by Amy Valenti
“I’m gonna got a drink,” I announced abruptly, getting up. “Anyone else want?”
A few people took me up on the offer, and I headed over to the bar, grateful as hell that Matt didn’t follow me. Taking the short respite from the Lena-centric drama that was unfolding around me, l watched the bartender do his thing, lost in thought.
When a hand touched my arm, I stared up into Josh’s face, startled. “Josh, hey!”
“Hey.” He leaned against the bar, a small smile touching his lips. “Relax.”
“Doesn’t look like that’s gonna be an option tonight,” I muttered, and he laughed softly.
“He asked you to play with him.” It was a statement, but also a guess, from the expression on his face. I wouldn’t have gained anything by lying to him, so I nodded slowly.
Josh watched me intently, and I felt another ridiculous urge to sink to my knees in front of him. If only he’d ask me to do it, I’d give in to him without a second thought. But he wouldn’t—if I’d learned anything by now, it was that he wouldn’t be the one to act first. Damn him!
“Something stopping you?”
How could he even ask that? “Well, yeah…”
“Me?”
I hadn’t expected him to be this direct. Staring down at my fingers, laced together on the bar, I nodded.
“Good.” The word was so casually pleased that I glanced up immediately, my instinct to submit to him intensifying at the smile on his face. God, he was so… There were no words for how attractive he was. All I could think about was what it would be like if he leaned over and kissed me. He’d be forceful, possessing me with his lips, and I’d just give in to him completely…
“You trust him?” His focus didn’t waver, but I saw more than a spark of concern for my wellbeing in his gaze.
“Yes.” That, I knew to be true. Matt had always been a careful, responsible top, even though our first sexual encounter had been a short, drunken vanilla interaction in a bathroom stall the night we’d first met. I probably would never have let my guard down enough to submit to him if we hadn’t already had a one-night stand.
“You love him?” Josh asked, his voice betraying no emotion.
I didn’t even have to stop to think, shaking my head emphatically. “No! We were never like that.”
Was it just me, or was he relieved? I’d have liked to hope so, but…
As the bartender set down the last of the drinks I’d ordered, Josh gave a one-shouldered shrug, smiling a little. “Then go play with him.”
I blinked up at him, trying to work out his angle. Hurt that he’d given up on me so easily. “Why?”
He leaned in close, his lips almost brushing my ear. “Because I want to watch.”
Oh. My skin tingled, my nipples hardened and I almost just turned my head and kissed him right then and there. “Josh—”
“Shhh.” He drew away, and my heart twinged with disappointment. “Your call, little tease.”
Before I could process the fact that he’d just called me that name again, he grabbed a couple of the drinks and headed back towards our group, leaving me hopelessly turned on and confused.
* * * *
Josh
Lena was quiet when she returned to the group, content to listen to other people’s conversations. Eventually, Matt pulled her off to one side, and I quelled my possessiveness with an effort.
You gave her permission to do this.
Part of me regretted it—wanted to slip the collar in my toy bag around her neck, clip a leash to it and drag her into the dungeon with me. But she wasn’t mine. Not yet.
Her hesitance to play with her ex-top was a reassurance, at least. And the voyeur in me wanted to watch her react to pain, to bear it, to ride it out and to plead for more. I wanted to see her gasp and tremble and bite back cries of pain, to see what was almost too much for her, what she liked, what she couldn’t stand.
If it had to be when she was under someone else’s control, then so be it.
While I tried to pay attention to the people around me, I kept an eye on Lena. She leaned against the wall, her hands moving in expressive gestures while she talked, then stilling as she listened, occasionally smiling faintly. Whatever she and Matt were talking about, she was conflicted, but at ease with him.
“Earth to Josh.” Alex waved a hand in front of my face, and I frowned at her, irritated. She leaned in to stage-whisper in my ear. “You were staring.”
“Wouldn’t you?” I asked, moving to the seat next to her to get a little distance from anyone who might have been listening to our conversation.
“Yeah. I’d be jealous as hell, and I know you are.” Alex studied me sympathetically. “Bad timing, huh?”
“Could be better,” I agreed, trying to resist the urge to turn and look at Lena again.
“Why did you give her permission to play with him? I mean, you haven’t even played together yet.” Her expression was curious.
“Been asking myself the same thing.” It was as much as I was willing to discuss the subject.
“Just tell me it isn’t some kind of misguided ‘if you love something, let it go, and if it comes back to you you’ll know it’s yours’ thing.”
I couldn’t help but smile bitterly. “Maybe a little.”
“Loser,” she said affectionately, punching my arm. “That’s your woman over there! Go claim her!”
“And here I thought women value men who are civilised, rather than cavemen.” I sipped my drink, casting the barest glance over to where Lena had been standing.
She wasn’t there, and neither was Matt. My heart sank, but I’d made this bed. It was time to go and lie in it. “Feel like some voyeurism?”
“Why, Josh! I thought you’d never ask!” She bounced upright and offered me her arm, and we headed into the dungeon’s spectators’ area together.
Lena and her top for the night were nowhere to be seen, so we watched the scenes already being played out. Some of our friends were in there, and others were new faces, or familiar faces whose identities I’d never learned. There was a particularly skilful scene with poi floggers taking place in one corner, and I admired the Domme’s technique, temporarily forgetting my troubles.
When the scene I was watching reached a lull, I scanned the play area again for signs of Lena. Finding none, I glanced around for Alex, but she’d slipped away at some point.
Then an approaching figure caught my eye, as familiar to me as breathing and a hell of a lot sexier. Lena—and she was alone.
Unsure of what was going on, I waited for her to reach me and then raised an eyebrow. “Thought you’d be in there by now.”
She pulled me away from the throng of voyeurs, into a quiet spot where we could talk unheard. Once we were there, she sat opposite me hesitantly, as if she were unsure of her own actions. “I’m not gonna play with Matt tonight.”
A stronger sense of relief than I’d been expecting swept through my body, and I tried not to let it show on my face. “Leaving it for next time?”
She shook her head. “He won’t be around. He’s only in town for a week.”
I couldn’t deny I was glad. I didn’t tell her that, though; it wasn’t my place. “There a reason you’re telling me this, Lena?”
“Yes.”
I kept quiet until she was ready to continue, and when her words came, they were worth the wait.
“Because of all these months of holding out on you. Of enduring the speculation and the bets and the stares and the objectification. Of needing to lay aside my dominance. Of wanting to be taken in hand.” She shook her head with a one-shouldered shrug. “That isn’t something I’d throw away for the sake of one nostalgic scene with a friend. Because when I submit, I want it to be completely.”
While I gazed at her, kept mute by a growing sense of anticipation, she got to her feet and stepped in closer to me.
“And I want it to be amazing.” The expression on her face took my breath away. It was intense and beautiful and serious and j
oyful all at once, and I ached to touch her, to kiss her, to collar her.
She sank to her knees beside my chair, her gaze never wavering from mine. “And I want it to be to you.”
She laced her fingers together behind her back, sitting on her heels, still looking up at me. “And this isn’t because I’m proving something to Matt. Or to anyone else. The only one whose opinion I care about is yours.”
I reached out to cup her face with my hand, and she turned her cheek into my palm, her eyes fluttering closed as if she were relishing the touch. It was only for a moment, and then she forced them open again, taking a deep breath and continuing, “I didn’t want to give myself to anyone else, even casually…because I love you.”
I hadn’t been expecting her to say it, and the surge of emotion that swept through me in response was powerful and jubilant. Finally…
Dropping her gaze from mine, she lowered her head, her voice strong and unwavering, despite her submissive posture. “Sir.”
Everything I could have wanted in a woman was kneeling before me, honest and vulnerable and proud of her instincts and emotions. I responded in the way I’d wanted to for months, without thinking. There wasn’t anything left to think about.
CHAPTER NINE
Lena
My heart pounding and my breath shaking slightly, I waited for Josh’s reaction, alert for every sound and movement he might make. I’d bared my soul, and now it was his turn.
Tugging on the chain necklace around my throat, he coaxed me into kneeling up without a word. I obeyed the unspoken command instinctively, and as he tilted up my chin with a finger I closed my eyes, trembling a little.
Take me. I’m yours.
Something brushed against my lips—his thumb, not his mouth, and I opened my eyes after a moment, confused. His smile as he drew back made me melt, and I tried to remind myself that if hadn’t kissed me yet, he had a reason for it. “About damn time, little tease.”
Dimly, I registered the applause and whistles of spectators I hadn’t even realised had gathered, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away from Josh until he glanced away first. He was half amused and half irritated at the small crowd that had gathered—word travelled fast, it seemed—and I followed his gaze with a self-conscious smile.
Smurfette grinned unashamedly, and Danny and Tamara seemed to be suppressing laughter at a shared joke—probably because they were used to kneeling for me. Izzy raised a good-natured eyebrow at me, and I caught Heidi doing practically the same thing to Josh. Set back from most of the crowd, Matt looked on with a rueful smile, and I returned his nod with one of my own, grateful for his distance from us.
My decision had been easy, when it had come down to it. When I’d begun negotiating with Matt, attempting to put myself into a submissive mindset, something had just felt wrong. I’d wanted Josh’s hands on me, Josh’s whispered voice in my ear, and regressing whole years to how things had been with Matt just hadn’t been an option.
I’d explained the situation, and he’d been gracious about it. After all, it would have only been a casual scene. I’d hugged him and headed outside for some fresh air, considering my next move.
And less than thirty minutes later, there I was, kneeling at Josh’s feet. Where I belonged. Where I’d longed to be.
Smurfette stepped between us and the rest of the crowd, making shooing motions with her hands. “Okay, folks, let’s back off and give them a little privacy. This isn’t a soap opera. A little respect for boundaries, please?”
Resisting the urge to point out her blatant voyeurism over the past few months, I shot her a quick grin, thanking her for the gesture. People began to disperse, but Josh beckoned Tamara over, leaning over to murmur something to her that I couldn’t catch.
Tamara nodded and disappeared around the corner, but before I could spend too much time wondering where she’d gone or why, Josh tugged on a lock of my hair, commanding my attention again.
“Not gonna demand that I tell you I love you, little tease?” he asked softly.
I bit back laughter, shaking my head. “I know you hate to state the obvious, Sir. Can I demand that you kiss me, though?”
“Nope. Not yet. Not until I’m ready.” The look in his eyes reassured me that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to, and I settled down to wait for his next move, trying to puzzle him out, forgetting Tamara, forgetting everything but him.
Tamara returned and handed something to Josh, and he nodded his thanks, then held it up as she retreated out of my sight.
A collar, practical yet elegant, all black leather and gleaming silver studs and an O-ring that was just the right size. “Play collar. Just for the scene. Yes, or no?”
“Yes,” I whispered, unable to take my eyes off it until he pulled it out of my line of sight. I’d never wanted to wear anything so much before.
“Turn around and hold your hair out of the way, then.”
I obeyed, and after undoing the chain I’d been wearing, he fitted the collar with gentle fingers around my throat. As he tightened the buckle, a final grain of resistance inside me dissolved, and with a sigh I gave over control completely. Every time I’d resisted him, turned him away, kept him at arms’ length…none of that mattered anymore.
“You know, this is brand new. I bought it with you in mind, little tease. Knew it’d look good on you.” His touch lingered once the collar was fastened, as he ordered me to let my hair go and turn to kneel in front of him again.
Once I was in position, he gave a light tug on the O-ring, and kept his finger hooked through it. “My girl.”
Feeling the truth of the statement resonate through my body, I bowed my head in agreement. “What do you want from me, Sir?”
“So many things, little tease.” His voice was husky with desire, and I thrilled at the implications he was making. “For now, I want you to go into the dungeon, pick a spot, strip to your underwear, kneel and wait for me. Clear?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Too soon, he released his hold on me. “Go, then.”
I went.
Anticipation made my fingers clumsy as I stripped off my dress and heels, and I felt the eyes of many voyeurs on me as I knelt in front of the spanking bench, linked my fingers together behind my back and waited for Josh.
He didn’t keep me in suspense for long. When his boots appeared in my line of sight a quiver of excitement ran through me, and I waited for his commands impatiently.
“They’re all watching us, you know.” Josh’s casual tone sent a shiver down my spine, and I flicked my gaze over to the spectators’ area of the play space without raising my head. I couldn’t see too well through my peripheral vision, but I got the sense that they were all there; every single person who’d been present the moment we’d been introduced—except Ben and Mel, of course.
My mind spun further into a submissive haze, and I closed my eyes to try to ease it. Not that it helped. I was kneeling in front of him in my underwear—even if we’d been alone, that would have been enough.
“We’ve drawn this game out for too long for them not to be curious. And word travels in this scene. By now, even the dungeon masters want to know what I’m gonna do to you. I’ll bet they wouldn’t even step in if I were to fuck you in front of everyone here…”
I forgot how to breathe; humiliation and longing combined to prickle over my skin. “You wouldn’t,” I said, but I wasn’t sure whether it was a declaration of bravado or a question.
“You sure about that?” Josh crouched beside me, his body between me and the voyeurs, and stroked a hand over my tense, trembling body; down my abdomen, over the waistband of my lace panties and between my spread thighs. I bit back a whimper as his fingers trailed over my pussy for the first time, rubbing lightly over the scrap of damp fabric, then just a little harder.
Or maybe I was pressing myself into his hand. I didn’t know anymore.
“Look at you,” he growled in my ear, his breath hot against my skin. “Desperate for me to get you off with m
y fingers, and we haven’t even kissed yet. You’re shameless, aren’t you?”
There was just the right amount of amusement in his voice to turn me on still further. If I could remember how to speak, I’d be pleading for his kiss, his touch, his anything…
He got to his feet and paced around to my other side. “I’m betting you won’t even last a five minute scene before you’re begging for me to fuck you. Maybe I should just skip the formalities and get right to it, here in the middle of the dungeon.”
My exhibitionism fetish wasn’t usually this extreme, but another surge of heat rushed through me at his words, and I was almost sobbing with frustration now. “Please… Sir…”
“You’re begging me to take you in full view of everyone here?” Josh adopted a mildly shocked tone, and I thanked God the spectators’ area was far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to hear him over the music. “Sorry, little tease. Not really my style. While you’re mine, only I get to watch you come…”
I scrambled for the last shred of my defiance, the only part that hadn’t been frayed by time and imagination, his voice and his gaze. But there was nothing left. I was tired of resisting. I wanted him, and to be his. Completely his.
“Give me your orders, Sir.”
“Oh, I plan to.” Grabbing a fistful of my hair, he pulled me to my feet and over to the spanking bench. Though I moved quickly to lessen the tug against my scalp, the pain brought reflexive tears to my eyes, and by the time my knees hit the spanking bench, I’d forgotten all about the voyeurs.
For a second he let me go, as if he were strategising. Then he trailed a finger down my spine, ending with a swift double-tap of his fingertips against my ass. “Come on, little tease. Stretch out.”
The spanking bench was two-tiered—a lower tier to kneel on, and an upper tier to support me from the waist up when I lay horizontally upon it. Once I was in position, Josh indicated that I should pillow my head on my folded arms, then stepped out of my view.
After a few tense seconds I relaxed, listening to the club’s soundtrack of music, thuds, slaps and intermittent cries of pain. It was relaxing in its own way, and every now and then a particularly loud groan or yelp made me smile.
