Witch is How To Lose Big

by Adele Abbott

  “Go ahead. I have no objections.”

  “Thanks. Is there anything you’d like me to tell him? Any message you’d like me to give him?”

  “Just tell him I hope he’s remembering to change his vest more than once a week.”

  I had hoped that Lily might offer me a drink, but it hadn’t seemed to occur to her, and of course, I was far too polite to suggest it. By the time I left her house, I was desperate for a coffee, so I decided to drop in at Cakey C.

  Mum and Dad were both in the shop, and unsurprisingly, neither of them was working. Yvonne appeared to be manning the counter by herself while my parents were at a table near the back of the shop, both staring intently at a pile of paperwork.

  Neither of them had noticed me when I entered the shop.

  “Hi, Jill,” Yvonne said. “How are you?”

  “Very well, thanks. How come you’re running the place single-handed?”

  “I’m not supposed to be.” She glanced over at my parents. “The person who was supposed to be helping me didn’t show up for work today, and it doesn’t look like anyone else is going to step in and help.”

  “I can have a word with them if you like?”

  “No, don’t do that. I finish in ten minutes, anyway.”

  “Okay. I hear you managed to get in touch with Roy.”

  “That’s right. I did.” I’d expected her to be excited, but her response was somewhat subdued.

  “Is everything okay, Yvonne?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Are you sure? I expected you to be on top of the world after speaking to Roy.”

  “Could we talk when I’ve done behind here? It’ll only be a few minutes now.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “What can I get you in the meantime?”

  “A caramel latte and something to eat. What would you suggest?”

  “The lemon drizzle cake is lovely.”

  “Okay, I’ll try a piece of that.”

  Once I had my drink and cake, I decided I should go and say hello to Mum and Dad who still hadn’t noticed I was there.

  “Hey, you two. I was beginning to think you were ignoring me.”

  “Sorry, Jill,” Mum said. “I didn’t notice you come in.”

  “What are you two so engrossed in?”

  “These are our new plans for the shop,” Dad said.

  “I thought this place was doing really well.”

  “It is,” Mum said. “But in business, Jill, you can’t afford to stand still. If you do, you’re finished. As a businesswoman, you must realise that, surely.”

  “Of course. Absolutely. So, what are you planning to do exactly?”

  “The first thing we’re going to do is to install a chocolate fountain.” Dad handed me a brochure.

  Oh, no. This was déjà vu.

  “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

  “Why ever not, Jill?” Mum was clearly disappointed by my reaction. “People love chocolate and those fountains look great. They’re bound to bring more people into the shop.”

  “Yes, but you have to be very careful with them. They can cause havoc.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Amber and Pearl installed a chocolate fountain in Cuppy C some time ago, and it turned out to be an unmitigated disaster.”

  “In what way?”

  “The thing overflowed and flooded the shop with chocolate. The floor was covered in it.”

  Mum looked horrified. “Maybe we should shelve that idea.”

  “I think you’re right,” Dad said. “We have other exciting plans we can focus on.”

  “Such as?”

  “We’re thinking of installing a conveyor belt.”

  Ten minutes later, I’d managed to persuade my parents that they should also abandon the conveyor belt idea.

  Having finished her shift, Yvonne came to join me at a table near the window and Mum and Dad took over behind the counter.

  “What’s wrong, Yvonne? I thought you’d be over the moon about seeing Roy again.”

  “I am, Jill. It was lovely.”

  “Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming?”

  “It’s just that he kept asking me about my life here in ghost town.”

  “That’s only natural, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, of course, and I understand that, but when I told him that I was working here, he didn’t seem very happy about it.”

  “Why ever not?”

  “I was pretty much a stay-at-home mother and housewife after Jack was born.”

  “Apart from the whole witchfinder thing?”

  “Well, yes, but Roy knew nothing about that.”

  “I don’t see what difference it should make to him if you want to work now that you’re here in ghost town.”

  “Neither do I. And the other thing was that he kept asking me if I was seeing anyone.”

  “Another man, you mean?”

  “Yeah. I told him I wasn’t, but I’m not sure he believed me. I think he was jealous.”

  “That’s just silly. Shall I have a word with Jack?”

  “No, please don’t do that, Jill. I wouldn’t want to worry him. It’s nothing. I’m sure it’ll blow over soon enough.”

  Chapter 16

  Jack hadn’t got back by the time I went to bed last night, so I hadn’t had the chance to talk to him about his father. Yvonne had told me that I shouldn’t say anything, but I figured Jack had a right to know.

  We were at the kitchen table eating breakfast (or in Jack’s case, what passed for breakfast).

  “What time did you get in last night?” I said.

  “After midnight.”

  “More vandalism in the school toilet block?”

  “No. Actually, we had a hostage situation.”

  “Another one?”

  “Yeah, who’d have thought it. Thankfully, everything turned out okay.”

  “What happened?”

  “A guy was holding his wife at knifepoint, threatening to kill her.”

  “Is she all right?”

  “Yes. Just after midnight she walked out of the door by herself, unharmed.”

  “What about him?”

  “He’d fallen asleep and dropped the knife. Apparently, he’d been drinking all day. Once he’d dozed off, his wife simply got up and left.”

  “He sounds like an idiot.”

  “Thank goodness he was. It could have ended a lot worse.”

  “Any idea what sparked it?”

  “It seems his wife had told him she was leaving him, and he saw red.”

  “I didn’t hear you come to bed.”

  “That’s because you were dead to the world, and snoring.”

  “I don’t snore.”

  “O—kay.” He grinned.

  “I do not. I saw your mum yesterday.”

  “Where?”

  “I was in GT, so I dropped into Cakey C. She was by herself behind the counter.”

  “How was she coping?”

  “Okay. She seems to have got the hang of it now.”

  “I bet she was over the moon that she’d spoken to Dad, wasn’t she?”

  “Err, yeah, I think so.”

  “You don’t sound very sure. What did she say?”

  “That I shouldn’t say anything to you.”

  “You have to tell me now. What’s happened?”

  “She was obviously pleased to have made contact with your dad, but it sounds like he gave her a bit of a hard time.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “According to Yvonne, he wasn’t very happy that she was working.”

  “Why not?”

  “She reckoned that Roy was used to her being a stay-at-home mum and housewife, and that he’d never liked the idea of her going out to work.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “That’s what I said. She also got the impression that he might be a little jealous.”

  “Of what?”

  “There’s nothing to be j
ealous of, but apparently he asked if she was seeing anyone.”

  “She isn’t, is she?”

  “No, but I can’t see what business it would be of his if she was. Can you?”

  Jack hesitated a little too long.

  “Jack?”

  “It’s complicated, isn’t it?”

  “How is it complicated? Your father’s free to start a new relationship here in the human world. Why shouldn’t she be free to do the same?”

  “I guess so. I’d never had to think about this kind of stuff until you introduced me to the paranormal and ghosts. I find it really hard to get my head around it.”

  To be fair, Jack was right. It was complicated, and made me dizzy just thinking about it, so I changed the subject. “Have you made any progress on that missing person case of yours?”

  “Not really, but there is one odd aspect of the case that’s bugging me: The guy who went missing was quite wealthy, and yet for some reason he chose to stay in a budget hotel in West Chipping. It’s not like there aren’t any five-star hotels there. That seems kind of weird to me.”

  “It’s funny you should say that because I looked into a number of similar cases dating back a few years, and I found the exact same thing. Several of the people who went missing were wealthy, and yet they all disappeared from budget hotels. That can’t possibly be a coincidence, can it?”

  ***

  This was just too funny. So funny, in fact, that I almost crashed the car. The toll booth was very small, and there was barely enough room to accommodate Mr Ivers and his new green friend. Mr Ivers was squashed up against the glass, but it obviously didn’t bother him because he had a huge smile on his face. That was something I hadn’t seen for a while.

  “Good morning, Jill.” He beamed. “Isn’t it a beautiful day today?”

  “It certainly is, Mr Ivers. And you’re looking remarkably happy, I must say.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be? The sun is out, the sky is blue, and all is well with the world. And that gift you gave me certainly helped, Jill. It’s nice to know that someone cares.”

  “Think nothing of it. I’m pleased you like it, but I hope you haven’t opened the box.”

  “Of course not,” he lied. “I promised that I wouldn’t, and I’m a man of my word.”

  Big was looking through the glass, but he didn’t acknowledge me. I wasn’t sure if going back in the trinket box had caused him to forget who I was, or if he was just blanking me. I wasn’t sure why I could still see him; perhaps I possessed the same powers as Grandma.

  ***

  When I arrived at the office building, the defaced clown sign had disappeared.

  Result!

  I was just about to go through to my office when I heard someone coming up the stairs; it was Jimmy and Kimmy. I considered ducking inside, but why should I? It’s not like I’d done anything wrong.

  “We have nothing to say to you, Jill,” Jimmy said.

  “Well, I have something to say to you two. I know we’ve had our disagreements, but I did not deface your sign.”

  “Do you seriously expect us to believe that?”

  “Yes, I do because it happens to be the truth.”

  “Well, someone defaced it, and that someone will have to pay.”

  “Speaking of which, your solicitor, Gordon Armitage, paid me a visit yesterday.”

  “I’m sorry, Jill.” Jimmy grabbed Kimmy by the arm. “We’re not prepared to discuss this any further. We’ll see you in court.” And with that, the two of them disappeared down the corridor.

  Charming. And after all the things I’d done for them.

  Mrs V was at her desk, wearing a cute little hat. In all the years I’d known her, I couldn’t remember her wearing a hat more than a couple of times, and certainly not whilst seated at her desk. There was another woman, also wearing a hat, sitting next to her.

  “Good morning, Jill,” Mrs V said. “This is Hattie Hattersley.”

  “I’m very pleased to meet you, Jill.” Hattie stood up and shook my hand. She seemed to be staring at my head. “I see you’re not wearing a hat.”

  “I rarely do.”

  “If you don’t mind me saying so, an outfit isn’t complete without a hat.”

  “Hattie’s a milliner,” Mrs V said. “We go way back, but I haven’t seen her for a number of years.”

  “I only recently moved back up here,” Hattie said. “I’ve just opened a little shop close to the marketplace.”

  “Hattie’s Hats?”

  “Actually, no. It’s called Hattersley’s Milliners, but I wish I’d thought of that. It has a certain ring to it. You really must pop in some time, Jill.”

  “Maybe, but like I said, I’m not really big on hats. Anyway, I’ll leave you two to hat.”

  Winky was sitting on my desk, and he was wearing what looked like a grey trilby.

  “What’s that thing on your head?”

  “I’m sure that even you can work that out.”

  “Why are you wearing a hat?”

  “Haven’t you heard, Jill? An outfit isn’t complete without one.”

  “Don’t you start. I’ve got enough on with Hattie out there.”

  Just then, a pretty white cat, wearing a pink collar, appeared at the window.

  “Are you ready, Winky?” she said.

  “I was born ready.” He jumped off the desk, scurried across the floor, and jumped into the window beside her.

  “Aren’t you going to introduce me?” I said.

  He turned around, gave me a dismissive look and said, “No.”

  Mid-morning, Mrs V came through to my office. “There’s a young lady out there, Jill. She says her name is Rebecca, and that you know her.”

  “Rebecca? I don’t think so.”

  “Apparently, she’s your accountant’s lady friend?”

  “Of course. Would you send her in, please?”

  “Is everything okay, Rebecca? Nothing’s happened to Luther, has it?”

  “No, he’s fine. I hope you don’t mind me popping in like this.”

  “Not at all. What can I do for you?”

  “As you’ve probably already realised, Luther and I have really hit it off.”

  “He certainly gave me that impression.”

  “Obviously, he isn’t aware of my little secret.”

  “That you’re a werewolf? Is that likely to cause a problem?”

  “I didn’t think so until we met you the other day, and he suggested that the four of us go for a meal on Friday.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “It’s a full moon that day.”

  “Oh dear. I thought you looked a little on edge at the time.”

  “He caught me off-guard; I didn’t know what to say. I could hardly tell him the truth, could I? I don’t know what to do, Jill. I don’t want to do anything that might get me into trouble with the rogue retrievers.”

  “I can put your mind at ease on that score. I regularly work with the rogue retrievers, and I can promise you they have bigger fish to fry. And don’t worry about the dinner date. How about I call Luther and tell him that something’s cropped up at our end, and suggest we rearrange it for the week after. Would that work for you?”

  “That would be great. Are you sure you don’t mind doing that? I don’t want to put you in a difficult position.”

  “It’s no problem. I’ll be happy to do it. How long have you lived in Washbridge, Rebecca?”

  “A couple of years now.”

  “Do you like it here in the human world?”

  “Yes, and it’s even better since I met Luther.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “Those new apartments near the cinema.”

  “I know the ones. They look nice.”

  “They are. I like it there. At least, I did until the last week or so.”

  “Why, what’s happened?”

  “Some new neighbours have moved in, and they’re a little rowdy. They’ve been causing a bit of upset.”

/>   “Is it anything I can help with?”

  “No, it’s nothing. I’m sure it’ll all blow over soon. I’d better get going. Thanks again, Jill.”

  “No problem. I’ll give Luther a call later, to tell him that Jack has to work on Friday night, and suggest we make it the following week.”

  ***

  Lily wasn’t sure if her husband, Bill, lived in the same house they’d shared together, but she said she thought it was likely, if only because he would be too lazy to move house.

  It turned out she was right: He still lived in the same semi-detached house that they’d shared for over thirty years. The man who answered the door had wispy grey hair and was wearing odd slippers.

  “I don’t buy anything at the door,” he snapped.

  “That’s okay. I’m not here to sell you anything, Bill.”

  “How do you know my name?”

  “I’m working alongside the police at the moment,” I lied. “We’re going house to house to warn people that there’s someone going around selling jewellery, which supposedly once belonged to a loved one who has recently passed away.”

  “That still doesn’t explain how you know my name.”

  He had a point.

  “Err, the police have compiled a list of everyone who has lost a loved one within the last few years.”

  “But, it’s over ten years since I lost my Lily.”

  Oh bum!

  “Right, anyway, as I was saying, I just wanted to warn you that if someone comes to the door and says that they’re selling jewellery which belonged to your—err, did you say Lily?”

  “That’s right.”

  “If anyone does call, don’t buy anything from them.”

  “You’re too late, girl. A guy came around here a couple of weeks ago, selling jewellery.”

  “You didn’t buy anything, did you?”

  “I did, but only because I recognised it. I bought that locket and chain for Lily when we were young.”

  “Didn’t you wonder how he came by it?”

  “Of course I did, but he wouldn’t tell me. He asked if I wanted the jewellery or not. Said he could always find another buyer if I didn’t, so I gave him the cash.”

  “Did you think of calling the police afterwards?”

  “What good would that have done? They don’t have time to investigate anything these days.”