ziggy and Zipper, laughing when they each bump a cold, wet nose against my cheek.

  Wrath steps out of the garage, wiping his hands on a towel. “I thought I heard that wussy little engine of yours,” he teases.

  Because I’m an adult about to become a mother, I do the only acceptable thing and stick my tongue out at him.

  “Why are you all out here?” I ask.

  Murphy points to Wrath and then himself. “We were actually working. I’m not sure what this clown’s doing.” He nods at Z.

  “Working out the old-fashioned way.” He pokes Murphy’s stomach. “You should give it a try so you’re not packing on more weight while Furious is down.”

  “Get off me, jackass.” Murphy laughs while he shoves Z back.

  Only then do I take in Z’s shirtless body, glistening with sweat in the fading daylight. My heart may belong to only one man, but I can’t help noticing what’s right in front of me in all its spectacular glory.

  “Are you eyeballing my trail of tears?” Z asks, running his hand down his inked abs and over the dark trail of hair disappearing under the waistband of his gym shorts.

  “Your what?” I answer, dragging my gaze up to meet his laughing eyes. “Why would you refer to anything on your body as something sad?”

  Next to me, Murphy snickers. “Why even ask, Hope?”

  “Because,” Z says, drawing my attention away from Murphy. “And this is the truth, Hope. Ladies cry tears of joy when they see the monster I’m smuggling in my pants.”

  Wrath and Murphy lose it, laughing at both of us.

  “Rock’s gonna kill you,” Wrath finally sputters out.

  “What? She asked.”

  “I’ve just never heard that before,” I protest, averting my gaze toward the woods. “I thought guys called it their happy trail. Never mind.”

  “Come on, Hope. I’ll walk you home,” Murphy says, holding out his hand for my briefcase and the tote bag with the three-inch heels that never used to bother my feet. “You shouldn’t be subjected to this.”

  We leave Z and Wrath in the garage trading insults at each other. Murphy shakes his head and offers me his arm. “You’re such a gentleman,” I say, grateful to have the assistance.

  “You look tired.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” he says patiently. “We all worry about you. That’s all.”

  I snort. “Worry about me,” I grumble. “Z made fun of me.”

  “Nah, he wanted to make you laugh.”

  I sigh and grip his arm a little tighter as the ground gets more uneven. “I am tired. I swear I took a nap at two red lights on the way home.”

  Murphy slows his steps and stares at me. “That’s dangerous, Hope.”

  Realizing my mistake, I shake my head. “You’re going to tell Rock I said that, aren’t you?”

  His mouth
twists as he struggles to come up with an answer that won’t be a lie or offensive to me. “Promise me you’ll be careful. If you’re tired, call me. I’ll come get you.”

  “You have more important things to do than chauffeur me around.” I squeeze his arm. “The big grand reopening is coming up soon.”

  Maybe I can take his mind off worrying about me with talk of the gym.

  “Our first lady is more important.”

  No such luck.

  Tears sting my eyes. Dammit, I’m tired of being so weepy. “Thank you, Murphy.”

  He opens the front door and sets my briefcase down by the staircase. “You hungry?”

  “Starving.”

  “Heidi got lamb loin chops,” he says, striding into the kitchen.

  “That sounds amazing. I swear, lately all I want to eat is meat with a side of meat.”

  He chuckles as he pulls ingredients out and sets them on the counter.

  “Let me go change and I’ll help.”

  “Nah, why don’t you go take a nap and I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

  I hesitate.

  “Come on, you know you want to be bright-eyed when your man gets home.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Hope, I think it’s the least I can do for you after you’ve let Heidi, Alexa, and me live in your house for so long.”

  “You’re sure?”

  He waves me off instead of answering, and I trudge my way upstairs.

  I slip off my blazer and drape it over a chair by the door. My boots get kicked in the direction of my closet. I only mean to sit on my bed for a second to roll my stockings off, but I end up falling back and drifting off to sleep.

  The area in front of the clubhouse is lit up from both the floodlights and the open garages doors when I ride up.

  I back into my usual spot and stop in the garage before heading home.

  “What’s up?” I lift my chin at Z and Wrath.

  Z taps the wrench in his hand against the front tire of his bike. “Noticed a puff of black smoke earlier. Replacing the air filter.”

  “I think that shitty little gas station down the hill already switched to winter blend,” Wrath adds.

  Z shakes his head. “I never stop there.”

  “Where’s Murphy?” I ask, since normally he’d be helping Z out here.

  “He was helping me earlier,” Wrath says. “But your girl drove up and he ditched me to walk her home.” He points at Z. “Plus, he was being totally inappropriate telling Hope how big his dick is and everything.”

  I glare at Z, who throws a crumpled rag at Wrath’s head. “Shut up. She knew I was messing around.”

  “You two are assholes,” I growl. “You gonna pull the plugs tomorrow if the air filter doesn’t solve it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Maybe you can use your dick to swab the chamber and check for oil,” Wrath suggests.

  I roll my eyes and blow out a long breath. “Catch you two later.”

  Other than a few faint sounds from the garage and the wildlife, the woods are quiet as I walk the path home.

  After being confined to the garage all day, I take my time absorbing the space and open air around me.

  All the lights are on downstairs. I circle around to the back and into the basement laundry area to leave my boots and change out of my grungy work clothes before heading upstairs.

  The sounds and smells of dinner meet me when I step into the living room.

  “Hey, Prez,” Murphy calls out.

  A quick sweeping glance of the open downstairs shows Murphy’s alone. “What’re you up to?”

  “What’s it look like?” He sets a stack of plates on the counter. “Will you go wake Hope? Dinner’s almost ready.

  “She okay?”

  “Yeah, she looked really tired when she came home, so I told her to go take a nap while I made dinner.”

  I swallow hard and nod before thanking him. “Where’s Heidi at?”

  “Had a play date with a girl from one of her classes. She’s got a daughter around Alexa’s age.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Yeah, nice girl. Single mom. Lives with her parents. She’s been helping Heidi out with her Chem class and Heidi’s been helping her with Anatomy.”

  “Probably good for her to hang out with another mom her age.”

  He shrugs. “I think so. We’ll see.”

  “You meet her?” Murphy’s protective streak runs as wide as mine. I don’t doubt he’s checked out someone spending so much time around his girls. Even if she is a young single mother.

  “Couple times when I picked Heidi up from school. Kinda shy. Heidi keeps trying to talk Carter into a blind date.”

  I snort. “How’s that working out?”

  “Dunno. Don’t wanna know.” He glances at his phone on the counter next to him. “She should be home soon.”

  “You need help here?”

  “Nah.”

  “Hey.” I wait for him to look up. “Thanks for doing this.”

  “No problem, Prez.”

  I jog up the stairs, eager to see my girl. The small lamp by the bed throws a weak circle of light over Hope’s half-dressed body.

  Almost looks like she fell asleep as she was changing.

  “Hope,” I whisper, hating like hell to wake her up.

  The angle she’s at looks awkward as fuck, so I lift her legs onto the bed and finish taking off her stockings.

  “Mmmm.”

  “Babe, dinner’s almost ready,” I try again.

  She blinks a few times, then smiles at me. “You’re home.”

  “I’m home. Missed you.” I cup her cheek with my hand and she closes her eyes. “Tired?”

  “Yes.” She yawns and stretches. “But I feel a little better after my nap.”

  “Murphy says dinner is almost done.”

  “Aw, he’s such a sweetheart. Z was picking on me earlier and Murphy came to my rescue.”

  “Z what?”

  “Nothing.” She pushes away from me and stands.

  “Damn, you look good in those.”

  She shimmies her butt in my face a few times and I yank her closer, sinking my teeth into a cheek.

  “Come on, let’s feed you and then I want to take you to bed early.”

  “Really?” She bats her eyelashes at me. “And do what?”

  “Worship the ever-living-fuck out of you.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Now that we’re telling people about the baby, I figure I better let Adam know that I’ll slowly be dialing back my caseload in the coming months.

  “What’s on your mind, Hope? You look stressed,” he says when I knock on his open office door Monday morning.

  “Not stressed.” I perch my butt on one of his uncomfortable wood and leather chairs that always feels like it’s going to tip over. “Excited, actually.”

  “About? Don’t tell me you’ve found another office space you’d rather rent out? I like having you here.”

  “Not quite.” My hand settles over my stomach. “We’re having a baby. So, yes, I’ll probably be winding down my cases over the next few months.”

  He sits back and stares at me for a few seconds. Not exactly the reaction I expected. Then again, he’s a guy. Mara had lost her marbles and actually wept when I told her.

  “So you’re just going to quit practicing?” he finally asks.

  Shocked by his tone, it takes me a second to formulate a response. “No. Well, I don’t think so. But I need to focus on my health and making sure this baby’s healthy.”

  “Some women do both you know.”

  “Well, that’s great for them.” My tone sharpens and I lift my chin. “But I’ve already lost two babies and I have no intention of losing this one.”

  His eyes widen and he sits back, reminding me that Rock’s really the only one I’ve ever talked to about the miscarriage I had when I was married to Clay. Unfortunately, it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’m terrified that any
thing wrong I do might—no. Don’t go there.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that. I’m just surprised. If you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  He stands and comes to my side of the desk, holding out his arms. Willing to set aside my irritation because of our friendship, I stand and let him hug me.

  “Congratulations. Is Rock happy about it?”

  The corners of my mouth twitch. “Very much so.”

  “That’s great. Good. If this is what you want, I’m happy for you.”

  Not the most loving congratulations, but I can’t expect everyone to be as excited about this as I am. What’s a monumental, life-altering change in my life, is just another piece of news in everyone else’s.

  Well, except the club. The guys surprised me with their excitement and interest. And the way they congratulated Rock as if he’d solved the mysteries of the universe rather than knocked me up.

  “I have a meeting downtown,” Adam says. “Will you be okay here by yourself?” he asks. “I’ll lock up.”

  “I’ll be fine. I won’t be here too long.”

  “See you later.”

  Unsettled, I wander into my closet-sized office. I won’t call Rock and tell him Adam sort of hurt my feelings with his lukewarm reaction. He’ll want to ride down here and kick Adam’s ass and that’s not exactly going to help our friendship.

  I contemplate calling Mara instead. She’d been excited enough for ten people when I told her. She’ll definitely make me feel better.

  “Hey, momma-to-be,” she answers right away.

  “Are you busy?”

  “Nope. What’s up? Everything okay?”

  I relay my conversation with Adam to her and she sighs.

  “He’s such a dude. Dudes don’t get it.”

  “You think I’m terrible for wanting to take time off?”

  “Um, no. Time off should be mandatory in every civilized society. Trust me. I still haven’t gone back to a full-time caseload and I have no guilt what-so-ever. Cora, my husband, and my sanity come first.”

  “Well, your husband’s a billionaire.”

  She chuckles softly. “Not quite. But I’m fairly confident Rock will support whatever you want to do and do everything possible to take care of you.”