Unspoken

by Celia Mcmahon

  I went.

  He guided me to a back door that led out into a narrow alleyway. When the door slammed behind us, he promptly pulled a gasper from his pants pocket and lit it. He leaned against the rock wall, extending his legs, casually crossing one boot over the other.

  “Were you caught?” I asked. I kept my distance, lingering by the closed door. Getting close to him was proving bad for my temper and whatever else he ignited within me. His rudeness was temporarily excused. “Were you hurt?”

  He swayed his head and narrowed his eyes as the setting sun shone overhead. He raised a hand to shade them and glanced my way. He shook his head again as if answering both questions with a no.

  “You may speak freely,” I told him.

  He replied with a look of incredulity and made a quick motion toward his throat as he put out the gasper onto the wall. Some of the ash caught the breeze and the rest fell onto his boot.

  He stared stonily as me for a moment longer before opening his mouth and shaking his head.

  Oh. He couldn’t speak.

  “You’re a Voiceless?” How could that be? This boy was so young.

  We don’t like that word, he signed to me. It's considered derogatory.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, oddly intimidated. “I’m Isabelle.”

  I know who you are.

  “What’s your name?”

  He looked at me crookedly but answered anyway.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t understand that word.”

  Crouching, he traced his finger through the dirt under our feet. There he wrote four letters that spelled out the word fray. Fray. His name. And then six more letters. Castor.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Fray Castor.” He nodded and put his back against the wall again, suddenly looking bored. “How did you do it, Fray? Why aren’t you dead? Did you see the man? Did you see the wolf?”

  He looked up at me, his eyes wide, almost frightened, as if I wasn’t supposed to be asking. As if I wasn’t supposed to know.

  “If it weren’t for you, I’d be dead.”

  He frowned, unaffected.

  The heavens would cry, he signed.

  I snickered. “Sarcasm. Fantastic. We’ll make great friends.”

  Fray attempted a smile, but it just came off looking like he had something in his eye.

  You don’t want me as a friend.

  I flinched. “But I owe you,” I said, my voice breaking at the words. “I owe you my life.” More than that. “What can I do to repay you?”

  Fray straightened and faced me. I took a step back as he ran a hand through his tousled hair.

  Just a thank you is all. And a silent tongue, perhaps?

  I nodded absently. “Thank you. Of course, thank you.”

  You’re welcome.

  We stood there together, but he still looked like he had some unmet expectation. “Oh,” I stumbled, dropping my eyes. “I won’t say a word. I promise.” He gave a tired, closed-lip smile and moved around me to the door without even excusing himself. “Did you kill them all?”

  A frown touched his lips. To my surprise, he answered: No. Only two.

  That left eight, seeing as I had not counted the one stalking me in the woods from the ten around the flame.

  The thought jammed before reaching my tongue. I knew the second I said it, I’d regret it, but the words came anyway.

  “I want to find them, and I want to kill them,” I said. Simple as that.

  My words got me a raised eyebrow. But I had his attention, nonetheless.

  The only thing you should be killing is your sense of style.

  He didn’t believe me. In fact, he looked more amused than anything. I thought of Henry, then. The way he’d taught me to hold a bow and how to skin and separate animals. I thought of these men coming back to kill me somehow. I’d seen their magic. They’d never stop hunting me. I’d do the same if I were in their shoes.

  I could do it if Fray helped me.

  I stepped toward him, ignoring his quip. “I want to help.”

  Fray’s eyes seemed to dance. Even without this?

  He bent down, and from underneath his pant leg, withdrew a dagger—Henry’s dagger—and offered it to me.

  “Thank you,” I said as I took the dagger in my hand. “You have no idea…”

  Fray lifted his hand to stop me. There are no debts owed. He narrowed his eyes, waiting impatiently for my reply as I grasped the air for my dagger. He gave an irritated exhale of breath.

  “There are no debts owed,” I echoed, and he handed me the knife. My heart swelled. I wanted to fall at his feet and kiss them for bringing back my brother’s dagger.

  Besides, you don’t want to leave your kingdom without an heir, do you? He opened the door to the kitchen, and for a moment, the rancid smell of the alley mixed with that of the lingering scent of my dinner. If you’d excuse me, I must scrub sinks. Go back to your prince. I’m sure he’s waiting for you, Your Highness.

  He signed the last part with a delicate bow and disappeared through the door.

  He left me there in that alleyway before I could reach out and punch him in the face. I slumped down to the stoop as the sun disappeared behind the high walls of the alley. I should have asked about the identities of the men. I should have demanded answers. Why had I become so meek?

  “What a jerk,” I said to nobody through a cage of gritted teeth. I touched the point of my dagger to my lips. Something turned and twisted in my mind like gears of a clock.

  Henry always valued life. I was hard pressed not to find a day when he would tell me to cherish the one I had, to make sure I lived it to my potential and far beyond. Even as a child, I had known the great responsibility of preserving my body and soul in every way possible, and I had believed that to live a good life, I must not put myself into situations that could knowingly harm me. I had always been aware. I had always been sure I was on the right path. But as anger and revenge flooded my body there in that stinking alleyway, I began to wonder how true that was.

  Chapter 11

  “Lulu, if you don’t let it go, I’m going to rip it in two, and neither of us will get to wear it!”

  My cousin loosened her grip on the heavy wool cloak and plopped down onto my bed. It had once belonged to Henry, and even though I had yet to wear it, I wasn’t about to let her grubby little hands on it.

  “It’s a very droll color, Izzy,” she said. “You know how handy I am with a needle. Let me stitch patterns in at least.”

  I clutched the cloak to my chest. “No, go away. Don’t you have anything else to do besides raid my closet?”

  It wasn’t like I had anything comfortable in there anyhow, besides my riding pants and a few loose-fitting tunics—none of which I could wear in the presence of my mother. The cloak was also something the queen would not approve of—it looked like something the servant, Fray, would wear. Maybe I should wear it. Ever since his comment about my fashion choices the day before, I’d found myself becoming self-conscious. But I quickly squashed the feeling. He was clearly trying to get under my skin, and I was far too confident for that.

  Lulu fell back onto my bed and groaned. “No,” she said. “I was going to visit someone at the guard’s quarters, but he had patrol tonight.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Lulu, must you?”

  “Not all of us are as lucky as you, Izzy.” She propped herself up on her elbows. “You should have seen Prince Ashe that night you were attacked. I’ve never seen a man so panicked in my entire life. He must truly care for you.”

  I sighed. “He doesn’t know me.”

  “Thank the gods for that.”

  I looked for the nearest inanimate object to throw at her, but she was already up and moving toward the door.

  “How about we raid the kitchen?” she asked. “We could really do some damage there. Dinner was…meager.” She was right. Liver was certainly not my dish of choice. Or hers. “Plus, maybe we’ll see that young servant again.”

  I groaned. Two days had pa
ssed since I spoke with Fray Castor and realized how funny it was to feel obligated yet irritated at the same time. Voiceless or not, that boy was absolutely terrible, and I had little interest in ever seeing him again.

  Which was why I was probably going to see him again.

  I wagged a finger. “Boys on the brain, Lu. It’s not healthy.” Nevertheless, I put on a robe over my nightdress.

  Lulu quirked an eyebrow. “Says the girl who likes to gut hogs.”

  My retort was interrupted by the grumble of my belly. I bowed and swept my hand out in a flourish. “Lead the way, fair maiden.”

  We moved together from my bedroom, down the carpeted halls past several guards, and downstairs to the main floor. The castle was quiet at this time of night and the lights of the torches gave it a muted, ethereal glow. We crept through the stone channels of the castle, driven by memory through halls where any newcomer would lose themselves. We knew just the right shortcuts to get where we were going without being detected. At this point, my mother would stop at nothing to confine me within these walls in as close proximity to Ashe as possible.

  The reward far outweighed the threat of being caught. The castle had ears everywhere and not every guard was eating out of Lulu’s hands, as much as she liked to think they were. Cake was the prize and we would not be deterred.

  We crept into the kitchens, making sure to ease the door closed behind us. When I was younger, Henry would bring me lavender cakes that he’d stolen from the pantries. Eventually, he let me come with him, and it became a tradition of ours. Especially if something had happened between my brother and my father. It seemed our excursions nearly doubled before he left for war, which meant my father was breaking him more and more. I never put two and two together until now.

  My brother was hurting, and he never told me.

  I shook the memory loose and stepped into the main room of the kitchens. It was dark, but Lulu had brought a candle and set it on one of the long tables used for cutting meat and vegetables. She hoisted herself onto one to sit and sighed.

  “Nobody around to play with,” she said. She looked at me and smiled. “Fetch me some sweets, servant.”

  I executed an exaggerated bow and slipped into one of the larger pantries. I opened cupboards and pulled out tomorrow’s desserts: squash pie and strawberry pudding. I knew by the smell that there was cheesecake somewhere. Why wouldn’t there be? Cheesecake was amazing. I was stooping down to one of the lower shelves to claim my prize when someone tapped their foot against mine. I straightened, ramming my head into the shelf on the way up.

  “Gods…” I rubbed my head and cursed at several fallen dishes. I set the cheesecake down and stacked the dishes again. “Lulu, I swear…”

  “Everything all right in there?” Lulu called out from the other room.

  I tensed and slowly rose to stand. Fray, who was clearly not my cousin, dropped to his knees at the pantry and started to reorganize my mess. A candle sat on a small table in the center of the room.

  “I’m sorry, you scared me,” I said, my voice still functional somehow. It was not like me to apologize to a servant, but, in a sense, this was Fray’s territory. It should not have been as surprising as it was to see him there.

  His brow furrowed as he looked at me. He had his hands shoved into his pant pockets, so I knew the conversation was over before it had begun.

  “I’ll be right out, Lu!” I frowned at Fray. “Don’t tell anybody I was in here,” I told him, scooping up the dishes of sweets.

  His mouth pulled tight and he withdrew his hands. Commanding me, again? You’re an ungrateful woman.

  My fingers twitched with the urge to hit him. But niceties would work a little better this time around. “How about a bribe, then? The pudding is delectable. Do they let you eat this?”

  Fray’s mouth gaped and then immediately closed. That is nothing that I want, Princess.

  “So, what is it you want?”

  For you to stop thinking of me as a slave doing your bidding. Noting my annoyance, his demeanor changed. How is the wound?

  “My what?” I stared him down, wary of the sudden docile way his body relaxed and stopped pulling tight like a fiddle string.

  He reached for my robe without a response. At my reluctance, he pulled it gently, enough for me to know he wasn’t backing away. He slid away the fabric of the robe and my nightdress to peer at the arrow wound on my shoulder.

  I sucked in a breath when his fingertips met my skin. If he cared anything for the severe differences in our castes, he did not show it. He stood so close I could feel the heat of him. So close, I could smell the forest scent in his tangle of hair.

  “If I were you, I’d remove your hand right this instant, kitchen boy, unless you want a guard to arrest you,” I said with a glare that would make my mother proud. A startling shock flared through me when he met my eyes and finally removed his hand. He stepped back and studied me.

  As a servant, he should have at least apologized, but his look stated that he had no intent in doing so. He looked normal, even pleased, as if he felt no remorse whatsoever. He must really have wanted to spend the night in prison.

  But Fray Castor had been the one to save me that night. He carried me—he must have—so he would have touched me in some way. He knew where the wound was. Did he treat it then, or did he wait until I was under the queen’s care?

  I studied him in the dim glow of the candlelight.

  Do you usually touch royalty this way? I signed.

  He frowned. Do you usually fatten yourself up like a hog this late at night?

  I prepared to sign again but stopped when the corners of Fray’s mouth turned up. He’d noticed my switch from speaking to signing as quickly as I did. Maybe he even heard the rapid beating of my heart, something I was not particularly proud of.

  “You get a pass this time,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “You must have forgotten who I am.”

  Fray cocked his head. Have I?

  I waved my arms in a flourish. “A breathtaking princess stands before you.”

  Fray blinked. The way you tried to fight off that man, I’m sure you’re much more than that. I sucked in a breath but had no time to reply. Your cousin is waiting for you, Princess.

  As if hearing her name, Lulu entered the pantry. Upon seeing Fray, she smoothed down the front of her robe and cleared her throat. “Why, hello.”

  I rolled my eyes. “He was just leaving,” I told her, shoving the sweets into her hands. “As are we.”

  Lulu rose to her the tips of her toes and peered over my shoulder as I pushed her away. “Why does he look so angry?”

  “I think that’s just how his face looks.”

  A whistle stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned to watch the servant bring up a hand by way of farewell.

  I waved back.

  Chapter 12

  The next night, as I watched the moonlight cast its silver glow onto my floor, I realized I hadn’t told Henry what had happened. I shuffled from my place on the bed, drew on my robe, and lit a candle. I nodded to the guards outside my doorway as I went. Crim followed behind soundlessly, a shadow in the deepest corners, the glint of his sword like a gem at the bottom of the blackest ocean.

  I walked out into the gardens and past the servants’ apartments, following the path of moonlight to my destination. Once my shadow realized it, he stopped and stood under a large tree just outside of the wrought iron gates.

  Once at Henry’s grave, I pulled my robe tighter against my body. “What would you do if somebody tried to kill you?” I paused and swallowed. “If you were here, you’d hunt them for me. I’d do the same for you…”

  A hoot sounded from the trees followed by a rapid flapping of wings. The barn owl landed on a headstone ten feet away. The stars sparkled white on a blanket of deep blue fading into black. Over the gates, my shadow coughed and shifted his position against the tree.

  “Mother has gone crazy. Father has been gone too long. I’m stuck entertaining a prince.
A friend of yours named Ashe from The Peeks. I’m sure you remember him. He remembers you.” I glanced to the barn owl, whose head spun around at a sound. I heard it too. It was sort of like the grinding of one stone against another. And then the sound of someone sniffling.

  Another shadow appeared in the corner of my eye, creeping along the far side of the wall, upright at first and then dropping down onto all fours. It wasn’t my guard, for he kept vigil in the same spot near the tree. I inched my way toward the new shadow, keeping gravestones between us, and watched the figure disappear through an opening in the stone wall. Before the person could replace the stone, I caught sight of who it was.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” I whispered harshly, a warning to myself.

  Oh, yes you do, said another part of me. If Fray was sneaking out to track down the other men, there was no way in seven hells he was doing it alone. And there was no way he could stop me.

  He’d seen me even if he hadn’t heard me. I got down on all fours. A lantern and what smelled like a sack full of cooked food sat at his feet.

  I shuffled in the dirt. “You’re going after them, aren’t you?”

  Fray got to his knees to look at me and blinked long and hard. He then put a finger between his eyes as if it hurt there.

  I began creeping through the gap. “I’m coming with you,” I said between grunts. “And if you even try to stop me, I will tell my mother about this little secret passage, and she will have you thrown into prison.” I managed to squeeze my entire body through the wall and rose to my knees. I gave a smile full of teeth. “Deal?”

  Fray looked irritated. He got to his feet and stared at me with open displeasure.

  You wouldn’t do that, he signed. You owe me a life debt, remember?

  I pushed myself to my feet in a huff. “You said all you wanted was a thank you.”

  He neared me. I thought for a moment that he would drag me back through that hole. I wouldn’t say that I didn’t deserve it.