Her Perfect 10

by Brianna Cash

  Eli sits in the chair next to me, looking around the room much like I am. “You ok? That was intense.”

  “Yeah, I’m good.”

  Kind of.

  “Rob and Alena are about to head out. You want to help with their send off?”

  There’s only one person I want to see right now. The person who makes me feel like I’m enough. Maye even perfect. But no matter how many times I scan the dwindling crowd, I can’t find her.

  “Is Sadie out there already?”

  Eli stands, shaking his head. “I haven’t seen her since things went to shit.”

  “I’m gonna look for her. Don’t wait for us.”

  He walks off, disappearing through the door I came in a few minutes ago. At this point, I really don’t think Rob and Alena are going to care if their car has Just Married on the back windshield or whatever else is planned.

  Tonight was a lot like the duster I wrote about in one of our assignments. I was helpless to stop the destruction, even though I saw it coming. The only thing I could do was make sure Lizzy was safe and ride out the rest of the storm.

  Lizzy is safe. She’s at the hotel with Mom. And the paramedics said Chris will be fine eventually. For a few months, anyway.

  The only person I’m worried about now is Sadie.

  Pulling out my phone, I call the number I’ve only ever texted until this moment. No answer. I’m about to put it away when it vibrates in my hand, startling me, but making me smile when SD275 scrolls across the screen. “Hey, where are you?”

  “I’m at home.”

  “Oh.” What happened to us staying at the hotel? Doesn’t matter. I need to be wherever she is. “Ok, I’ll be there in half an hour. I have to stop and get my bag.”

  “No, Owen…” She lets out a shaky sigh. Was tonight too much for her all at once? I should’ve told Sadie about Chris before today. And I definitely shouldn’t have expected Chris to behave. Not when it was so easy for us to lose track of her. “I need to be alone tonight. I have some things I need to think about.”

  “I’m sorry, Sadie. I should’ve told you about my sister, but I didn’t want to bring it up. It kind of has a way of stopping all conversation, ya know?”

  “I’ll see you at work on Monday, Owen.”

  Monday? What? That’s two days away!

  My hand grips the phone tighter, even as I shake my head. “Sadie, I need to see you. Can’t we just—”

  It’s too late.

  She already hung on me.

  Chapter 25

  Sadie

  I don’t know how to face Owen. Mom says I need to hear his side of the story, but I saw him pick his sister up off the floor. He wasn’t gentle. He was rough, and he was angry, and I can’t be with someone who could hurt a family member that way. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t wait for an explanation before judging them so harshly.

  Isn’t that what I’m doing?

  No. That’s not what I’m doing. I will hear Owen out. I just don’t know how to do that, when all I want to do is throw myself into his arms and have him tell me what I saw wasn’t what I thought it was. That what I saw was something crazy, something justified, something necessary, but it wasn’t him manhandling her in anger.

  Getting that out of him before forgetting that I need an explanation is the thing I don’t know how to do.

  It’s Monday morning. I’m here at work, nervously waiting for him to walk through the doors because I know without a doubt, he’ll come right over and ask if I’m ok. Because he’s sweet like that. Because he knows there’s something off with what I’m feeling, or I wouldn’t have run from him. Because I think he fucking loves me, dammit, and I know I love him, but what do I do with that if he doesn’t have that crazy explanation I need?

  Maybe it was my first thought, but after thinking about nothing else since Saturday night, I simply can’t imagine he’d do something like that without an acceptable reason.

  I just have no idea what that reason might be.

  Side note; we finally hired Sarah’s replacement. Today is her first day, and she should be here right about the same time Owen gets here. So, I have that to deal with on top of everything else. It also means I can’t leave my station for even five minutes and have a private conversation with Owen, because Miss Newbie won’t even know how to answer the damn phones.

  “Sadie,” George calls happily from behind me, making me even more anxious. If he’s out here, the newbie’s here, and that means Owen will be walking in the door any second now. “This is Ellie. Ellie, Sadie’s probably the most efficient employee I’ve ever had, so you’re learning from the best.”

  Smiling awkwardly at his compliment—when did he start handing those out?—I shake Ellie’s hand. She’s probably in her early twenties, but she wears a professional air that tells me she’s a huge improvement over Sarah. Not that difficult a task. Motioning her to our side of the desk and George back to his office, I ask, “Have you ever worked this kind of job before?”

  “Not exactly, but I was a receptionist at the high school back home.”

  “What kind of things did you do there?”

  Listening to her prattle on about answering the phone, faxing and copying, sending out notices, permission slips, and schedules, I keep my eyes on the crowd. Owen is going to show up at the most inopportune moment. That’s simply my life right now.

  I smile, trying to be encouraging. “Sounds like you’re good at multi-tasking. That’s a must here.”

  “Yeah, I’ve gotten pretty good at prioritizing things.”

  My breathing stops.

  Not because of her answer—fuck her answer, I’m not even listening to her. Am I being a terrible employee? Yes, I definitely am, but I’m prioritizing my life right now, and one of the most important things in it just walked through the door and is making his way toward me.

  “Owen.” The very sight of him and his worried expression reassures me. Even without that explanation I desperately need.

  “Are you ok?” he asks, stepping to the side of the desk, as close as he can get without toeing that imaginary line only my boss, Ellie, and I are allowed to cross.

  “Yeah. Saturday was…crazy. Can we talk later? At lunch?”

  “Of course. What happened? Why did you go home?”

  “I…” Looking back at Ellie, who’s watching Owen and me with rapt fascination, I step outside our imaginary bubble, past that do-not-cross line, and right into Owen’s personal space. I slide a hand around his waist, tucking my head against his chest, breathing him in, sort of throwing myself at him while searching for the right words to demand an explanation. “I saw you with your sister. You were so angry. And she was scared. I thought…it reminded me…”

  “What, Sadie? Talk to me.”

  “It brought back some memories of my parents…” I take a deep breath, laughing like I’m unstable. Which I kind of am right now. Not mentally, but emotionally. “For a crazy second there, I thought you were…hurting her.”

  “What?” He immediately recoils. “You thought I was beating my sister?”

  “I…” I search for the right words, praying he’ll understand. “It sounded the same. It scared me. I never remembered anything before, but it all came rushing back in bits and pieces when I heard you with Christine.”

  He huffs out a breath, hurt shining in his narrowed eyes. “You think I’m capable of that?”

  I don’t want to think that, but I’m so confused. I know what I heard, and other than that, I know nothing. “What happened in that room, Owen?”

  “My sister’s a drug addict, Sadie. I didn’t hit her, I was trying to find her stash and make sure she still had a pulse.”

  “Thank God,” I whisper, reaching for him.

  “Yeah.” He laughs darkly, intentionally moving out of my reach. “Thank God my sister’s a drug addict. That’s definitely something to be grateful for.”

  “Owen, I didn’t mean—”

  “Stop, Sadie. After everything we’ve bee
n through, the emails and texts, the confessions and jokes and stories. After all that, you honestly thought I was capable of hitting anyone, let alone my sister?”

  “With what happened between my parents—”

  “Always an excuse,” he sneers, interrupting me. “We’re not your parents, Sadie. You should know me better than that. If you don’t, you weren’t paying attention.” He steps away the desk, away from us and all that we could be.

  “Owen, wait.”

  He ignores me, continuing his walk to the elevators. He’d rather stand around with a bunch of strangers than hear me out.

  I close my eyes to keep the tears at bay, totally forgetting about my one-woman audience.

  “And you’re the best employee he’s ever had? This place already has too much drama…”

  Chapter 26

  Assignment #11

  Find the silver lining in something ugly.

  Assignment #12

  Who gets to decide who, or what, is evil?

  Owen

  It’s Thanksgiving. Almost three weeks after Rob got hitched. We’re having an early dinner, more like lunch, so Rob and Alena can go to her family’s place later. They’re trying to please all the parents and making their holiday a travelling mess, instead of picking one location and sticking with it.

  Everyone’s here except Christine, who’s still in rehab after her latest forced intervention at the wedding. I don’t even know how many times she’s been in rehab at this point, but I’m sure this time will work. This is the one that will make her change her life forever.

  I don’t believe it. Other than her first time, I never have. I say it right along with my parents, but the thing is, if Chris doesn’t want to quit, it doesn’t matter if it’s her seventh time or her thousandth time. It’s not going to work.

  “Uncle Owen! Stop!” Lizzy squeals and giggles when I tickle her after dinner. Kids are resilient. Her life is back to normal after that traumatizing night. Sure, she goes to regular counseling, but she acts like nothing happened. She acts like she didn’t watch her mother shoot up in the catering area of her uncle’s wedding and get higher than a fucking kite. She acts like she can’t remember crying for her mom to get off the floor because she wanted to dance at the party. She knew there was something wrong with her mom, but she doesn’t talk about it. Not with us. The only thing that’s changed is she has nightmares again. With the help of her counseling sessions, even those are fading.

  No one else is back to normal in this family.

  My parents are devastated. Rob is trying to shield Alena from our family’s demons, and Alena just doesn’t know what to do. Should she ask about Chris? Should she ignore it? Should she act like it didn’t ruin her wedding day? Should she act like it was no big deal, when it was a really big fucking deal?

  Then there’s me.

  I’m not back to normal, because normal doesn’t really have much meaning to me anymore. I’m not the guy I was last year. I’m not even the guy I was earlier this year. I’m done trying to please everyone except myself. I’m no longer nearly as OCD as I was. I now take risks and push my comfort zone. I might still be boring, but I’m no longer predictable. I’ve changed my whole attitude about life.

  All because of a girl who thinks I’m capable of beating my sister.

  I might be a little bitter and cynical now, too.

  Letting go of my niece and the forced smile I wore for her, I sigh as she runs into the living room, wishing we could all be as carefree as she is.

  Alena glances at the clock. “I’m so sorry, but we have to leave in about fifteen minutes. Can I help clear the dishes?”

  Her question is asked way too politely. This is Alena’s third Thanksgiving with us, but she’s suddenly acting like she’s brand new here. At least toward everyone except me. She’s doing her best to avoid me without being outright rude.

  Chris never spent much time with us. She would breeze in and out on the holidays if she wasn’t high or in rehab. She never came to the beach with us in the summer. Alena knew Chris was an addict, sure, but she never got to experience it first-hand.

  Until her wedding day, of all days.

  She and my mother disappear into the kitchen. Dad wanders off to find Lizzy.

  “Owen.” Rob motions me toward the foyer. “What’s the deal with Sadie?”

  I scoff, wishing my answer was a line of bull. “There is no deal.”

  “Then why is my new wife constantly worrying about her?”

  “I don’t know, Rob, ask your new wife.”

  “I don’t need to ask my new wife. I need to fuck my new wife.” His eyes flick toward the kitchen, probably making sure Alena can’t hear him talking about her like this. “Have you been on a honeymoon? It’ll the best week of your life, promise. But when you get back, you expect the magic to continue. My magic isn’t happening. Wanna know why? Because Alena’s constantly keeping tabs on your girl, making sure she’s going to work and not devising ways to play Russian Roulette since you broke her heart.”

  My eyes roll. “I didn’t break her heart. Trust me.”

  “No, Owen. Trust me, her best friend’s horny husband. You broke her heart.”

  My back stiffens as our eyes lock. “No, I didn’t. I see her every day at work. She’s fine.”

  Every morning I walk into that building, I want Sadie to be upset, and she isn’t. She’s back to being polite, but not overly friendly, Sadie. I avoid her at all costs. I don’t say hello, I don’t look at her, I don’t go down to the lobby anymore unless my shift is over. Not even if Alice asks me to.

  “Jesus, man. Do you know Sadie at all? Is she one to willingly show weakness or vulnerability?”

  He’s got me there…

  “No.”

  “The right answer is hell no.” I shrug to avoid admitting he’s right. He meets my stare, finally giving up the tough, big brother act and treating me more like a friend. “What happened with you two, really?”

  I rub my hand over my neck with a sigh. “She saw me with Chris when I found her. She said it brought back some memories of how her dad used to hit her mom.”

  It’s his turn to scoff, but there’s a laugh thrown in it. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Owen. Her dad died was she was a kid. She doesn’t remember him.”

  “That’s not true, it’s just what she tells everyone.”

  “Really?” he asks sarcastically, raising a brow and leaning against the doorframe. The tough, big brother act is back. “And you know her history better than her best friend since middle school?”

  Jeez, she didn’t even tell Alena?

  “Look, that doesn’t matter. She believed I was hitting Chris.”

  Rob studies me for a couple long, exhausting seconds. Finally, he sighs, rubbing his own neck, a sign of frustration or hopelessness we both share. “What did she say when you told her what really happened?”

  “She was happy Chris was a drug addict.”

  “Not the best reaction.” His voice is quiet, thoughtful. I’m glad he’s taking this conversation seriously. I can’t deal with his sarcasm right now. “It makes sense, though. She was thinking the worst, but hoping for any other alternative.”

  “She thinks I’m capable of hitting a woman, Rob.”

  “That’s the issue? That’s what it comes down to? She thought something about you for half a second, and you can’t get over that?”

  “Yes! How can she think I’m that kind of person? For any amount of time?”

  “How could you call her ‘easy’ to her face?”

  Her expression when I did exactly that flashes in front of my eyes, causing me to wince. “That’s different. We didn’t know each other then.”

  “Isn’t that kind of the point? You didn’t know her and judged her after only a couple hours. She knows you—or at least what you’ve let her learn—and she still waited to hear you out before dumping your stupid ass. She didn’t want to think of you that way. And why the hell didn’t you warn her about
Chris? That’s something she needed to know if you guys were really together. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you had told Sadie when you should’ve.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  He chuckles, shaking his head. “It never is when it’s time to admit you’re wrong.”

  “I’m not wrong.”

  His brow arches as he smirks at me. “You’re definitely not right.”

  “Rob,” I argue, not knowing what to say, but needing to prove he’s wrong about this. “How would you like it if Alena thought something horrible about you?”

  “She has. Many times. I just prove her wrong.”

  This conversation is not going the way it should be. I push on anyway, hoping—praying—he has the answers I need. “Why spend all your time proving her wrong? If she truly loves you, she should know you better than that.”

  I search his eyes, trying to find answers to the other questions I want to ask. The ones I won’t voice.

  Why can’t Sadie think I’m the right guy for her?

  Why can’t I be her perfect ten?

  “Because, little brother.” He pulls me into a chokehold like I’m six years old again, even though I’m taller than he is. Alena laughs, watching from the entryway of the kitchen. “My wife loves me more than anyone else, but she can’t read my mind. I wasn’t exactly the picture-perfect kid you were, but even if I had been, there’s no way she’ll ever know everything about me. And besides… Fighting with the one you love is so much better than being miserable by yourself.”

  He lets me go and I take a step back; figuratively and literally.

  Of course, Sadie wouldn’t know everything about me, but didn’t she know enough? There shouldn’t have been any doubt that I’d never hit anyone in anger.

  Do I know her well enough? Are there things about her that will surprise me? That will make me think, for even half a second, that she’s not the right girl for me?