Never Been Kissed

by Linda Turner

  Considering everyone’s reaction to her makeover, it should have been the happiest night of her life, but she’d never been more miserable. She must have slept some after that, but she couldn’t be sure. It seemed like all she did was cry.

  By the time the sun came up the next morning, her eyes were red and swollen, her throat scratchy from all the tears she’d shed. Groaning at the sight of herself in the mirror, all she wanted to do was hide away for the rest of the day, but she couldn’t. Her mother would come looking for her if she didn’t show up for breakfast, and she didn’t want her to see her the way she was. So she washed her face with cold water and thanked God that Caroline had given her enough makeup yesterday to hide the dark circles under her eyes. Unfortunately the makeup couldn’t cover up all the ravages from her marathon crying session, but it did help.

  Dressed in jeans, boots and a turtleneck sweater, she faced herself one last time in the mirror and had to admit that she looked better than she’d expected. Oh, her eyes were still red, but if anyone noticed, she could always claim she’d caught a cold in her eyes. As long as she didn’t cry, Dan and her mother would never suspect anything out of the ordinary had happened last night.

  It should have been easy. She was all cried out; she didn’t have a single tear left in her. Or so she thought until she went downstairs and found her mother and Dan sitting down to breakfast. They looked up and smiled at her with so much love and affection that something just seemed to twist in her heart.

  “There you are,” her mother said, pleased. “Just in time for breakfast. I hope you’re hungry. I made pancakes for all of us.”

  “I was just telling your mother that I didn’t even hear you come in last night,” Dan said with a wink. “So how was the festival? Did you have a good time? I bet you had all the young bucks tripping over themselves to talk to you. Sit down and tell us all about it. You must have knocked Reilly out of his shoes.”

  She should have just laughed and joked about having to fight the men off with a stick, but the words stuck in her throat and she couldn’t have laughed if her life had depended on it. To her mortification, tears welled in her eyes again, and try though she might, she couldn’t blink them away.

  “I’m sorry,” she choked, turning hurriedly away. “I’m not hungry, after all.”

  Swallowing a sob, she bolted for the stairs and didn’t see Dan’s bewilderment as he looked helplessly at Sara. “What’d I say? You know I’d never do anything to hurt that girl. I love her.”

  “I know,” she said, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. “Janey knows that, too. She wasn’t upset by what you said—it has to be something else. I’ll go talk to her.”

  Her expression somber, Sara hurried up the stairs, unable to imagine what in the world was wrong. Out of all her children, Janey was the strongest, the one who could handle practically anything, which was why she was such a good nurse. That didn’t mean she didn’t have a soft side. She was kind and caring and protective, and when she lost a patient, she grieved deeply. But she didn’t usually wear her heart on her sleeve. When she cried she did so in the privacy of her own room. The only time Sara remembered her crying in front of anyone was at Gus’s funeral twenty years ago.

  Something had to be horribly wrong for her to break down in front of Dan. Worried, Sara reached her room and knocked gently on the door. “Janey? May I come in, dear? I’d like to talk to you, if that’s okay.”

  For a long moment her only answer was silence. Then just when she was about to turn away, Janey pulled open the door. Her face red from crying, she said huskily, “I’m sorry I’m not very good company.”

  “Don’t you dare apologize,” Sara scolded gently. “There’s no law that says you have to be good company. Something’s obviously upset you. I was hoping I could help.”

  The tears welled again at that, and there was nothing Janey could do to stop them. When she was a child, her mother had been there for her at every major crisis of her life, but this was a problem she couldn’t help her with. No one could. “I wish you could,” she said tearfully as she turned toward the wall of windows that overlooked the mountains to the west. “But this is something I have to work out myself.”

  “All right,” Sara said quietly. “But sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk things over with. I’m here for you if you need me.”

  She hadn’t thought she could tell her. She hadn’t thought she could tell anyone! But as her mother turned to go, she blurted out, “Reilly kissed me last night after the festival.”

  Her gaze still fixed on the mountains in the distance, she heard her mother shut the bedroom door behind her, then cross the room to join her. She, too, stared out the window at the snow-covered mountains in the distance. “So Reilly kissed you,” she said as casually as if they were discussing the weather. “And that made you cry? Why? Didn’t you want him to?”

  “No. I mean, yes!” Not sure even now what she’d wanted, she struggled to find the words to explain. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to kiss me. I just didn’t…I couldn’t…I didn’t know…”

  “What, dear?” Sara pressed when she floundered. “Just say it.”

  “I’ve never had a boyfriend, Mom,” she said tearfully. “There are a lot of things I haven’t done before, and kissing’s just one of them. Do you know how difficult it was for me to tell him that?”

  Her heart aching for her, Sara could just imagine. “It’s not anything to be ashamed of,” she said gently. “If there was no boyfriend in your life, that was your choice. You could have had a man any time you wanted one.”

  Janey knew Sara was only trying to make her feel better, but it was impossible for her mother to understand what being in her shoes was like. Sara was beautiful, and like all beautiful women, she took it for granted that she only had to smile to get a man’s attention.

  It wasn’t that easy when you weren’t pretty, Janey wanted to tell her. You didn’t even have the confidence to smile—because if you did, what would you do if no one noticed? So over the years, when friends were getting ready for New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day with the men in their lives and she’d sat home night after night, year after year, she’d never felt she’d had any choice at all.

  “It wasn’t that I was ashamed,” she said huskily. “I have nothing to be ashamed of. But I’ve always felt different, and last night only reinforced that. Reilly—”

  When she hesitated, unable to go on, her mother jerked her gaze away from the mountains to frown at her in concern. “What about Reilly? What did he do when you told him the truth?”

  “Nothing,” she said thickly. “He just looked shocked. He’d already asked me out to dinner for tonight, but I knew he really didn’t want to go. That’s when I told him I wouldn’t hold him to the invitation. Then I came home.”

  “And he didn’t try to stop you?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know if he did or not. I drove off and never looked back.” For the first time in what seemed like days, the corner of her mouth twitched into a slight smile, but it faded quickly when she pictured again the look on Reilly’s face when she’d told him she was a virgin. “I don’t think he’ll ever ask me out again, Mom. I’ll be lucky if he even speaks to me.”

  There were, Sara knew, men who were only interested in sex and had no use for a virgin, but she didn’t think Reilly Jones was one of them. From what she’d seen and heard about him, he respected women too much for that.

  “I think you’re underestimating him,” she said. “Once he gets over the initial surprise, he’ll come around. Just give him time. In the meantime, the worst thing you can do is lie around the house feeling sorry for yourself. Why don’t you go get the Christmas tree today? That’ll lift your spirits.”

  She really wasn’t in the mood, but Janey had to agree that lying around the house all day would do nothing to improve her mood. She needed a distraction, and she couldn’t think of a better one to keep her busy the entire day.

  “Maybe I’l
l do that. I could use the exercise, and the weather’s good.” Pleased, she pulled her mother into a fierce hug. “Thanks, Mom. You don’t know what a help you’ve been.”

  “That’s what I’m here for, sweetheart,” she laughed, returning her hug. “Now get out of here before somebody calls you to go into work for them. While you’re gone, Dan and I’ll start stringing popcorn.”

  She didn’t have to tell her twice. Giving her one last hug, Janey grabbed her jacket and keys and hurried out the door. “String a lot,” she called back over her shoulder. “I’m going to get a monster of a tree!”

  He woke up before dawn and lay there for what seemed like hours, feeling like a heel.

  Lying flat on his back staring up at the log rafters above his bed, all he could think of was last night and Janey. It had taken incredible courage for her to bare her soul to him the way she had. She’d probably never told another man that in her life. And he hadn’t said a word. It hadn’t been his finest hour.

  “Jackass!” he muttered.

  Now that he’d had time to come to terms with the fact that she was a virgin, he was even more appalled by his own behavior. He should have said something, anything, but he hadn’t. And in his silence she’d read an insult he’d never intended.

  He had to talk to her, had to apologize. Today. Because if he didn’t find a way to make this up to her, she might never speak to him again. He didn’t know when she’d become so important to him, but he wouldn’t, couldn’t, lose her friendship.

  Throwing off the covers, he grabbed the first clothes he could reach and dragged on a green-plaid flannel shirt and jeans, then stomped into his boots. It was still early, barely nine o’clock, but he didn’t even give the time a thought as he strode out the door. If Janey and her mother were still eating breakfast in their pajamas, they’d just have to forgive him. He had to see Janey now!

  The wheels of his BMW barely touching the pavement and the needle of the speedometer never dropping below seventy, he made it to the McBride homestead in record time. But even as he strode up to the front door, he knew he’d made a wasted trip. Janey’s Jeep was nowhere in sight.

  Where could she have gone so early on a Saturday morning? he wondered as he jabbed the doorbell. If her night had been anything like his, she probably hadn’t slept much…

  If she’d come home at all. She was upset. Maybe she just went off by herself instead.

  He stiffened at the thought and muttered a sharp curse under his breath. No! She wouldn’t have done that. She was too level-headed to take off by herself just because she’d gotten her feelings hurt. She wouldn’t worry her family that way. There had to be another explanation.

  But even as he reasoned that she’d probably just gone into town to the grocery store or something, worry knotted his gut as he impatiently rang the doorbell again. Dammit, where was everyone?

  Just when he thought no one was home, Sara pulled open the door and made no attempt to hide her surprise at the sight of him. “Reilly! I wasn’t expecting you this morning. Are you here to see Dan?”

  “Actually, I wanted to talk to Janey,” he replied. “But I noticed when I drove up that her Jeep was gone. She did come home last night, didn’t she?”

  He looked so worried that Sara couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He obviously wasn’t feeling any better than Janey this morning, and that was probably no more than he deserved. He’d messed up. She had to give him credit, though. He was here to make amends, which was more than a lot of men would have done. Her smile kind, she nodded. “She would never do anything that stupid, Reilly. She did come home last night. I won’t pretend she wasn’t upset, but I’m sure you already know that.”

  “It was all my fault,” he said miserably. “I acted like an idiot. That’s why I have to see her. I need to apologize.”

  Sara agreed. The problem was, she wasn’t sure Janey would. Hesitating, she studied him through narrowed eyes. “I’m not sure she wants to see you this morning, but I’m going to tell you where she is because the two of you need to make peace. There’s one condition, though. Don’t hurt her again. She’s a wonderful person, and she doesn’t deserve that.”

  “Trust me, I know that,” he said huskily. “I don’t want to lose her friendship.”

  There was no doubting his sincerity. Satisfied, Sara said, “She’s gone to get our Christmas tree.”

  “At the lot in town?”

  If Sara needed any proof that the man was a city boy, she just got it. Smiling, she said, “No. It’s always been a family tradition to find one here on the ranch and cut it down. Before she left, Janey said something about going up to Wild Horse Canyon. Go on past the house and take the right fork when you come to a Y in the road. Wild Horse Canyon is ten miles past that.

  “Don’t worry, you can’t miss it,” she assured him when he frowned. “It’s where the road ends. Oh, and Reilly,” she said quickly when he started to turn away, “the keys are in my Explorer if you want to take it. You might not make it if you don’t.”

  When she glanced pointedly at his BMW, which defi nitely hadn’t been built for rough, rocky roads, he had to grin. “I’ll do that. Thanks.”

  Within ten minutes of leaving the homestead behind, Reilly thanked his lucky stars that Sara had loaned him her truck. Otherwise, he would have already had to turn back. He’d never seen such a horrible road in his life. Rutted with deep chug holes and rocks that looked as big as boulders, it was little more than a rough track cut through the wilderness that made up the western section of the ranch.

  And the higher he drove into the mountains, the rougher the terrain became. He couldn’t, however, complain. Not when the scenery was so spectacular. According to the Explorer’s odometer, he was only a few miles from the homestead, but if it hadn’t been for the road itself, he could have easily thought he was a hundred miles or more from civilization. There were no power lines, no telephone poles, no chimneys or rooftops. Instead, spread out before him was the pristine beauty of snow-covered peaks glistening like jewels in the bright morning sunshine for as far as the eye could see.

  When he’d first left the homestead behind, his only thought had been to find Janey as quickly as possible. He’d gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles had turned white and cursed the fact that the poor driving conditions forced him to reduce his speed to a crawl. But as he finally reached the Y in the road and took the right fork, as Sara had directed, the quiet solitude of his surroundings brought an unexpected peace to his soul.

  His grip eased on the steering wheel, the tension in his shoulders lessened and he found himself looking for wild-life. He didn’t have to look far. A deer, startled by the sound of the truck in the hushed quiet of the gradually thickening forest, bolted gracefully across the road a hun dred yards in front of him, its white tale raised in alarm as it disappeared into the trees.

  Instinctively slamming on the brakes, Reilly never knew how long he sat there in the middle of the road with a grin on his face. But it was when he spied an eagle gliding high on the thermals overhead that emotions he couldn’t put a name to squeezed his heart. He felt as if he’d been set down in the middle of a national park, but this was actually where Janey had grown up. Incredible.

  After the turnoff, the path grew steeper and narrower, twisting and turning as it wound its way back into the trees, and it soon became obvious that that particular trail was seldom used. Overgrown with underbrush and fallen tree limbs, there was only one set of tracks in the primitive, muddy roadway, and those belonged to Janey’s Jeep.

  Marveling that she would come all this way by herself for a Christmas tree, Reilly glanced down at the odometer and frowned. According to Sara’s directions, he should have reached Wild Horse Canyon by now, but the trail continued on into the trees. Had he taken a wrong turn somehow and ended up on the wrong road? But Sara had only mentioned one road—the same one he was supposed to drive to the end of. The only problem was, where was the end of the road?

  He came across it
so fast that he almost overran the clearing where Janey had parked her Jeep. One second the trees were closing in on him, shrouding the road in shadows the sunlight could barely penetrate, and the next, the path ended in a clearing that seemed to be carved out of the very side of the canyon wall.

  His heart pounding, he slammed on the brakes, then realized after a closer look that he hadn’t been as near to the edge as he’d first thought. Relieved, he pulled over next to Janey’s Jeep and cut the engine. He’d made it. Now all he had to do was find Janey.

  When Sara had told him where she’d gone, he’d thought finding her would be easy. After all, how difficult could it be? She was out in the middle of nowhere with a chainsaw. All he had to do was listen, and the sound of her saw would lead him straight to her.

  But when he stepped out of the Explorer, there was no growl of a chainsaw to tip him off as to her location. Instead, silence swirled around him, surrounding him, and the only sound he heard was the low moan of the wind through the trees.

  Dammit, where was she?

  Chapter 9

  Wild Horse Canyon was rough and dangerous and not the kind of place Janey usually went to alone. But it had always been one of her favorite parts of the ranch and the perfect place to find a Christmas tree. Hiking through the canyon, she drew in a deep breath of pine-scented air and lifted her face to the morning sky with a sigh of contentment. She would have to do something especially nice for her mother as a thank-you for suggesting she go look for the Christmas tree today. A hike through the mountains was just what she’d needed to clear her head and take her mind off Reilly.

  Pain lanced her heart just at the thought of last night, but she quickly pushed aside the memory and reminded herself why she was there. She had to find a tree, a big one that would take hours to decorate so she’d have no time to think of anything else for the rest of the day. Climbing deeper into the canyon with her chainsaw at her side, she pushed on.