Help Me, Hold Me

Home > Nonfiction > Help Me, Hold Me > Page 17
Help Me, Hold Me Page 17

by Barbara Gee


  Tuesday it would be.

  When Tuesday evening came, she helped Jeremiah get settled in bed, then went out to the front porch and curled up on the swing. She took her phone from her pocket and held it for a while, thinking.

  Would Vince be glad to hear from her, or had the novelty already worn off? What if he didn’t even want to come over anymore? What if he did?

  Pretty much every possibility ran through her head, good, bad, and in between. Scary as it was, the only way to know how this would end was to live it out.

  She tapped out a text before she lost her nerve.

  Callie: Hey. You want to go riding again? Tomorrow evening?

  He replied within fifteen seconds. Call me.

  Callie let her head fall back against the swing and let out a long, heavy sigh. She wanted to—she’d missed hearing his voice. It was another thing she’d been daydreaming about. But she was going to have to prepare herself for hearing that smooth baritone in her ear. It was so much more intimate than texting.

  Another text came in.

  Vince: I’ve already waited for two days. If you don’t call in the next minute, I’m coming over. J

  Callie read the text and smiled, her heart tripping all over itself. Feeling bold, she quickly sent a reply.

  Callie: Okay….I’m thinking I won’t call then….

  After she sent it she cringed, thinking it sounded awfully forward, especially if he’d just been kidding.

  His reply came immediately.

  Vince: On my way. Turning my phone off so you can’t change your mind. Bye.

  Callie’s jaw dropped as she read the text. It was already nine o’clock, was he really rushing over? Not that she minded—holy cow, no, she didn’t mind at all. She couldn’t wait to see him. The last two days had been positively endless.

  She sprang up off the swing and hurried inside, going upstairs to her room as quietly as she could. Hopefully Jeremiah wouldn’t hear her and call out to see why she was going to bed so early.

  She brushed her hair and put on a hint of eyeshadow and a coat of mascara. She was wearing a nice pair of skinny jeans and she left those on, but switched her tee shirt for a warm, long-sleeved green thermal top. Her plan was to sit out on the porch with Vince, so they wouldn’t disturb Jeremiah in his room at the back of the house.

  She’d been a little chilly out there on the swing just now, but should be fine with the warmer shirt.

  Her mind whirled and her skin felt hot and tingly. Would Vince sit on the swing with her, or on one of the chairs? If he chose the swing, she might have a hard time concentrating on the conversation. She’d start imagining what it would be like to hold his hand, or to lean up against him with his arm around her. Or…….no, she couldn’t even fathom what it would be like to kiss a man like Vince. She’d kissed guys before, and she’d liked it well enough. But she suspected none of her experiences would be remotely comparable to kissing Vince Abbot. Not if the way he made her heart pound was any indication.

  The very thought made her knees go weak and she almost stumbled as she went downstairs, her socks thankfully all but soundless on the steps.

  She went into the kitchen, chastising herself for acting like an infatuated teenager. What in the world was wrong with her? No matter how much she tried to calm down and look at things rationally, her reaction to Vince had a will of its own.

  She quietly took out a small pan and filled it with milk, then whisked in some chocolate syrup. Hot chocolate on a cool-ish June night seemed like a good option, and it would give her something to do with her hands.

  The milk was just starting to steam in the pan when she heard a soft tapping on the door. Unable to hold back a smile, she hurried over to let him in.

  “You’re crazy,” she whispered, her hands on her hips as he stood there on the stoop, larger than life and almost painfully handsome in jeans and a gray Minnesota Wild sweatshirt. “I can’t believe you came out here.”

  “Good to see you too,” he whispered back with a grin. “Is Jeremiah already in bed? Is that why we’re whispering?”

  She nodded. “If he knew you were here, he’d want to see you, and then it would take ages for him to settle back down. And when he gets over-tired, he doesn’t sleep well.”

  She stood back and motioned him in. “Let me get this hot chocolate into mugs, then we can go sit on the front porch. It’s on the other side of the house from his room, so we can talk normally out there.”

  “How’d you know I love hot chocolate?” he asked, following her across the kitchen and leaning over on the counter to watch, his arms crossed on the smooth surface.

  “I didn’t, but I figured I could drink yours if you didn’t want it,” she replied, throwing him a smile over her shoulder.

  “I should still be mad at you,” he said, as sternly as he could in a whisper.

  Callie stopped pouring and looked back at him curiously. “Why?”

  “I could barely walk Monday morning. It was all I could do to get out of bed. Boone made me work out anyway, and then I spent the whole day taking retreat families to their rooms and giving tours of the ice rink. It was nothing short of torture.”

  Callie pressed her lips together to keep from giggling out loud. The fact that a big bad tough-as-nails hockey player had been laid low by a ride on dear old Edison was just too good.

  “I tried to tell you,” she said.

  “Yeah, but I thought since I was already in good shape, I’d get off easy.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah, you look real sorry,” he whispered, pretending to scowl. “And now you’ve made me wait so long to get back on a horse, I’ll have to go through it all over again.”

  She shook her head. “No, it was actually good to wait a couple days. I promise it won’t be as bad next time.”

  He took the mug she handed him and waited for her to pour her own.

  “We can go through the living room, just don’t bump into anything. Grandpa is probably still watching TV, so that’ll mask the noise of the door opening.”

  They walked through the room and she carefully opened the front door, waiting while he gently closed it behind them.

  “I feel like a teenager sneaking around,” she said, no longer whispering but still speaking softly.

  “I kinda like it,” he admitted. “Those were the days.”

  She looked over at him as they walked to the end of the porch. “Okay, I have to admit I never actually snuck out. I take it you did?”

  He looked a little guilty. “Maybe once or twice.”

  “Right,” she said, drawing out the word, convinced it had happened way more than a few times. Probably with those good high school friends he’d talked about.

  She sank onto one end of the swing, curling a leg up beneath her. Vince didn’t even hesitate, he walked right past the two Adirondack chairs and sat down beside her, although he did leave some space in between.

  “How’s Jeremiah doing?” he asked.

  Callie took a sip of hot chocolate. “Not quite as good. His appetite is gone again, so he doesn’t have as much energy. He’s mostly drinking nutrition supplements, and he hates them. His doctor prescribed some pills to help him sleep, though, so the nights have been going better.”

  “If we ride tomorrow, I’ll come over early so I can visit with him again.”

  “He’d like that,” Callie said. “He gets lonely, but he doesn’t like his friends to see him so frail. Getting weaker and more dependent is tough on him.” She took another sip. “I think he likes being around you because you didn’t know the old Jeremiah, which means you don’t find the current Jeremiah lacking.”

  “Of course I don’t find him lacking. I like him a lot.”

  Callie smiled. “He’s obviously picked up on that.”

  Vince shifted his upper body to face her, his arm along the back of the swing, but not touching her. When he spoke his voice was low and a little rough.

  “I kinda like you too, Callie, in case
my racing over here this late at night didn’t already give that away.”

  The unexpected words stole her breath and she felt suddenly tongue-tied. She stared down at her mug, intensely aware of him by her side. Was she ready to tell him she felt the same? What would happen if she did?

  He saved her from that question by asking another. “Why did you wait two days to call me?”

  Oh man. Another question Callie didn’t know how to answer. She considered simply claiming she’d been busy—which was true enough, but not the reason she hadn’t called.

  She leaned over and set her mug on the porch floor, then swiveled to face him, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. Their eyes met and she swallowed.

  “Tell me,” he urged gently, his blue eyes glittering in the dim light shining out from the windows.

  Callie let out a long, slow breath. “Why you?” she finally asked, her voice almost a whisper.

  He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “Why me what?”

  She lifted one shoulder in a frustrated shrug. “I know Barlow isn’t very big, but there are some nice guys around here. Single guys. Ones I have a lot in common with.”

  Vince studied her. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Are you telling me I’m not cutting it, or just pointing out I have competition?”

  She quickly shook her head. “Neither. I’m just wondering why I couldn’t be attracted to one of them. It would be so much easier.” She let her eyes roam over his face, the strong planes of it emphasized by the nighttime shadows. “But nope. I have to make it complicated. You have to make it complicated.”

  A corner of his mouth quirked up. “You think I’m complicated?” he asked quietly.

  “I know you are.”

  “But….you might be a little bit interested anyway?”

  She shrugged again. “Maybe a little.” He raised a brow and a reluctant smile got past her defenses. “Okay, maybe more than a little.”

  He wrapped a strand of her hair loosely around his fingers. “I’m glad. Unrequited attraction wouldn’t be any fun.”

  “I haven’t decided whether I’m going to act on it,” she warned. But I’m so dangerously close. She didn’t say that part aloud, but it was true.

  He slid his fingers slowly down to the end of her hair, then let his hand fall to his thigh. “Tell me why you wouldn’t.”

  Oh wow. Were they really going there?

  Callie wasn’t prepared—she didn’t have any well-thought-out answers for him, just the confusing thoughts that had been swirling in her head ever since he’d shown up with pizza and she realized he was actually serious about wanting to get to know her.

  “There’s more than one reason,” she said, stalling. When he gave an exaggerated flinch, as if mortally wounded, she couldn’t help but smile. “None of them have to do with any shortcomings on your part, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  His expression grew more serious. “Are you sure? Because I’ve got some, and I’ve always been aware my not so stellar past could come back to haunt me.”

  His past was definitely not her focus right now. “I’m sure,” she told him. “It’s the future that worries me.”

  “Specifically?” he prompted.

  It seemed too soon to have this discussion, yet there was something to be said for getting things out in the open right off the bat.

  “Okay, well, let’s see,” she said nervously. “To start with, we’re really different, in both our backgrounds and our current lives. I’m a country girl, you’re a city boy. You’re a professional athlete who thrives under pressure and in the spotlight, while I froze from stage-fright in my middle-school play and have avoided the spotlight ever since. Then there’s the fact that you travel all over the country eight to nine months out of the year, while I’ll soon be in charge of a ranch that’s been in my family for four generations. And last I checked, ranches can’t be packed in a U-Haul and moved.” She looked at him and raised her brows. “Shall I go on?”

  He gave her a half smile. “You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought.”

  “I have,” Callie confirmed. “Have you?”

  ***

  Vince would never get tired of looking into those beautiful green eyes. He almost reached out to pull her up against his side so he could hold her close while they had this conversation, but once again he resisted the urge. They weren’t quite there yet—and maybe never would be considering the list of obstacles she’d just rattled off. None of which were a surprise to him.

  “Yeah, I’ve thought about it, Callie. Probably at least as much as you have.”

  “And your conclusion?” she asked.

  He smiled. “I’ve concluded there’s something crazy strong between us. Something I wasn’t expecting and haven’t felt before, and I really want to explore where it might go.”

  Her eyes looked sad. “But what about all the things I just said? Doesn’t it seem a little foolish to explore something that’s only going to lead to goodbye?”

  “Maybe.” If they only looked at the logical side of things, then yes, it did seem foolish. There was more to it than that, though. What he was feeling for her defied logic.

  Vince reached out and pried one of her arms away from where it was wrapped around her drawn up legs, then slid his hand down to entwine his fingers with hers. He was encouraged when she didn’t pull away.

  “There are lots of maybes,” he continued. “Maybe it is foolish. Maybe we will end up saying goodbye.” He rubbed his thumb along the inside of her wrist. “Maybe I won’t ever feel this way again, and if I walk away without having the guts to see where it leads, maybe I’ll always regret it.”

  Her eyes fell to their linked hands, her lashes a dark fan over the smooth skin of her cheeks. “I get that,” she said softly. “I’ve thought the same thing about giving up without even trying. But I still don’t know if I can do this. With Grandpa and everything….I don’t know if I could handle one more disappointment if it doesn’t work out.” He heard her quiet sigh. “The timing could definitely be better.”

  Vince understood why she’d say that, but he didn’t see things the same way. “What if it’s actually really good timing?” he asked. “Obviously this is a really difficult time for you guys, but maybe I’ll be able to help out. Jeremiah already likes me, and if you do too, having me around might not be so bad.”

  A weak shrug was her only response. Vince could see she was confused and overwhelmed, and he hated that he was increasing her stress when all he wanted to do was make things better for her.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to push you, Callie,” he said. “If I’m making things worse, I’ll back off.” He gave her a rueful smile. “It might just about kill me, but I’ll do it. I won’t bother you unless you want me to.”

  She tightened her fingers around his, giving him hope. After a moment, she spoke.

  “You asked a question earlier, about why I waited two days to call you.”

  He gave her a crooked smile. “Longest two days of my life,” he teased.

  “Oh yeah? Well, they were pretty long for me too.” She raised her head, her eyes searching his. She hesitated before she went on, biting her lip nervously. Vince waited patiently, and she finally continued. “It wasn’t because I was too busy or not thinking about you. It was actually the opposite—I was thinking of you way too much. You’ve been on my mind almost constantly since we met and I’m not used to that. I felt like I had to wait as long as I could to call, because I wanted to prove to myself I didn’t need to see you.”

  Vince wasn’t sure whether to be disappointed she’d felt that way, or relieved she hadn’t waited even longer. “It was a real long two days,” he repeated.

  She nodded. “I intended to wait at least three.”

  He hoped the shortened time was a good sign. “If it makes you feel any better, you’ve been messing with my head just as much,” he confessed. “I’ve been trying to give you space, but I would’ve shown up here befor
e much longer even if you hadn’t finally sent that text.”

  She pulled her hand slowly away from his and stood up, walking over to lean against a post at the front of the porch, her profile dimly illuminated by the porch light over the front door. Her voice drifted over to him, soft and sweet.

  “When I heard Vince Abbot was coming to the Full Heart Ranch for the summer, I was excited, because I knew it would be so good for the retreat center to have another pro hockey player involved with their program. Boone has done wonders for the place, and I knew you’d build on that.” She was silent for a moment. “I certainly didn’t expect……this. Whatever this is.”

  Vince went to stand behind her, putting his hands lightly on her shoulders. She tensed at the unexpected contact, but didn’t step away. He slid his hands under her hair and gripped her shoulders. His thumbs traced the edges of her shoulder blades and he felt the knotted muscles, put there by months of stress. He automatically rubbed, trying to smooth them out. She felt tiny beneath his big hands, but not fragile. She was small, but strong. Tough and capable.

  Whatever this is. That’s what she’d said, like she still hadn’t quite figured it out. He could help with that.

  He bent his head until his mouth was close to her ear. “You want to know what this is?” he asked, his voice quiet but intense. “This is pure, raw, attraction. One man to one woman. The first day I saw you I was a goner, Callie. You sat there on your horse, your hair all flowing and wild, and I realized I was looking at the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Then you looked at me, and your eyes—I can’t even describe how it felt to look into your eyes. Right then I knew you were different. Special. The girl who could show me what I’ve been missing.”

  He felt her shoulders rise and fall with a long breath before she replied. “That’s a lot to get out of one three minute meeting.” She was facing away from him, but he could hear a smile in her voice, even though it shook just a little.

 

‹ Prev