Love Song For A Raven

by Elizabeth Lowell

  Remembering the lack of music in Janna’s voice did nothing to ease the restlessness in Raven’s body right now. Nor did hearing the muffled, ragged sounds of her fighting not to cry out loud help him to be at peace. Finally, after what seemed far too long, the soft noises faded, merging with the subtle whisper of the wind. Raven sighed in relief and went back to counting silver salmon on the back of his eyelids.

  The sound of the bow door furtively opening brought every nerve in Raven’s massive body alive. He heard Janna tiptoe up the two steps into the main cabin. He sensed her crowding against the far side of the aisle that separated his bunk from the galley stove. His nostrils flared as her subtle, indefinable fragrance washed over him like moonlight while she eased past his bunk to the door leading to the stern.

  Hands clenched into fists to keep from reaching out to her, Raven listened as Janna passed his bunk in an almost soundless rush of hurrying feet. The cabin door opened, letting in a gust of cool midnight air. Janna stood briefly in the luminous moonlight before she slipped through the door. Raven closed his eyes. It didn’t help. He could still see the firm, moon-silvered rise of her breasts beneath one of his old Tshirts. He wondered if she was wearing the dark lace panties beneath or if nothing except night concealed her vulnerable softness.

  It seemed an unreasonably long time before Janna stealthily opened and closed the stern door again and began easing past Raven’s bunk on her way back down the narrow aisle to the bow cabin. He listened to the soft sounds of her approach, smelled the mixed fragrance of womanly warmth and the coolness of rainwashed night. He was congratulating himself on keeping his hands to himself when he saw the gleam of tears on her cheeks.

  „Janna,“ he whispered, reaching out and wrapping his hand around her wrist with a reflexive hunger that he had denied too long. „Janna, what’s wrong? No, don’t pull back. I won’t hurt you. I just want to comfort you.“

  And it was true, as far as it went. He did want to comfort her. He wanted it as much as he wanted her.

  Janna trembled when she felt the power of Raven’s hand wrapped warmly around her wrist.

  „Janna?“ he said softly. „Talk to me.“

  „I just needed some air,“ she said, trying to control her ragged breathing. She felt like a prize fool. She hadn’t cried in years, yet since she had met Raven, she rained as regularly as the clouds.

  „You’re crying.“

  „Think of it – “ Her voice broke. She took a breath and finished in a rush, „Think of it as Queen Charlotte s-sunshine.“

  Raven’s hand tightened almost painfully on Janna’s arm, then eased to a caress as he ran his fingertips slowly over the softness of her inner wrist. Janna’s breath came in with a raggedness that had nothing to do with tears.

  „I’m sorry,“ he said, his voice so deep that it was as much felt as heard. „I didn’t mean to hurt you with that crack about whining and dining. I thought you would – “

  „That’s all right,“ she interrupted hurriedly. Her words were quick, staccato, like cold rain whipped by a storm wind. „I was whining. There’s no need for you to – to apologize for telling the truth.“

  „Damn it, that’s not what I meant!“ Raven snarled.

  „I understand. Really.“ Janna felt her control dissolving again and wanted to crawl off somewhere before she humiliated herself even further. „Raven,“ she said brokenly, „please let go.“ Vainly she tried to pull her wrist free of his warm, immovable grip. „I’m sorry I woke you. I’m s-sorry I – oh, God, please let go of me!“

  There was an instant of silence before Raven’s powerful arm flexed and he pulled Janna onto the bunk, into his arms. He had just enough self-control not to kick back the covers and hold her along his hungry, naked length.

  „It’s all right,“ Raven said, stroking Janna’s hair and her back, ignoring her struggles to free herself. „Go ahead, small warrior,“ he murmured. „Cry while I hold you. Hold me if you want to. Please, Janna. I would never have said anything about whining if I had thought you would take me seriously. You’ve been so brave, so full of laughter. I expected you to sling an oyster at me with a smart remark about the dangers of going for a walk with a walrus, but instead you believed what was meant to be a silly joke. Can you forgive me?“

  Janna made a strangled sound that could have come from tears or laughter or an aching combination of both.

  Raven’s arms closed around her, rocking her gently against his huge chest. When her own arms finally stirred and crept around his neck, he felt both relief and a hunger whose violent intensity shocked him, telling him that he was even closer to the edge of his control than he had realized. His only consolation was that Janna was lying across his chest. As long as she didn’t change position, she wouldn’t know what she was doing to him.

  So tell her. Better yet, show her, Raven advised himself sardonically. She’s much too generous and vulnerable to turn me away. She thinks she wants me. She’s so damned grateful to me that she’d do anything I asked. She’d do everything. And it would be so hot, so good.

  The fugitive thoughts glittered within the darkness of Raven’s mind, darting and gleaming like salmon trying to evade the net. All that kept him from giving in to his hunger was the knowledge that he would hate himself for taking advantage of Janna’s vulnerability.

  „What was that about an oyster and a walrus?“ Janna asked finally, sighing and relaxing utterly against Raven’s chest.

  He smiled and brushed his lips so lightly over Janna’s hair that she didn’t feel the touch. „Didn’t your brothers ever explain what happens when a tender, innocent, succulent little oyster goes out wining and dining with a walrus?“ he asked.

  Janna shook her head, afraid to trust her voice.

  „Your education has been dangerously neglected.“

  Raven’s deep voice vibrated through her, pervading her to her core, melting her with laughter and heat. Unconsciously she moved her cheek across his chest, snuggling even closer to his warmth. His arms tightened fractionally, shifting the softness of her breasts against him. Heat surged through him like chain lightning, setting fires in his male flesh.

  „‘Twas brillig and the slithy toves/Did gyre and gimble in the wabe…’“ Raven quoted deeply, ignoring the hot, hard stirring of his aroused body.

  This time he was sure that laughter was causing the soft sounds and softer movements that Janna made against him. He took in a long breath and told himself all the reasons why he would be an insensitive, unforgivable, contemptible, rotten son of a bitch if he took advantage of her now.

  Janna lifted her head, looked Raven in the eye and said, „Frumious bandersnatch.“

  „Gesundheit,“ he said instantly.

  Her lips quivered with the effort of holding back her laughter, but she gamely stuck with it. „It was the frumious bandersnatch that gyred and gimbled in the wabe,“ she explained. „Not a walrus. If you don’t believe me, ask Lewis Carroll.“

  „Carroll was too busy waxing his ceilings and shoeing cabbages for kings to worry about who was or wasn’t gyre-ing and gimble-ing in or out of wabes,“ Raven retorted.

  Laughter and sudden tears trembled on the brink of release as Janna looked at Raven loving him, wanting him. She sighed his name and brushed her lips over his. He returned the soft kiss until the tip of her tongue traced his upper lip. Then he turned away and very gently tucked Janna’s head against his shoulder.

  It was the most exquisitely tender rejection that Janna could imagine; and it wounded her as no other ever could, sliding through her defenses like a silver razor, slicing her open all the way to her soul, leaving her helpless to do anything but curl up inside with pain.

  Raven felt the difference in her instantly, a stillness and a withdrawal so complete that he couldn’t believe he was still holding her. „Janna?“

  After a long moment she straightened and eased free of Raven’s arms until she could stand in the narrow aisle between his bunk and the galley. She looked down at his powerfu
l body swathed in the dark sheet, at moonlight caught in the transparent black clarity of his eyes, at the big hand held out to her. Even now she could feel the imprint of his warmth on her skin, taste him on the tip of her tongue. She wanted him so much that it was like dying to know that he didn’t want her at all.

  „What’s wrong?“ he asked.

  „Nothing new,“ Janna said finally, unconsciously echoing Raven’s earlier words to her. She felt the heat and chills of humiliation slowly ebbing, leaving behind only pain and a determination not to make things more uncomfortable for the man who had been so terribly kind and patient with her. „I’m sorry about the kiss, Raven,“ she whispered. „Truly I am. I keep thinking that I have something to give a man in bed. I’m a slow learner. Really slow. Sorry.“

  „Janna – damn it! There’s nothing wrong with you!“ Raven said harshly, feeling his control evaporating. He had wanted to spare her, not to hurt her more. Yet everything he said or did only made it worse. Somehow he had to make her understand that it wasn’t that she didn’t turn him on; it was that she wanted him for all the wrong reasons. „It’s the situation, not you. If we’d met any other way than-“

  „Don’t,“ she said, cutting across his words. Then, very gently, she said again, „Don’t, Raven. You don’t have to lie to me. I’m a big girl. I can stand the truth. And the truth is that I lack whatever that indefinable something is that arouses a man. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I promise that it won’t happen again.“ Janna forced a smile and held out her right hand. „Friends?“

  „Friends?“ gritted Raven. He stared up at Janna, his eyes as black as night itself. Her smile was infuriating, as brilliant and empty as the moonlight pouring over her outstretched hand. „Friends?“ he repeated, smiling savagely as he reached for her.

  There was no warning. One instant Janna was standing in the aisle with a social smile plastered on her face and the next instant she was flat on her back in Raven’s bed with his powerful, naked leg across her thighs, pinning her to the mattress.

  „Oh yes,“ he said thickly, „we’re friends, Janna.“ He took both her hands, and as he spoke he began dragging them down the length of his body. „I’m a great believer in friends being honest with each other.“

  „Raven? What…?“

  The question ended in a gasp as Janna felt Raven’s unmistakable male hardness beneath her hands.

  „That’s what,“ he rasped.

  Raven was so aroused that she could feel the heavy beat of his pulse as he closed her fingers around him. He felt hot and tight to the point of bursting.

  „It’s been like that damn near all the time since I saw you fighting the storm,“ he said flatly. „You smile or you turn around or you lick your lips, and I get so hot all I can think about is opening your legs and burying myself in you. If you give me any more crap about not being sexy enough to turn a man on I’m going to…“

  The words became a broken groan as Janna’s fingers moved over Raven slowly, savoring every bit of his erect male flesh. His hips moved reflexively, stroking his hungry length between her caressing hands. He saw her looking at his body, smiling at the very visible proof of his desire for her. He shuddered heavily, moving against her warm hands, feeling a pleasure so intense that he clenched his teeth against a guttural cry.

  „No more,“ Raven said finally, his voice ragged. He caught Janna’s face between his big hands. „I won’t take you. It wouldn’t be fair to you. I just wanted you to know that I’ve never had a woman turn me on so hard, so quick. If you were any sexier to me, I’d come just looking at you. How’s that for honest?“

  Janna looked up at Raven’s face. His eyes were narrowed, glittering, and his mouth was drawn back as though in pain. His skin was hot to her touch, gleaming with sweat, and every powerful muscle was rigid with passion and control. He stirred hungrily between her hands with each rapid heartbeat, a man more potent than she had ever dreamed. The knowledge that he wanted her so much was a searing wildness racing through her, melting her with a sensual heat that she had never before known. She shivered repeatedly, hotly, tiny convulsions that changed her body within the space of a few breaths. She tried to speak but could not, she could only moan his name as her own buried sensuality burst within her, drenching her with liquid fire.

  The scent of her arousal made Raven’s whole body tighten. As though in a hot dream he felt her passionate shivering while her legs shifted, opening for him, pleading for him as her hands drew him closer to her.

  „Janna – no.“ And then Raven groaned, feeling the softness and moisture of her. „Oh God,“ he said through clenched teeth as she melted at the first touch of him, bathing him with her heat. „I can’t do this to you. I haven’t even kissed you. You deserve better than this.“

  „We’re kissing now,“ Janna whispered.

  She moved her hips until Raven’s hot flesh nuzzled against her softness, letting him feel what the honesty of his desire had done to her. He wanted to tell Janna to stop before it was too late, but he couldn’t speak. What she was doing took his breath away. His hands clenched on the T-shirt she wore as he fought not to lose control.

  And then it was too late. The shirt ripped from neck to hem as he took her with a single powerful thrust of his hips, burying himself in her. She was sleek and ready and wonderfully tight. He had never felt anything half so good. He withdrew and drove into her again and then again, measuring her taut, welcoming softness with his own hard flesh. He knew he should slow down but it was too late for that, it had been too late since he had first seen her fighting the storm. He had never lost control with a woman but it was happening now, everything spinning away from him as pleasure burst repeatedly, wildly, shaking him to his soul. With a hoarse sound that was Janna’s name, he poured himself into her, knowing only her and the sweet violence of the release she had given to him.

  Janna felt the wild trembling of Raven’s body, heard her name a ragged cry on his lips and held him fiercely, savoring every instant of his shuddering climax. The knowledge that he had wanted her so badly and that he had found such a complete release within her moved her in ways that she couldn’t describe. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she held Raven, loving the feel of him in her arms and in her body, feeling love for him like a fierce, sweet agony in her soul, wanting nothing more from life but to hold him until she died.

  Finally Raven’s breathing settled into the slow rhythms of relaxation and he stirred as though to roll aside. Janna’s arms tightened in silent protest. She didn’t want it to end. Not yet. Not ever. His thick mustache brushed over her cheek in a silky caress as he kissed her gently and then kissed her again, nibbling softly until his lips met the warm trail of her tears. He stiffened and drew back until he could see the shining evidence against her cheek.

  „My God,“ he said, his voice breaking. „I’m sorry, Janna. I didn’t mean to hurt you.“

  „No,“ she said quickly, holding Raven as he tried to withdraw from her. „You didn’t hurt me.“

  But even as she spoke, he gently eased from her body, his strength making a mockery of her attempts to hold him. As he left her she cried out softly. He stroked her hair with a hand that trembled.

  „I’m sorry,“ he whispered, „so sorry. I’ve never lost control like that. I just wanted you too much. I forgot how strong I am, how I’m no good with fragile things. I’m sorry, Janna. God, I – “ His voice broke again.

  Raven closed his eyes and fought for the control that seemed to elude him every time he was close to Janna. She heard the raw emotion in his voice and saw the wild glitter of unshed tears in his eyes. With wondering fingertips she caressed his cheek and the thick black curve of his closed eyelashes.

  „You didn’t hurt me,“ she said huskily.

  „You’re crying,“ he said in a harsh tone. „I must have hurt like hell.“

  „No,“ she said, putting her fingers across his warm lips. „Listen to me, Raven. You didn’t hurt. It was knowing how much you wanted me, having you inside me
, feeling you fill me with your hunger and need.“ The words stopped in a ragged breath. „It was unbearably beautiful,“ she whispered, kissing him. „That’s why I cried. That’s why I’m still crying.“

  Raven’s hand moved against a bulkhead switch. Instantly a soft golden light flooded the bunk. As though to reassure himself of the truth of her words, he went swiftly over her body with his fingertips, searching for any sign that he had hurt her in the violence of his own need.

  With wide eyes Janna watched Raven, trembling as he gently parted her legs and touched her with exquisite care. Heat bloomed unexpectedly, making her breath catch. He heard the tiny sound and touched her again, wondering if he had hurt her despite her assurances that he had not. Very lightly he traced the incredible softness of her, expecting her to flinch. She made another stifled sound as he circled her again, seeking her most tender flesh. She shivered helplessly as she melted at his touch.

  Raven’s expression changed, became both gentle and… hungry. He caressed Janna again, melting her again, smiling as he felt the proof that he hadn’t hurt her. When his hand pressed against her leg, she shifted unconsciously, giving herself to his touch, watching him while his dark glance moved over her in another kind of caress. She looked down at herself and realized that she was wearing his torn T-shirt like an open vest. The thin cotton clung to her breasts, held by the dampness of her flushed body, and his big hand was curved protectively, possessively, around the vulnerable softness that she had given to him.

  „Small warrior,“ Raven whispered as his hand rubbed slowly against Janna. „So soft, so hot, so generous.“

  Eyes wide and luminous, Janna lay on the rumpled sheets, watching Raven while he caressed her, feeling as though he were stroking her with silk and fire. Slowly, very slowly, his fingertips smoothed up her body, leaving heat and dampness in their wake. The sensual contrast with the cool air of the cabin made her tremble.