Sapphire Falls

by Fleur McDonald

The sheep streamed through the gate into the compound and raced around the side of the shed, hoping the gate on the other side was open. They realised it was shut and slowed from running to a walk and started to mill around, their heads down, pulling at the grass. A few walked into the machinery shed looking for titbits, and others ran straight to the silos, pushing their heads into the boot, looking for grain.

  Fiona was pleased she’d remembered to block off the boots with a few empty chemical drums. She didn’t need them getting a tummy full of any type of food before she put them into the shed for shearing.

  She sent Meita around them and the dog herded them towards the open gate of the yards. This was the part Fiona found hard now that she was a bit bigger. They were wily old ewes and knew what was about to happen. With Meita running from one side to the other, barking loudly, and Fiona trying to do the same, the ewes baulked at the gate, not wanting to run through.

  Puffing hard and holding the underside of her stomach, she yelled at them. ‘Ha! Ha! Get in, get in! Pack ’em up, Meita! Get in there, you old bitches!’

  She wished she’d thought to grab something that rattled—even a plastic bag that made a different noise to Meita barking and her yelling. These girls were used to that. Something new would have helped.

  She knew she couldn’t let them go, because when she tried to get them in the yards next time, they would remember they’d beaten her once and give her an extra hard time. She yelled a bit louder and jumped up and down, flapping her arms. Meita rushed into the middle of the mob, barking loudly, sending them scattering in every direction, but she was rewarded with the leaders turning their heads and running into the yards.

  ‘Go back, Meita, quick! Go back!’

  Meita rounded behind the mob and pointed them back in the right direction and within a few minutes, Fiona, panting for breath, was able to chain the gate behind them.

  ‘Right, they can stay there until this evening and drain out, Miss Meita,’ Fiona said. Meita sat down, looking up at her, her tail thumping on the ground. Fiona grinned. ‘You’re going to enjoy the next few days, with all the drafting we’re going to do. Come on, get up on the back of the ute. I need a rest, and I want to check the spraying that Damien did.’

  Sloshing through the muddy yards, she went back to her ute, stopping to glance around at the sheep, making sure the other gates were all chained shut. She knew she’d done it, but a second check wouldn’t hurt.

  There was a glint in the sky and she looked up expecting to see a jet. Instead it was something small and silver.

  ‘It’s that bloody drone again,’ she muttered, her brow crinkling. ‘Why’s it coming over all the time? That’s the fifth time I’ve seen it.’ She watched it dip and glide, never coming too close. In fact, she was sure it wasn’t even crossing her boundary. Just flying up and down the fence line.

  Well, just so long as it didn’t buzz across her yards and scare the sheep, it would be okay. Still, she’d begun to wonder why it was up so often.

  ‘Come on,’ she said to Meita with a final look at the drone. ‘Let’s go.’

  Fiona drove out to the barley paddock, avoiding the puddles on the road. She stopped every so often to look down at the feed that was pushing through. She was sure Charlie was looking after them this season. How else could the perfect timing and amount of rain be explained? Even the old-timers were saying there had never been a season like this one.

  Out in the paddock, she felt a sense of satisfaction as she looked over the healthy crop. It was a vivid green and swayed gently in the breeze. As she got down onto her hands and knees, she felt the moisture in the soil soak through her jeans. Inhaling the smell of it, she closed her eyes. It was beautiful.

  Five and a bit months on, she still missed Charlie so intensely that it hurt, and these sorts of moments were so bitter-sweet she couldn’t work out if she was happy or insanely sad. Charlie would have been so proud of this crop.

  Parting the leaves, she looked down into the base of a plant, expecting to see it clean and insect-free. She did a double take. There were little black dots with red legs all over it.

  It was crawling with the insects she’d had the crop sprayed for.

  That couldn’t be right. The chemical Jo had told her to use should have killed on impact, leaving behind a residue. She shifted spots and looked again. It was the same.

  She moved as quickly as she could, getting into the ute and driving further into the paddock. Here she could see the damage they were doing. Little white patches on beautiful, healthy green leaves.

  Shit! What had happened?

  Pulling out her mobile phone, she rang Jo.

  ‘The spraying hasn’t worked,’ she said without preamble. ‘What could have stuffed it up?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Jo sounded distracted.

  ‘Just what I said,’ Fiona tried to keep the panic out of her voice. She didn’t have the extra money to do another spray. The bank still hadn’t unfrozen her account, and the granting of probate seemed a lifetime away. Not knowing how long it was going to take, she had to operate on a shoestring budget. She’d even had to take out a shearing advance—an advance on the sales of her wool— this year to be able to pay the shearers. In all the time she and Charlie had farmed, they’d never had to do that.

  She saw that her hands were shaking and took a deep breath to try to calm herself. Reacting and feeling like this wouldn’t do the baby any good.

  ‘I’ll come out and have a look this afternoon. I’m just a bit tied up at the moment,’ Jo sounded strained.

  ‘But why wouldn’t the chemical have worked? Was it a shonky batch? Am I able to be reimbursed so I can buy more?’ Fiona was standing in the middle of the paddock, surrounded by a barley crop that was halfway to her knees. This was a life-changing crop—if she could get it harvested and into the bin. Fear began to creep over her.

  ‘Stop it,’ she told herself silently.

  ‘I don’t know, Fee. I haven’t heard of this happening to anyone else, so it’s unlikely it’s a chemical problem. Look, like I said, I’m a bit tied up. I’ll be out there in a couple of hours, okay?’

  Fiona swallowed. ‘Sure. See you then.’ She pressed the button to disconnect the call and stood there, frozen to the spot. She couldn’t think either.

  Finally, she decided she couldn’t do anything until Jo arrived. She went back to the house and turned on the computer. Bringing up the weather website, she checked the forecast for the next week. Her heart sank when she saw that a cold front was due in three days’ time. It looked like the strongest one, so far, for the season. Of course she was shearing.

  ‘Bloody hell!’ Her cursing made Meita, curled up in front of the bar heater, look up at her enquiringly.

  ‘You know what that means, don’t you?’ Fiona said, turning to talk to her. ‘That means we’ll have to get them in a paddock with a shelter and make sure they get a good feed beforehand. Don’t want them wandering out into the cold weather without their winter coats on. Geez, could anything else go wrong? I’m beginning to take this personally, Charlie!’ She looked up at the roof as she spoke.

  Sorting through the bills, Fiona worked out which ones she had to pay now and which could wait for a while. Then she picked up the phone to ring her bank manager.

  ‘Hi, Wayne, Fiona Forrest here,’ she said when he answered.

  ‘Fiona, how are you? I’ve just been talking about you! How fortuitous that you rang!’

  ‘I hope it was all good!’

  ‘Well, I’d heard that you were selling and I’d planned on giving you a call about paying out the loan and what the best way forward was, so you didn’t get hit with too many charges and fees. What made you change your mind?’

  Fiona pursed her lips and frowned. ‘I’m sorry, you heard what?’

  There was a silence down the end of the line before Wayne cleared his throat. ‘Oh, have I made a mistake?’

  ‘Yeah! A big one,’ Fiona snapped. ‘Where did you hear that?’


  ‘Um, a very reliable source. But I don’t think I’ll mention who, since it appears it isn’t true. I’m sorry, Fiona. I have to admit I was very surprised.’

  ‘I’m not selling,’ she stated flatly. ‘And you can tell anyone who brings it up again. I’m just not.’

  ‘Sure. Now, how can I help you?’ Wayne stumbled over his words.

  ‘I was ringing about extending my overdraft,’ she said, twisting the cord around her finger. She wondered what he’d say, considering how vehemently she’d just said she wasn’t selling.

  ‘Ah.’

  The silence between them made her stomach constrict and she felt the need to fill it. ‘Just a temporary one. Bridging finance.’

  ‘Look, Fee, why don’t you come in so we can talk about this,’ Wayne replied. ‘We do have a bit of an issue with security since the farm is still in both of your names.’

  ‘But …’ Fiona tried to think of what to say. She hadn’t thought there would be a problem! ‘But the will. It all comes to me. I don’t understand.’

  ‘Come in and talk to me. I’ll see what I can do to help.’ Wayne’s voice was kind. ‘How does three o’clock tomorrow sound?’

  ‘I’m shearing tomorrow.’ Fiona couldn’t think; her heart was pounding so hard, she was getting spots in front of her eyes.

  ‘Okay, maybe after you’ve finished shearing. How many days have you got?’

  ‘Four, depending on how many they shear a day. It might run into five.’

  ‘Fine, then ring me when you’ve finished and we’ll arrange an appointment then. I assume you’ve got a shearing advance organised?’

  ‘Yes, I have.’

  ‘Good. Okay, see you in a week or so.’

  Fiona hung up the phone, staring at the desk. Today was turning out to be a really, really shitty day.

  Chapter 23

  Storming into the real estate office, Fiona slammed her hand down on the desk, causing Ian Tonkin to jump.

  ‘What are you saying about me around town?’ she demanded.

  ‘What?’ Ian rose from his desk and walked over to her.

  ‘Stay away from me,’ she said, holding her hand out to ward him off. ‘I want to know what you’re saying about me selling.’

  ‘I haven’t said—’

  ‘Well, who’s saying it then? I keep hearing it over and over. My bank manager told me again this morning.’ Fiona glared at him.

  ‘Okay, sure, I said early on, not long after Charlie died, that you were selling. I thought I could convince you to. But I couldn’t. All’s fair in love and war.’ He shrugged. ‘I haven’t said anything to anyone for months.’

  ‘I’m not sure I believe you.’

  ‘Can’t do much about that.’ He lifted his chin and looked down his nose at her.

  Fiona squinted. Could anyone be more arrogant or more insensitive? Without another word, she turned and walked out of the office.

  ‘Your blood pressure is up,’ Scott said as he unwrapped the arm cuff.

  ‘Is it any wonder?’ Fiona said cynically. ‘I’m feeling a bit of pressure at the moment. Almost like I’m being backed into a corner.’

  ‘You’re doing too much.’ He started typing, making notes. ‘If you keep this up, I’ll have to put you in hospital.’

  ‘No can do! I’m starting shearing tomorrow.’

  Scott pushed his glasses down to the end of his nose and looked at her. ‘Which bit didn’t you hear? You’re doing too much. Hospital is an option.’ He got up and walked over to a cupboard and pulled out a sample pot. ‘Can you do a urine sample for me? I’ll check the protein in it.’

  Fiona bit her lip as her emotions welled up.

  ‘Listen,’ Scott softened his voice. ‘It’s the first time your blood pressure has been up. It might be just a symptom of today. Sounds like it’s been a tough one.’

  Fiona nodded, willing herself not to cry.

  ‘But blood pressure in pregnancy isn’t something to take lightly. It can be the start of pre-eclampsia and, trust me, that’s not something you want. Go fill the cup and come back.’ Scott opened the door for her and Fiona got up.

  She needed to pee anyway.

  In the toilet, her phone beeped with a text message from Jo.

  I’m at your place, where are you?

  ‘Shit,’ she cursed and quickly typed back, At doctors, forgot I had an appt. Give me an hour and I’ll be back.

  I’ll be here. Pick up more chemical before you come home. I’ve rung and organised it for you.

  Fiona stared at the message. That meant she’d been right. The spraying hadn’t worked. Still, there were other more pressing things to think about right now.

  With the sample shoved in her pocket, she walked back into the surgery and self-consciously made her way to Scott’s office.

  ‘Fee?’

  She turned and saw Carly sitting in the waiting room, reading a magazine. Her mother was up and out of her chair before Fiona could respond.

  ‘What’s wrong? Why are you here?’ Carly looked her over and Fiona knew she was trying to work out if anything was different.

  ‘Nothing’s wrong, Mum. It’s just one of the normal check-ups I have to have. What are you doing here?’ She put a teasing tone in her voice and shot a glance over at Janey, who was glaring at them. ‘Still haven’t tamed the dragon,’ she whispered.

  Carly smiled like the cat who’d got the cream. ‘Call me a bitch, but I love sitting here waiting for him.’

  Scott opened his door. ‘Ah, there you are. Oh, Carly, you’re here, too. Good. Quick, both of you, come in.’

  Fiona saw Scott’s face light up when he saw Carly. Secretly she smiled to herself. This was great!

  ‘I’m pleased you’re here, Carly,’ Scott said as he motioned to them both to sit down. ‘Sample?’ he held out his hand and took it over to the bench to test it while the two women waited.

  ‘What’s wrong here, Scott?’ asked Carly as she eyed him closely.

  ‘Everything’s fine, Mum,’ Fiona answered before Scott could get a word in. ‘It’s just a normal check-up. I told you.’

  They both watched as Scott frowned, looking at the test stick. He walked back towards them and sat down at his desk, looking Fiona in the eye. ‘Just let me take your blood pressure again.’

  They were all silent, watching the cuff blow up and release. He nodded as if he’d expected the results.

  ‘I want to see you next week. At this stage, your blood pressure is too high, but it could have been brought on by the stresses of today. You don’t have any protein in your urine right now, but we certainly need to keep an eye on things.’

  ‘High blood pressure? What does that mean?’ Carly asked.

  ‘It can be a sign of pre-eclampsia.’ He turned his attention to Fiona. ‘Have you had any dizziness or blurred vision? Headaches?’

  Fiona shook her head.

  ‘Bleeding?’

  She hesitated.

  ‘Fiona?’ Carly’s voice rose a notch.

  ‘I had a bit a few weeks ago. But I’d lifted a couple of ewes onto a trailer so I could crutch them and I thought I’d just done too much. It was only a bit of spotting. Nothing much.’

  Carly stood up and put her hands on her hips. ‘Look here, my girl, that’s my grandchild’s life you’re playing with. If you don’t want to look after yourself, that’s one thing, but don’t risk this baby’s …’

  Scott put a hand on her arm to calm her. ‘Carly, sweetheart, it’s okay. Fiona knows. Sit down.’ His gentle tone seemed to calm Carly, and she sat down abruptly.

  ‘Your mother is right in a way, Fiona,’ Scott said, when he was sure no one was going to interrupt him. ‘You can do everything as you’ve done it before—after all, you’re only pregnant, not sick, but you do have to be kind to yourself. I need you to slow down just a bit, okay? I know you’ve got shearing on, and being there is fine. But you need to take regular breaks. Is there anything else you haven’t told me?’

  ‘I get a bit breath
less.’

  Scott nodded. ‘That’s actually normal. The baby pushes up onto your diaphragm. Makes things a bit uncomfortable. Anything else?’

  ‘I’ve had a couple of bloody noses, too. I don’t usually get them.’

  ‘Again, that can be normal. Blood vessels tend to be a bit closer to the surface when you’re pregnant. Are you eating properly?’

  Fiona nodded. Kim had sent her a basketful of frozen dinners she’d made as a trial for her new business. She’d happily and gratefully accepted them. Cooking at the end of the day, when she was exhausted, was too hard. ‘That’s one thing I am doing,’ she said.

  ‘Good. But be aware, Fiona, pre-eclampsia can be life-threatening to you and the baby. Make another appointment for next week and we’ll check you out again then, okay?’

  Fiona nodded, groaning inside. Great! Now her mother knew—she couldn’t blame Scott for asking her to come in to the appointment. Especially since she’d been sitting there waiting for him to take his lunch break. That was how things worked in the country. But now she’d be fussing over her for the next three and a half months. Just what she didn’t need.

  ‘Carly, can you wait outside for a moment or two? There’s a couple more things I just need to chat to Fiona about. And don’t get huffy!’ He winked at her and Carly’s face split into a huge smile.

  Fiona looked down, feeling uncomfortable about seeing such emotion from her mother. In one way it was so beautiful seeing Carly happy, but in another it was so foreign.

  When the door shut behind her, Scott asked Fiona if she’d made an appointment to see the counsellor he’d suggested a few months ago.

  ‘Not yet.’ Fiona avoided his eye. It had actually slipped her mind, but she wasn’t sure that Scott would believe her!

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I don’t feel like I need to. I’m getting on with what has to be done. There’s no one else to do it, so I am. Keeps me busy and then I don’t have to think.’

  Scott made a note on his computer before turning back to her. ‘Okay, I’m going to be frank here, Fiona. I love your mother, and I want to stay with her for a long time. Which in turn means I take you on, too. This baby as well. What I’m going to tell you, I’m telling you as a doctor but also as a friend. When bub is born, your emotions and hormones will get mucked around. Everything will be out of kilter. It might be a time, and I’m not saying it will be, but it might be, that you get hit hard with depression. It’s going to be a poignant time going through the birth without Charlie here, let alone everything else you’ll be facing. You won’t be facing it by yourself, of course, but it will be an emotional roller-coaster. Make an appointment to see the counsellor and start talking about all this before the baby comes. Promise me.’ He looked at her steadily.