Hal Spacejock Omnibus One

by Simon Haynes

  "We may be dealing with an alien intelligence, Mr Spacejock. Completely different thought processes to you and I."

  "Look for a keypad," said Hal. "Shine your light across the surface."

  Clunk angled his light and they immediately spotted a rectangular outline in the wall. When Hal raised his hand to it, a dozen buttons glowed dimly. Looking closely, he saw the buttons were cut from the same material as the wall, each marked with a different glyph. "What kind of writing is that?"

  Clunk crouched until his eyes were level with the keypad. "I don't recognise it," he said.

  "Alien?"

  "Possibly. It could just be encoded."

  "Which one means open?"

  "I can't say."

  Before Clunk could stop him, Hal pressed all the buttons in succession. Each lit up as he pressed it, until the entire panel glowed like a landing light.

  "That was probably a mistake," said Clunk.

  "And it didn't even open the door." Hal thumped his fist on it. "Sonya? Are you in there?"

  Clunk tilted his head. "Shhh! I can hear something!"

  "What?"

  "Listen!"

  Hal listened, but all he could hear was his own breathing. Then he heard it - a rumble underfoot as if something deep underground were powering up. The noise got louder, shaking dirt and grit from the arched ceiling.

  "Before we die horribly," said Clunk calmly. "I'd just like to remind you that I was not consulted re the button pushing scenario."

  The noise stopped, leaving an ominous silence that was shattered by a loud hiss: the heavy slab that had been blocking the passage rose into the air, dust blowing from the widening crack underneath. Hal crouched, and as the slab rose out of the way he tried to see into the darkness beyond.

  Clunk turned his light towards the opening, and Hal gasped as another light shone back at them. "Sonya? Is that you?"

  "It's just a reflection," said Clunk, moving his light. "Come on."

  They stepped through the opening and found themselves in a cramped compartment with polished alloy walls that reflected man and robot a thousand times over. While Clunk stood and stared, Hal automatically ran his fingers through his hair.

  Clunk cleared his throat. "Mr Spacejock, I get the feeling this room leads somewhere."

  "A minute ago you couldn't find a simple door, and now you're certain this dead end goes somewhere else?" Hal looked around. "Actually, it does remind me of an elevator."

  "You mean a lift."

  "No, I mean an elevator."

  "Where I come from," said Clunk, "it's a lift."

  "Here, it's an elevator," said Hal firmly.

  "Perhaps it's a transportation device."

  "An elevator is a transportation device."

  "I was thinking of something more unconventional."

  "Such as?"

  "A teleporter."

  Hal snorted. "How did you work that out?"

  "It fits," said Clunk. "The structures above ground, the long underground tunnel, the sealed chamber." He ran his hands over a mirrored panel. "This technology isn't human."

  Hal stared at their reflection. "If you're right, this chamber could open up the galaxy. It's a trader's dream!"

  "Of course, it's much more likely to be a lift."

  "Elevator," said Hal automatically. "How do we make it work?"

  Clunk gestured at the walls. "There's probably a control panel behind one of the mirrors. Like the one outside - activated by a proximity sensor."

  Hal worked his way around the chamber, feeling the cool mirrors with his hands. He was halfway round when a small section of glass lit up like a Christmas tree. There was a warning buzz as the chamber door slammed down, followed by a flash so bright Hal saw his own skeleton reflected in the nearest mirror. Then, nothing. "That was a bust," he said, rubbing his eyes. He turned round. "Clunk?"

  There was a glowing blue whirlpool in the centre of the chamber. It faded gradually, leaving a faint shimmer and a gust of warm air. There was no sign of the robot.

  "Clunk?" Hal stepped into the middle of the chamber, uncomfortably aware that the alcove could also be an advanced garbage disposal unit. He glanced at the control panel, where the buttons were lighting up with a rainbow of colours, two by two, row by row. As the last pair of lights came on, five musical notes echoed around the chamber.

  "Oh hell," muttered Hal. "Clunk's not going to be happy about this."

  He looked around the chamber, but the only reflections were his own. He realised Sonya must have been caught the same way - fired off to some exotic spot without warning.

  Well, if Clunk and Sonya had both gone, there was no point in his hanging around. Holding the briefcase firmly under his arm, Hal palmed the control panel and stepped back into the super-bright flash.

  *

  Sonya woke with a start to find herself lying full-length under a bush. Too many interrupted nights, she thought with a frown. It was colder now, and the light had changed. Looking up at the sky, she tried to work out how long she'd been asleep. Then a thought struck her - what if Hal and the robot had given up and returned to the ship? What if the Volante was leaving without her?

  Afraid it might already be too late, she leapt up and ran through the forest.

  *

  Before Clunk could shout "Don't touch that control panel!" or "Look out!" or even "NO!" he was consumed by a searing flash of light. The next instant he was standing in a cold dark room. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he made out a doorway in the nearest wall. Certain that Hal's balls-and-all mentality would have him arriving shortly, he stepped over a deep sand drift and went outside.

  It was dark, and Clunk's first reaction was to switch off his night vision and look up at the stars. Above him, the sky was strewn with points of light, but try as he might he couldn't identify any of them. There was a tiny click as he reactivated the night vision. He looked around and a rocky, dusty scene blurred past. Slowing his movements, he sharpened the image and looked with growing concern at his barren surroundings.

  He was standing on a plain which stretched to the horizon in every direction. Behind him, the building sat at the foot of a hill, a towering pile of sand and weathered rock. The building had a stubby mast on top with a small grey square on one side and a battered dish on the other. The dish was pointing skywards.

  Clunk looked up the hill. If there was anything to see, he thought, that was the place to see it from.

  He'd just taken the first step when his commset tuned to a strong signal. Clunk reduced the gain and tried to analyse the data, but the transmission was multiplexed over a huge part of the spectrum and he could do little more than pick out bits and pieces.

  The data stream reached a crescendo, and as it finished there was a flash of light from the concrete building. Seconds later, a two-legged figure staggered out clutching its head.

  *

  Hal's first impression of the teleport process was about thirty seconds after it happened, which is how long it took him to regain his senses. He recalled a disturbing dream - something about being minced, feet first - but hurriedly suppressed it.

  "If this teleport lark is going to catch on," he thought, "they're going to have to make it a lot less painful."

  He arrived safely enough, mostly upright and with a full complement of bits and pieces. Hoping Clunk had come the same way, he stumbled towards the narrow doorway. As he crossed the threshold he lost his footing in the loose sand and landed face-first in the dirt.

  "Mr Spacejock!" said a familiar voice. "Are you all right?"

  "I've been better," said Hal, getting up. "Have you found Sonya?"

  "She didn't come this way. When I arrived, the sand in the doorway was pristine. No footprints."

  "You mean we've been following a shadow? What about the footprints on the stairway?"

  "We had a light. She didn't. I suspect she took the first few steps, then decided it was too dangerous and returned to the surface. She was probably on her way back to the Volan
te to share her discovery when we set off to find her."

  Hal raised the briefcase. "What about this? Why did she leave it behind?"

  "Maybe she forgot it in her excitement," said Clunk. "Or maybe she didn't want to carry it all the way to the ship and back again."

  "Oh well, I suppose we'd better go back." Hal shielded his eyes and examined the horizon. "That teleporter must have sent us a fair distance. I can't see the forest anywhere."

  "Forest?" Clunk looked puzzled. "What forest?"

  "The one we landed in, of course."

  "Mr Spacejock, this isn't Canessa."

  Hal's jaw dropped. "It isn't?"

  "No. It's not even the same star system."

  Hal looked at the robot in shock. Until this moment, the worst he'd imagined was a long trek back to the ship, sleeping out and living off the land. "You mean …"

  Clunk leaned forward. "Mr Spacejock, I can't even confirm we're in the same galaxy."

  "A whole new galaxy!" exclaimed Hal. "After one little flash of light?"

  "The teleporter must work by folding space." Clunk looked thoughtful. "Whoever built these devices must have located them on weak points, fault lines in space and time where a carefully controlled burst of energy could —"

  "There is no way we just leapt to another galaxy."

  "I assure you —"

  "There's supposed to be swirly coloured tubes and wowing noises and stuff! Not a little blink."

  "I had no idea you were such an authority on intergalactic teleportation."

  "I know what it's supposed to be like. I've seen it in the movies."

  Clunk pointed overhead. "Look up, Mr Spacejock. What do you see?"

  "Stars. Lots of them."

  "Do you recognise any?"

  "Am I supposed to?"

  "It's not an unknown skill for starship pilots. But the point is, I don't recognise them either."

  "That's not unusual for half-blind old robots," muttered Hal. "The galaxy is a big place, and we're probably looking at it from a different angle."

  "I assure you, these stars are not part of our galaxy. In fact, you're almost certainly the first human being ever to set eyes on them."

  Hal nodded slowly, lost in thought. Then he glanced around the empty landscape. "Do you think there's any food around here?"

  Chapter 24

  Hal was sitting with his back to the concrete hut, staring across the darkened plain to the horizon. The sky was getting lighter in that direction, and before long the light of dawn would reveal his surroundings. He could hear Clunk inside the hut, footsteps echoing as he examined it closely. The robot had already told him about a bundle of wires protruding from the wall, and that unless there was a concealed panel they were in danger of being stranded. Permanently.

  He heard a scrape, and turned to see Clunk emerging from the hut. "Any news?"

  The robot's face was grave. "This device has been stripped. The keypad is missing and the energy source is weak. In fact, our arrival drained it completely."

  "What do we do?"

  "There are three courses of action. One, we find spare parts and a diagram and fix this teleporter. Two, we find another teleporter."

  "What about the third?"

  "Did I say three?"

  "Yes."

  "I'm sure I didn't."

  "You did! I heard you!"

  "Well, it's not much of a choice."

  "Spit it out anyway."

  "Three, we find shelter and live out the rest of our lives on this planet."

  "Go with the first two." Hal shook Sonya's briefcase. "Do you think she's got any sandwiches in here?"

  "I doubt it."

  Hal opened the case, revealing a keyboard and a large screen. "Damn, it's just a computer."

  "Computers can be useful," said Clunk stiffly.

  "Not when you're hungry." Hal closed the lid and set the case on the ground. "What are our chances, Clunk?"

  "Not good," admitted the robot.

  "It's getting lighter. Maybe we should climb the hill and get a look at our surroundings."

  "An excellent idea."

  They set off together, stepping over loose stones and slipping in the dirt as they made their way up the slope. The sun had risen by the time they reached the top, revealing a barren plain stretching in every direction. Hal scanned the horizon for signs of civilisation. Clunk did likewise, simultaneously scanning the radio spectrum with his commset.

  "Nothing," said Hal, having finished two complete revolutions. "Pick anything up?"

  Clunk was facing the teleporter hut, looking out across the plain beyond. "Mr Spacejock, can you see anything in this direction?"

  Hal looked. "Nothing at all."

  "Pity. I thought I could see a faint track leading away from the hut. Wheel marks, perhaps."

  Hal squinted. "There is a kind of line, isn't there?"

  "It might be a natural feature."

  "Only one way to find out." Hal led the way down the hill, kicking up clouds of dust in his haste. At the bottom he hurried to the teleporter, where he crouched to examine the ground. "There's nothing here," he said, his hopes dashed.

  "It can only be seen from a distance." Clunk pointed towards the horizon. "I took a bearing from the hill. We go that way."

  *

  Sonya was sitting in the Volante's rec room with a cup of warm liquid at her elbow, eyeing the AutoChef with amusement. Unlike the efficient equipment in her own apartment, this device seemed to delight in serving up oddball concoctions. Take the pea soup she had ordered - it had a distinctly tangy flavour, and the light yellow colour was most disconcerting.

  Sonya frowned at her watch. If Hal wasn't back in the next half hour she'd go to her cabin and catch up on some sleep. "Sod it," she muttered, getting up and stretching. "I could use the sleep right now."

  "Did you call?" said the Navcom.

  "I'm going to take a nap. Call me the minute Mr Spacejock returns."

  *

  Hal staggered across the plain, hot and sweaty in his flight suit. They'd been walking for hours, and he was no longer bothering to look at the horizon. His eyes were half-closed against the swirling dust and the midday sun beat down from a bright blue sky, adding to his woes.

  Clunk strode ahead, Sonya's briefcase swinging from his hand. He was untroubled by the light or the dust, but every now and then he looked round to make sure Hal was keeping up.

  "I need a drink," croaked Hal, the next time Clunk looked at him.

  "I may be able to help." The robot opened several compartments, picking through the oddments within. Finally, he withdrew a small white cube. "Instant rations," he said. "I'd forgotten I had them."

  Hal grabbed the box and scanned the label. "KleenAir Corporation emergency drink ration?"

  "That's right," said Clunk.

  Hal's heart sank. "Just add water?"

  "It keeps the weight down," explained the robot.

  Hal tossed the cube over his shoulder and trudged on.

  Two hours later a dark line appeared on the horizon. Hal immediately perked up, lengthening his stride with newfound determination. Next time he looked up the line was a fuzzy green strip, and soon after it resolved itself into a row of bushes and trees. As they approached the vegetation, the faint track they were following became a distinct set of wheel ruts. They picked up their pace, and before long they were striding through undergrowth, enjoying the cool shade. The path wound through the trees, and a few minutes into the forest they saw a low, concrete structure - a grey slab with a narrow slit across the front and a mast on the roof.

  "Tel'porter?" croaked Hal, forcing the word through cracked dry lips.

  Clunk shook his head. "Looks more like a gun emplacement." He pointed at the mast, which was festooned with grey panels. "Those are solar collectors. We might be able to use them for power."

  "Anyone inside?"

  "I can't tell. We'd better circle." Clunk led Hal off the path to the right, and ten minutes later they emerged from th
e dense undergrowth, crossed the path and found themselves facing a steel door. It was ajar.

  "Wait here," murmured Clunk. While Hal swayed on aching legs, the robot crept forward and peered inside. Then he beckoned.

  The interior was dim, littered with rusty pieces of metal and festooned with cobwebs. Near the door, a control panel hung from the wall, broken and lifeless. Clunk slipped inside and lifted the panel gently, frowning at the alien script on the recessed buttons. He pressed one and it lit up with a dull blue glow, only to fade immediately.

  Hal recovered enough to pick amongst the junk. There was a sagging cupboard against one of the concrete walls, and his eyes lit up as he pulled the door open. The lower shelf contained half a dozen sealed bottles.

  Hal grabbed a bottle and held it up to the light, eyeing the clear liquid inside. He tried to twist the cap off, but it refused to budge. Looking closely at the pressed metal, he noticed the thread was reversed. Twisted in the opposite direction, it came off easily, releasing pent-up pressure with a loud hiss.

  Clunk glanced round at the noise. "Mr Spacejock, you can't —"

  Hal sniffed the liquid, revelling in the fruity aroma. Then he put the bottle to his lips, tipped his head back and drank deeply.

  Crash! The bottle was knocked out of his hands and Clunk's angry face loomed in front of him. "Are you insane?" demanded the robot. "That could be window cleaning fluid! Or worse!"

  Hal smacked his lips. "Actually, it's apple juice." He reached for another bottle, but Clunk put a hand on his arm.

  "Not until I perform a thorough chemical analysis."

  "Go on then."

  Clunk located the up-ended bottle and raised it to his nose, sniffing carefully at the dregs. "It's not apple juice, but it's very similar."

  "Good enough for me," said Hal, opening another bottle. He chugged half of it down and burped loudly. "Refreshing."

  "You might have poisoned yourself," said Clunk, setting the empty bottle on the shelf. "Please don't consume anything else until I've checked it." He returned to the keypad, lifted it gently and examined the wires. "Good news, Mr Spacejock. With this keypad and the energy panels from the roof I can almost certainly repair the teleporter."

  "Fantastic!" said Hal. "What are we waiting for?"