Never Been Kissed

by Linda Turner

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Dan said as she flipped on the lights to the Christmas tree and shrugged out of her coat. “You’re not still worried about Janey, are you?”

  Abruptly dragging her attention back to her surroundings, she felt heat climb into her cheeks and prayed that in the muted light of the tree, he couldn’t see her blush. “What? Oh, no. I’m sure she’s fine.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. It’s just a senior moment.”

  They each had times when their minds went blank and there was no one home for a second or two, and they usually laughed about it. This time, however, Dan didn’t even crack a smile. His eyes searching hers, he lifted a hand and cupped her cheek in his palm. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

  His touch was warm, tender, intimate. And even though he never touched her heart, he tugged on her heartstrings with nothing more than the soft caress of his fingertips against her cheek. “Oh, Dan,” she sighed, and just that easily, tears welled in her eyes.

  Dan liked to think he was a strong man. He’d survived his wife’s death, bypass surgery and the loneliness of loving a woman who didn’t appear to want anything more from him than friendship. But when she looked up at him with tears in her big blue eyes, she brought him to his knees. His defenses shattered, his only thought to comfort her, he reached for her, his mouth already lowering to hers as his arms slipped around her to draw her close.

  He meant to give her just a kiss—just one. But when she melted in his arms and kissed him back the way he’d been dreaming of for more years than he could remember, every other thought flew right out of his head. Sara. She was all he thought of, all he dreamed of, and he had to tell her. Even though the thought of losing her scared the hell out of him. She had to know how he felt about her.

  Searching for the right words, he pulled back, but only enough to focus on her face. “I love you,” he rasped. Dear God, how he’d needed to say those words! “I’ve loved you for years.”

  Stunned, Sara whispered, “You have?”

  He nodded. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you weren’t ready to hear it, but I can’t keep it to myself any longer. We’re not young kids anymore. There’s no way to know how much time we’ve got left. I want to spend that time, however much it is, with you—as your husband.”

  Her heart overflowing with wonder, Sara could only stare at him. He loved her. All this time he’d loved her, and she’d never realized—or let herself see that she loved him, too. But she did. It flooded through her like the sun breaking through the clouds, and she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry.

  Questions hit her from all sides. How? When? Where did they go from here? Could she really marry him?

  She wanted to. So much that it scared her. It had been so long since she’d loved this way. What if she lost him the way she lost Gus? How would she stand it?

  Tears once again spilling into her eyes, she reached for his hand. “I love you, too,” she said huskily. “And I want to say yes. But I have to think. And talk to the children. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear right now—”

  He stopped her with a kiss. A sweet, loving, understanding kiss that was nearly her undoing. “It’s okay,” he said in a rough, sandpapery voice she loved. “Do what you have to do. Just don’t make me wait too long, okay? We’ve waited long enough as it is.”

  If she hadn’t loved him before, she would have then. Knowing him, he would have married her that very night if she’d have said the word, but he was still willing to give her the time she needed to come to terms with everything. “I think I can manage that,” she promised with a smile and leaned up and kissed him on the mouth.

  Janey approached Reilly’s front door with a sure, confident stride, but inside she was shaking like a leaf. And that embarrassed her to no end. She was nearly forty years old, for heaven’s sake! Okay, so the big four-o was still a couple of years away, she amended. She was still close enough to it that she shouldn’t have been a nervous wreck at the thought of having an intimate dinner for two at a man’s home. Especially a man like Reilly. He was always so gentle with her, so careful. He would never do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable.

  It was just that she didn’t know what to expect.

  And it was that, more than anything, that had butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she lifted her hand to knock on his door. Maybe she shouldn’t have come, after all. She was all dressed up for a date, but she didn’t know if that’s what he’d intended when he left the note on her car. He just might have been lonely and wanted company. She should have worn her jeans—

  Suddenly horribly afraid she’d misunderstood everything, she started to turn, her only thought to leave before he even knew she was there. But it was too late. Not waiting for a knock, he pulled open the door, and she couldn’t do anything but smile weakly. “Hi.”

  “Hi, yourself,” he said with a smile. “You’re right on time. Dinner’s just about ready. Come on in.”

  He wasn’t surprised when she hesitated. He’d seen the panic in her eyes when he’d opened the door. She’d been right on the verge of changing her mind and making a run for it, and he couldn’t say he blamed her. While he’d waited for her, he’d wondered at least a dozen times what had possessed him to leave that note on her windshield.

  But now, seeing her there on his front porch, dressed all in white like an angel, he knew. She was such a contradiction in terms—strong and vulnerable, confident and shy—and she didn’t have any idea how she enchanted him. Dancing with her earlier had been so much fun that he’d just had to see her again.

  Given the chance, he would have pulled her into his arms right then and kissed her, but he didn’t want to make her any more nervous than she already was. So he smiled easily and stepped back from the door, making sure not to crowd her. “I hope you like baked chicken. It’s not anything fancy, but I was running late because I had an emergency consultation at the hospital after I left the nursing home this afternoon.”

  As he’d hoped, he only had to mention medicine to get her to drop her guard. Distracted, she stepped across the threshold. “Chicken’s fine. What about this consultation? Was it with another heart patient?”

  He nodded. “A preemie with a defective heart valve. The primary care physician wanted my opinion on open-heart surgery.”

  “On a preemie?”

  “Yeah. Come on in the kitchen while I check the chicken and I’ll tell you all about it.”

  Within seconds they were talking medicine and thoroughly enjoying themselves. The chicken was done, a salad made, and they sat down at the table in the cabin’s small dining area without the least awkwardness. Animatedly discussing her work with preemies while she was still in nursing school, Janey never noticed the candles Reilly had lit right before she arrived or the soft music playing on the stereo. And he did nothing to draw her attention to the intimate setting. He was, he liked to think, a patient man.

  But, Lord, he wanted to kiss her! And he didn’t think he was ever going to get the chance. Then when they retired to the living room after they finished their meal and she sank down onto the sofa, he couldn’t resist the need to be close to her. Joining her on the couch, he half turned to face her and his knee just brushed hers. It wasn’t until he rested his arm along the back of the sofa and reached out to touch the soft strands of her hair, however, that she stiffened.

  “It’s getting late,” she blurted out. “I should be leaving.”

  Given the chance, she would have bolted right then, but Reilly only leaned over and nuzzled her cheek. “Easy,” he murmured. “This is just number six.”

  Her heart threatening to pound right out of her breast, Janey frowned in confusion. If this was just another kiss, why did it feel so different? Her skin tingled under his lips as he pressed a lingering kiss near her ear, and suddenly it was difficult to keep her eyes open. With no idea how it happened, she found herself melting against him. “What happens after number t
en?”

  “Let’s find out,” he suggested huskily, and quickly kissed her four more times. “Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.”

  It all happened so fast, she only had time to laugh softly in surprise before he slipped his arms around her and purposefully lowered his mouth to hers. “Reilly!”

  “Just relax,” he rasped. “All I’m going to do is kiss your bottom lip. That’s all, sweetheart. Okay? Just your bottom lip.”

  Already aching for something she didn’t understand, she should have said no. But then his mouth closed sensuously over her bottom lip, tugging gently, and deep inside her a fist of need tightened in her belly. Shocked, she pulled back to look up at him with eyes that were wide with surprise. “How did you do that?”

  Laughing softly, his breath caressing her sensitized mouth, he grinned. “So you liked that? Let’s try it again.”

  He didn’t rush her—she could have stopped him at any time. Or at least that was what she told herself up until the second his mouth touched hers. Then her mind clouded, her senses stirred to life, and she couldn’t think of anything but Reilly and the feelings he stirred in her so easily. Enchanted, she slipped her arms around him and let him take her where he would.

  Lost in the honeyed taste of her, Reilly was as caught up in the moment as she. He meant to keep his kiss restricted to her mouth, but she was so soft, so yielding in his arms that for several long, heated moments, he forgot she was an innocent who didn’t have a clue how desirable she was. Desperate to taste her all over, he dropped a trail of kisses from her mouth to her ear, and down the sensitive side of her neck.

  “Oh, Reilly!”

  “That’s it, sweetheart,” he groaned when she gasped and moved against him, her mouth hot and eager as it sought his. “You’re so responsive. So sweet. Just let me show you.”

  His only thought to touch her, to drive her slowly out of her mind and kiss every inch of her, he slipped his hand under her sweater. Her skin was like silk—soft and smooth and oh, so warm. And just a touch only made him want more. Without a thought he swept his hand over her and found her breast.

  And went too far.

  Chapter 11

  At the first stroke of his fingers on her breast, Janey felt heat streak through her like a bolt of lightning and wanted to curl into his touch. How could she have known that having his hands on her would feel so wonderful? Her blood sang through her veins, setting her body throbbing, but even as she moaned softly, alarm bells clattered loudly in her head, refusing to be ignored.

  “No,” she muttered against his mouth, and couldn’t be sure if she was protesting his touch or the voice of reason that demanded to be heard.

  That’s when she knew she was in trouble.

  Swallowing a sob, she moved then because she had to, because she’d only just now learned to kiss him and she wasn’t ready for anything more. And because if she didn’t move within the next few minutes, she wouldn’t want to.

  “No!” she cried, pushing free of his arms while she still could. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t!”

  Scrambling up from the couch, she looked wildly around for her coat and finally spied it hanging on the old-fashioned wooden coatrack by the front door. In two strides she reached it. “I have to go. It’s late. Thank you for dinner…for everything…” Another sob welling in her throat, she turned blindly away and jerked open the door.

  Her whispered good-night swallowed by the cold wind that rushed inside, she ran out into the night. Before Reilly could do anything but swear, she drove off as if the devil himself was after her, leaving behind a silence that was swift and harsh and condemning.

  “Idiot! Jackass! Talk about an insensitive clod! Why didn’t you just rip her clothes off and jump her and be done with it?”

  Cursing himself roundly for rushing her, he strode over to the door and slammed it shut with a force that nearly rocked the cabin on its foundation. Dammit all to hell! He should have stopped her, should have apologized for losing control and giving in to the need she stirred in him just by breathing.

  But she wasn’t the only one shaken by what had nearly happened between them. When he’d decided to be her first boyfriend, he’d been sure he could teach her to kiss and make out and discover herself as a woman without letting his emotions get out of control. After all, he still loved Victoria. But just now, when he’d held her in his arms and caressed her breast as he’d kissed her, the only woman he’d been thinking of was Janey and what she did to him. Something was happening between them that he’d never expected. He was falling in love with her.

  This wasn’t supposed to happen, he told himself. It couldn’t. He couldn’t fall in love with Janey, not without betraying Victoria. She was the one he had promised to love…until death did them part.

  Guilt swamped him at that, and with a muttered curse he blew out the candles scattered around the living room and strode into the kitchen to do the dishes. Just because Victoria had died didn’t mean his love for her had died—or that the commitment he’d made to her was lessened in any way, he told himself furiously. When he’d married her, he’d married her for life. That hadn’t changed. He wouldn’t let it.

  But when he returned to the living room once he’d finished the dishes, then settled down in front of the now-dying fire, it wasn’t Victoria’s perfume that lingered in the air to tease him. It wasn’t Victoria he could taste on his tongue. And it wasn’t Victoria he ached for. And that only increased his guilt. Desperate to protect his heart, he grabbed her picture and stared down at it, trying to recall the deep love that they had shared. She was his first love, his only love, and he needed to believe it was always going to be that way. But although the woman who stared back at him from the photograph was Victoria, his mind’s eye kept drifting to Janey, and he couldn’t forget the way she’d run out of the cabin. Somehow she’d carved a place for herself not only in his life, but in his every waking thought, and in the process, pushed Victoria to the back of his mind and heart. And he didn’t know what to do about it. How had he let this happen?

  Packing the small suitcase he’d brought with him from the hospital to Sara’s, Dan glanced around for any items he may have overlooked, but the guest room was neat as a pin. Still, he lingered, pain stabbing him in the heart. He hadn’t thought leaving would be this difficult. After all, it wasn’t as if he would never be back or see Sara again. Even if she turned down his marriage proposal, their friendship would continue. They would be in and out of each other’s homes and lives, just as they had always been, and life would return to normal.

  He should have found comfort in that. Instead, that was the last thing he wanted. A man didn’t ask a woman to marry him so they could live in separate houses and go on with their lives the way they always had, dammit! He wanted to go to bed with her at night and wake up in the morning with her, to see her at her best and worst and cherish her for the rest of their lives.

  But she needed time.

  He tried not to let that hurt him—or scare the hell out of him—but it wasn’t easy. He couldn’t stop worrying. What if she needed time to find a way to turn him down?

  “Ready?”

  Turning at the sound of Sara’s quiet question, he hesitated at the sight of her standing in the open doorway to the guest room. No, he wanted to tell her. He wasn’t ready to leave. He didn’t want to go anywhere until she gave him some kind of inclination of what her answer to his proposal would be. That didn’t mean she had to give him a yes right now—he just needed to know she was leaning toward a maybe so he would have something to hold on to.

  But he’d promised her she could have some time, and he was a man of his word. Resigned, he forced a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Let me check the bathroom one more time to make sure I didn’t leave anything, then we can go.”

  That only took a second, and before Sara was ready to let him go, she was behind the wheel of her Explorer driving him home. And it was tearing her apart. There was so much left unsaid between them, so many emoti
ons threatening to overwhelm her, and she didn’t know what to do. She loved him. She hadn’t planned to, but there it was. Now she had to figure out what she was going to do about it.

  Marriage would change her entire life. And although part of her wanted that with all of her heart, she had to admit that another side of her found that terrifying. She’d been alone for so long, and in the years since Gus’s death, she’d grown independent. She wasn’t used to answering to a husband anymore. She and Dan got along beautifully now, but they weren’t married. Should they really try to fix something that wasn’t broken?

  More unsure than she’d ever been in her life, she reached his house, then parked and followed him inside. “Do you need me to do some grocery shopping for you?” she asked, frowning at the stale air of the closed-up house. “You’ve been gone so long, you probably haven’t got a thing worth eating in the refrigerator. I should have thought of that earlier and we could have stopped on the way home.”

  “It’s okay, Sara,” he said gruffly when she would have stepped into the kitchen to check the refrigerator and pantry. “I have plenty of stuff in the freezer. I’ll be fine.”

  Her eyes searching his, she knew he was right. He was one of those self-sufficient men who knew how to cook and clean and take care of himself. He’d been doing it for years, ever since Peggy had died. But being able to take care of yourself and being happy were two different things, and she knew that he was going to miss her as much as she’d miss him.

  “Then I guess I’ll be going.” Her eyes misting with tears at the thought, she gave in to impulse and raised up on tiptoe to give him a soft, gentle kiss that said everything she couldn’t say. “I promise I’ll have an answer for you soon,” she said huskily. “I really do love you. I just need a little more time.”

  He understood, just as she’d known he would, and pulled her back into his arms for one last lingering kiss. When he finally let her up for air, love was shining in both their eyes. “You know where I am when you want to talk,” he told her. “Any time of the day or night, all you have to do is call me.”