The Hero Within

by Bec McMaster

  Johnny froze.

  "Mmm." That wasn't what had just happened, and they both knew it. "Speak for yourself."

  She looked at him sharply.

  Johnny sighed, pulling out of her and spilling her to the side. Eden McClain, you sure know how to ruin a moment. He rolled to the edge of the bed and hunted for his jeans, the sweat chilling on his skin as his heart rate began to return from the stratosphere.

  Behind him, he could hear her sitting up.

  He dragged his jeans on, feeling vulnerable. Buttoning them up, he turned to face her.

  Eden looked like she'd been fucked every which way. Her hair hung in knotted tangles, her lips swollen and her eyes wide. She’d dragged the blankets up around her breasts as if his words had threatened her.

  "What do you mean by that?" she whispered.

  His heart skipped a beat. Facing down a ravaging pack of shadow cats was nothing compared to baring his heart.

  Johnny knelt on the bed, pressing three fingers beneath her chin and lifting her face so she couldn't look away. "You've been haunting my dreams ever since I met you. What happened here last night.... It had nothing to do with hate, angel. Call it that if it makes this easier, but you should know, what I feel for you is nowhere near hate. Not at all."

  Eden gaped as the words dropped into the silence of the room like a bomb detonating. "What?"

  Morning Colton was a sight for sore eyes. All mussed hair, dark eyes crinkled with relaxation and seductive good humor. Fucking into her so slowly this morning, that perhaps fucking wasn't the right term for it at all. His thumb stroked her jaw, and she had the horrible certainty she was about to lean into his touch.

  "You heard me," he whispered.

  And oh, shit, but she was somehow doing this with Johnny Colton.

  Eden slid toward the edge of the bed, needing clothes. Something to shield herself. Anything. "I heard you," she admitted, "but...."

  Her mind went blank.

  Where the hell was her tank?

  She snatched it off the floor, swinging it over her head and managing to get it on beneath the protective shield of the blanket. Her heart pounded like last night's drums, but her mind was an angry buzzing of oh, shit.

  She needed a moment to recover—because she'd never expected this.

  Didn't you?

  "I heard you," she repeated, the second she had her tank on. Suddenly she could think again, even if her inner alarm bells were still blaring abort. "I just think now's not a really great time—"

  "Let's be honest," he shot back, with a cynical look in his dark eyes. "Never's going to be a really great time for this conversation judging by the look on your face."

  Never sounded like an excellent idea.

  "Good point. So how about we skip it? We should get dressed," she said, wincing a little as she dragged her jeans up her bruised thighs. No pretending it hadn't happened; she was dripping with his cum and needed to wash. "We need to get going."

  Start packing for the trip.

  Pretend this never happened.

  "Chicken shit," he said, his face shuttering as she managed to do her fly up, and reached for her boots.

  "Colton—"

  "It's fine," he snapped, raking a frustrated hand through his hair. "Probably not the best time to start this. I get it. Itch scratched and all. Guess I'm good for something. Good enough to fuck. Good enough to get you where you need to be."

  Anger fired in her chest. Damn it, she had no right to feel guilty. "You're not the only one who's spent all those years feeling haunted by what happened. You said you were sorry and you didn't want to hurt me, but it doesn't change the damned fact you did." Her voice roughened. "I might be willing to forgive you, but I don't even know what He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named did to you. Or why you fell in line with him."

  How could she let herself accept what had happened between them last night wasn't just stress and attraction?

  Because if she did....

  You just slept with the guy who nearly destroyed your brother.

  Eden flinched.

  "Yeah, right. You want me to bare my soul? Consider it bared," Colton snapped. He jerked the curtain open and held it for her. "Arik said there are natural springs along the corridor if you want to wash up. First turn on your left. Go and wash my fucking scent off your skin. It will make it easier to forget what happened."

  Eden stared at the hard line of his jaw.

  Was that hurt she heard echoing in his voice?

  Couldn't be. This was Johnny Colton.

  But he sounded pissed enough that—

  "You're coming with me?" she asked in a small voice.

  Silence.

  Her heart started pounding a little faster. She couldn't do this without him, even if the thought of continuing on with him alone suddenly felt like she was walking into a minefield blindfolded.

  "Someone has to keep you from getting killed." His lips thinned. "And I made a promise. Contrary to popular opinion, I don't break my word once I give it."

  She grabbed her pack, and then paused in the doorway, uncertain why she didn't feel more relieved at the thought.

  Because he made it clear this isn't the end of it....

  But it had to be.

  How could there be anything more between them?

  Adam loomed like a silent force over her shoulder; he'd never allow it. And as much as she wanted to say she could ever trust Colton with her heart, Eden didn't know if that was possible. Forgiveness was one thing, but actively handing him her heart on a platter?

  She'd locked it away after Colton betrayed her, and never, ever let herself give it again.

  Except....

  It would be very easy to turn Johnny Colton into an addiction she never wanted to quit.

  Far too easy to start falling for that dangerous smile, and the way he whispered words she didn't know in her ear as he thrust into her.

  Because while she might have no clue what he'd been saying, the look in his eyes and the tone of his words told a complete story.

  And when she'd been in his arms, for a second she'd forgotten everything that lay between them.

  Forgotten all the reasons she shouldn't be doing this....

  "I don't know what you want from me, but if it's anything more than what happened here last night, then I don't think I can give it to you," she whispered and didn't know who she meant those words for. "I need to keep my head, keep my focus—"

  "Didn't know I was messing with your head." He crossed his arms over his broad chest, and she tried to keep her gaze from dropping to the muscled flex of his pectorals.

  "You're not."

  "Then what's the problem? I'm not getting to you, Eden. There's nothing between us except mutual attraction. Last night didn't mean a damned thing. But here's what I can't understand—if it was just a fuck, then there's no reason we can't continue fucking, is there?"

  "You know I don't like that language—"

  He took a step closer, trapping her in the doorway with the curtain draped over one arm. "What do you want me to call it? You're the one dictating the terms and telling me what this is—and isn't. So tell me.... What would you prefer to call what happened here last night?"

  His eyes dared her.

  Eden took a step through the curtain, nearly tripping over her feet.

  "It's not—We shouldn't complicate things," she blurted. "Last night happened. Nothing we can do about that. But if we continue on together, then there needs to be rules. Once we cross into Confederacy territory, it's going to get dangerous." Her words firmed as she found safety in clear, rational statements. "One of us will need to be on watch at night. No more sleeping together. No kissing. No touching—"

  "Understood." Colton's dark eyes remained cool and untouchable. "Can't afford to forget ourselves, can we?"

  She ignored that. "Right."

  He looked disappointed somehow, as he pushed away from her.

  "Fine. Go check on Cole so we can get going. We'll discuss this later. Bo
th of us have sore heads this morning. It's probably not the time to go into this."

  Then he let the curtain fall shut in her face, his dark form moving behind it.

  Eden's body ached in places that hadn't felt a man's touch in years.

  An overprotective brother and a narrowing pool of potential hookups meant her bed had seen limited action. It had never really bothered her—she had far too much work to do, and she'd given up on finding good sex after a few lackluster encounters—but the bruises on her skin and the tenderness between her thighs this morning were a taunt.

  Because suddenly she knew what good sex was all about.

  Johnny Colton fucked as though he wanted to consume her. In the heat of the moment, she'd given in to the tension between them, and now she could never forget it.

  And look where that had landed her....

  What the hell did he want from her? Now she had some distance from him, she'd thought it would have been easier to work her way through the muddle in her head, but she was a mess of contradictory thoughts and feelings.

  What do you want me to call it?

  I don't bloody well know!

  Nnedi looked up as Eden burst into the infirmary. Eden skidded to a halt and realized she hadn't even knocked. Hadn't even been keeping an eye on her surroundings at all.

  Colton could do that to her.

  "Morning," she said, somewhat warily.

  One of Nnedi's eyebrows arched and the woman smiled faintly. "You look... refreshed."

  Oh, Jesus. She knew. Eden had scrubbed every inch of Johnny Colton off her body in the heated pools, but she could feel his hands on her skin still. Worse. The argument between them was burned into her mind. "What the hell was in that kaga?"

  Nnedi threw her head back and laughed. "It's an enervative. A rush of blood. Helps a warg's stamina."

  "So I noticed." She felt like she had the hangover from hell. Sighting a jug of water on the stand beside CJ's bed, she poured herself a glass.

  "Good night?" Nnedi's eyes sparkled.

  Eden drained the glass. Understatement. "The kind of night I'm not going to forget in a hurry, and let's just leave it at that."

  "Guess you finally bagged your man."

  Eden looked up sharply.

  "You didn't wear his scent on your skin when you arrived," Nnedi said, clearly interpreting the look on her face. "It was clear you two hadn't been sharing a bed for a while. It's why some of the males around here were testing his claim."

  Eden eased onto the edge of CJ's bed, smoothing a hand over his forehead to test his temperature. "We kind of haven't shared a bed before."

  "Argument?" Nnedi asked gruffly as if thinking of her own most likely cold bed.

  "No. It's... a long story. We're not together."

  "Looked like you were together last night." Nnedi snorted. "Smells like you're together this morning."

  "It's complicated." This morning only made matters worse. What had he been whispering in her ear in Spanish? Because the look in his eyes wasn't just let's have fun. Let's fuck, Eden. No, there'd been a glint of possession there she hadn't quite known how to interpret.

  Say my name....

  She closed her eyes. Forced herself to think. "We’re not in a position to be examining the precise implications of this. We need to get to Cortez City, Nnedi. Any chances your alpha is going to let us go this morning?"

  Nnedi started picking up discarded bandages. "He's not my alpha." Her voice lowered. "Not anymore. And he's curious about Colton. Lincoln's good in the ring, so I daresay Arik's wondering just how good your man is."

  "He's not a threat," she pointed out. "We're leaving."

  Without CJ. Eden brushed her hand over his forehead. His lashes stirred, but he didn't wake.

  Eden took CJ's wrist and felt for his pulse. Nice and steady. She reached for his forehead again, but it was hard to tell whether his temperature was high or whether that was simply the nature of the beast within him. The full moon was only days away, and that always set wargs on edge.

  A thick mud poultice covered his wound.

  Eden's throat felt thick with guilt. "I didn't even notice," she said quietly. "It was barely a scratch. Colton's wounds were far worse."

  "He'll heal," Nnedi promised.

  That wasn't the point.

  Rage flared, hot and potent. Maybe she was tired, but she had the sudden urge to break something. "I'm a healer. I should have noticed CJ had a fever. I should have realized Colton was bleeding the other day. I've been so distracted of late. Everywhere I look someone wants a damned piece of me."

  The plague, the council, lack of sleep, and then Lily....

  And worse.... "I should have suspected there was something wrong when Miles Wentworth missed two meetings. He'd been sitting near that mine for six months, trying to work out a trade agreement with us, and all of a sudden he just vanishes? Gives in? I thought he was showing me how pissed off he was."

  That bastard knew what was coming for them, and he hadn't even bothered to warn them. Damn it. She'd had dinner with him and he'd made his interest in her quite clear. She'd even entertained the thought of obliging him—wasn't like her other options had been overwhelming at that point, and while something about his smile set her on edge, he'd also been charming enough. The urge had just never been strong enough.

  Despite the fact Riley had pointed out—loudly—it had been a long, long time without a man to warm her bed.

  Until last night....

  Nope. She shied away from those thoughts immediately.

  "You're only human, Eden. You can't foresee a plague. And Wentworth's Confederacy. They don't consider anyone outside their walls to be worth a damn thing."

  "He could have warned me." If there was anything she hated more than feeling powerless, it was betrayal.

  "Maybe he was hoping the plague would wipe out your settlement and then he'd have exactly what he wanted without having to give you a damned thing—or wait for your decision."

  Eden's heart beat a little swifter. It was an outrageous thought. She couldn't even conceive of.... No. Wentworth had met her people, walked among them and shaken their hands, smiling his stark white smile with his perfect teeth.

  But, said a dark little whisper in her heart.

  "I have quotas to meet," Wentworth had said to her in their final meeting, his lips pulling back off his teeth in a sign of frustration for just one second. "I'm sorry, Miss McClain, but I have a little bit of pressure on me back home to close this deal, or start looking elsewhere. The settlement of Haven has access to another mine. Granted, it's miles to the north and would need more work to make the conditions safe, but I have to give my father something."

  "You okay?" Nnedi asked.

  "I need to get to Cortez City as soon as possible," she said, her ears still ringing a bit from the shock Nnedi's words had caused. She needed to know the truth—had Miles Wentworth known the plague was about to hit?

  Or... had he been involved in spreading it?

  It was a manufactured biological weapon, after all, one supposed to be locked away in a sterile lab....

  These things didn't just escape.

  She felt cold all the way through. "Do you think you could look after CJ for me? At least until he's better? I hate leaving him behind, but surely he'll understand when the fever breaks."

  After all, whatever it takes....

  CJ knew that. He'd tell her to keep going, to try and save Lily.

  "He'll be safe here. I’ll see to his care. I promise I’ll—" Nnedi's head turned toward the door.

  Someone knocked.

  "Come in," Eden called, before realizing this wasn't her infirmary.

  A huge form lingered in the doorway, his tawny hair bound back in a topknot. Eden's breath washed out of her as she laid eyes on the hulking alpha of Shadow Rock, and Nnedi stiffened.

  "A word, my second?" Arik asked, hovering beneath the lintel as if didn’t dare enter the room.

  "I'm not your second," Nnedi replied ti
ghtly. "I told you that last night. If you can't trust me to lead in your absence, then there is no point in me wearing your claw."

  Just what Eden needed—to be caught up in a marriage dispute. She glanced toward the door. "I'll just...."

  "I'd like to speak to you too."

  You... do?

  "This plague," Arik said to her, "how virulent is it?"

  "I don't know, but I suspect it will prove highly contagious. Henry Chin said it was manufactured by the Confederacy as a bio-weapon, so I daresay it's meant to wipe out thousands."

  Underneath his tan, he paled slightly. "And you think you can find a cure in Cortez City."

  "Yes."

  "You'll never get inside the city." Arik took a hesitant step through the door, earning a scowl from Nnedi.

  "So you said."

  "The walls are too high and all the gates heavily guarded. They have barcode scanners to make sure you belong to the Confederacy, and if you don't have a barcode tattoo they won't let you through. They don't like outsiders coming in. Don't want to risk one of them getting loose and telling their little sheep about the truth of the world outside their walls."

  "We have to try," she protested.

  "I know. Which is why Lincoln and I are going with you."

  A second warg filled the doorway, scowling at her with his arms crossed over his chest. He still had a black eye, but no other sign that Colton had knocked him out.

  "Wait, what?" Eden gaped.

  "You can't leave the pack," Nnedi said abruptly. "Who will lead? Who will—"

  "My second will lead," Arik replied, turning that intense focus upon his wife. "I can get Eden and her man inside Cortez. There's a way in and out, though nobody else knows of it, and it won't be fun.

  "Shadow Rock is not wholly comprised of wargs," he murmured, returning his attention to Eden. "There are people here who choose not to accept the gift, and the children are vulnerable until they are turned. If I don't help you, then this plague might touch us, even here."

  Nnedi caught his arm. "You can't go back!"

  Back?

  Arik's head bowed, and he breathed in his wife's scent, shifting on his feet. "I'm the only one who can get her inside Cortez, Nnedi. You want me to prove I trust you? You want me to prove you should be wearing this"—he dragged the necklace Nnedi had cast aside out of his pocket—"then you need to let me do this. Let me make amends. Let me protect our pack. Let me prove you have my heart, my trust, my everything."