Facing the World

by Grace Thompson

  Rhys alighted from the train at the station a few miles from Tre Melin. He didn’t want to be seen by someone who knew him, although this time he would visit his parents. It would have to be after dark, which, as it was August, would be quite late. He went first to the mill and deposited his rucksack there. The sun had shone all day and the evening was so light it seemed set to go on and on, as though darkness would never come. He sat in the ruined mill, staring out at the trees grown so tall since he had played there as a child.

  A movement caught his eye and he stiffened and prepared to get away. He didn’t recognize the boy, and as he concentrated on him, he realized he was talking to someone in a low voice. Rhys climbed up into the loft and hoped they wouldn’t come in. His belongings were there; there had been no time to move them.

  ‘See,’ he heard the boy say, ‘on that paddle wheel? That was where the ducks raised their young. Gone now they have but perhaps they’ll come again next year.’

  Rhys could now see the man with the boy but didn’t recognize him either. He’d been away two years. People come and go, he thought – perhaps they were new neighbours.

  ‘Want to go inside?’ the boy asked.

  ‘I think it’s getting a bit late, Jimmy.’

  ‘Jimmy Prosser,’ Rhys murmured. Taller and thinner in the face, but I recognize him now. The man’s a stranger, though.

  ‘Tell you what,’ the man said. ‘We’ll come back tomorrow. Your father will be wondering where you are.’

  ‘No, he won’t, Rick,’ Jimmy said. ‘He’s never bothered as long as I’m out of his hair.’ Rhys saw a slight flash of white teeth as the boy grinned. ‘Get out of my hair, that’s what he says, and him as bald as a coot!’ The sound of their laughter faded as they moved away.

  Rhys followed them but turned across the fields towards School Lane before they reached the houses. The curtains were open in the room Sally rented. He couldn’t go in. Darting between bushes that offered cover, he picked up the pebble that was their sign and placed it in the middle of the porch. Risking a knock at the door, he ran back into the protection of the trees. There he waited until the door opened and Sally picked up the pebble, looked around for a few seconds then went back inside, leaving the door open. The curtains were drawn and moments later he was inside and holding Sally in his arms.

  Chapter Three

  RHYS WAS AFRAID to stay with Sally very long, but after their emotional reunion they talked about their future plans. Sally had been longing to tell him the news about a new baby, but she held back. She was waiting for him to tell her he was coming home, their long separation was at an end. Then she would tell him. Everyone would know about their secret love, about her support for him. She was a little surprised that he hadn’t noticed her thickening waist but presumed he would remark on it as soon as she told him about the baby.

  ‘I’m so ashamed of the way I’ve left you to deal with Sadie and the gossip,’ he said, holding her close. ‘I know you agreed – in fact it was your idea for me to get my qualification before risking talking to the police – but I still feel guilty.’

  ‘Two years out of a lifetime isn’t much when the rest of our lives will be so perfect.’

  ‘I’ll never forget what you’re doing, my darling Sally. I only hope it does have a satisfactory ending. There have been no more burglaries, and that, together with the fact I ran away, could make persuading the police I’m innocent very difficult.’

  ‘Looking back, was it the right thing to do? There has been no contact from the police. I’m sure they’d have found you if they’d really wanted to talk to you. A few miles wouldn’t deter them, would it?’ He didn’t reply and she asked, ‘Why did you leave? What convinced you that the police would accuse you? More than two years have passed and now I can’t remember what happened to make you run away.’

  Rhys had never told her of the threat hanging over him from the plot set by David Gorse. He changed the subject with a brief silence and a shrug, and her heart raced at his refusal to discuss it. She waited in silence, hoping he would explain, but when he spoke again it was about their daughter, asking about the latest developments. Then he asked casually, ‘See much of David Gorse these days? Did he find another job after the factory closed?’

  ‘No, he just hangs around, being kept by his doting mother, and complaining a lot about how life is unfair.’

  ‘He was sweet on you once. And he’s always hated me.’

  ‘He calls often and tries to become a friend, but I’ve always suspected he helped to spread the rumours. Many were easily convinced that you were a thief even though they disliked the man.’ She tried again to make him talk about the reasons he left but again he was evasive.

  ‘Don’t let’s talk about stuff like that. The few hours we have together are so valuable, darling Sally. I miss you so much when I’m away, I can’t think of anything but being here, close to you.’ He kissed her but there was something restrained about it. He wasn’t acting as the words implied; his mind was elsewhere.

  She began to have fearful doubts. Too many questions without answers, no date even hinted at for his return, no news about applying for a job. What wasn’t he telling her?

  Rhys’s thoughts were on David. He had often wondered whether David’s attraction to the shy, quiet Sally had been the reason for creating incriminating evidence then not using it. He’d had a few anxious moments after leaving, wondering whether Sally had been tempted by the presence of David’s admiration and the absence of his. Thank goodness his trust had been justified. Sally had already been pregnant when he’d left although he hadn’t known until later, at which point Sally had agreed to continue without him, support him and keep his whereabouts a secret. The thought of David bringing up his daughter was the stuff nightmares are made of. ‘Darling,’ he said with a sigh, ‘I have to go.’

  ‘Just another hour?’ she pleaded. She was filled with increasing alarm. Something was wrong.

  ‘No, I hate having to leave but this time I must see Mam and Dad. They’ve survived all this time on occasional postcards to remind them I’m still alive. It’s time to trust them with our secret.’

  Your secret, she thought, not mine. She stood still for a long moment when, after a prolonged goodbye, he slipped silently out of the house.

  Sally was left with the feeling that their meeting was unsatisfactory, unfinished. She usually felt a glow of happiness when he had stayed for a few hours. Stolen hours, secret loving hours, and she daydreamed happily for days after his visits; of how soon they would be together, sharing their secret love. Secret love, how romantic it sounded. Yet this time she was filled with deep disappointment. If his exams were finished, why hadn’t he told her he was coming home to face the accusations and get their relationship on a firm base?

  She walked to the door, opened it and looked out. She wanted to run after him, stand beside him as he told his parents the truth but she couldn’t leave Sadie. She tried to calm herself, she mustn’t get impatient after all this time. He was probably already planning their reunion and intending a wonderful surprise. She slid into her lonely bed and tried to relive the short time he had been with her, remembering how he had looked down at their sleeping daughter with such love and pride. It would be all right and very soon the empty years, the accusations, the sneering remarks would be nothing more than unimportant memories. She slipped into sleep, imagining his expression of joy when he learned about their second child.

  Rhys moved slowly and carefully through the gardens, taking the long way round to keep out of sight for longer, cutting through the corner of the woods that led down to the old mill; a scene of his many fights with David Gorse. Feeling his way, avoiding anything that would give away his presence, his shadow an occasional companion, he heard nothing to indicate the presence of another soul. It was reminiscent of the games he used to play as a small boy, he mused, unaware then of how useful it would be to move silently all these years later.

  Jimmy Prosser saw him and watched as he
made his way towards Valmai and Gwilym’s house. He had been on the way to the mill and wondered whether the man had been sleeping there and whether it was he who had lost the mine worker’s token some months ago. Putting down the cakes and fruit he’d brought for a lonely midnight meal, he followed, excited at the impromptu game. Although they had been neighbours until a few years ago, Jimmy didn’t recognize him, partly because he wouldn’t expect to see him there.

  Rhys’s eyes became accustomed to the poor light, and as he neared the houses, the faint glow from the streetlamps at first made the darkness more intense, then the extra light added to his ability to see his way. He cut into a path leading from Mill Road to the old mill and quickly became aware of someone following him and he made a circle and came up behind Jimmy. He was relieved to see it was a young boy, although he didn’t recognize him in the shadowy semi-darkness. He stood perfectly still until the boy had moved away, using his ears to ensure he hadn’t turned off the path to do the same as he had done and come up behind him.

  Puzzled by the man’s disappearance, Jimmy shrugged and went back for his midnight picnic, disappointed that he wouldn’t have company. Even David Gorse, whom he sometimes met and who ate more than his share, was better than no one.

  Rhys knocked softly on his parents’ door. He heard his mother say, ‘That’ll be Netta, run out of milk or something. Come in, Netta,’ then as the living room door opened she leapt to her feet. ‘Rhys!’

  Gwilym almost rose to his feet as well, forgetting in that moment of utter disbelief that he had been wheelchair-bound for over two years. He sat back and held out both arms. Rhys held them both, emotion making speech impossible.

  ‘Mam, Dad, I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.’

  ‘Why?’ Gwilym said, the words choked and guttural. ‘That’s what we want to know. Why did you leave?’ He couldn’t ask whether his son had been guilty of the thefts of which he’d been accused but the words were there, wanting to be said.

  ‘Guilty or not we’re your parents and we’d have supported you. Surely you know that?’

  Valmai was less inhibited. ‘Did you do all those burglaries?’

  Rhys led his mother to the couch where they sat close to Gwilym in his chair. He reached for their hands and said, ‘No, Mam, I didn’t, but there’s some evidence that says I did. I can’t explain, but I can tell you that if I’d stayed the evidence would have been handed to the police together with a story to convince them and I’d have been arrested. I had to get away. Sally willingly agreed to help me, but other things occurred and – nothing that can’t be sorted. Very soon everything will be all right and I can come back.’ He smiled as he spoke; it sounded so easy he almost convinced himself. Then the image of David’s sneering face filled his mind and he felt that hope draining away. Perhaps his only chance was to stay away, take Sally and Sadie with him and begin a new life far away from his parents and the town that he’d always called home.

  ‘And Sally?’ Valmai asked, a frown creasing her brow, glancing at Gwilym.

  Gwilym shifted in his chair. ‘I know Sadie’s your daughter, Rhys. That’s the part I find most difficult to understand.’

  ‘You knew?’ Valmai gasped. ‘I’ve been so careful not to say a word.’

  ‘I might be housebound but it’s my leg that’s missing, not my brain,’ he said, and smiled at her to avoid sounding critical. ‘I guessed as soon as the news of her baby reached us but didn’t say anything in case you were disapproving of the girl, then after weeks passed and you said nothing it seemed best to remain silent.’

  Valmai laughed then. ‘Talk about secrets! What a family, eh?’

  Gwilym wasn’t laughing. ‘Well?’ he said, staring at his son. ‘What justification d’you give for leaving Sally to face everything on her own? The birth of a baby, the comments of vicious women like Milly Sewell? Was that necessary too? Denying that the baby’s yours, are you?’

  ‘Dad, we’ve stayed in touch. I’ve visited them when I dared. I couldn’t risk coming here, I’m sorry. But you’re right about her having to face the birth and the gossip on her own. Believe me, it wasn’t something I wanted to do but she insisted. She knew that if there had been even a hint of trouble with the police I might have lost my freedom. Sally is a remarkable young woman and I’ll never forget her loyalty and bravery. She is a wonderful person and I’m very lucky to have her love.’

  ‘And Sally, does she have yours?’ Gwilym asked softly. ‘Or is she just useful?’

  ‘The most important things in my life are Sally and Sadie and everything else comes a poor second.’ He eased himself away from them and stood up. ‘Now I have to go. It gets light around five and I have to be well away from here by then.’ He paused and added, ‘Sorry to sound dramatic, but please don’t mention my visit, or that I’ve been living in Bristol. Just in case the police are given the misleading evidence. For one thing I don’t want Sally to be hassled.’

  Valmai was tearful after he left, hurt by the revelation that Sally had known how to get in touch and had seen him, while they hadn’t received more than a few misleading postcards. As though guessing her thoughts, Gwilym said, ‘We’re too close to a lot of houses. Sally lives down in School Lane. Besides, we have friends and might have been tempted to tell someone out of pride, rather than have everyone think he’d forgotten us.’

  ‘And now? We’re trusted with his secret after more than two years so what’s changed?’

  ‘We know a part of the reason. And inviting Sally and Sadie to visit won’t add to the faded gossip, will it?’

  A week later Sally brought her little girl to tea. Young Jimmy from next door came in and surprised them by getting on the floor with a couple of books Valmai had bought and entertaining the little girl. He didn’t read well and Valmai quietly helped when he stumbled over words.

  Some gossip resulted from the visit, mainly encouraged, unsurprisingly, by Milly Sewell but as there was little to add, it quickly died. In late September it began again. Sally’s pregnancy was becoming impossible to hide.

  Milly was walking past and as usual she gave Sally a searching look then asked, ‘All right, are you? You and your poor little fatherless child?’

  Sally ignored her but Milly’s sharp eyes noticed something Rhys had not. ‘You’re never expecting again! Don’t deny it. I can see from your face that I’m right! Haven’t you got any shame? Pity help that poor little girl being brought up by a mother who takes men to her bed without a thought for anyone else.’

  Sally began to protest, longing to explain, but she knew she couldn’t. Her promise to Rhys must be kept. Instead she hotly denied it and dared Milly to repeat her lies. Milly watched as Sally, red-faced and distressed, hurried away. ‘Mrs Falconer first, I think,’ she muttered.

  Amy and Rick were still appearing at the Waterstones’ house during the evenings and on Sundays. The house was beginning to look ready for residents again after the upheavals and Jimmy began to be a regular visitor. He helped with some of the chores and was rewarded by a few hours of their attention. Not being a capable reader had made Rick believe he had some problems but his ability with the game of chess changed his mind. He was a quick learner and after a dozen lessons, going through the game explaining his moves, Rick found him a capable player. One Sunday at the end of September, he was presented with his own chess set. ‘Perhaps you can teach your father,’ Amy suggested.

  Jimmy only laughed, but when he went home, proud of his new ability, he did show the figures to his father, explaining what they were and the moves they could make. That night he heard his parents quarrelling.

  He stepped out on to the landing and heard the gruff voice of his father. ‘Turning the boy’s head!’ he was shouting. ‘Giving him games he can’t play. Chess isn’t for the likes of us and it’s stupid to think he can learn.’

  ‘Glad you should be that someone’s taking an interest. That’s more than you’ve ever done, Walter Prosser! You never wanted him.’

  ‘You’r
e right there. I didn’t! The boy’s useless. Gets on my nerves.’

  Jimmy slapped his hands over his ears and hid under the covers. Why did his father hate him so much? What was wrong with chess? When he woke the following morning he looked for the beautiful chess pieces and board and found them thrown into the ash bin.

  Aware that her new baby was soon to be a new chapter in the local gossip, Sally left Sadie with Mrs Glover and went to tell Valmai and Gwilym. Thanks to Milly, Valmai already knew. Gwilym was angry, not with Sally but with his son.

  You’ll have to come here and be looked after by us,’ Valmai said, but Sally shook her head.

  ‘I’ve coped for more than two years and I want to leave things as they are,’ she said. ‘I agreed to this and I made up my mind that I’d deal with everything that happened without involving anyone else.’

  ‘We aren’t just everyone else, Sally, love. We’re Sadie’s grandparents and I don’t mind who knows it.’

  ‘I do.’ Sally smiled to make the words sound less harsh. ‘It was my decision to help him and I want to see it through till the end. It can’t be any worse than the last time and I don’t want you involved in the gossip. When the explanations come there’ll be a few red faces around here.’

  Valmai couldn’t see why. An unmarried mother of two – how could anyone be less critical once Rhys admitted to being the father? He’d left Sally to deal with it alone. Hardly a praiseworthy act. She said nothing more. Sally needed help and help she would get.

  Sally went back to her two rooms after picking up Sadie from Mrs Glover, smiling happily. Any day now she would hear from Rhys and this awful period in her life would end. She felt strong and capable, restless with unspent energy. Mrs Falconer was out and to surprise her she swept the yard then hosed it, the water rising in the air to amuse her daughter, catching the sun and falling like diamonds. Sadie shrieked with delight and Sally took off her shoes and socks and let her paddle in the resulting stream. Then she took off her own shoes and holding hands they danced through the sparkling water. Hugging her daughter after drying her and dressing her in warm socks, Sally felt surprisingly happy. Soon, everything would be all right.