Believed (My Misery Muse)

by Betzold, Brei

  “He doesn’t want us to go to Dallas,” Clare wailed miserably. “Why doesn’t he want us with him?” She cried.

  I just wanted to get out of here. I hated my dad more than ever at this moment. Jordan wrapped his arms around his mother and whispered in her ear. She held him tightly sobbing into his shoulder.

  “Jordan,” Jules said softly, “we’re going to leave. I don’t think us being here will help.”

  He nodded his head and blinked away some tears.

  “I have your mom’s cell number, and I’ll call soon. If you need anything or just want to talk call me, okay?” She murmured.

  “Thank you,” he choked out.

  I gripped Jules hand, following her out of the room, out of the building, and finally making it to the safety of our car.

  Chapter 34

  Jules

  “I kinda want to punt your dad in the balls.”

  “I kinda wouldn’t stop you,” Sam replied. “Why did you give that woman your cell number?”

  “Because someone will need to contact her when your dad…” I trailed off not wanting to say when your dad dies, but knowing it’s the truth.

  “Yeah, someone will.”

  “You’ll have a lot to deal with; let me handle this.”

  “Thanks,” Sam said softly. “I’m, yeah, I don’t want to think about that yet.”

  “Can’t blame you.”

  We rode the rest of the way to the hotel in a comfortable silence. Thoughts whirled through my head, questions I needed to ask, only now wasn’t the time.

  When we arrived at the hotel, Sam pulled into the parking garage and quickly found a spot. I unbuckled my seatbelt and went to open the door but Sam’s hand on my arm stopped me.

  I turned to look at him and raised my eyebrow in question.

  “I have something I need to do.”

  I bit my lip. “Yeah, okay, I’ll see you later then?”

  He looked out the windshield and nodded absently. I watched him a moment longer then opened the door and headed into the hotel through the side door. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Sam was once again pushing me away.

  I spent the rest of the night hanging out with Seth and Keaton, everyone in Warping Morality except Thatcher had been assassinated during the day. Eli had also been knocked out and was currently pouting about it. I needed to get on the ball and take out my target soon.

  I didn’t see Sam again until the next afternoon and even then it was just in passing. He was heading back out the door when I was coming in. I tried to talk to him but he had his ever present cell pressed to his ear and waved before nearly sprinting out the door. I’d give him a little longer before I pinned him down and tried to find out what the hell was going on with him, with us, if there was an us.

  I went and packed, we were heading out in an hour to Phoenix. I threw everything in my duffle bag. Then I went to search out my target; Keaton was helping me keep tabs on him. I found Thatcher standing outside his room bullshitting with Keaton and I smiled, this was too easy.

  I crept up behind him silently, but when I aimed, I realized that I hadn’t cocked the gun. I tried to do it quietly but he heard and spun around. He tried to duck but I was able to get a shot off hitting him in the shoulder.

  “You suck,” he yelled while laughing.

  I was laughing along with him when I felt something hit me in the back of my neck, I turned and found a grinning X standing there.

  “Damn.”

  “You were hard to find, Jules,” X said grinning.

  I took Thatch’s target and handed it to X. “Three remaining,” I said.

  “Nope,” X said smiling wider. “Sam took out Seth a few minutes ago.”

  “Well, go get ‘em, tiger,” I said laughing at Xavier’s excitement.

  X put his arm around me. “Sugar, he doesn’t stand a chance. Come on, they came and got the bags from the room, we need to head to the bus.”

  “I don’t wanna,” I whined.

  “Getting tired of the gypsy life?” Keaton asked.

  “No, I love the traveling around, but the bus is starting to feel claustrophobic.”

  “Only two stops, then a week in L.A. at our house. You can hang out by the pool,” X said guiding me to the elevators.

  “That sounds like heaven.”

  Phoenix was more of the same, me being bored while the guys worked. I hung out with Thatcher and Keaton when they had down time and I worked. I had some new pieces to add to my website when I got home, which I was happy with. Also, I’d been picking up items along the way and it was fun trying to come up with ideas to incorporate them into other ideas I’d had.

  I was on the phone with Ash when I saw Sam for the first time that day. He walked onto the bus arguing with X.

  “It doesn’t count, X. I was working.”

  “You’re always working, Sam.”

  “That’s not true,” he said but he didn’t sound like he believed it any more than we did.

  “It is true,” X grumbled.

  “What’s going on, boys?” I asked watching as the two continued to bicker.

  “I won,” X yelled.

  “It didn’t count,” Sam countered.

  “He’s just pissed because I shot him while he was on the phone.”

  “I was working,” Sam argued.

  “Hey Ash, I gotta go,” I said in the phone, “the children are restless.”

  I hung up after she wished me good luck. I looked at the guys.

  “Sam, when aren’t you on the phone?” X was still arguing.

  “Stop!” I yelled. Both guys stopped and looked at me. “X is right, Sam, yeah, the rules stated while not working, but you’ve been working nonstop since Tucson. It’d be unreasonable to say he can’t target you when you’re working when that’s all you’ve been doing.”

  “This is because I’ve been ignoring you,” he said between clenched teeth.

  “No, it’s not,” I said calmly.

  “You’re mad because I’ve been working instead of spending time with you.”

  “No Sam, this is about the game,” I glared at him, “but if you want to have that conversation now, I’m game.”

  “Uh yeah, I’m just going to…” X scurried out of the bus.

  “You want me to get angry because you’re working. You want me to be the one to end whatever this is, so you won’t feel guilty,” I told him. “It’s not going to work.”

  Sam

  I flinched at her accuracy. She was right, I did want her to be the one to end this. After the Clare meeting, I realized we were getting too close; I shouldn’t have brought her with me. It was a mistake, so I was pushing her away so I didn’t make the same mistake again.

  “You’re right,” I bit out. “I wanted you to realize that I don’t want you without having to say it out loud,” the lie tasted bitter.

  She eyed me up and down then snorted. “You’re scared. Your dad did a real number on you. I didn’t get it at first, but I do now. You are not your father, Sam; you don’t have it in you to do what he did.”

  “I’m his son.”

  She nodded then shook her head. “You’re an idiot.”

  “I’ll hurt you.”

  “Probably.”

  “I’ll disappoint you.”

  “Maybe,” she folded her arms over her chest and waited.

  “I’ll screw things up.”

  “More than likely.”

  “I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else.”

  “I don’t need you to be responsible for me.”

  “I don’t want to take care of anyone else.”

  “We can take care of each other.”

  “Do you have an answer for everything?” I yelled.

  She smiled sadly. “No, unfortunately I don’t. What I do know is that people hurt people they care about, sometimes on purpose—it’s part of life. Sometimes people you love disappoint you, it happens when you only want the best for that person. We’re not perfect, that’
s part of life, and honestly, I don’t want some perfect man in my life. That sounds rather boring actually. It’s the flaws that make us beautiful. I don’t need some knight to ride in on his white horse and save me; I can save myself. What I’d like to have is a partner in life, someone to celebrate with, to love, to help hold me up when I’m down. Someone who I can do the same for—a partnership. The question is, what do you want, Sam?”

  “I don’t know anymore,” I said softly. “My dad—”

  “Don’t. Just don’t,” she interrupted, “Do not take on what he did as yours to bear, that way lays dragons you don’t want to battle. Let him be the one to answer for his sins, it’s not your responsibility.”

  “He made it my responsibility when he asked me to take care of them.”

  “He wanted you to take care of Jordan. Clare can take care of herself, if not it’s time for her to learn.”

  “He didn’t ask me to take care of Max.”

  “Probably because he already knew you would, just like you’ll take care of your mom.”

  “Do you ever feel like it’s too much? Too many people leaning on you that you can feel yourself toppling over from their weight?”

  She cocked her head to the side. “Honestly, no. I feel the opposite, useless, left behind. Everyone in my life leaves. They move on with their lives. I stay in the same place, always standing around in the background hoping that eventually someone will see me, and stay.”

  “Maybe you’re better off.”

  She shook her head at me. “No, I’m not. You have two parents who love you. A brother who worships the ground you walk on. You have a family, and I envy the fact that you do not know what it feels like to have it any other way.”

  “You have a family,” I told her vehemently, “that would do anything for you.”

  “I have friends, great friends but it’s not the same.”

  “You’re right; I think at times it better. You got to choose who was in your family, and they are your family. I was born into this mess of expectations that I never feel like I meet.”

  “You really should talk to your family more often.” She sighed. “Sam, I like you. I could probably love you but I’m done fighting for us, Sam. If you want me it’s your turn because I can’t do this any longer.”

  “Do what exactly, Jules?”

  “I can’t watch you self-implode. I’ve seen that show before and it’s not something I want a repeat of. I need to protect myself for once, because I don’t think I’d survive another person I love walking away from me.”

  She walked over to me and kissed me softly. “Take care, Sam.”

  I watched as Jules walked away, and I knew I was making a mistake by not grabbing a hold of her and not letting go.

  Chapter 35

  Jules

  As soon as I’d left Sam on the bus, my phone started ringing. There was a problem at the shop. Cris was going crazy. He was sure someone was stealing from him, only he couldn’t figure out who it was. It looked like I would be heading home sooner than I thought, which may be for the best.

  “You okay?” Seth asked coming to sit down beside me.

  I wiped the tears from my face and shrugged. “I’m just being dumb.”

  “Nah,” he said pulling me into him and hugging him, “you’re not. He’ll figure it out, don’t give up on him yet.”

  “I’m more worried about him giving up on himself,” I murmured. “He’s going to need his friends soon.”

  “Yeah, he is, want to tell me what’s going on? I know there’s more than just his dad being sick.”

  “I can’t, but it will all come out soon.” You can’t keep secrets forever, I thought. “I’m flying out tomorrow.”

  “I heard, do you think someone’s stealing from the shop?”

  “I don’t know. I noticed some numbers that didn’t add up when I was ordering new inventory. Stealing though, I can’t think of anyone there who would do that.”

  “Dev said Cris is flipping out.”

  “I was yelled at for half an hour.” I rolled my eyes. “He wanted to know why I never taught him how to use the inventory software.”

  “It’ll work itself out.”

  I leaned against Seth. “I don’t want to go home.”

  “We’ll take care of him,” Seth whispered then kissed my forehead.

  “Make sure he eats, he’s been forgetting lately.”

  “Okay.”

  “Oh and sleep, make sure he sleeps. He thinks he’s being sneaky by going off on his own into the bunks, but he’s not. He’s on his laptop working instead of sleeping.”

  “I promise to take care of him, Jules.”

  I swiped my face once more wiping the tears that still leaked from my eyes. “I know you will. I just worry about him.”

  “You love him.”

  “Yeah, but he’s not ready to hear that yet.”

  “It’s good you’re going home now,” Seth said quietly. “When he breaks, it’s not going to be pretty. It’s best that you’re not here for it.”

  “It hurts.”

  “I know, Jules. I love him; he’s my brother. I don’t like to see him hurting; we just have to be there to help him pick up the pieces.”

  “I need to go pack. I have to be at the airport early in the morning.”

  “I got you a hotel room near the airport. We’re leaving after the show for San Diego.”

  I kissed Seth on the cheek. “Thank you.”

  “Anything, Jules,” he murmured then stood up and pulled me to my feet. “You know that, right? We’re family, anything you need.”

  I blinked back tears. “I know.”

  “I don’t think you do, but you will eventually. I’ll see you before you go.” He turned to leave then stopped. “Take care of my girl?”

  “Of course.”

  “Thanks, I think she’s about to strangle Mags in her sleep.”

  I waved at Seth then took off towards the bus. It was time to go back to reality.

  Sam

  I watched as the stage was disassembled and packed up for transport to San Diego. Tonight’s show hadn’t had the usual finesse that we liked. Things that could go wrong did, and I was pissed. So when Lana came slinking over to me, I really wasn’t in the mood.

  “Let’s go party,” she purred in my ear but I just pushed her away.

  “No thanks.”

  She pouted and what I’m sure what was supposed to be sexy only made her look like the spoiled little girl she was. “Sam,” she whined, “you need some fun.”

  I stared down at her brown eyes, the girl was pretty but she wasn’t who I wanted. “Not tonight.” I was hoping she’d get the hint and go away.

  She reached down and grabbed my flaccid dick. “I’m good at distractions.”

  “Get your hands off me,” I growled. “I don’t want you. I don’t want to party with you. And I really do not want to fuck you. Understand me?”

  “Fuck you,” she screamed then stomped off.

  I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, this day really couldn’t get worse.

  I barked out a few more orders then walked outside and looked around. Most of the stragglers after the show were gone so I was able to walk to the bus in peace, which was a blessing. I wasn’t in the mindset to be nice to fans tonight.

  When I climbed the steps, everyone who had been talking stopped and stared at me. I took in their faces and knew something was wrong. I looked around and realized that someone was missing.

  “Where is Jules?”

  Seth let out a breath before answering. “She’s going back to Dallas.”

  I felt like someone had punched me in the gut, all the air exited my body, and it was painful to inhale another breath. “Why?” I whispered.

  “Cris needs her at the shop. He thinks someone is stealing from him. Jules takes care of all the frontend stuff, so he needs her to help him figure out who.”

  “Is it safe?”

  “They’ll keep her safe.”


  “They haven’t so far,” I growled.

  “She’s not hiding what’s been going on any longer.”

  “Fine, whatever let someone else deal with her drama.”

  I grabbed a beer from the fridge, then thought better of it and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels from the cabinet. I went back to the back room slamming the door behind me. I jerked off the cap and took a drink from the bottle, grimacing at the fire it left behind. I sat on the bed and took another drink, this time it went down smoother. I heard the door open but I ignored it.

  She told me she was finished fighting for us, I snorted, like there was ever an us. We shared a few hot kisses, but that was all. It was good she was gone. I could go back to focusing on the band.

  “Whatever it is you’re trying to convince yourself of, stop.”

  “What do you want, Seth?”

  He sighed. “Doing what I promised her I’d do.”

  My head snapped up and stared at him.

  He shook his head and sat down beside me. “She made me promise her that I’d make sure you were okay. I’m pretty sure letting you get drunk and do something stupid breaks that promise.”

  “I don’t need you or her taking care of me.”

  “Let me give you some advice, hmm?” He didn’t wait for me to respond. “Don’t be stupid like I was. Don’t let her walk out of your life. I let Devi walk away and I regret it every day. Fix this, get your shit together, and fix it. Or you will end up regretting it.” He reached down and snagged the bottle from my hand then walked out of the room.

  Chapter 36

  Jules

  I had been home a week, and I missed Sam. I was worried about him. The daily texts from Seth had done little to relieve that worry. I knew Seth was leaving things out trying to protect me, but what he had told me made me want to go back to him and slap him. He was spiraling downward quickly. I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it, but I still wanted to try.

  Instead of focusing on what I couldn’t fix, I threw myself into working at the tattoo parlor. My eyes were beginning to cross from staring at the same numbers hoping they would change but they never did. Cris was going to be pissed; there was a lot of merchandise missing.