Hal Spacejock Omnibus One

by Simon Haynes

  "Canessa!" Hal stared at the image. "I thought we were halfway to Ackexa!"

  "So did Mr Curtis," said the Navcom. "Alas, he was fooled by my screen saver."

  "Impossible," said Sonya. "Rex is an experienced pilot. He'd never fall for a trick like that."

  "Yeah, the screen saver looks totally fake," said Hal. "It's all twinkly stars and zooming comets."

  Clunk glanced at him apologetically. "I did enhance it a little."

  "What for?"

  "Well, the Navcom told me about your —"

  "Wait a minute," Sonya interrupted him. "If that's Canessa, you can land and set me free. I don't have to go to Ackexa!"

  Chapter 34

  The Volante set down on Canessa, using the same clearing it had vacated an hour or so earlier. During the landing Clunk explained how the Navcom had flown in circles, fooling Bobby the Briefcase by faking log files as fast as the rogue computer could inspect them. The screensaver had done the rest.

  The outer door opened, ready to let Sonya out, but Hal still had doubts. "What if the flyer's tanks are empty?"

  Clunk shrugged. "We can top them up if need be. The fuel is compatible."

  "And Sonya can't fly. She said so!"

  "She's only got to tell the computer what to do. Judging from your description it's a recent model. Completely automated."

  Hal looked around the flight deck. "Where is she, anyway?"

  "I believe she's making use of our toilet. The flyer has no such facilities."

  At that moment Sonya stepped out of the lift. She beamed at Hal, and together they left the ship. At the bottom of the ramp, Hal looked up to see Clunk watching from the airlock. "Aren't you coming?"

  "I'd only get in the way, Mr Spacejock." He touched his forehead. "Goodbye, Ms Polarov."

  Sonya nodded at him, then turned for the forest. Hal led the way to the second clearing, holding aside branches and trampling the undergrowth to let Sonya through.

  "It looks a bit small for a long trip like that," he said, as the ship came into view.

  "It got Rex here. Anyway, I don't have much stuff to collect."

  "And you'll come back?"

  Sonya nodded. "Meet you in orbit around planet Oliape II, as agreed."

  "Well, you'd better be going." Hal hesitated. "You know, I —"

  "You have a deadline." Sonya kissed him on the cheek, and before he could respond she was climbing the ladder and punching in Rex's security code. The canopy rose into the air and Sonya slid into the cockpit and strapped herself in. She checked the instruments, particularly the fuel gauge, then nodded. The canopy came down, and just before it sealed Sonya flashed Hal another smile. He raised his hand to wave just as the flyer's engine burst into life, forcing him back with a wash of hot exhaust.

  The flyer rolled over the uneven ground towards the far side of the clearing. Slowly, it turned to face him, and the engine noise rose as the ship began to hover. The undercarriage retracted, barely visible in the whirling cloud of smoke and debris, and then the ship was roaring towards him. Hal ducked as it passed overhead, and turned to watch the vessel heading for the sky. Before long it had vanished, a faint rumble the only clue it had ever been there.

  Lowering his hand, Hal turned for the forest. It was time to deliver the cargo.

  *

  The Volante's engines roared as it descended towards Ackexa. A battlecruiser had escorted them safely into planetary orbit, protecting against pirate attacks. Lucy was hidden away in the bowels of the ship, and Central Bank had cleared them for immediate landing at the company's private field.

  "Contact in five seconds," said the Navcom. "Three. Two. One."

  The ship bumped down and the engines cut out. "Landing successful. Local time three pm."

  "I'll get the ramp down," said Clunk. "Are you going to supervise, Mr Spacejock?"

  "Yeah, I'll watch. Can't trust anyone these days."

  They left through the airlock, pausing at the top to examine their surroundings. They didn't stop long: the air was hazy with smog and there was a bitter stench that made Hal's eyes water. "What the hell is that?"

  "Fossil fuels," said Clunk. "Probably burning them for heating or power."

  "Phew. Remind me never to take another Outsider job."

  "I told you not to take this one."

  "Yeah, about ten minutes too late." Hal led the way to the ground, where a dozen mechanics were standing in a half circle around the foot of the ramp, hands in their pockets and sullen looks on their faces. "Some welcoming committee," muttered Hal. "Do you think they've ever seen a robot?"

  "Greetings," said Clunk, raising his hand. "We come in peace."

  A couple of mechanics spat on the ground.

  "Can I have Rex's gun back now?" Hal asked Clunk out of the side of his mouth. "They don't look too friendly."

  The mechanics stepped back, allowing them through, and together they made their way to the back of the ship where they found a large white truck reversed up to the ramp. Hal watched as a workman came out of the ship with an armful of bound papers. His expression changed suddenly as the man threw the whole lot carelessly into the back of the truck. "What the … Clunk, they're shredding it!"

  He was about to rush over and flatten the workmen when Clunk put a hand on his arm. "Look at the sign on the truck."

  Hal did so. "Docu-Shred? Secure disposal?"

  "It seems the paperwork wasn't as important as your Mr Fish made out."

  "Taking my name in vain?" said a quiet voice.

  Hal turned round to see Mr Fish a few paces away, watching the unloading. "Was this planned all along?"

  Fish nodded. "It's important paperwork. Commercially sensitive, so to speak."

  "Why drag it all the way back here?"

  "We have to witness the destruction." Fish smiled. "You've done well, Mr Spacejock. No trouble, I trust?"

  "None at all," said Hal firmly. "It was a doddle."

  Clunk cleared his throat. "Mr Spacejock, I'd better attend to the refuelling."

  Hal watched him leave, then turned back to Fish. "About the money …"

  "I'll make sure the fee is transferred into your account before you leave." Fish hesitated. "Incidentally, have you heard the news about Curtis Freightlines?"

  "Went broke, didn't they?"

  "Correct. Their finance was withdrawn and the whole enterprise crumbled."

  "That happened a bit quickly," said Hal.

  "The end is often swift." Fish glanced at him. "Tell me, have you considered expanding your business?"

  "How do you mean?"

  "There's going to be a lot of work around. An enterprising young man could do well for himself, particularly with our financial backing."

  "Freighters are old hat," said Hal. "I'm about to patent an instant delivery method. Here today, somewhere else in a minute or two."

  "Really?"

  "Absolutely. The slogan needs a bit of work, but these things take time. Except for the delivery, of course. That's instant."

  "But how will you achieve this miracle? I don't understand —"

  "That's why you're not running a freight business," said Hal.

  "Touché. Well, until this new method of yours is ready, perhaps you would consider working for us on a contract basis?"

  Hal shook his head. "With Curtis gone, I'm going to be in demand. I'll take it one job at a time."

  "We'll pay an additional twenty percent on your standard rate."

  Hal glanced at the Volante and saw the refuelling crew connecting a thick pipe to the ship. "How much is fuel in this part of the galaxy?"

  Fish smiled. "This one's on us, Mr Spacejock. A goodwill gesture."

  A few minutes later, the recycling truck burst into life. As it drove away, a group of workmen trooped down the cargo ramp in a group. "I've got to deliver a special cargo," said Hal. "After that, the next one's yours. Okay?"

  "Fair enough, Mr Spacejock." They shook hands, and Fish followed the workmen back towards the distant building
s.

  The refuelling was almost finished when Hal arrived. He told Clunk about the bank's offer, and the robot made him repeat it three times before it sank in. Even then he looked doubtful.

  "Banks just don't do that sort of thing," he said.

  "Clunk, they're desperate. With Curtis out of the picture there's going to be an almighty backlog."

  "There are still plenty of freelancers, Mr Spacejock."

  "Ah, but we've got a secret weapon."

  Clunk looked surprised. "We do? What's that?"

  "The teleporter, of course!"

  "If you're referring to that deluded old gentleman at the Ullimo spaceport …"

  "Not him!" said Hal. "The teleporter on the robot planet. You read the plans off that chip thing!"

  "I did indeed. Straight into Sonya's briefcase, which is currently orbiting Canessa as a cloud of micro particles."

  Hal groaned. "You didn't keep a copy?"

  "I'm sorry, Mr Spacejock."

  Hal stared at the deck, his dreams of riches fading. Then he folded his arms. "Okay, here's what we'll do. Fish offered me a contract for all their work. I'll take it, and insist on membership to the Spacer's Guild."

  "You can't handle all his freight!"

  "He doesn't know that, does he? And once we're in the Spacer's Guild we won't need his work - they'll be queuing up with plump, juicy jobs and —"

  "A contract is a contract," said Clunk firmly.

  "We'll get a loan and buy up a couple of Curtis's old ships - you can fly one, Sonya can have another and I'll take the third. It'll be the start of Spacejock Freightlines!"

  "That's a rather ambitious plan, Mr Spacejock. Particularly since only one of your three pilots can fly."

  "Come on, let's design the adverts! Last one up the ramp is a loser."

  *

  The Volante was in orbit around Oliape II. Hal was in the rec room, having left Clunk in the flight deck with strict orders to call him the moment Sonya came into range. Lucy was still aboard, despite Clunk's protests, as Hal was reluctant to land in case Sonya missed them.

  Hal eyed the AutoChef. He was getting hungry, but had to weigh the demands of his stomach against the likelihood of severe injury. In the end his stomach won out, and he approached the machine to place an order. "I'd like a plate of cheese sandwiches. White bread, not too heavy on the butter."

  "Unable to comply. Please call service with code C6."

  "C6?" Hal frowned. "Isn't that the one about obstructions in the dispenser?"

  "Confirmed. Please call service with code C6."

  Hal lifted the flap and discovered a folded sheet of paper tucked inside. His heart sank as he saw the words "Dear Hal" on the front, and he was just unfolding the note when Clunk arrived.

  "There's no sign of her, Mr Spacejock. Do you think we should wait any longer?"

  Hal waved the note at him. "This is from Sonya."

  "Ah," said the robot. "I wondered if that might happen."

  Hal scanned the sheet of paper. "She's gone," he said quietly. "Skipped town. Skedaddled. Flown the nest and left us to mind the baby."

  "Speaking of which, we really must return Lucy."

  "She never gave me a chance," said Hal. "I saved her life, and she never said a word of thanks."

  "That's hardly surprising, since she doesn't speak our language. Or indeed, any sort of language."

  "Eh?"

  "Lucy, Mr Spacejock. We must return her as soon as possible."

  "I was talking about Sonya."

  "What for? She's gone."

  "Yes, I know. That's what I'm talking about!"

  "And have you finished now? Only Lucy is —"

  "Will you shut up about that bloody ape!" Hal screwed Sonya's note up and stormed out of the rec room.

  "I'll just take the ship down, shall I?" said Clunk mildly, as a cabin door thudded to.

  *

  They dropped Lucy in the damp forest, and although she protested loudly at first, she seemed to cheer up when a number of other apes came out of the forest to welcome her. Upon their return to the flight deck, Clunk discovered job offers coming from all directions, and within minutes he was mapping out a route that would take them from one profitable cargo to another. Still smarting from Sonya's note, Hal returned to the rec room where he sat in silence with a plate of mucus-flavoured biscuits at his side.

  The Volante got under way, and he didn't notice.

  The lights dimmed as the ship entered the night cycle, and he didn't stir.

  An hour or so later, footsteps approached along the lower deck passageway.

  "Mr Spacejock, are you there?"

  "Yes, Clunk." Hal blinked as the robot turned the lights on. Through watering eyes, he saw a vague bronze shape. "Is that your old body?"

  "Yes. I mended it."

  "Why?"

  "Well, it's a bit like your old boots."

  "Worn out and full of holes?"

  "No," said Clunk with a frown. "Familiar and comfortable."

  Hal sighed. "I'm sorry Clunk. I was just …"

  "I know, Mr Spacejock. And that's why I'm here. You see, I have a surprise for you."

  "Oh?"

  Clunk turned his back to address someone outside. "He's ready. In you go."

  "Hal?" said a female voice. "Oh, I want to thank you so much!"

  Hal sat up. "But … that sounds like Sonya!"

  "That's right!" said Clunk. He gestured at the figure waiting outside. "Come in, come in."

  Hal leapt up, his heart pounding. She'd come back! The brush-off letter was just a cover! His welcoming smile vanished as a robot came through the door. "What the hell's this?"

  "Charming," said the robot, in a perfect copy of Sonya's voice.

  "I used Lee's body and the brain you saved on Ullimo," said Clunk proudly. "Not only that, but I've managed to synthesise Sonya's voice. Her name is Katie."

  Katie fluttered her eyelids with a sound like mating cockroaches. "So, big boy. Want to play a game?"

  Hal stared at the robot for several seconds, his face a mask. Then, slowly, he began to smile. The smile grew until it stretched across his face, and then he burst out laughing.

  "I love a man with a sense of humour," said Katie, advancing with outstretched arms. "Come on, give me a kiss."

  "Here, steady on," said Hal, scuttling behind the armchair.

  "Come on, don't be shy!"

  Hal ducked her grasping hands and fled to the corridor. Katie followed, and moments later there was a sound of ripping cloth, followed by Hal's frantic cries for help.

  "Oh well," murmured Clunk. "At least he's happy."

  Epilogue

  Dear Hal,

  You're a wonderful guy, but deep down I know you'll never forgive me for the trouble I caused. I didn't want to leave like this, but you'll agree it's for the best. Don't trouble yourself looking for me … I'm going to sell the flyer and use the funds to set myself up in comfort.

  Your employment letter will secure my Union residency, and who knows, one day we might run into each other … as equals.

  Please give my regards to Clunk. I know he didn't trust me, and that makes him an excellent judge of character.

  Ever yours,

  Sonya Polarov

  P.S. No offence, but I couldn't live on your cooking.

  Just Desserts Cover

  Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts

  Copyright © Simon Haynes, 2011

  spacejock.com.au

  Book three in the Hal Spacejock series

  Detailed Starmap

  The Oxed system

  Chapter 1

  The Volante's engines roared as the ship descended towards Cathua, one of three inhabited planets in the Oxed system. In the flight deck, Hal Spacejock was paying as much attention to the coffee mug balanced amongst the instruments as he was to the approach. He could survive without watching the landing, but he only had one mug.

  The screen changed suddenly, and in between the sponsor logos and pop-ups Hal could
just make out the mottled blue surface of Cathua. As they got closer the oceans and continents gave way to a patchwork of contrasting squares, but the popups and banner ads didn't give way to anything - they just multiplied.

  "You can tell it's a garden planet," said an even, male voice. "They grow produce in those fields."

  Hal glanced at the battered bronze robot sitting to his right. "Clunk the co-pilot. Useless data on demand."

  "Facts are important. Without them we could land in the ocean."

  "Again." Hal gathered his mug and made his way to the rear of the flight deck, where a coffee maker sat in pride of place. It was a huge, chrome-plated model bristling with spouts, and the control panel was more complicated than the one Clunk was using to fly the ship. "You keep your eyes on the screen," said Hal, as the robot turned to watch. "You're supposed to be navigating."

  "I don't want to miss the fun."

  Hal patted the machine. "You're just miffed because I installed it myself."

  "Not miffed. Worried."

  Hal requested a white coffee. The machine gurgled and spluttered, then filled the mug with orange goo.

  "Order orange mucus and it might give you coffee," said Clunk helpfully.

  Hal emptied his mug and tried again. This time he got yellow foam with blue sprinklies.

  Clunk tried not to smile. "Would you like me to calibrate it?"

  "Shut up and land the ship." Hal tried a third time and got something that looked just like coffee. Unfortunately it tasted like rocket fuel. There was a snort from the console, but by the time Hal had finished gagging Clunk was feigning interest in the viewscreen. There was a grey spot on the map now, a patch which grew into a linked cluster of landing pads and buildings. A flashing green cross tracked one of the landing pads, which was marked with three pulsing circles and a floating sign which said "Land Here".

  "That's ours," said Clunk, pointing it out in case Hal had missed the subtle clues. "The cargo should be waiting for us."