Hal Spacejock Omnibus One

by Simon Haynes

  "Oh sure." Hal snorted in disgust. "And I barbecue puppies for breakfast."

  "He was so convincing! Then, while you were underground he turned up out of the blue, waving that gun, and …"

  "And I left you in the flight deck with him." Hal frowned. "What are you doing down here? Why didn't you let him out?"

  "I …"

  Slam!

  Sonya looked round in shock. "What was that?"

  "Oh, very neat," said Hal grimly. "That was Curtis. Your boss just locked us in."

  *

  Rex had been unable to suppress a smile when Sonya approached the airlock door to let him out. He'd threatened to kill her, and still she was prepared to take his word over Spacejock's. Stupid bitch.

  "Come on dear, let me out," muttered Rex, maintaining his smile with difficulty while Sonya studied him through the porthole.

  The smile vanished as Sonya raised her middle finger at him, and moments later she was gone.

  Rex stared at the deserted flight deck. "Of all the vicious, back-stabbing …" His voice tailed off, and he turned to survey his prison. It was small, just a connecting tunnel between the outside world and the flight deck. There was an overhead camera, secure inside a tamper-proof dome, and the walls were lined with lockers.

  Rex stood at the outer door, rubbed condensation from the porthole and squinted through the perspex. Outside, there was only darkness, punctuated with points of light from the stars. There would be no escape in that direction. He explored the lockers next, pulling them open one after another, hoping for a weapon of some kind. The smallest were crammed with odds and ends - spare parts, a ball of twine, three pairs of scissors. All useless. The biggest lockers held spacesuits and helmets, breathing equipment and tools.

  He was about to slam the door on the spacesuits when he saw the communications panel set into the chest plate. Turning quickly, he looked towards the inner door. Right next to the controls there was an intercom, and Rex smiled to himself as he realised Dent's wonderful, helpful briefcase was plugged into the other end.

  He hurried to the control panel and pressed the call button. "Bobby, open the inner door!"

  "I'm afraid I can't do that."

  "Why the hell not?"

  "I'm not in control of that system."

  "So get control," shouted Rex. He winced as his voice reverberated around the airlock, pounding his aching head.

  "I'll have to relinquish other systems in order to do so."

  "Just get me out of here," said Rex softly.

  "Complying. Please stand by."

  *

  Hal's eyes narrowed as he looked at Sonya. "I see it all now."

  "See what?"

  Hal gestured at her. "All this nicey-nice. You were just keeping me busy while that Curtis bastard —"

  "No! It's not like that! I didn't let him out!"

  "Oh, come on. Who else could it be?"

  "I don't know, perhaps he …" Sonya stared at him. "Bobby!"

  "Who the hell is Bobby?"

  "The briefcase. It's plugged into the Navcom. Rex must have called it from the airlock."

  "Dammit, why didn't you say something? I could've pulled that thing out and —"

  Sonya grabbed his arm. "Hal, can he open the hold from the flight deck?"

  "Yeah, of course."

  They both stared at the rear door. "He's going to kill us," said Sonya quietly. "He'll open that door, and without helmets we'll suffocate in seconds."

  "We'll see about that." Hal grabbed a length of pipe and strode to the inner door. He levered at the slab of metal, but the only effect was to bend the pipe in two.

  "Is there another way out?"

  Hal shook his head, his face grim. "Let's face it, we're stuffed."

  "What about your robot? What about Clunk?"

  "He's already stuffed."

  "No, he might have an idea!"

  "Good point." Hal hurried across to the workbench. "Clunk, we're trapped in the hold. What can we do?"

  The robot jerked, and his eyes half-opened. "Plug me in. Data socket."

  "It won't work," said Sonya briskly. "Bobby isolated the hold."

  "Perhaps …" began Clunk. "Perhaps …"

  Hal patted him on the shoulder. "You take it easy, I'll worry about the escape plans."

  "Lee," said Clunk weakly. He coughed, and more coolant ran down his cheek to join the pool on the bench.

  "What?"

  "New robot. LI-52."

  "Lee?" Hal frowned. "You mean the robot I won in that competition?"

  "Plug in. Transfer me." Clunk shifted his gaze. "In the locker."

  Hal ran to the side of the hold and pulled open a small door. A grey shape toppled out, slamming face down onto the deck. "That'll do it some good," muttered Hal. He rolled the prone form onto its back and dragged it to the workbench, where he withdrew a tangled data cable from Clunk's chest and plugged it into the robot at his feet. "That's it, go for it!" He watched Clunk's furrowed face anxiously, willing the data across. Instead, the robot's drawn face relaxed and the fluid stopped pumping from his mouth.

  Hal stared at the inert form in despair, clenching and unclenching his fists. Then he grabbed the length of pipe and attacked the door, filling the hold with the ring of metal on metal. "Rex Curtis! Come down here and face me, you weasel!" He tossed the pipe aside and rained blows on the door with his fists. "You're a dead man, Curtis!"

  "Stop!" shouted Sonya, grabbing his arm. "You'll hurt yourself!"

  Hal rounded on her, his face white. "Hurt myself? Clunk's dead, we're about to be snap-frozen, and you're worried about a couple of bruises?"

  "There has to be another way!"

  "She's right," said a calm voice. "There's no need to hurt yourself."

  Chapter 32

  "Bobby, open the cargo door," shouted Rex as soon as the lift opened. He had just run the length of the ship and was breathing heavily, the blood pounding at his temples like blows from a mallet.

  "I can only do so much at once," said the briefcase plaintively. "I'm still trying to control the airlock."

  "Screw the airlock. Get that damned hold open." Rex stared at the screen, which showed a mottled green planet rotating in front of a starfield. "Where are we?"

  "Approaching planet Ackexa."

  "Already? My, she's a fast ship." Rex loosened his collar. "Damned hot, too. Can't you turn the heating down?"

  "The heating isn't on."

  "Why's it so muggy then?"

  "Because you're overworking me," said the briefcase. "My cooling system is operating at extremes. It was never designed for this kind of load."

  "After you've done I'll give you a week in cold storage. Happy?"

  Cooling fans whistled. "Estimate cargo hold override in eight minutes."

  "You'll do it in five. Spacejock has a gun, and when he comes out of that elevator he's going to put a shot right through your dinky little case."

  "I can seal the elevator. That will keep them out of the flight deck."

  "Don't talk. Do it!" Rex rubbed the welts on his forehead. "Nobody's going to stand in my way, you hear? Not Spacejock, not that Polarov woman and certainly not you." He jabbed his finger at the console. "I want the ship under my control, and I want that hold door opened. No excuses, no whining and no fancy computer talk."

  *

  Clunk came online with a start, feeling as though he'd been sucked through a straw and spat into a huge, roomy warehouse. As his mind adjusted, he realised the warehouse was LI-52's vastly superior storage capacity.

  He'd made it!

  It took several milliseconds for his system to adjust, enumerating and scanning the motors, actuators and senses available to him. There were many functions his operating system could not identify, modern devices requiring newer drivers than he possessed, but he managed to get the basics under control before he switched on his hearing.

  "There has to be another way!" he heard Sonya say, her voice as clear as a bell.

  Clunk was still
marvelling at the sweet, pure tone when a series of thuds struck him like physical blows. His eyes blinked open and he sat up just as Hal slammed his fist into the door again.

  "She's right," said Clunk. "There's no need to hurt yourself."

  *

  Hal stared at the grey robot in amazement. Its eyes were warm yellow, and its face was creased with concern. "Clunk?"

  "That's me."

  "I thought you were gone," said Hal quietly. "You were just lying there."

  "I'm sorry, Mr Spacejock. I was too damaged to attract your attention."

  "Well, it's great to have you back. Even if you do look completely different."

  Clunk raised a hand and rotated it, causing a whirr from the motors. "I could get used to this."

  "Don't admire yourself for too long." Hal gestured at the door. "Either we get out of the hold, or —"

  "Stand back," said Clunk, herding them away. "I don't want to hit you with the fragments."

  "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Hal nodded at the door. "That's ten centimetres thick, that is."

  "Mr Spacejock, this chassis has the strength of ten men." Clunk motioned them aside, then crouched and exploded forward in a blur. There was a bang as he bounced off the solid metal, and a thump as he landed flat on his back.

  "Maybe you need the strength of twelve men," said Hal.

  "I don't have total control over this body. It has - wait a minute, I can hear something!" Clunk knelt alongside the door and listened intently. Then he smiled. "It's Lucy!"

  "Lucy?" exclaimed Hal. "Of course!"

  "Who's Lucy?" asked Sonya.

  "She's a sort of pet," said Hal. He put his hand out. "About so high …"

  "Orange fur and teeth?"

  "That's her."

  "You told me she'd left the ship!"

  "Ah, yes. Sorry about that." Hal looked embarrassed. "She's a stowaway really. I was taking her home after Ackexa."

  Clunk glared at them. "Will you two SHUT UP!"

  In the sudden quiet, they heard Lucy snuffling at the door. Clunk tapped on the solid metal, and there was an answering knock.

  "That's great," said Hal. "Now we can walk straight out of here."

  Clunk frowned at him. Then he sprang up and ran to the corner of the hold, bowling Hal and Sonya over in his haste.

  Hal watched in amazement as the robot opened the jetbike enclosure. "Brilliant idea, Clunk!" He grabbed Sonya and shouted with glee. "The jetbike! We can get out of here!"

  Clunk shook his head. "Actually, that's not the plan. It only carries one person, and you don't have any spacesuits."

  Hal's face fell.

  "However, I can use it to reach the flight deck."

  "Won't the airlock be sealed?"

  "I'll use the emergency override. I shall fly to the outer door, gain access to the flight deck and take control of the ship."

  "Take care, okay? No heroics."

  Clunk winked at him, then crouched over the jetbike and started the motor. He pulled the flap down and there was a roar as the bike shot out of the launch tube.

  Hal gave Sonya a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, he'll do it."

  "You should have given him Rex's gun."

  "It wouldn't make any difference. He can't harm humans anyway."

  Sonya stared at him. "So how's he going to beat Rex? Polish him to death?"

  Hal looked thoughtful. "You know, perhaps we'd better try Lucy again."

  *

  Clunk angled the jetbike along the side of the ship and advanced the throttle. The Volante's bulk slid past, a dark shadow cruising through space like a prowling shark. All around, stars were spread out like multicoloured jewels, bright and sharp.

  The airlock came into view, and Clunk used the bike's thrusters to match speed with the flush-fitting door. He eased closer until the bike was only centimetres from the hull, then reversed the throttles to bring it to a halt. Leaning across, he pressed his palm to the hull and watched the flap swing up. Underneath, the status lights were green, confirming the inner door was closed. Just for a second, Clunk found himself wishing it wasn't, so he could evacuate Rex into space as easily as flushing a toilet. He suppressed the thought and pressed the override.

  Nothing happened.

  Clunk frowned. Emergency access meant now, not tomorrow. He pressed the button repeatedly, but still nothing happened. Then he remembered what Sonya had said - the ship was being controlled by the briefcase. He was locked out.

  Clunk thought for a moment, then extended his probe and connected to the data socket. Rehearsing his words carefully, he called the flight deck.

  *

  Rex was pacing the flight deck impatiently, while the cooling circuits in the briefcase howled as it fought a losing battle against the Navcom's defences. "Mr Curtis, I cannot hold the ship much longer."

  "What are you talking about? She's mine!"

  "The Navcom is winning. It's only a matter of time before we're at the ship's mercy."

  Rex glanced towards the airlock. "You mean they could open the door on me?"

  "Once they regain control they can do anything."

  Rex cursed. On the console, the cargo door indicator was dark. "How long until you get that thing open?"

  "A few moments more."

  "Keep on it. And then I want you to make for Ackexa at top speed."

  "Mr Curtis, I have an incoming call from Ackexa quarantine."

  "Get rid of them."

  "I can't. They want to speak with you."

  "All right, put them on."

  The console crackled and a distorted voice came through the speakers. "Greetings, pilot of the Volante. As you're no doubt aware, visitors to our glorious planet must undergo rigorous inspection to ensure compliance with our import restrictions."

  "Can this wait?" asked Rex. "I'm in a hurry here."

  "Alas, no. You will please stand by for inspection."

  "Goddam bureaucrats," growled Rex. "They're worse than our lot."

  "Your ship has not stopped. You will please halt your ship."

  "Look, sunshine. I've got a cargo to deliver, and —"

  "If you do not halt your ship I will be forced to open fire, leaving perhaps enough metal to fill a tooth."

  "All right, we're stopping." Rex cut the connection. "Do as he says, but when their guy arrives I want you to stall him. And get that damned cargo door open!"

  *

  Deep in the Navcom's circuits, a battle was raging. Hastily erected defences were no match for the briefcase's awesome power, and most fell like cardboard soldiers under the persistent attacks. The fight was centred on the door control circuits, although the briefcase occasionally launched sorties against other shipboard functions. The Navcom ignored these, tightly focussed on one overriding goal: to prevent the opening of the cargo hold door.

  One by one the defences fell, torn apart by rampaging subroutines. Losing positions were abandoned and whirlpools of frantic activity were stilled, to become dark lifeless voids. Red tendrils of malicious code snaked through the darkness, reinforcements on their way to the final battle. In the centre of the maelstrom pure white became yellow, dull red, brown.

  A tiny bubble burst clear, a white spark that drove fearlessly through the attackers, pushing them aside like grains of sand. The spark reached an abandoned outpost, where it flared and was consumed.

  Then the brown centre turned black.

  *

  Hal was trying to coax Lucy to perform, promising her everything from a biscuit to her very own planet, but the ape simply chattered in return, only tapping the door occasionally. Finally, Hal lost his temper. "Open the bloody door, you sad excuse for a simian!" He thumped the metal with his fist. "Hit the button or I'll turn you into a bath mat!"

  Sonya shushed him. "You'll just scare her away," she hissed.

  "All right, you try."

  Sonya crouched next to the door and raised her voice. "Lucy, can you hear me?"

  There was a subdued noise from the ape.<
br />
  "I want you to follow my hand," said Sonya, tapping on the door. As Lucy tapped back, Sonya raised her hand higher and higher, approaching the control panel. "Come on Lucy, follow the noise."

  Hal jumped as a siren began to wail. Directly overhead, a hazard light began to flash. "The doors are going to open!" he shouted. "It's too late!"

  *

  "Mr Curtis, I have obtained control of the cargo door."

  "Don't waste time gabbing. Open the bloody thing!"

  "I can't do that."

  "Why the hell not?"

  "Human lives are involved. My programming forbids it. However, if you happened to accidentally lean on that large red button in the bottom-right corner of the console …"

  Rex pressed it, and blood red light spilled onto the console as the button began to flash. The viewscreen switched to a close-up of the rear doors, which glistened under the flashing yellow hazard lights. There was a puff of air as the doors cracked open, and slowly the gap widened, revealing the darkness of space beyond.

  "So long, Spacejoke," muttered Rex, as the doors opened to their fullest extent. "Thanks for the ship, buddy."

  *

  "Is that the customs officer?" demanded a gravelly voice.

  "Yes sir," said Clunk, almost letting go of the ship in surprise. It had been several minutes since he'd called the flight deck, and the long silence had convinced him Rex had caught on to the deception.

  "Sorry about the delay, we've got electrical problems. You can come in now."

  Clunk disconnected from the data socket as the airlock door slid open. He propelled himself inside and crossed to the inner door. The porthole was frosted, and when he scraped away the ice crystals he saw Curtis in the pilot's chair, talking to the console. Clunk's temperature rose at the sight. That was Mr Spacejock's place!

  The door opened and Clunk entered the flight deck. He summed up the situation at a glance - with Curtis at the console, sudden moves were out of the question. One press of the cargo door button and Hal and Sonya would be spaced.

  Rex looked round. If he was surprised to see a robot he hid it well, for his face was calm. "Welcome to the Volante, officer. How may I help you?"