Starting Over

by Dixie Lynn Dwyer

  “She told you that, but maybe inside there’s survivor’s guilt. It’s natural to have those emotions. Soldiers get them, too. In fact, she, Everett, and Coda would have that in common. They were forced to retire from injuries sustained in their professions when other men died in those situations.”

  “Hmm, maybe that’s why she’s letting them kiss her.”

  He smiled. “It’s a start. The attraction is there.”

  “Yes, it is, but they’re older. They’ll expect more sooner, and I can see her resisting this, maybe even pushing them away until she feels she’s better emotionally and physically.”

  “You mean because of her hip?”

  “Of course because of her hip. She has a little limp. Nothing sexy about that.”

  “Well, they don’t seem to care.”

  “Women have a different way of thinking, Keith. Despite being so independent and strong-willed, we all still want to look and feel sexy. Want our man or men to see us that way. We have to feel pretty perfect in our own eyes in order to accept the appreciation from our men.”

  “Complicated, that’s what you women are, complicated,” he said, and he nuzzled against her neck, kissing her. “How about we go over and join the conversation? If we feel like we’re interrupting or out of place, we’ll haul ass back to the dance floor?” Keith suggested.

  She laughed. “Okay, cowboy, lead the way.”

  After they joined her daughter and the guys, Coda approached to say hello. Layla noticed how he looked at Adalee, but kept his distance. She had just met Coda tonight. This was going to be a process, and Layla wondered if her daughter would be accepting to it all. She listened as the guys discussed showing Adalee the ranch tomorrow. That Rhett was working in the morning helping to run a group meeting in town, Jeb had a few things to do with work, and Coda and Everett said they could show her around the ranch.

  “I don’t know if I have time. There were some things I needed to get done, and I wanted to drive into Central Valley to check out the small fair they were doing there,” Adalee said, and then she reached down as her phone began to ring. She squinted her eyes and stood up. “Excuse me please,” she said and put the phone to her ear and answered as she walked away.

  The guys all watched her go. Coda needed to get back to the bar, and he headed that way.

  They were all so quiet.

  “She won’t come along. She’s setting up the busy schedule,” Rhett said and ran his fingers through his hair.

  “We agreed on slow. Let’s stick to that,” Everett said.

  “Easier said than done,” Jeb added and looked in the direction Adalee had disappeared toward.

  “She’s going through a lot still. Things you men can relate to and understand. Just give her a little extra time, okay?” Keith said to them.

  “Things from the incident, Layla?” Jeb asked her. Layla nodded.

  Everett stood up and headed toward where Adalee walked off to.

  “One at a time, letting her get to know each of you will be best. I know my daughter. When she’s pushed into a corner, she fights her way out, and no one is happy,” Layla said to them.

  “Did you stop him from getting too drunk?” Adalee asked Cooper over the phone. He was her partner’s best friend. Him and four other guys were super close to her partner, Eddie, and of course they knew the two other cops who died that day. They were a huge crowd of friends. One of the toughest things was to leave them, but they went on doing their jobs, and she felt lost.

  “What fun would that have been?” Cooper asked, and she chuckled. “How are things going for you out there?” he asked.

  “They’re going. Just trying to transition into the whole small-town, country ways, and of course physical therapy.”

  “The doctor said you’ll have a full recovery.”

  “I know, Cooper, but it isn’t exactly great to be limping around.”

  “With your body and great looks, a slight limp won’t turn any men off.”

  She laughed. “Thanks a bunch.”

  “Any action? I know you ladies love the whole cowboy thing, and since you weren’t into dating other cops,” he teased.

  “That’s not true, and I never said a thing about cowboys.”

  “Yeah right. Well, you turned down every offer of a date or even noncommittal sex with any cops.”

  “Not all,” she said and he roared.

  “Oh, so the truth comes out. Who did you do? Come on, Commander Reynolds? Lieutenant Mullen from SWAT?”

  She gasped and then shook her head. “You’re such an asshole,” she said and chuckled.

  “Your favorite though, come on.”

  “Yes, my favorite.”

  “Ahhh, wait until I rub it in the guy’s faces.

  They laughed and then got quiet.

  “How about therapy? Got that all taken care of?”

  “Yeah, the PT says it’s going well.”

  “I meant the shrink? You know it’s a good thing? We’re all seeing someone, talking shit through.”

  She swallowed hard, got quiet as she leaned against the back of her car. “I’m handling things.”

  “You handling things alone, it doesn’t make you weak to talk this shit out. I have to tell you that it’s helped me a lot. We responded to that call. We saw the damage, the blood and shit.”

  “Jesus, Cooper, really? I was right fucking there, too.”

  “Exactly. Just suck it up and go. I thought your mom said there were awesome counselors there.”

  “There are. It’s fine, I just want to gain control of the night.”

  “The night?”

  “The darkness is what gets me, that’s all,” she said and heard the footsteps, turned, and saw Everett there. She felt embarrassed that he had more than likely heard her.

  “Well, I have plans for tomorrow, and right now I need to get going. I’m checking out my mom’s boyfriends’ bar they own.”

  “Heard about the multiple men to one woman thing. I think I’ll stick to New York and the whole multiple women to one man thing,” he said and chuckled.

  “Okay, stud. Talk to you soon.”

  “Later.”

  She ended the call and then released a long sigh.

  “Stud?” Everett asked, joining her and sitting right next to her against the back of the car.

  “Friend from New York. A cop who is with a few of the other guys I hung out with. They’re getting drunk and being idiots,” she said and forced a smile.

  “I thought I heard you say something about dealing with the dark.” She exhaled and stood up, and he pulled her between his legs. She pressed her palms to his chest. “Talk to me. I’m a little bit older, have had similar experiences, maybe I have some insight.”

  She stared up into his eyes. “How old are you anyway?”

  He was breathing through his nostrils and seemed like he didn’t want to say. “Forty.” Jesus, he was fourteen years older than her. He squeezed her to him, slid a palm to her ass, and caressed it. “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-six.”

  “Jesus.”

  “I said the same thing about you.”

  “You can get any guy you want. Bet the one on the phone would love to hold you and help you process things.”

  “I don’t date cops, especially ones I know and worked with.”

  “Good thing I’m retired, but I guess Jeb is going to have qualms about this rule of yours.”

  She snickered. “How come you and your brothers aren’t already taken?”

  “Wasn’t meant to be with anyone so far. We’ve worked our professions, still being active, and dealing with the shit life threw at each of us.”

  “I know about that, seems like coming up for air is getting easier though,” she said and looked away.

  Everett cupped her cheek and made her look at him. “Talking helps.”

  “You sound like Cooper.”

  “That’s the guy on the phone?” She nodded. “He’s right then, talking does help.�
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  “I’m not sure about that.”

  “Take it from me, it does.”

  “Yeah, you’re very talkative. Does barking include that?” she teased. He tickled her side, and she gasped and laughed, but then he pulled her closer again.

  “A lot of things help ease the stress, the reminders. Like holding you. Having you close, and talking freely to someone who understands.”

  She held his gaze. “What makes you think I understand?”

  “Your eyes, the emotions, the way you just close up, get quiet, drift off from the conversation. That’s me, too,” he said to her.

  She just stared at him, unable to look away, and he caressed her ass and her back. It felt good. Felt right. “I don’t understand. I don’t get what I’m supposed to do.”

  “Be grateful to be alive for one.”

  “Grateful? When the bullets didn’t kill me and I was able to kill the four guys who killed my partner and the other cops, I was grateful. After that came something different.”

  He squinted at her. “Guilt,” he said, and she was shocked.

  “I know. I felt it, too, still do. It isn’t going away any time soon,” he said to her.

  She felt the tears in her eyes and pressed closer. He caressed her hair and she laid her head against his chest as he stroked her ass and her back.

  “For me, it’s the nighttime when I’m lying in bed and start drifting off to sleep that I go through what happened and change things up. I imagine the bullet hitting my head and killing me instantly instead of it whizzing by and hitting Eddie.” She gulped. She lifted up.

  “And?” He asked.

  “And the reality is that I lived. I reacted on instincts like he did, but the shooter shot his gun. I wasn’t meant to die, but that doesn’t make surviving so easy.” She said to him.

  “I thought I was okay with it, too. Especially with my friends, they were all buddies with my partner, Eddie, and the other two guys. So when they said things like awesome shots taking out the shooters, and solving the case, making a huge bust and getting all those drugs off the streets, it appeased that inner guilt a bit and forced me to look at the job, the career, the oath. Nights are the worst,” she admitted.

  He reached up to cup her cheek and neck, and she held his forearm.

  “That’s because we’re weaker at night, more vulnerable after expelling so much energy on trying to look like we’re okay to everyone else around us during the day. After we’re forcing ourselves to smile, to adapt, to normalize things. When we finally close our eyes and exhaustion takes over, all those thoughts held up in our heads come out and haunt us.”

  “Yes,” she said and stared at him, feeling so much right now, and he did, too.

  He pressed his mouth closer as he pulled her tighter to him. Their lips touched. Their connection somehow beyond the physical but now emotional. It grew wild quickly, and she could see herself getting lost in the moment, lost in his arms, letting her guard down and having sex, even just to feel connected to someone who got it and understood. As she felt his palm move under her skirt, she panicked, thinking someone might see, but then he plunged his tongue deeper, held her firmly until they had to part to catch their breath. She inhaled against his neck, and he massaged her back and her ass.

  “Take a chance on us. My brothers get it, too. Without them, I don’t know if I would be this far. You aren’t alone here, Adalee. You got me, and you got them. Let go and just breathe.”

  Chapter 4

  Coda and Everett were looking for Adalee in town by her mom’s boutique when they saw her talking to three guys. Coda recognized them immediately. “The Smith brothers.”

  “Who are they?” Everett asked.

  “Young guys closer to her fucking age. All three are active duty Green Berets. Their parents live up past the Malloy’s farm.”

  “Oh yeah, I think Jeb and Rhett mentioned them. They’re a wild bunch too especially when they come into town to party between tours.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, park the truck, one of them just put his hand on her hip,” Everett said and they did.

  Coda parked the truck, and they got out. She turned their way and smiled then gave a wave. Coda felt instant relief. He was shocked at the jealous angry feelings that consumed him as he watched the men flirt with Adalee. He had been looking forward to spending time with her today and getting to know her better. Everett had made the most progress, and he explained why this morning. Before they even made it close enough, she was saying good-bye and heading toward them, and the Smith brothers were staring at her ass in the tight blue jeans she wore with a navy-blue V-neck top, which as she got closer revealed her deep cleavage. The woman was a knockout.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” Everett said and pulled her into his arms, kissing her cheek. She chuckled.

  “Hi, Everett. Coda,” she said and looked at him.

  He stepped closer to kiss her cheek, and it surprised him that she leaned in, placed her hand on his arm, and then smiled.

  “What did the Smith brothers want?” Coda asked and heard the tone in his voice.

  “Date,” she said and then started walking. “I just need to grab my backpack. It’s at my mom’s boutique. I left it there after I ran into the bakery shop. I wanted to bring something over to your place for the tour. Got these delicious—”

  Everett pulled her back by her hand and into his arms. “Did you say a date? Like they asked you out?” he asked, all demanding, and she looked at him and then to Coda, who crossed his arms in front of his chest.

  “Yes.”

  “And?” Coda asked.

  “And I declined. Told them I already had a date today. Can we go? I’m so excited about seeing this ranch and feeding chickens and maybe riding a horse. You’ll go on with me, right?” she asked Everett, who smirked and then kissed her.

  He gave her ass a slap, and she gasped, but then he took her hand and they kept walking. Relief filled Coda’s heart.

  Twenty minutes later as they walked through the yard, the scent of her perfume and the shampoo in her hair did him in. As she leaned against the fence and looked at the chickens as Everett talked about the horses and riding, Coda made a move. He slid his arm around her waist from behind and then moved her hair off her shoulders to kiss her neck. She eased back against him and then turned to face him, allowing him to kiss her fully. It was wild and felt so good, and just kept getting better as he lifted her by her ass like she weighed nothing at all, and he pressed her to the fence. She ran her dainty fingers through his hair, and he cupped her breast, pinched the nipple, and felt her moan into his mouth.

  She was feminine and sexy, and had a tight ass, hard, toned muscles, and huge breasts. When he released her lips to trail his mouth along her shoulder, he pushed her top and her bra lower and sought out her breast. She grabbed onto his head with one hand as he restrained the other to push her top lower. He found her nipple and tugged.