Loving the Game

by Melody Heck Gatto

  “So, what’s going on with you?” Nick asked. “And don’t even think about shrugging me off, I know you aren’t right.”

  Nick hadn’t been at practices lately, but still knew Tyler had been off for a while.

  “I don’t know, man. I got a lot going on upstairs. It’s throwing me off my game.”

  “So I’ve heard. Is it Paige?”

  “Sort of.” Tyler told Nick about how he’s been considering it might be time for a family.

  “I get that. Look how long it took me to even find the person I wanted to be with. I never expected to have a baby. I went through a time when I thought it was never going to happen for me. And there are other ways — I’m sure you know that.”

  “Yeah, we’re not there yet.” Truth was, Tyler had been considering the other ways for a while, but knew Paige would bring it up when she was ready.

  “Besides that, what is going on with you today, because I can tell there is something behind that confident persona of yours. Rylee is here for forty-eight hours, so I have all the time in the world.” Nick sat back and stared at him.

  Tyler let out a long breath and stared into his coffee. “I’m sure you’re going to hear about it from the team, but I don’t want to spoil today for anyone.”

  “Ty, I’m a big boy, I can handle whatever is going on and still go back to smiling at my new baby girl.”

  “Fine.” He knew this conversation would not be over until he fessed up. “A little boy I visited with last season passed away last week, and I didn’t learn about it until this morning. I’m going to do anything I can for the family. And I know it sounds silly, but it is like a punch to the gut, and I’m having a really hard time getting over it.”

  Nick stared at him. “It’s not silly. Those special fans touch our hearts, and when they are so young, it’s that much harder. I’ve been there once or twice in my career too. It’s okay to feel how you need to feel.”

  “Nick, you can’t tell Rylee and Paige yet.”

  “You don’t think that Paige will hear soon enough?”

  “She will, but today is not that day. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Paige as happy as she was while she was holding baby Lila.”

  “I hear you.” Nick looked at him and nodded.

  Tyler knew his wife would be there for her best friend, they were like sisters. She had stood by Rylee through so much. But at what cost to her own mental health? Only time will tell.

  “So, as I understand it, you being less than Tyler effin Kidd in practice lately is all the stress at home? I’m not judging, just trying to get facts straight.”

  Tyler chuckled. “I’ve never found it harder to separate my work life from my home life before.”

  “My friend, this is only the beginning. Just wait until you actually have a little one to worry about. That’s a whole new can of worms! Not that I know much about that yet, but I am sure to be getting a crash course!”

  LATER THAT NIGHT, TYLER was cleaning up the dinner plates and tossing out the pizza box, because after a day like today, pizza seemed like the perfect answer. Paige grabbed glasses and a bottle of wine and retired to the living room.

  Tyler chuckled as he joined her on the couch, “I can’t believe you’ve been in your pjs since we got home.”

  She admired her flannel sleepers with a shrug. “They’re comfortable. And it eliminates one step when I’m ready to go to bed.”

  He lounged on the couch, welcoming her into his arms when she snuggled close to him. Her head rested on his chest, keeping them both upright enough to drink their wine.

  “So, I’ve been meaning to tell you how proud I am of you,” he wrapped his arms around her. “And to ask you if you’re okay. I know today had to have been a lot.”

  “Yeah,” she looked up at him. “I had my moments. But the way that little girl made me feel while I was holding her– they were emotions that I never knew existed. And you’d think holding her would’ve made me sad, but out of all the emotions I was feeling, sad was not one of them.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “I know exactly what you mean. And she smelled so good. Do all babies smell like that?”

  “They do! I think it’s like the new car smell.” She teased.

  “Wow...” Tyler scoffed at his wife’s attempt at humor.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “The scary thing is, I do.” He laughed. “I just can’t understand how something, I mean, someone so tiny, and so new to the world, can evoke such strong emotions from everyone that meets her. I mean, she doesn’t even know the effect she’s had on us, or how much she is loved by so many people. I know Nick will be a hands-on dad. He’s going to be such a good dad. And Rylee, I think she was born to be a mom.”

  Paige was silent.

  “I almost can’t wait to see her again. But as content as I feel thinking about that little girl, I am a tiny bit sad, so it’s okay if you are too. I just can’t help but think about what it will be like to be a dad. And then I wonder if we should be doing more to try to have a family? Maybe we should consider IVF?”

  Still, she wasn’t reacting. Had he hit a nerve? Did he say something wrong?

  “Paige?”

  Looking down at her, Tyler realized Paige was so quiet because she had fallen asleep. He laughed to himself. He wondered if she heard anything he said.

  Slipping from the couch without waking her, Tyler put the wine glasses in the sink and turned off the lights.

  He took a moment to admire how beautiful and perfect she looked even while she slept. He’d make this happen for them, one way or another; money was no object. He’d do anything to make this beauty happy, and today, with Lila, she was a happy he hadn’t seen in a very long time.

  Gently, he picked Paige up from the couch and without waking her, carried her to bed.

  Chapter Nine

  PAIGE

  “Auntie Paige,” Willow’s little voice called from across the table. “Don’t you like my Daddy’s food? You’re not eating, and Mommy says in order to grow up to be a big strong hockey player, you need to eat your protein. And you do work for Daddy’s team,” she eyeballed Paige before she added, “So you need to eat your protein.”

  Oh, the sweet little girl. Willow’s cute and caring words normally had Paige cooing with delight over Tyler’s adorable little niece. But today, instead, it was like a dagger to Paige’s heart. And she hated feeling like this.

  Maybe she was overtired after spending the other night at the hospital with Rylee and Nick.

  Paige looked down at her plate. Willow was right, she had been pushing around her food, rather than eating it. And her growling belly was making it no secret that she was hungry. Trying to hide her cranky side, she said in a cheerful and kid-approved voice, “Well, Willow, your Mommy is right! She is a very smart woman, and I should probably listen and eat my food. Thanks for the reminder.”

  Willow beamed with pride at Paige’s words. The little girl was wise beyond her years, and Sam and Trina will eventually have their hands full with her.

  But as Paige ate, she still couldn’t shake the miserable mood. Usually she looked forward to spending time with Trina and the kids. The jealousy she felt deep in her heart had her mad at herself for that response.

  It’s been a rough few days throwing herself back into work after meeting baby Lila. Her hormones were all over the place, and not giving herself ample time to sort out her emotions were now having cranky consequences.

  If anyone knew what she was dealing with, could they really blame her for feeling this way? Rylee just gave birth to an adorable little baby, and Trina and Sam had these adorable little kids. Paige had a wonderful life, and a loving husband. But she wanted more. And for whatever reason, the universe didn’t want to accommodate.

  She was starting to feel like she was being punished. And now she wondered if Tyler was feeling the same.

  Under the table, Tyler slid his hand onto her thigh. “You okay?” His warm breath brushed against her
neck as he whispered in her ear.

  Paige nodded and immediately took a bite of food. After she finished chewing, she smiled at her husband. “Just have lots going on in my brain, you know, work stuff.”

  He nodded as if he knew she also wanted to add ‘baby stuff’ to that list. Covering for her, he responded, “Well if it’s one of those rookies stressing you out, just give me their names and I’ll kick their asses.”

  From across the table Trina commented. “Yeah, ‘cause Tyler is an expert at kicking people’s asses. I mean, he does it often enough.”

  That made Paige chuckle and lifted her spirits a little. Her husband wasn’t a bully, but he did threaten to beat up anyone who hurt either of his sisters, and to fight for her honor. She glanced over into Tyler’s eyes. They sparkled as he laughed at Trina’s sarcastic comments. This man was her total Prince Charming.

  The warmth of his hand on her thigh seemed to calm all of her insecurities, at least for the moment. Funny how when they met, they were so opposite, and yet they were so perfect for one another.

  The rest of dinner, Willow was her usual off-the-wall-yet-adorable self. But Paige had Tyler by her side, and after a few deep breaths, that was all she needed.

  After dinner was over, Willow followed their dogs, Toby and Belle, into the living room. Toby was an adorable yellow lab and Belle was a beautiful Siberian husky. Willow seemed oblivious to everything while she had a tea party with her two dogs.

  Trina stood up and began clearing the table.

  “Babe, you relax and visit. I got the dishes.” Sam said. “Here, Auntie Paige, why don’t you hold Hank.” Sam asked as he handed baby Hank to Paige.

  Hank was properly named, and they called him ‘Hank the Tank’. The baby was already built like a linebacker instead of a hockey player.

  “Sure.” She really didn’t have a choice seeing that the baby was already in mid-air being handed to her.

  Paige took the little butterball in her arms and sat him on her knee. Hank squealed with joy and giggled as she bounced him up and down.

  “Hey,” Sam called as he carried dishes out to the kitchen. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Hank just ate. I mean, unless you want to wear dinner. And trust me on this, that is no fun!”

  “Ew.” Paige cringed. Turning her attention back to little Hank, she cooed at the sweet little boy. “We don’t want you puking all over Auntie Paige, do we? No we don’t. No no no...”

  The little boy cooed and laughed as she made silly faces at him, careful not to bounce him anymore. Then looking into his sweet chubby little face, she knew in her brain that she should feel nothing but joy. That’s what little ones do for most people, they put a smile on folks faces. But instead of joy, her heart dropped.

  “Auntie Paige, why don’t you have a baby?” Willow asked.

  Her question was innocent enough for a young girl, and yet with that single question her heart plummeted into her stomach, again. Talk about salt in the wound.

  “Oh, baby.” Trina said apologetically, and shuffled Willow towards the television. “Not everyone has a baby. Aunt Tally doesn’t have one either. You know that.”

  Willow continued even though Trina was frantically turning on the television and trying to find a specific show, Paige assumed it was to distract the little girl from asking any more questions.

  But the damage had been done.

  “Sam!” Trina called with urgency, probably seeing the pained look on Paige’s face.

  Sam hurried out of the living room. “Tri?”

  “Can you please find Willow’s dance show? I... I need to get Hank changed into his pajamas.” Trina left Willow in Sam’s capable hands and hurried over to Paige.

  “C’mere baby boy.” She cooed to Hank, but her eyes never left Paige.

  Paige plastered on a fake smile and handed baby Hank to Trina. “Sounds like it’s bedtime little guy.”

  “Well, almost.” Trina said. “Hank is in this phase where when he’s tired, he plays and plays until he literally falls over sound asleep.”

  “Oh really? That’s cute.” Paige managed to croak out before downing the rest of her wine.

  “So, excuse me.”

  “Paige, you could go help Tri. Keep the little guy occupied so he doesn’t squirm all over the place.” Tyler said. Maybe he was thinking it would get her away from any more of Willow’s questions. “The last time I was here I had to change his diaper, and damn, my claim to fame is being good with my hands and yet that kid gave me a run for my money!”

  “Uncle Ty... language.” Willow scolded without taking her eyes off the television.

  “Sorry kiddo.” Tyler apologized.

  “Tyler, it’s really not necessary. I got this.” Trina laughed nervously. “I do it all the time. Plus, I’ve been blessed with those ‘Kidd hands’ too.”

  Her sweet and loving husband was only trying to help. Somehow, he thought helping with the baby was a good idea. She put on her fake smile and went through the motions like she did so often now.

  “No. It’s fine.” Paige said, her voice low. She was sure no one noticed, but she swore she sounded like she was entering punishment instead of helping with a baby. But to Paige, sometimes they went hand in hand.

  “Paige–” Trina begged.

  But Paige knew her husband, and he was simply trying to be a good uncle and good brother. And there was one way to not turn this into an uncomfortable situation. Well, for everyone but her.

  “Let’s go, Hank the Tank.” Paige grabbed little Hank, set him on her hip and headed up the stairs. None of the people in the room would ever know the heartache that she felt while holding this little guy.

  She followed a confused looking Trina up to the nursery. Once in Hank’s room, Trina changed his diaper and then began to change Hank out of his clothes into his sleepers. Paige sat down in a cozy rocker glider that was in the corner of the nursery.

  “Paige, I don’t mean to pry. But is something going on?”

  “Um, what do you mean?” Paige asked knowing damn well what her sister-in-law was talking about.

  “You haven’t been yourself tonight. I mean, it looks like you’re trying, but I can tell a fake smile a mile away. Don’t forget I put on my own fake smile that whole time that Sam was dealing with the concussion. I couldn’t get away from people fast enough. Most people won’t notice it, but that grin is not fooling me.”

  Paige just stared at Trina, not sure what to say. This isn’t something you just blurt out.

  “Look,” Trina zipped up Hank’s footie sleepers, and propped him up on her hip as she threw away his dirty diaper and put his dirty clothes in the hamper. Then instead of going back downstairs, she sat down on the floor in front of Paige. Handing Hank a teething ring, she asked Paige, “you can tell me anything.”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  As soon as Paige admitted something was wrong without actually saying anything, Trina’s face grew serious. “We can call it girl talk and my lips will be sealed. I won’t tell Sam or Tyler, I swear.”

  For a moment, Paige considered telling Trina. It might feel good to have another ally besides Melanie. Just as she took a breath and opened her mouth to confess her desire for a family, Willow came running in the room like the little hurricane that she was.

  “Mommy! Auntie Paige! We’re having ice cream for dessert!” Willow ran around the room in a circle twice and out just as quick back down to the living room.

  “Sorry babe. I tried to stop her.” Sam called up the steps.

  Trina rolled her eyes with a laugh before she offered, “We can still talk if you want.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Paige couldn’t do this with the chance that Willow could come running in any minute. She didn’t need it repeated. And as much as she loved Willow, the little girl was a human parrot. Anything that was said around her got repeated for days.

  Paige stood up and initiated them going back to the living room. She wasn’t ready to talk abou
t this just yet. Willow just happened to be her perfect out.

  For the rest of the evening, Paige kept her distance from Hank until he went to bed. And Willow was too busy cuddling with her Uncle Tyler to bother with her. So, a few large glasses of wine later, she was relaxed and mellowed.

  As they pulled on their coats and walked to the door, Sam and Tyler shook hands.

  “Paige,” Trina hugged her. “Let’s meet for lunch one day next week. Just you and me.”

  “What about me?” Tyler asked, jokingly. “I eat lunch too.”

  “I think you can fend for yourself for one day, bro. Girls only.” Trina punched him in the arm.

  “I suppose.” Tyler teased as he feigned pain and rubbed his arm.

  Sam shrugged and offered, “you could always come over here for leftover lasagna. It’s better than most restaurant food if I do say so myself.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me. Lasagna and time with my niece and nephew.” Tyler said.

  “And me, of course.” Sam added.

  “Right. Whatever you say, surfer-boy.” Tyler teased.

  Trina rolled her eyes and interrupted the nonsense that was going on between the two men. “Anyway, you and me? Lunch?”

  “Sounds good, girl. Text me.” Maybe Trina was right, and maybe she did need some girl time. And they wouldn’t get interrupted by Willow this time.

  THE RIDE HOME WAS A quiet one, the wine had her mellowed out, and for once, it was nice to not have her mind spinning.

  Once they settled at home, Tyler wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Well that was a nice dinner.”

  She shrugged with a smile. Tyler pulled away to get wine, and a shiver ran through her at his absence.

  He set an unopened bottle of wine on the kitchen counter along with two glasses.

  “Your sister wanted to know why I was so quiet.” Paige said.

  “Did you tell her?” Tyler turned his attention to her.

  “I considered it. But, no. It’s not her fault that she has two beautiful children. And they are adorable.”