Chasing Ivy (Oak Hill, #1)

by S. J. Sylvis

  Our fingers brushed and a surge of pleasure went down my spine. If he could elicit such a feeling in me with the brush of one of his fingers, I couldn’t imagine what they’d feel like all over my body.

  Or, maybe I could.

  Goosebumps broke out along my skin and I turned my head over to his. He was only a few inches away from me, but it was close enough that I could feel his breath.

  I flushed from head to toe, staring directly at his lips. Almost begging them to just touch mine.

  Just kiss me. Please.

  I wasn’t thinking about a single thing in that moment other than him. His body heat, the way his bottom lip was slightly fuller than his top, the way his azure eyes almost called out to me.

  He looked at me and I looked at him and the entire world melted away. Dawson’s hand reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and my heart swelled. His eyes traced my face, leaving a blissfulness after every single movement.

  Suddenly, I was back in my fifteen-year-old body, staring at the one boy I’d ever truly felt connected to, the one boy I’d ever truly loved, and I wanted him to love me back so badly I could taste it. It was like the last six years were nonexistent. We were back in his bedroom, many moons ago, about to have the best kiss of our lives.

  But then he backed away.

  Dawson looked absolutely mortified, like he couldn’t believe we were just that close for that long. Reality smacked me across the face and I felt my eyes instantly welling up. Such a strong force of hurt went through me that I could barely stand it.

  “Um,” I muttered, my voice along the lines of breaking in every way possible.

  My body was still reaching out for him, but my mind had thrown up defenses. Dawson was taken, and I wasn’t fifteen anymore. I shouldn’t still have this massive crush on the guy I considered my best friend once upon a time.

  This was wrong on so many levels. If I were Breanna, I would hate me, too.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered as he was pulling himself away even further to stand up.

  “Don’t be. I crossed a line.”

  I was quick to get to my feet, adjusting my pencil skirt along my hips. “No, you didn’t. Nothing happened.”

  Oh, but so much did. Even though Dawson and I barely touched, other than his finger accidently skimming mine and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, and even though we didn’t kiss… anyone with a ten-foot pole could feel the pull that was occurring between us. It was evident that we very well could have gotten swept up in those long, lost feelings.

  Because they were there, as if they’d never left, and in fact had only grown stronger.

  Dawson’s eyes locked onto mine and they were full-on feverish. They were so heated looking that I could almost see the thoughts whirring through his head.

  Then he opened his mouth, regret clinging to his voice. “No…but I wanted something to happen, and that’s just as bad.”

  Dawson walked over to his ladder and started to pack his stuff up. I hated the feeling that was edging its way into my lower stomach. A feeling that he was about to put a lot of distance between us. It was inevitable, though. I mean, he had Breanna and she hated me. As long as they were together, Dawson and I could be nothing more than a simple “hello” here and there, and that might even be pushing it for her.

  Dawson had all the construction equipment put to the side in less than three seconds flat and then he finally got the nerve to look back up at me. I tried to pretend like I wasn’t hurting or disappointed in some way or another but I knew the barely-there smile on my face couldn’t fool him.

  “I’m sorry,” he droned, looking down at the floor and then back up at my face. My heart wrenched because he appeared so troubled.

  “For what?”

  “For allowing you to believe that we could be friends again.”

  And just like that, my stomach plummeted to the ground and I felt my heart shattering into a million little pieces.

  I was horrified at myself. I was completely stricken with pain over the fact that I allowed myself to believe that Dawson and I could ever be like we once were. The last three days of shared laughter and easy conversation, like I was getting to know him again, had felt like standing under a nice spring shower on a record high day, but now, with him staring at me with guilt written all over his face, I felt more like a volcano had erupted behind me and I was being scorched with hot, simmering lava.

  My voice broke. “It’s fine.”

  But it wasn’t. I felt sick to my stomach. I’d gone six years without him by my side and in a matter of a few nights together, I was right back to feeling that same, damn, devasting heartbreak I’d felt back then, when my entire life had flipped upside down.

  “Ivy…” he started, watching my face fall and tears form behind my eyes. For a second, I felt relieved because I could tell the way his face twisted that he still cared about me. That at least, for a split second, he didn’t want to see me hurt. He inched his way toward me, and then it was as if a brick wall had been thrown up in front of us.

  Instead of taking a step in my direction, he took a step back. Further and further until he was at the door. He locked onto my face one more time before he spun around and stomped away. I stood in the same spot until I heard his truck pulling out from behind my Camry. That’s when I let the floodgates open.

  I was openly weeping for a friendship that I didn’t even think was possible a few weeks ago.

  And if I wanted to be truthful to myself, I was openly weeping for more than just a broken friendship.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Dawson

  “Breanna, there is nothing going on with Ivy and I. We aren’t even friends.”

  God, did that hurt coming out of my mouth. Like a repeated punch to the gut.

  Breanna and I had been going back and forth about Ivy, nonstop. She was pretty adamant that something was going on between us and I wasn’t sure if I was really that obvious or if Breanna was just so obsessed with hating her that she’d hang on to any good reason to fight about it.

  I told Ivy on Monday that we couldn’t be friends, and the look on her face almost sent me straight to the grave. But that night with Breanna stuck with me.

  Before I left to go work on Ivy’s house, we’d been bickering, as she still wasn’t over me not telling her about Ivy in the first place. The last words she said to me had my steps faltering at the door.

  She yelled, “Just remember who picked you up when you were down, Dawson. She hurt you, and I was the one who picked you up. I was the one who waited around for you to get over it. She didn’t come back here for you.”

  I didn’t say anything because she was right. Ivy did hurt me, and even if it was inevitable at the time, I still couldn’t deny the pain.

  I knew very well that she’d had to leave. I was aware that she had to go live with her uncle because her parents had passed away in the fire. Of course, at the time, I’d thought she just left without a single goodbye but even if she’d told me goodbye, it still would have hurt just as much.

  The feelings for her that I’d developed through our friendship never really left. They ran deep, deeper than anything I’d ever felt. Breanna was a great numbing agent. She numbed the pain for so long that I finally just gave in to her. I ignored all the unresolved emotions still swarming around for Ivy in my head…out of sight, out of mind, but now that she was back, those feelings were popping up in every fucking direction. The second I pushed one down, another one popped up.

  And Breanna wasn’t numbing them anymore and I knew the more time I spent around Ivy, the more they would emerge, and it would be too late.

  I would be consumed by her and then I’d be fucked, because if she could hurt me that badly, six years ago, before we even started a real relationship… I couldn’t even imagine the pain that I would feel now if she were to leave.

  I knew she was also feeling some type of attraction or lust. I would catch her stare every few seconds and each time it would se
nd a wild thrill through me. The way her body reacted when I was close, the way her laughter was so easy and free. I had a pretty big feeling that she still felt what we’d both never really openly admitted years ago, and that had me on the edge of my seat. But, I could be wrong.

  And I hated admitting it but I almost didn’t want to give her the power to hurt me again. I was better off with Breanna, in my safe-zone. It wasn’t a bad safe-zone by any means; in fact, I hadn’t even had these thoughts pushing up against my skull before Ivy came back to town. Which was just another reason that I should probably stay away from her.

  I should leave the past where it was.

  But I wasn’t quite sure I could.

  Breanna’s shrill voice broke me out of my pathetic, repetitive thoughts. “That’s not what I heard!”

  My brow furrowed as my chest heaved. I took in Breanna’s posture; her exposed shoulders were pulled back slightly so that her breasts were pushed up towards my face. Usually, I would have stared and felt some arousal, but not right now.

  She was acting absolutely crazy.

  I stalked over to her so quickly that her annoying cat ran and hid. I give her props: she didn’t even bat an eyelash. She crossed her arms over her work shirt and huffed.

  “I’m telling you right now that I told her Monday that she and I couldn’t be friends, so lay off, Breanna.”

  “Don’t talk to me like that!” she yelled in my face.

  I reeled myself in, trying to calm down. It wasn’t even worth it. I wasn’t even angry that she was yelling at me. I was angry because I was upset that I hurt Ivy. It was sickening.

  “Why are you so angry?” I asked, voice back to normal. “Why do you hate her so much? You’re acting crazy about this.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “I just don’t like her. Never have, and I don’t want her to hurt you again.”

  “I appreciate that, but I’m a big boy and I can make my own decisions. I’m trying to make this ‘relationship’ work with you, but I didn’t expect to see an entirely different side of you all because Ivy came back to town.”

  She placed her hands on her hips, clearly irritated. “So you think I’m crazy now? See! She’s already swaying your opinion about me!”

  I huffed out a laugh. “If you were to act like this, even before Ivy came to town, I would have still thought you were being irrational and possessive. We’ve been dating for a couple months and all of a sudden, you’re acting as if you own me. Ivy and I aren’t friends. I’m working on her house, and that’s it. Breanna, when I told you I would try a relationship with you, I wasn’t expecting you to do a 180. I don’t like this drama.”

  And I don’t even think it’s worth it.

  Her eyes grew large. “So what are you implying? That we break up because I’m angry about Ivy? I’m allowed to get upset, Dawson! I’m your girlfriend now—did you think we would never fight?”

  “I’m saying that I need you reel in your crazy, because I didn’t sign up for this.”

  Breanna didn’t answer me. I wanted her to simmer in that for a little while. Ivy aside, I wouldn’t be able to deal with this for much longer. Even if Ivy weren’t back and Breanna was acting like this about something else, I’d be long gone.

  And I was certain that Breanna wouldn’t act like this with anyone else; it was just Ivy. She had hated her for as long as I could remember. And as of right now, I couldn’t even blame her for feeling insecure because whether I admitted it aloud or not, Ivy was a threat. Even if I never saw her again, she’d be a threat because I loved the simple thought of Ivy more than I could ever love Breanna and that… that was absolutely terrible.

  Why am I even still with her?

  Because I felt like I owed it to her? Or was it just fear?

  I left Breanna’s on semi-okay terms. She was leaving for a car auction with the dealership in the morning and she’d be gone until Sunday. I hated to feel thankful, but I was. We needed some space. She needed to think about what I’d said and I needed to get my shit together.

  I had a feeling that she was still going to continue to think that there was something up with Ivy and I, even if we didn’t speak. Breanna had known me for a long time, and we’ve grown closer over the years. Nothing like Ivy and I had, but we spent a decent amount of time together. Whether that time was spent having sex was beside the point. We still knew each other pretty well. I think she knew deep down that I still had something lingering in the background for Ivy.

  If she knew me like I thought she did, she probably had at least an inkling of validation.

  I almost felt stuck, like I was frozen. I didn’t know which way was up. Stay with Breanna in my safe place, try to make her happy in the long run, or…

  I didn’t even want to think about it any longer. I couldn’t. I hastily shook my head, clearing my thoughts as my truck’s tires crunched over the loose gravel in front of Ships. I quickly shut it off and hopped out, my mouth instantly watering for a beer as crickets chirped in the distant hayfield. At least that would help ease the tension crawling over my shoulders.

  The second I stepped into the bar, I knew that Ivy was somewhere near. Every male had his attention elsewhere, even guys who were with a date. We lived in such a small town that when a newbie sauntered in, especially one as attractive as Ivy, people noticed.

  My eyes followed everyone else’s and when I found her, I almost died right then.

  It was a heart-stopping moment. She threw her pretty head back and laughed and I swore I could feel it on my skin. But the happiness I felt, seeing her so carefree and beautiful, quickly dissolved when I took in the rest of the scene, which involved her sitting in a booth with my brother and one of his employees.

  Jealousy tore into my chest and pulled out my heart. My ears flamed and my fists clenched at my sides. I almost walked over to them and ripped my brother out of the booth for letting her sit so closely to that piece of shit employee who was leaning his head down so far that she could probably smell his alcohol-ridden breath.

  I stood, ramrod straight, staring at them for so long that people started to turn their attention to me.

  Ivy didn’t even glance at me though, and that was probably better for the both of us. I had told her we couldn’t be friends, so me staring at her like a fucking dipshit wasn’t going to help matters.

  But she was sitting beside Kip. Fucking Kip. He smoked weed in his spare time and banged more than one chick a night.

  She had no business being near him.

  I was going to fucking kill my brother. Kill.

  I let out an uneven breath and walked over to the bar so fucking angry that I was almost foaming at the mouth.

  My thoughts were only on Ivy and Kip, like I had complete tunnel vison…they were the only two in the room. That’s why Max’s voice startled me.

  “What?” I snapped, whipping my head over to him and Becca.

  Becca wasn’t even looking in my direction, but Max was eyeing me cautiously.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, raising my hand at the bartender. I needed a drink and I needed it now.

  “You okay?” he asked, but I didn’t answer. I looked back over at Ivy and Kip, and then at my brother who was sliding out of the booth.

  Good, come over here, fucker, so I can plummet my fist into your fucking head.

  I ground my teeth as he approached. He smiled at me with a shit-eating grin and then peeked around and winked at Becca, who was apparently watching the scene unfold.

  My finger stabbed his chest and he looked down briefly before bringing his stupid grin back up to meet my face.

  “What the fuck are you doing bringing Kip around Ivy? What the fuck are you even doing with Ivy?”

  He chuckled and it only heightened my rage. “I will fucking put you through a wall, Emmett, and you know it.”

  He sobered up quickly. I may be younger than Emmett, but I was stronger and faster. He knew that.

  “I’m with Ivy because she came by the shop earlier to tell me about Carrie stea
ling the money, and then I told her I’d buy her something to eat tonight since she refused when I offered to pay her, then Kip saw her…”

  My nostrils flared as I moved my body around his and looked back at their booth.

  Ivy was smiling, then she glanced up lazily and found me staring. Her eyes went wide and her face blanched. I felt sick. I felt sick because I knew that I hurt her feelings the other night and I couldn’t do a damn thing to fix it.

  What I could do, was pull Kip out by his greasy hair and threaten him never to lay a fucking finger on her.

  Yeah, that sounds like the perfect idea.

  I went to stand up as my eyes made their way over to him. He was staring right at her breasts and I felt a chill go through my body.

  My brother put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Dude, calm the fuck down. What is your problem?”

  “He isn’t good enough for her!” I shouted, but thankfully, there was so much chatter in the bar that no one heard other than the few people surrounding me.

  “So, who is?” Becca asked. I whipped my head over at her and glared. “Surely not you…”

  I opened my mouth to say something but Max gave me a dark look, raising one eyebrow as if warning me. It stunned me for a second. Last I knew, he and Becca didn’t quite see eye to eye and they bickered constantly.

  “I’m certain you don’t think you’re good enough for her, because from where I’m standing, you’re not the best option either… considering you have a girlfriend who probably wouldn’t be thrilled that you’re so caught up in who Ivy is talking to.”

  Becca’s words made sense.

  The entire world felt like it was shifting around me. I didn’t say a word. I only stared at her and then I looked at Max, who was staring at me, waiting for me to say something.