Unspoken

by Celia Mcmahon

  Fray stay-out-of-the-woods Castor,

  his mouth turned down in a frown as he set the pot in front of Ashe. Before straightening, he held Ashe’s glare, and then disappeared into the kitchen.

  I exhaled long and hard. Only hours ago, we had danced. But now, I had offended him like the idiot I was, and he had offended me back like the pisser he was, and my cheeks burned again. Why was I letting him get to me? I was better than that.

  I balled my fist around the imaginary dagger at my side. I knew if I tried, I could still have my revenge on those men without Fray Castor’s help. I could still prove to Mother that the magic I saw was real.

  It would be easier with him, though.

  Crim waited for me after breakfast. The massive bald man offered his arms to carry me. I shot him a look and shook my head. “Surviving an injury is supposed to make you stronger,” I said as we walked back to my chambers. “Now I know that I can take an arrow. But what about a sword?”

  Crim frowned and signed, Or a mountain cat.

  “Good point, my friend. It looks like I need to go and see if I can get myself bitten by an animal.”

  Crim grinned. Cover yourself in fish guts. That will attract them.

  I waited for Fray by the cemetery wall that night. It had stopped raining just before supper, leaving a constant drip from the trees above. I pulled my hood over my head as he walked up, the sack of food noticeably absent.

  “Where are you off to?” I asked.

  Dark deeds under a dark sky, he signed.

  “I’m coming.”

  I don’t even get a choice?

  “Not one.”

  He looked at me dismissively, probably hoping that I’d go away. When I didn’t, he tilted his head forward, signaling me to follow. We both passed through the secret opening and into the woods.

  Too easy. What was the catch?

  We walked through the woods in silence, cloaked in darkness, following the dim illumination of Fray’s lantern. I had lit my candle and set it onto Henry’s grave, hoping I’d have the same luck as before. I felt my dagger, sheathed in the hide of my boot. Just in case.

  Fray kept position beside me. We crossed muddy patches of forest, and I wrapped my arms around myself, as if I could hold my sanity together that way. We were walking further than the night we’d gone to the Voiceless camp. Though I frequented the forest outside of the castle walls, the area behind my home was as foreign to me as that beyond the Archway. Anything could be harboring in its folds. Even men who changed into wolves.

  A brush of wind disturbed the brambles and swept loose the baby hairs from around my forehead. I inhaled carefully, forcing my heart to steady. Fray glanced at me as if he could hear the thrum of my worried thoughts.

  We weren’t walking long before he stopped me with a look from the eyes hidden beneath his hood. He swept his hand out in a flourish toward the way we’d come. This was my chance to go back. He left it wide open for me.

  I looked over the outline of a sword under his cloak and shivered at the thought of my measly dagger.

  Choose.

  I shook my head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I felt the weight of his stare and the thud of my heartbeat.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I echoed.

  He shook his head, turned and signed,

  I won’t have the conviction of a dead princess on my hands.

  “You won’t have to. If I die, I won’t tell a soul.”

  I smirked. Fray didn’t. He threw his head back and cracked the joints in his neck before stalking away. I pulled the hood of my cloak over my head and matched his pace. Before I knew it, we were in the heart of the forest with nothing but a dim lantern to light the way. The darkness had never frightened me, but there was something about the thought of fighting in it that sent shivers down my spine.

  An hour passed. Two. By that time, my stomach had filled with rocks and my breathing staggered. How far were we going? Too far from help, good sense answered.

  Suddenly, Fray drew on me. One of his hands closed around my face, covering my mouth. I turned, and while I couldn’t see what he saw or hear what he heard, it took only a split second to know that it meant danger.

  He then took his free hand and closed all fingers except his thumb and pinky.

  Stay.

  The lantern light went out.

  He disappeared in a flash. Too quick and too fast for me to follow. I sank back against a tree trunk and fell to a crouch. Somewhere, a crow screamed, and I jumped from my skin. “Fray?” I whispered. I stepped forward, holding my breath, but nothing else sounded. Not even a rustle of leaves. Nervousness gripped my heart. I had no sense of direction. Only up and down. I was alone with nothing but a dagger. How could I fight through the darkness? It was unforgiving, and it would strike me down in seconds.

  Fray Castor! That bastard left me here!

  I found the moon through the clouds and pivoted in the direction we had come. I turned on my heels and looked back to where Fray had gone.

  I thought of my dagger. I could do it. If it came down to it… if this whole thing wasn’t some ploy to scare me away.

  “Come out, servant boy,” I whispered as I turned back. I clicked my tongue. “Come out, come out. Tell me what you’ve found in the shadows.”

  Silence. I knew he couldn’t answer me even if he wanted to. I stepped softly, careful not to change direction, and breathed through my nose, keeping the sound to a minimum. I knew this might not save me. The Voiceless were known for their animalistic hearing. Was Fray just the same?

  I navigated over seemingly endless tree trunks and brush until my boot hit something soft. I took a hesitant breath, and my stomach turned. The smell, I knew it well. Sometimes I’d find dead animal carcasses in the forest, torn up and abandoned by bears or wild cats. I thought back to a time when the battles had been closer to home, and soldiers were brought in by the wagon full.

  I’d been four years old, but I still remembered the smell of a dead human being.

  I shoved my sleeve into my mouth to suppress a scream and to stop the vomit. I bent down, terror gripping my stomach, and waited for the clouds to pass over the moon. What would I do? They’d come after me next. I’d be dead in seconds if I didn’t move now.

  No. I had to see. I had to be sure.

  The moonlight came and revealed a man with his neck sliced open. I stifled a sob and stepped back slowly. I turned to move, but my boot caught on something and I slipped, coming down hard onto my knees. My fingers gripped the earth beneath me, but instead of finding soil, they came up oily and thick as if I were in a pool of molasses. My breath caught in my throat.

  Blood.

  The moonlight uncloaked the darkness. I cast a horrified glance to the bodies surrounding me. There had to be at least a half of dozen of them, some piled atop each other, mouths agape and all covered in their own blood.

  I lurched, gripping my stomach.

  I threw up.

  The smell overwhelmed me. These men were dead. Not only dead, but shredded and gutted and smashed until there was nothing left of even their faces. The stench told me that this wasn’t recent. A day. Maybe two.

  I would have fallen and rocked back and forth, my vomit contending with the foulness of these murdered men, had it not been for the sudden tug on my shoulders. My feet suddenly left the ground, and for a horrified moment, I thought that I had died painlessly and was floating to the heavens. In my mind’s eye, I was surrounded by the glow of the afterlife, but then I opened real eyes to darkness and two strong, calloused hands heaving me to stand on my feet.

  “I threw up,” I told Fray. Warm tears escaped my eyes.

  I won’t tell anyone, he signed.

  I managed a weak smile.

  He lit the lantern; the light blossomed over the sharp angles of his face.

  I told you to stay where you were.

  “You don’t know me.” My breath came out quickly. “I don’t listen to anyone.”

&n
bsp; Fray scowled.

  I lifted my hands. They were covered as if I were wearing red gloves. “Were those men the ones who attacked me? “

  A nod, yes.

  “You killed them.”

  He set his jaw. Another nod. Not all of them. Last night. I came to see if there were any new tracks.

  He used those men as bait for the others who remained. My stomach lurched again.

  “No one deserves to die like that,” I said, careful not to gag on the acid rising into my throat.

  If anyone deserved to die that way, it was them.

  He shook his head, exasperated, his hands flailing as he signed. You don’t know me. You come out here thinking this is a battle you’re willing to fight, but it’s not. You don’t belong out here. Go back home.

  The quickness of his signing and the way he gritted his teeth was enough. He was right. Who was I to think I had any reason to be out there with him? We weren’t friends. There was no alliance between the two of us. I had forced my way into his life. I was merely a rock in his path. Useless and easily kicked aside.

  Just as I’d treated every potential boy that had come to Stormwall.

  Two claps forced me to look at him.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. What I meant to say was that I thought I was helping. I thought that I’d be useful. I’d cling to something, any idea that made me feel safe.

  But it was Fray’s response that drove the nail in a little further.

  He signed, I had to kill them. They saw my face, and they’d be after me next.

  “Of course,” I said, my cheeks flushing hotly.

  Fray started to walk ahead. I was left lingering behind like a child on a leash, angry at myself for reacting the way I had, for vomiting and shaking like a leaf in the wind. He’d slowed his pace so that I could catch up and we ended up walking side by side. His presence felt like lead in my stomach. Mostly, I was furious at how I suddenly cared about how he saw me.

  And how I knew that I never belonged with him that night in the first place.

  It took longer to get back to the cemetery than it did to leave it. I monitored my emotions carefully. One minute I wanted to ask Fray so many questions and the next, I wanted nothing more to do with him. I never understood the female’s need to dissect and understand every action of a man, but something about Fray Castor begged for it without even speaking a word.

  He stopped at the wall and scowled at me.

  I swear to the gods. If you come back out here, I will alert the guards. Job be damned.

  “You would not.”

  He stood there, eyes fixed and unmoving.

  I sighed long and hard. “I still owe you.”

  You’ll owe more if I have to save your life again.

  “Fine.” I started climbing through the hole in the wall. “I’ll track that man-wolf myself. Henry taught me—"

  Fray’s boots knocked at my ankle and I scooted out of the hole to look at him.

  What did you say?

  I reeled. “Oh, now you’re finally listening to me,” I mocked and got to my feet. “Why? Because I know how to hunt? Are you shocked?” Fray lifted his hands to sign, but I cut him off. “I don’t want to hear it. My brother taught me more than you could in your entire lifetime, so take your excuses and shove them—”

  Fray raised a hand a breath away from my face. He didn’t take his eyes off me, his face oddly calm.

  Let me speak.

  “Fine. Go.”

  You said you saw a wolf. Tell me.

  “Why? So you can think I’m crazy too?”

  I’m reserving judgment for now. Tell me.

  “In the woods the night you found me, one of the men changed, and I swear to all the heavens that he became a wolf.” I took in a heaving breath and sank down to a crouch. “Don’t say I’m crazy. Don’t say I’m lying. I can’t take it.”

  Fray helped me to stand. There was sympathy in his eyes, maybe even a little sadness, and because my hands were trembling, I pulled away. I wanted to kick something, kill something. But the dagger strapped to my calf only made me feel weak, so I started crying instead.

  Fray gripped my shoulders, holding me steady. Our eyes met, and we stayed that way for several seconds, and then he wiped a trail from my cheeks and signed, Those men want to kill you and your entire family. Magic has found its way back.

  Unease crept over my skin, stilling my thoughts. I knew the truth of what I saw that night, but to hear it aloud was something altogether different. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. Magic was real. And it was here in Mirosa.

  I stood there facing him, motionless for what seemed like forever. An animal scurried in the underbrush several feet away, an owl took flight after it. The moon cast an eerie glow in and out of black clouds, and Fray Castor drew me in closer. His breath was warm on my cheek. This would be the moment he would say something to calm me down, as all men did, but there was nothing but a frustrated exhale through his nose.

  He withdrew, and I felt strangely empty.

  “How do you know this?” I asked, setting my jaw against the tears.

  Fray bared his teeth, his eyes darker than ever. Go, he signed.

  My stomach tightened. I inhaled the scent of blood and death, the memory like ice in my veins. “Fray.”

  Go back. Whatever is happening will be taken care of. Go.

  I should have. I should have gone, but my feet stayed planted. I didn’t want to. Not without an explanation.

  “Tell me what’s going on, Fray.”

  Something gave a low guttural sound. I could have sworn it came from Fray’s throat.

  Go, or I’ll kill you myself.

  I held my breath. To my left, the secret passageway led back to the cemetery. But something pulled me away from the safety of my home, toward the black night and the man in front of me. My body and mind wouldn’t let me go, and I didn’t know why.

  I began to panic in a way that felt as though I no longer had control over my body. I felt that, at any moment, it would act without reason. Be logical, I told myself. Get a grip. Go where it’s safe.

  But I needed to know.

  I looked at him. His eyes were too blue, and his hair was too light—a strange combination even for a commoner. His gaze held mine in a way that seemed like a challenge. I felt curious enough to challenge him back.

  “I think there’s more to you than you’re letting on, Fray Castor,” I said.

  Fray cocked his head. Maybe, the similarities are clearer than you think.

  “The similarities between…” I stopped, blinked, and Fray’s face came into focus. There was something incredibly tender there. But also, something wild and unfettered. Was this his way of telling me he and those men in the woods were alike?

  “You are just like them.” I gulped in a breath. But how? That wolf-man was not a Voiceless. But he was from the Old Kingdom. Was it possible that not everyone had been affected by the illness? I shook my head. Maybe he meant he possessed magic, like the man who appeared to have affected the weather. Fray wasn’t denying it. He was standing there, arms limp at his sides, like I had exposed him.

  “You lied to me,” I said, backing up. “You are like the men who tried to kill me. What are you?”

  I saved your life more than once, Princess. Need I remind you?

  “I could scream right now, and you’d be dead,” I told him. Rain pattered my head, the coldness of it seeping into my bones. I blinked it from my eyelashes. “I don’t want that. No, I don't want you dead. No matter what magic you can do.”

  Fray pinched the bridge of his nose and signed. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there sooner.

  I flinched. “What?”

  A crack of lightning lit up the sky. I blinked and studied him. There was something devastating about the way he looked. I could only believe that he truly was sorry.

  Not that I had a choice.

  He signed again, if only to reiterate the apology.

  “I understood the first ti
me,” I interrupted. “You don’t need to be sorry. It feels too silly.” I flushed with guilt, knowing that he was only out here hunting those men because of me. But what was in it for him?

  Another flash of lightning, and the sky brightened. All I could see in that moment were his wide blue eyes as something strange and dangerous crossed them.

  “You’re from the Old Kingdom, aren’t you?” Part of me wanted to believe otherwise—that with him being so young and Voiceless, it just couldn’t be true.

  Barely a nod, but I saw it, and my body reacted before my mind had time to process it. I ran for my dagger. “Tell me who you really are.”

  Yes, I am from the place beyond… He cut the air with a finger forming an arch. They were sent to kill you and your family.

  “And you?”

  A shake of his head.

  “And that man who transformed into a wolf?”

  You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

  My heart drummed in my throat. I cursed myself for letting this go on. I prayed to the gods, to anyone who would take heed, to help and guide me. I laughed inwardly. The last time I prayed was for my brother’s safety the day he left for war. And the gods hadn’t heard me.

  I shook the prayer away. “Try me, Fray Castor.”

  Fray blinked long and slow, pursing his full lips. I know what your heart seeks, he signed. I’ve seen you at your brother’s grave.

  I gritted my teeth. This boy did not get to make assumptions about Henry. Not ever. “You don’t know anything.” I hated the shakiness in my voice. I swallowed and tried again. “You could live a thousand lifetimes and never know me.”

  Except I do.

  “You’re a murderer.”

  A pause and then, You don’t really know much about me.

  “Do not treat me like I am a piece of glass.” I took a finger and pressed it to his chest. I paused, waiting for him to speak, but realized I’d be waiting a lifetime.

  He nodded carefully, almost dutifully, like a servant would. Stone and steel. A great ship on a raging sea, steady and balanced.

  I would never, he signed, slow and deliberate.

  “Thank you for saving me. I’ll always be thankful.” I breathed. I swallowed. “How about a deal?”