A Heart Healed

by Jennifer Johnson

  His mouth drew up into a slow grin. “So I’ve heard.”

  “It was a couple days later the lawyer told us about the will.” She huffed. “At least I didn’t have to pay for the funeral.”

  She grimaced and peeked at Kirk. Bitterness sounded ugly when it slipped through her lips, and she felt mean and petty for being upset over her dad leaving everything to his brother and Bill.

  Kirk’s expression didn’t change. She saw no traces of condemnation or repulsion at her attitude. He simply listened, and she found herself wanting to share more. She picked a ripe strawberry from the bush beside her and tossed it in the basket. “It’s ironic that I get more upset about the anniversary of my dad’s death than I do my mom’s. She and I were so close.”

  “Unfinished business between you and your dad.”

  Callie nodded. “I suppose.” She frowned and chewed on the inside of her cheek. “But I thought we had finished it. Made amends.” She wrinkled her nose. “Then he left everything to them.” Placing her hand against her chest, she shook her head at Kirk, imploring him to believe her. “I don’t even want it. Don’t need it. Yet, it bothers me.”

  “Acceptance.”

  She pondered the word. “Yeah. That’s it. He died, and I thought he had accepted me. That he wished he’d never left.”

  She bit back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. She didn’t understand the man who fathered her, who had given her half her genes. He’d loved her mom. She knew he had. And she was his daughter. All those years, growing up, she’d thought she had been his little angel, the apple of his eye. She didn’t understand. And she couldn’t even confront him about what he’d chosen.

  God, You have got to take away this pain. Take this hurt.

  “I’m not going to say it’s okay what he did. It makes me mad that he hurt you.”

  Callie swiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She looked at Kirk, waited for him to ask her to say more or tell her not to worry about it or to discount all she’d said in some way.

  But he didn’t.

  She looked up at the heavens, wondering where her father was. Growing up, she’d always believed him a man of God. He’d gone to church with the family every Sunday. He’d provided for them all those years, but when hard times came, he’d left.

  When she cared for him at the end, she’d asked him over and over where he stood with God. Most often, he changed the subject or patted her head and told her he was fine. The thought of the possibility that he’d never accepted Jesus into his life squeezed her heart with such fierceness she had to suck in a breath.

  Tears pooled in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks before she had time to try to hold them back. A sob escaped her chest, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

  Kirk moved closer and wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t fight him. She needed the embrace now. The pain, the uncertainty were too much to face alone.

  Burying her face in his shirt, she tucked her hands and arms against her chest but accepted his comfort. She felt small in his arms, like he could wrap her up and protect her from the pain. He didn’t say anything, didn’t shush her. He simply held her tight, and she allowed the release of her emotions. She didn’t run away.

  When she’d cried all she could, not a sniffle left in her body, Kirk let her go. She felt weak without his arms around her and surprised at how much she wanted them back. Kirk leaned over and she sucked in her breath. Surely, he wouldn’t try to kiss her. She didn’t want to be kissed. She wanted...

  He placed a quick, chaste kiss on the top of her head then stood. “Think I’ll leave you alone for a bit. If you need anything I’ll be at my house.”

  Callie watched as he made long strides back to his place. She knew he loved her, and she loved him.

  The admission of it hurt all the way to the tips of her toes. Love hurt. It came with joy, but it also came with pain. And for too long, pain had been the biggest participant in her life.

  God, I can’t give my heart to Kirk until You take this pain from me. I gotta get over my dad first.

  And who’s holding on to that hurt?

  Callie swallowed the truth that she was the one holding the hurt. She knew that. She also knew that bad days were a reality when someone lost a loved one. How many times had she said those very words to the families of her patients?

  Time is a terrific healer. She’d heard herself utter those words more times than she could count.

  Just hold tight to each other. She squeezed her eyes shut when she thought of the additional advice she always gave. To hold tight to those they loved. To find strength from them.

  She watched as Kirk walked into his house. She’d felt strength in his embrace. Semblances of peace weeded through her heart as she allowed him to hold her tight. God, I know real healing comes only from You. But, I also know You use people to help us along.

  She stood, grabbed the basket handles and walked back to the main house. Once she cleaned the strawberries, she’d head to her room and spend some time alone with God. He’d never failed to show His will through the Word when her heart was willing to hear. And right now, she was willing.

  Chapter 10

  The month of June seemed to race by. Callie made it through the anniversary of her dad’s death, as well as birthdays for both Emma and Emmy. The girls’ birthdays were only one year and one day apart. Callie couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for Pamela when Emmy was first born. Two in diapers. One toddling and making messes. The other totally dependent, needing bottle feedings and making different kinds of messes. Though it sounded overwhelming, Callie thrilled at the idea of attempting the challenge.

  With Pamela’s birthday only two days away, she and Tammie decided they’d take her to lunch, shop for some supplies for college in the fall and maybe splurge on a little pampering.

  “But school doesn’t start for over a month,” whined Pamela.

  Callie slipped into her flip-flops. “I know but it’s your birthday, and we want to treat you to some fun.”

  “If I can make it in a cast,” Tammie pointed to her foot, “you can go, too.”

  “See, we’re making Mom get out and do things when she should be resting,” said Pamela, pointing to her mother’s bright green cast-covered foot.

  Callie frowned. “Do you really not want to go?”

  “She wants to go,” said Tammie. “She’s just a chicken about getting her hair cut.”

  Pamela gasped and grabbed her hair. “I’m cutting my hair?”

  Callie laughed as she pushed Pamela into the car. They headed to the salon first. Pamela wiggled in the seat when Callie parked, but Callie opened the door and pulled Pamela out. “You’re going to have a blast. I promise.”

  Tammie grabbed her crutches and hobbled toward the salon. “Don’t worry, Pamela. We’re all getting haircuts.”

  Callie lifted her shoulders and clapped. “I love a little pampering.”

  Pamela offered a weak smile, and Callie wrapped her hand through the crook of the birthday girl’s elbow. “Come on. You’re going to have a great time. No second thoughts allowed.”

  “I don’t remember having first thoughts about getting my hair cut.”

  Callie tilted her head back and laughed. “Which is why you have no reason to have second thoughts.”

  Pamela grumbled as she walked into the salon. After signing in, the stylists sat them in a row of three chairs with Pamela in the middle. The dark-haired stylist with a pixie cut stood beside Callie. Callie lifted the tips of her hair. “I like to be able to wear a ponytail, but it needs some life.”

  The stylist nodded. “Maybe some layers. What about bangs?”

  Callie glanced at Pamela, who looked as if she’d transformed into four-legged game locked in the glare of a car’s headlights. Callie winked. “Y
ou want to? Might be fun.”

  Pamela released a sigh. “Okay,” she said to her stylist, a young black woman with gorgeous waist-length dreads. She pointed at Callie. “Do whatever she’s doing.”

  Callie closed her eyes as the young woman washed her hair. She relished the scratch of the stylist’s fingernails against her scalp and neck. Her mind wandered to Kirk. The past few weeks had been wonderful. They worked well together whenever their paths crossed. She’d even gone fishing with Princess one morning, and Kirk was already at the pond when she arrived. Tempted to turn around and go back, she’d decided to stay, and they’d had a great time. Comfortable. Easy. He hadn’t pressured her at all.

  Once their hair had been blown dry, Callie bit back a chuckle at the panicked expression on Pamela’s face as the stylist clipped away with a pair of scissors. Tammie hadn’t opted for any changes in style and finished quicker than Callie and Pamela. The stylists lifted flat iron straighteners to their new bangs at the same time, and Callie couldn’t help but wonder what Kirk would think of her new ’do.

  With the styling complete, she ran her fingers through her locks. She liked the bangs. They gave her long blond hair a bit of sass. “What do you think, Pamela?”

  Pamela turned her head left and then right. She bit her bottom lip. “I can’t believe I’m saying this.” She looked up at the stylist. “But I love it.”

  The woman clicked her tongue. “The bangs look great on you.” She touched Pamela’s cheek with the back of her hand. “They accentuate those gorgeous cheekbones.”

  Tammie clapped. “I agree. You girls look terrific.”

  After paying for the haircuts, they drove to Pamela’s favorite steakhouse. Tammie looked tired, and Callie wondered how she would make it through a trip to the mall, as well. Callie had tried to tell Tammie it would be too much for one day, but she had been adamant and Callie had given up arguing with her.

  They walked inside and spied Mike sitting in a booth in the corner. A huge smile wrapped his face. “Don’t you all look beautiful. I love the new ’dos. Isn’t that what they’re called?”

  The women laughed as Tammie slipped into the booth beside Mike, and Callie and Pamela sat down across from them. Tammie pushed an envelope into Callie’s hand. “Take her to the mall. Get her an outfit. Don’t let her say no.”

  Pamela placed her hand on her chest. “Mom, I’m right here. You already bought me a haircut. We’ll go home.”

  Tammie shook her head. “I knew you’d say that, which is why I had your dad meet us here. He’s going to take me home, and the two of you are going shopping.”

  “But?”

  “No buts, Pamela. I want you to come home with a new outfit.”

  Callie wrinkled her nose as she looked at the girl who was the closest she’d ever had to a sister. “And I’m buying you a book bag for school. So we have to go.”

  “Callie, don’t be silly.”

  “I’m not being silly. Trust me. It may be a community college, but you’ll need a backpack.” She patted the top of Pamela’s hand. “You’ll thank me later.”

  “I mean—”

  Callie nudged Pamela’s elbow. “I know what you mean, but I’m getting you one, anyway.”

  Pamela relented, and they enjoyed lunch. By the time they’d finished, Tammie’s discomfort had become evident. Mike insisted on footing the bill, and Callie and Pamela headed to the mall.

  “This really isn’t necessary,” said Pamela.

  Callie winked. “But it’s been a lot of fun.”

  Pamela grinned. “It has been fun.” She leaned back against the seat. “And I probably need it.”

  “You definitely need it.”

  Pamela didn’t speak for a moment, and Callie wondered if the activity of the day was overwhelming her friend. “He still calls me sometimes.”

  “Who?”

  “Jack.”

  Callie opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She had no idea. The guy had been gone for, what did they say, since before Emmy’s birth, so over five years.

  She continued. “He doesn’t say anything. Just hangs up.”

  “How do you know it’s him?”

  “He responded to Kirk one time, and Kirk recognized his voice.”

  Callie nodded. She had no idea what to say. From all she’d heard, Jack had behaved horribly the past few months he’d been around. Drinking all the time. Saying things to hurt Pamela. Even acted as if he’d hit her the night she kicked him out.

  “Sometimes I think I still love him. How dumb is that?”

  “Not dumb...” Callie’s words trailed off. What should she say? Foolish, maybe. Not safe, probably. But the heart was such a hard thing to understand.

  Pamela chuckled, a bitter sound, not of laughter but of sadness. “We Jacobs are a loyal lot. We fall in love, and it’s forever.”

  Callie knew the words were directed to her. She had no doubt Kirk still loved her. If he confessed the truth with words, she wasn’t sure how she’d react. Every day they grew closer. One day she believed she could respond by saying the words back to him, but was she ready now?

  “Is Jack still drinking?”

  Pamela nodded. “I think so.”

  “What would you do if he tried to come back?”

  “Tell him to go back to wherever he’s been.”

  Callie pulled into the mall’s parking lot, found a spot, then turned off the car. She looked at Pamela. “You’re a strong woman.”

  “Not really.” She glanced back at Callie. “I serve a strong God.”

  Callie watched as Pamela pulled down the visor mirror and primped her hair. “Feels good to have a haircut.”

  Callie nodded. “I always think so.”

  She shut the visor. “Today’s a good day to move on. Let’s go buy me an outfit.” She patted her purse. “I’ve got a little cash. Maybe we’ll buy two.”

  Callie slipped out of the car and followed Pamela into the department store. It was a good day to move on. To allow God to clip off the pain that weighed her down. She needed a new outfit, as well. One that came white as snow and ready to allow love back into her heart. God, it’s a good day to move on.

  * * *

  Kirk pressed the phone to his ear as he tried to make out Heather’s words through her cries. He understood, and his heart sank. “Heather, I’m so sorry. Let us know how we can help.”

  He got off the phone, and his mother pressed her hand against his arm. “What is it? What happened?”

  Kirk looked around the room. His parents, his sister and brother, his nieces and Callie all waited for him to share the news. Dread wrapped around him as he studied Callie. She’d come so far in healing since she’d come back to Bloom Hollow, back to his family. But there would always be sadness and tragedy in the world. It was an imperfect place with imperfect people.

  He looked back at his mother. “Zack and Greta were in an accident.” He swallowed the knot in his throat as his gaze found Callie again. “She didn’t make it.”

  Dad shook his head and placed his hand on Mom’s shoulder as she began to cry. Ben wrapped his arms around Pamela while Callie walked out the back door. Kirk took a step to follow her when Emma grabbed his hand. “I don’t get it.”

  “What happened?” asked Emmy, as her bottom lip quivered. “Why is Mommy and Grandma crying?”

  He knelt down and pulled both of them close. “There was a car accident, and a lady was hurt so bad that she passed away.”

  “What was her name?” asked Emma.

  “Greta.”

  “From children’s church?” said Emmy.

  Kirk furrowed his brows. He hadn’t realized Greta helped with the children at church, but it made sense. In fact, now that he thought about it, he had seen her in the back of the church, motioning fo
r the children to go with her when the service called for children’s church dismissal. “Yes, Greta, who helped in children’s church,” he answered.

  Both girls swiped away tears with the backs of their hands. “Uncle Kirk, what does pass away mean?”

  Kirk swallowed. They didn’t understand, but how could they? Their small community had suffered hardly any deaths in the girls’ few short years of life. The last funeral he’d been to had been Callie’s mom’s. His heart ripped at the thought of Callie going to her dad’s funeral alone.

  He looked back down at his nieces. “It means she died.”

  “She died?” said Emmy.

  Crocodile tears flowed down Emma’s cheeks. “Is she with Jesus?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then why are we crying? Isn’t she happy?”

  “She is, but we won’t get to see her anymore until it’s time for us to go to Jesus.”

  Emmy’s opened her eyes wide. “We won’t see her in children’s church?”

  “No, she...”

  Pamela grabbed both girls in a hug. “I’ll explain it to them. Go talk to Callie.”

  He nodded and walked out the back door. He didn’t see her. She couldn’t have gone far. Her car was still in the driveway. He walked to the garden then realized she might have gone back to the cabin. He knocked on the door. She didn’t answer. But then, he knew she might not answer if she didn’t want to talk.

  He looked at the barn and smacked his palm against his forehead. He knew where she was. Once at the barn, he saw that Princess was gone, as he’d expected. He saddled Thunder and rode out to the pond.

  From a good distance, he could see them. Princess was tied to a tree, and Callie stood in front of her rubbing the horse’s nose. He guided Thunder toward them. Callie didn’t look up when he eased off the horse just feet away. He tied Thunder to the tree then took a step toward Callie.

  “You know, death really is just a part of life,” she said.