Seeking Love

by Barbara Cartland

  “But Papa –“ she began to say, hoping that her tears would soften him.

  But even as she spoke, a look of pure fury crossed her father’s features that made her think that he would not hesitate to strike her should she continue to protest.

  “I have made my decision, daughter, and you will abide by it. Do not bother to unpack your things. You will find that Frome has tickets for you on the first train to Dover in the morning.”

  This was too much for Marina. She got up and ran from the room, sobbing her heart out.

  “How could he? How could he?” she cried, running upstairs to her room. “My own father, disowning me in favour of his new wife. What will I do now? Oh, this is terrible, terrible!”

  Feeling utterly dejected, Marina did not know how she would cope with this latest blow.

  “Have I not suffered enough?” she cried aloud, as she walked miserably along the landing.

  “Oh, Mama. Why is this happening to me? I have done nothing, nothing to deserve it.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Ellen did not know what possessed her Mistress as she burst back into the bedroom crying profusely.

  Marina ran straight past her and threw herself onto the bed.

  “Miss. Miss. What on earth is the matter?” asked the puzzled servant.

  “I – I cannot speak, please leave me alone for a while, Ellen.”

  “I’m not going to leave you while you are so upset, Miss Marina. I have never seen you in such a state.”

  She sat down on the bed next to the sobbing girl and stroked her hair.

  “There, there, it cannot be so awful.”

  “But it is, Ellen! Papa has told me to leave.”

  “I don’t think I understand, miss –”

  “Papa wants me to go. He is getting married again and his new wife-to-be does not wish me to be around.”

  Ellen gasped.

  “No. Your poor dear Mama must be spinning in her grave! I’m sorry, miss, it isn’t right.”

  “Papa wasn’t joking, Ellen, he meant every word he said. He does not want me and that is the truth of it. Both Mama and I are being replaced by another woman. He could not have loved either of us really, if he can behave in such a cruel way.”

  “But this woman, who is she?”

  “Lady Alice Winwood. I could scream! After Mama died she was constantly visiting the house and I thought how kind she was. Now, I realise that the entire time she was scheming to entrap him. What I do not understand is how this could have happened when she always had her maid with her as chaperone.”

  Ellen bit her lip and hesitated for a moment before speaking.

  “Miss, I’m afraid that the maid was always sent below stairs for tea whenever Lady Alice visited. None of us ever minded as she was such good company and we always looked forward to her coming. Such stories she would tell us.”

  “But Ellen, I fail to see how they could have been alone for long periods as there were so many people visiting the house after Mama died. There was barely a moment of the day when the front door bell did not ring.”

  “Well, Lady Alice must have been very clever, miss. None of us saw what was happening.”

  “I should have been more watchful, Ellen. But I did not think for an instant there would be a cuckoo in the nest waiting to pounce!”

  Marina felt comforted that she had someone to talk to. It would be too humiliating to discuss this delicate matter with her best friends. How could she explain to them that her father no longer wanted his own daughter?

  “I must resign myself to my fate, Ellen. Do not unpack anything. We shall be leaving in the morning. Papa has already arranged our passage back to France.”

  “But the Solanges – they will not be expecting us.”

  “We have no alternative. We will have to return and hope that they are as good as their word about us staying whenever we wish.”

  “Perhaps if you spoke with your father again?”

  Marina sat up on the bed, a look of utter desolation marring her pretty features.

  “No, Ellen, his mind is made up. Papa is not someone to argue with once he has made a decision.”

  “I will go and tell Mrs. Baines of our new plans, then,”

  answered Ellen, sadly.

  Marina sighed as she watched Ellen leave the room. Turning to face the bed, she noticed that the two letters from Sir Peter had been sat on by either Ellen or herself and were now quite crumpled.

  ‘I must write to him and tell him that I will be unable to attend as I have been called back to Paris,’ she sighed. ‘He would think me rude if I did not, at least, acknowledge his invitations.’

  Going to her writing table, she took a sheet of paper and quickly wrote to him in her elegant handwriting, apologising for her delay in replying to his invitations.

  ‘I will tell him that I am going back to Paris and cannot attend.’

  Finishing the note, she thought for a moment and then added a postscript.

  “Should you wish to write to me, you will find me at the following address – 24 Boulevard des Ingénues, Opera, Paris.”

  Marina held her breath as she wrote, feeling quite daring and, at the same time, wondering if it was terribly forward of her. After all, she knew nothing about him apart from the glowing report given to her by the Duchess on the train.

  She did not consider that his being a friend of Albert was really any great recommendation.

  As soon as Ellen returned, she gave her the letter and bade her take it straight away to Sir Peter’s house.

  “I would not send you out so late, but we have so little time left.”

  Marina also knew that she had another motive for sending Ellen.

  She feared that if she thought about it for too long, she would convince herself that she was being foolish inviting him to write to her and would tear her note up.

  As soon as Ellen had left, Marina rang to tell Mrs. Baines that she would not be down for dinner.

  “But what will the Master say?” she asked. “He is expecting you to dine with him and Lady Alice tonight.”

  “Please tell Papa that I am feeling unwell, Mrs. Baines. I confess I do not have much of an appetite.”

  “But you must eat, Miss Marina.”

  “Then bring me a plain beef sandwich and a glass of milk. That is all, thank you.”

  “Very good, miss,” replied the housekeeper, with a look that implied that she did not believe that Marina had told her the real reason why she would not be down for dinner.

  Mrs. Baines left the room and closed the door behind her and Marina went to the window and looked out for Ellen.

  ‘I wonder if she will have seen Sir Peter in person?’

  she thought, anxiously scanning the street for signs of her.

  The pile of trunks and cases that sat in her room made her feel claustrophobic. She heard the front door bell ring and wondered if it was Lady Alice.

  ‘I know I am snubbing her,’ she thought, ‘but as far as I am concerned, she is not welcome here. She has made me an outcast in my own home and I cannot forgive her. I will not be a hypocrite and be nice to her. I will not!’

  At that precise moment, Ellen arrived back, looking flushed and out of breath.

  “Miss Marina. I gave your letter to Sir Peter as you requested and he asked me to give you this.”

  Ellen handed her a slim package, wrapped in brown paper.

  “What is it?”

  “He did not say, but I would guess it is a book.” Marina regarded the package for some moments before opening it.

  “Oh, it is a volume of Lord Tennyson’s poetry,” she cried, reading the spine. “How could he have known that he is my favourite poet?”

  Opening the book and flicking through it, she found that Sir Peter had marked several poems in the index with a star. There was also an inscription on the flyleaf.

  “To Marina,” it read, “in the hope that our friendship shall grow from hereon, warmest regards, Peter.”

  “O
h, how charming. Did he say anything at all to you, Ellen?

  “He read your note in front of me and then asked if we were looking forward to returning to Paris, miss. He mentioned that he has Parisian friends and that if he should find himself there in the near future, he would be delighted if you would allow him to call on you.”

  Marina’s heart leapt involuntarily. She recalled that Henrietta had said how attracted he had seemed to her.

  “Did you tell him that I would be happy to see him?”

  “No, miss. I did not think it my place to do so.”

  “Thank you so much, Ellen. I must write and thank him for this book as soon as we arrive back in Paris.”

  Paris. The city that was home to Simon Solange! Marina had thought of him a little since returning to England, but mainly, she had dwelt on her sense of having been snubbed by him, rather than being heartbroken.

  ‘I do believe I have never truly been in love,’ she decided, as Ellen retired for the night. ‘I am forever thinking that ‘this is it’ only to be disappointed when things do not work out. Surely if I had really loved Simon, I would be utterly devastated by his attitude when we last saw each other. Instead, I find that I am rather relieved.’

  However, Marina did feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of returning to his house.

  In fact, after this latest development with Sir Peter, she wished with all her heart that she could stay in Harley Street, regardless of Lady Alice’s or her father’s wishes.

  *

  The next morning, Marina looked around her room in misery as servants ran to and fro, taking her luggage downstairs. As she put the last few items in her carpetbag, she picked up the book of poetry by Lord Tennyson.

  She opened the first page and looked once more at the inscription on the flyleaf. She read it over and over again.

  ‘I wonder if he will come to Paris while I am there?’ she said to herself. ‘That would certainly be something to look forward to.’

  She remembered, too, that she would have to see Simon again and she was not at all certain how the prospect made her feel.

  ‘Perhaps it would be for the best if I carried on as if nothing had happened. To be honest, I feel quite embarrassed about my foolishness. No, I will treat Simon as a friend and that is all. It should not be too difficult.’

  The truth of the matter was that Marina’s pride had been badly hurt. She had not been brought up like Simon and Monique to regard words of love so lightly. If a man paid her compliments and attention, then she believed that he truly had intentions towards her – that is what her Mama had always told her.

  ‘I shall not believe another man as long as I live,’ she resolved. ‘Unless he is prepared to go to the ends of the earth for me, I shall not listen to foolish sentiments.’

  “Miss Marina. You will never guess what I have just seen?”

  Ellen burst into the room, her face flushed with anger. Marina was quite astonished at the outburst as,

  although a fiery woman, Ellen usually kept her temper in check.

  “What is it, Ellen? You seem perturbed about something.”

  “The cheval mirror – I have solved the mystery of its disappearance!”

  “Pray, continue.”

  Marina was intrigued. Although it was a trifle, compared to her father throwing her out of her own home, she was still curious to know what had happened to it. After all, it had belonged to her dear Mama.

  “I went up into the attic to see if there was another trunk as the handle on the old black one had broken and as I passed Lady Alice’s room – guess what I saw?”

  “The cheval mirror?”

  “The very same. And stood, large as life, in her room!”

  The way that Ellen spat out the word ‘her’ left Marina in doubt as to Ellen’s feelings about Lady Alice. Being so loyal, she could not bear underhand behaviour and to her way of thinking, Lady Alice had committed a crime against her Mistress.

  Marina felt a wave of hot fury rise inside her. Not only did Lady Alice have her own quarters in the house, but she had also dared to take furniture that did not belong to her and claim it as her own.

  But it was no use complaining to her father for Marina knew that he had most likely told Lady Alice she could have whatever she wished.

  “We must try not to think about it,” said Marina, as Ellen was brushing up the nap on her black felt hat. “Once we have left here today, we must be prepared for the fact that nothing will ever be the same again and that I will not be welcome here.”

  As she spoke those last words, she could not help but suppress a sob. Ellen rushed over to hug Marina, dropping the hat onto the chair as she did so.

  “There, there, miss. It will be all right. Once we get back to Paris, the Solanges will make you feel welcome. And you mustn’t mind about that Simon, you should forget about him.”

  “I do believe I already have,” replied Marina, dabbing at her eyes. “I must be aware that his way is simply the manner in which most French gentlemen conduct themselves and it does not mean that they are in love with you, simply because they tell you that you are beautiful.”

  Marina tried to compose herself, and just in time, as there came a soft knock on the door and Frome walked in.

  “Excuse me, Miss Marina, but there is a gentleman in the library waiting to see you. I told him that you were about to depart for France, but he was most insistent.”

  Frome proffered a silver salver, upon which sat a simple calling card. Marina took it, read it, and then cried aloud,

  “It is Sir Peter!”

  “What, here, miss?”

  “There can be no mistake as this is his card – look. What shall I do, Ellen?”

  “You must go downstairs and greet him, miss. But first, go and wash your face and brush your hair. We do not want you looking like something the cat has brought in, now do we?”

  Excitedly, Marina ran and splashed some cold water on her red face and eyes. As she dried herself on a towel, she regarded herself in the small mirror.

  ‘I look a perfect fright,’ she thought and then wondered why she was so concerned about her appearance.

  By the time she was standing outside the library door, she felt incredibly apprehensive.

  Opening the door, she saw Sir Peter jump to his feet eagerly. His whole face wore an air of expectation and his green eyes were quick and nervous.

  “Miss Fullerton, do forgive me for calling without a prior appointment, but when your maid said that you were about to leave for the Continent, I simply could not allow the opportunity to see you pass by.”

  Marina was taken aback by this speech and yet was strangely charmed by it at the same time. She admired a man who acted upon impulse.

  “You are fortunate to catch us as we are on the verge of leaving.”

  “Then I must not delay you,” he began, moving towards the door.

  “No, please, be seated. I have a little time before our train leaves Victoria and the luggage has yet to be loaded. Would you care for some tea?”

  “Thank you, that would be most welcome.”

  Sir Peter sat down on one of the leather library chairs and Marina took the opportunity to take a good look at him.

  ‘Yes, he is indeed handsome,’ she thought, ‘and I did not notice before that he has green eyes. Such an unusual colour.’

  It also did not escape her notice that his mouth was full and rosy or that his golden-brown hair curled delightfully about his ears.

  She rang for Frome and ordered some tea. With a slight nod of his head, he left the room without saying a word.

  “He’s a taciturn fellow if I ever I came across one,”

  remarked Sir Peter.

  “Yes, he is. He does not say much but he is very loyal. It seems as if the whole place would fall down if Frome was to leave.”

  “I have a butler who is very much like that. He was my father’s manservant for years until he died.”

  “Oh, I am sorry. I did not realise that you
r father was no longer with us.”

  “There is no reason why you should know,” replied Sir Peter. “We did not make a fuss and held just a simple funeral. Being the eldest son, it meant that I had to take on the responsibility for his properties and as I was worried that the news might attract the wrong kind of attention, we refrained from placing a notice in The Times.”

  “Papa felt the same way when Mama died, but, of course, in the end he bowed to pressure from the family. However, you were right to be concerned. Announcing a death can only bring the vultures out in full force, as I have discovered.”

  Sir Peter was tactful enough to change the topic of conversation as he sensed that he had inadvertently hit a raw nerve.

  “I gather that your return to Paris was unexpected.” Marina shot him a surprised look.

  “Forgive me, your maid told me that you had not planned to return quite so rapidly.”

  “Papa wishes to make some changes to the house and, as it entailed me moving out for a period of time and I had had such a wonderful time in Paris, I decided to go back there to stay with friends.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  It was clear to Marina that Sir Peter had already divined that there was more to the story than met the eye, but he was gentleman enough not to make further comment.

  “Look, here is Frome with our tea. Would you care for milk and sugar?”

  Marina poured the tea and rose to hand him the cup. As she did so, her fingers lightly brushed his and she felt the colour rising to her cheeks. Marina turned her face away and made haste back to her seat.

  There was an awkward silence as they drank their tea, and then, at last, Sir Peter spoke up,

  “I do not know if your maid told you, but I, myself, have friends in Paris.”

  “Yes, she did mention it.”

  “They are really business acquaintances. My family imports French wines for some of the best restaurants in London and so I often have recourse to travel there.”

  Marina remained silent. She simply smiled acquiescently and listened.

  “I am due to make a trip in the very near future, so one of the reasons I came to visit was to ask if I might call upon you. I know you said that it would be acceptable to write, but I felt I had to ask if a visit in person would not be out of the question.”