by Ivy Baum
It was like being in a dream where everything looked normal—but the details weren’t quite right.
As I turned to go, a leering voice called after me. “Hey, Kes, why don’t you stay awhile?”
I glanced over my shoulder, not quite believing it.
Rob Blandish flashed a wide, predatory grin.
Gareth added, “Yeah, we’ll keep you company.”
Cheeks burning, I fled.
I was so flustered that I turned the wrong way and ended up at the far end of the hall—facing down a full-length mirror.
My reflection stared at me, and I stared back, as though at a stranger.
The last time I’d worn this dress, I was a freshman, breathlessly excited to be going to Junior Prom. That night, I’d felt elegant and sophisticated in the simple black sheath dress. Well, until Brendan had gotten drunk and pushy.
I’d filled out since then. Now the dress looked clingy and suggestive—something I hadn’t noticed or considered when I’d pulled it out of the back of my closet this morning.
There was a time when I wouldn’t have been caught dead showing up to a party in an outdated prom dress. A time not so very long ago…
But it wasn’t just the dress. My eyes, which had always been a muted gray-green, were sharper tonight. More like Mom’s brilliant emerald.
They’re probably bloodshot.
I thought of last night—of being enveloped in a strange, shimmering reality. My mind altered somehow.
I wanted to call them hallucinations. But they were more than that. I just didn’t know what.
I was sure if Mom could afford it, some therapist would tell me these episodes were brought on by stress. By the recent family trauma.
This morning I’d been so exhausted from another sleepless night that I’d only remembered Syd’s party ten minutes before the bus was supposed to come.
It was a “black and white” party. Not that it mattered what color I was supposed to wear—my closet had now been stripped of anything even remotely appropriate.
And yet, in the end, I’d found the old black prom dress.
I’d paired it with a tiny white clutch that I’d have sold off long ago if it were worth anything, and a pair of uncomfortable black heels.
I regretted the heels. But I found myself strangely unselfconscious about the dress.
Maybe I really did need to see a therapist.
I headed back to the party, determined to find Rain. Now that Sol was here, things would only go downhill.
Nearly everyone had congregated up near the front foyer—drawn, as though by magic, to Sol’s arrival. But I spotted a smaller group off to the side.
I squeezed in, ignoring the uneasy glances in my direction.
Junie was there, holding court the way Syd often did. It irritated me—but at least Sol wasn’t here. Junie was one of the few girls at White Falls High who seemed entirely unimpressed by Sol.
I guess we had that in common.
I scanned the group for Rain or any of his friends. Even one of his crew buddies would have been better than nothing.
No such luck. I turned to leave, but something stopped me.
Junie had thrown her arms wide, and was saying, “I hear they have a hot tub that fits, like, twenty people.”
The girls oohed and aahed. A few of the guys made suggestive jokes.
I didn’t care about any of this.
So why are you still here?
I didn’t know. But in that moment, I needed to know what they were talking about.
I tapped the girl next to me. “What are they talking about?”
She gave me a strange look. “Uh…the party at Angela’s lake house?”
“What, next weekend?”
I’d been distracted, trying to see if I could spot Rain in the large group by the foyer. For a second, I thought I’d glimpsed his dark hair.
When I turned back, the girl was giving me an even stranger look. “It’s the weekend after next.”
Right. Because next week was Homecoming. How could I forget?
She didn’t ask if I was going to Angela’s party. Maybe she knew I wasn’t invited.
Not that I cared.
That weekend was my birthday, and I had other plans. Unfortunately.
When Mom suggested that we spend my birthday weekend at the cabin on Doe Lake—“Just the two of us”—I’d thought it was a throwaway idea. The tiny, ramshackle cabin wasn’t anyone’s idea of a vacation getaway.
But she kept bringing it up. Finally, I’d told her I’d go—but only if Rain could come too.
She’d gone quiet, and I knew she hated the idea. In the end, though, she’d given in.
If that’s what you want, Kes. She’d sounded so sad that I almost regretted getting my way.
Three days ago, Rain had canceled. Apparently, that Saturday was his aunt and uncle’s fortieth anniversary party. Sorry, Kes. Can’t get out of it.
At least I wasn’t the only one missing Angela’s party.
Something moved at the periphery of my vision. A shock of dark hair.
My spirits lifted.
But as I turned to see who it was, I grimaced.
Sol.
Somehow, he’d detached himself from his fan club and was making his way over here.
Heading straight for me, in fact.
Time to get out of here.
Besides, I needed to find Rain—even if meant braving the chilly October air and climbing up to Syd’s old treehouse.
As I turned to go, someone grabbed my arm.
It was Lacey. Her blue eyes were glassy and unfocused. “You’re going, right?”
I stared.
“To Angela’s party? At the lake?”
“No, I—” I stopped.
Everyone was staring at me.
I felt it then. An electric mix of anticipation and horror.
Lacey spoke into the sudden silence. “I mean, I just assumed you’d be there with Rain…”
“Rain’s going?”
With that, everything clicked into place. The sidelong stares, the look of anticipatory glee on Junie’s face.
And most of all, the nameless dread I’d felt all night.
Rain had lied to me.
He was ditching me on my birthday for some stupid party at Angela’s lake house.
Heat rushed to my cheeks.
As the wave of humiliation finally washed over me, I felt something else. Something fresh and bracing—anger.
From across the group, Junie’s gaze met mine.
It was funny, how I’d never noticed her peculiar amber eyes. Now they watched me with an unnerving intensity.
“Get a clue, Kes.” Her voice was hard. “You and Rain are over. You’ve been over for weeks. Everyone here knows it.”
Someone tried to shush her—but she brushed them off.
“I’m tired of pretending. Rain’s been hooking up with Angela since Erin’s Labor Day party. And everyone knows it.”
It was as though the bottom had dropped out from under me.
Rain’s cheating on me?
But Junie wasn’t finished.
“You really think he’s taking you to Homecoming? He already made reservations at Trattoria Amici. For him and Angela.”
I felt someone behind me. I turned, with the absurd notion that it would be Sol. But it wasn’t Sol—it was Sydney.
Her lips were pressed together in a tight line.
Junie continued as though she hadn’t noticed Syd’s arrival.
“You really want to know where your boyfriend is? He’s probably hiding out in a corner working up the nerve to break up with you.”
I couldn’t move; I wasn’t even sure I was breathing.
Now would be a good time to leave. But I found that my legs wouldn’t work.
There was a gentle pressure at my arm. Syd.
“Come on, Kes. Let’s go.”
She was silent as she led me away from the group. I shuffled along, too numb to notice where we w
ere going.
When she stopped, I looked around in dismay.
I’d been hoping she’d take me to her parents’ walk-in closet so that we could talk and cry, like in the old days. Instead, she’d brought me to the small mud room on the other side of the kitchen.
It was the side door—the one Sydney and I used to sneak in through when we came home after curfew. Her parents left it unlocked for the maid.
She sat on the bench and patted the spot beside her. “You okay, Kes?”
“Yeah.” I tried to smile. “Just in shock, I guess.”
Syd nodded, lips pursed.
Had she known about Rain and Angela?
Of course not. The idea was absurd.
I let out a long breath. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about Homecoming.”
We were all supposed to share a limo to the dance—me, Syd, and Junie—and our dates. I couldn’t very well go by myself.
Syd squeezed my arm. “You’ll figure it out.”
I watched in disbelief as she stood, then backed away.
“Look, maybe you should call your mom or something?” She took another step, then turned to walk away.
Back to the party—which no longer included me.
The impossible reality of the situation hit me, then.
She hadn’t brought me here to comfort me.
Sydney Sotheby, my best friend since we were five years old, had shown me the door.
Chapter 3
There was nowhere else to go, so I headed for the treehouse.
Shivering, I crossed the dark expanse of grass. The biting wind seemed to go right through the little sweater I’d brought.
As I climbed the wooden ladder, my heels kept getting stuck on the rungs. I was almost at the top when I heard my dress tear.
Rain wasn’t in the treehouse.
I sat huddled in one corner. Through the broken slats of the roof, I caught glimpses of a clear, starry sky.
I couldn’t call Mom.
It wasn’t just that she was at work. I didn’t want to give her one more thing to worry about. All through the summer, she’d acted like nothing was wrong. Somehow, even as our life was turned upside-down, she’d projected an air of business-as-usual cheer.
But lately, I’d begun to notice things.
New locks on the doors and windows. A can of pepper spray in the junk drawer. A knife hidden behind a picture frame on her dresser.
Last week I’d come home from school to find her sitting in the living room chair, staring at the front door. She should’ve been sleeping off her night shift.
When I asked, she said she was fine—but she looked exhausted.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the list of contacts.
My thumb hovered over one name.
Dad.
Far below, I heard a noise.
A splash—followed by laughter.
Then I remembered the Sothebys’ hot tub—not big enough for twenty people, but definitely big enough for four. Or two.
I shoved the phone back in my purse and crawled to the edge of the wooden platform. I peered over the railing, now damp and half-rotted.
You finally found him.
Twenty feet down, in the hot tub, two naked figures were entwined.
One of them was Rain.
His face was obscured by shadow, but I knew it was him. The way his body moved—well, I would have recognized it anywhere.
The girl he was with had long dark hair, a shade closer to black than mine.
Angela.
That was when I knew that I would walk out of there.
It was a long walk. But I had all night, didn’t I?
The decision brought an unexpected sense of weightlessness. Part of me even relished the idea.
But first, I had to get rid of these heels.
I scooted to the edge of the platform and dropped the first shoe.
“Hey!”
The voice had sounded from somewhere underneath me.
Now it floated up again—more civilized this time. “Would it be too much to ask that you not launch any more projectiles at my head?”
I knew that voice.
Disbelieving, I peered over the edge.
Grinning up at me, from halfway down the ladder, was Sol Kyrion.
He clambered up the rest of the way and settled onto the platform next to me.
I eyed his leather jacket enviously.
He caught me looking and grinned as though he knew what I was thinking.
I scowled. “What are you doing here?”
“I was bored.” He flashed a smile, his teeth gleaming in the dark. “And you?”
My gaze went back to the hot tub.
“Ah.”
I wanted to say something cool and sardonic. Just enjoying the view. But that wasn’t me.
I said, “I was just leaving.”
“I saw what happened.”
Right. You and everyone else at the party. By Monday, I was sure, the entire school would know about me and Rain.
“You should have seen it coming.”
“Excuse me?”
“You should have known what your boyfriend was up to. He hasn’t exactly been subtle.”
I laughed. “You sound like Junie.”
“Junie did you a favor.”
Had she?
I thought back to my last week of junior year. The day the strange sickness had begun.
I’d been too tired to go to lunch, so I sat on the concrete steps outside the gym. Eyes closed—wondering if the dull throbbing in my head would ever stop.
I didn’t carry Advil in my backpack like other girls. The truth was, I never got sick.
Rain sat down next to me, and I was grateful for his company.
There’s just something about you, Kes. He was studying me in a way that was both gratifying and a little unnerving. You’re just…special.
It wasn’t the first time he’d said it. I never knew what to say back.
How could I explain, without sounding ungrateful, that I didn’t want to be special? That I was happy with my perfectly un-special life—happy just being Kes?
Being here suddenly felt unbearable. I grabbed my other shoe and tossed it over the edge.
“What are you doing?”
I glanced over my shoulder. Sol was watching me intently.
“I told you. I’m leaving.”
He looked amused. “And how, exactly, will you be doing that?”
“My mom is picking me up.”
His smile didn’t waver. “No, she’s not.”
“She’s picking me up on her way home from work.”
“Long wait.”
I began to climb down the ladder. I would sit on the Sothebys’ front porch all night if I had to.
Sol’s head popped over the edge. “You’re a better liar than I thought. But we both know you’re not going to sit here until tomorrow morning.”
I stopped climbing and stared.
“You might as well get down.” He smiled in a way that made me feel warm in spite of the night air. “As much as I like the view, I don’t plan on spending the rest of the night watching Rain and Angela defile the hot tub.”
“Right.” I found a sliver of my previous anger and clung to it. “You just showed up to jerk Sydney around.”
I jumped the last few feet and retrieved my shoes. Then I started toward the front of the house.
Sol was right behind me.
“Aren’t you going to put those things on?”
It took me a second to realize that he was talking about my heels. “No.”
I wasn’t about to explain that even though I had no plans of wearing them again, I was pretty sure I could clean them up and sell them.
“At least let me offer you my jacket.”
I didn’t slow.
“So you’re going to freeze on principle?”
“Can you leave me alone?” I tried to pull ahead, but even barefoot, I couldn’t outpace him.
“Do you really hate me that much? Or is this one of those teenage girl affectations?”
“I don’t hate you. I just don’t want to be your friend.”
He laughed, falling easily into step beside me. “Forgive me for saying so, but it seems like you could use one right now.”
I shivered. “I don’t even know you.”
“So which one is it?”
“What?”
“Which one of the many highly entertaining rumors about me did you fall for?”
“You know about those?”
“Know about them? I came up with half of them.”
I stopped.
“Was it the one about how I’ve just been released from a strict reformatory school for the unrepentantly criminal?”
I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, even in the cold. Rain had been the one to tell me that particular rumor.
“Or maybe the one about how I’m minor royalty from some unheard-of Middle Eastern principality?”
I shook off my embarrassment and gestured toward the house. “You humiliated my best friend.”
He cocked his head. “Oh, that’s what she is?”
I didn’t answer.
His eyes narrowed. “Sydney Sotheby could stand to experience a little disappointment in her life. It’ll help prepare her for when the captain of the football team knocks her up on prom night.”
“You don’t know the first thing about her.”
I clutched my shoes, preparing to storm off in the opposite direction. That was when I noticed that we were standing next to a dark green Range Rover.
Without intending to, I had followed Sol to his car.
I started back toward the house.
He jogged beside me. “None of that stuff is true, you know. There’s no more truth to those rumors than there is to what they’re saying about your dad.”
That did it. I stopped.
“What are they saying?”
He shrugged, looking embarrassed. “That he just took off. Ran off to Europe or something. Some people think your mom was having an affair. Maybe with one of the docs at the hospital. And when your dad found out about it…”
I wondered if my life would be easier if the rumors were true. Sure, I’d still be in a crappy apartment on the wrong side of town, and Rain would still be cheating on me with Angela, and Sydney and everyone else would still be treating me like I was radioactive. But at least I’d know why.
