Fighting to Survive (Guarded Hearts Book 3)

by Noelle, Alexis

  “I am who I always was, you just chose not to see it. As for what happened, I realized I don’t want to be the spoiled little princess’s plaything anymore. I’m only gonna say this one more time, and then I’m gone whether I need to go through you or not.” He looks into my eyes for the first time since I walked into the room. They aren’t the eyes that had looked at me for the past couple of months. They aren’t the eyes I had spent so much time falling in love with. They are dead. “I. Don’t. Want. You. Anymore.”

  He moves around me, and this time I don’t have the strength to stand in his way. I collapse on the floor of the guest room and watch him walk away without a second look my way. “Don’t leave me, I love you,” I whisper even though I know he can’t hear me.

  After what feels like an hour of crying because of the burning hole in my chest, I pull out my phone. I can barely see the screen, but I manage to tap Holly’s name.

  “Hey there, gorgeous! Shouldn’t you and lover boy be off hiding from your parents and doing it in the pool?”

  There goes another shot to my heart. “He…left…me.” I can barely choke the words out.

  “What?! Oh my God! That’s why Carter and Maddy decided to leave early! I’m going to kill the bastard! I will be over as soon as I can, Chris!”

  Holly hangs up the phone, and I make the stupid decision to call Shawn. It goes straight to voicemail, so I decide to do something even more stupid. I beg for him to come back. The voicemail cuts me off, it probably had enough of my pathetic rambling. I can’t make myself get up, though. I just curl up into a ball and wait for Holly to help me pick up the pieces he shattered.

  I must have fallen asleep on the floor, but the sound of Holly yelling wakes me up. “Shut the hell up, Janine!” When I peek through my swollen eyes, I can see her at the top of the steps. She goes to my room at first, not even noticing the limp, pathetic version of me lying on the floor of the guest room. She comes back out into the hallway and then she sees me. “Shit.”

  She walks over and plucks me off the floor like a feather. “I am going to kill him for leaving, and then I’m going to kill my brother for taking him.”

  Holly walks me downstairs, the entire time muttering about the body parts she’s going to cut off of him. We’ve made it to the front door when my mother appears.

  “Where do you think you are taking her?”

  “Far away from you people.” Holly has never been scared of my parents, and isn’t afraid to tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

  “She is upset and needs her family right now.” My mother is speaking in her normal condescending tone, trying to pretend she actually cares about what I need.

  “I know she does, which is why she sure as hell isn’t staying here. Blood doesn’t make you family, love does. You haven’t loved anyone but yourself in a long-ass time.” Before my mother can say another word, Holly takes me out to her car and speeds out of the driveway.

  I fall back asleep in the car, hoping my dreams won’t be as cruel as my reality.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Shawn

  When I walk into my house, my mom immediately knows something was up. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying with Christen until you guys went back.”

  I look up at her. “We broke up. Carter is coming to pick me up any minute. I just wanted to stop by and say goodbye.”

  “What happened? You guys seemed so happy.”

  I can’t tell her. She would never want me to sacrifice my happiness for hers. “It just didn’t work, Mom.” I hear a car horn. Thank God. I give her a kiss and say goodbye to my dad.

  When I get into the car, Carter speeds off. “Thanks for picking me up. Is there a reason you are speeding, though?” Whenever Mads is in the car, Carter drives like a damn eighty-year-old woman, so the way he’s driving now surprises me

  “Holly just called me and ripped me a new asshole. She’s out for blood, bro, and I know she is probably going to swing by your house to see if I picked you up yet. I would have never thought I would be running from my little sister, but the girl is scary.”

  Mads turns around to face me. “Why did you leave?” The simplest question has no simple answer. I just shake my head in response. “Absolutely not, Shawn Matthews. You do not get to destroy that poor girl and not even tell us why.”

  I’ve never been on the receiving end of pissed off Madison, and if I’m being honest, she is definitely scary. I can’t tell them, though. They wouldn’t let me leave and they would tell Christen. “It’s just not there, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

  She lets out a sound of frustration and turns around. “This isn’t over.”

  I remember then, I had turned my phone off when I left Christen’s just in case she were to call. I don’t have the strength to ignore it. I turn it back on so I can let Paul know I’ll be back in town in case there are any fights. Once it powers back up, I get a voicemail notification. It’s from Christen. I know I should just delete it, because it will only make things harder if I listen to it. I’m a glutton for punishment, though, and I’m really hoping it’s her telling me how much she hates me.

  It isn’t. I can barely understand half of what she says because she is crying, and the half I do understand kills me. I don’t know how in the hell I’m going to stay away from her once she comes back to school. Hopefully, she will make it easier on both of us and just ignore me.

  * * *

  It’s been two days since I left Christen and things are still just as shitty. Nicole won’t talk to me, except to curse at me when she walks by, which is just great because she basically lives here since Jason doesn’t want her staying at her house alone. Holly is still sending me death threats, but since she comes home tonight she will probably start threatening me in person. Mads isn’t trying to kill me, but she also isn’t talking to me, either.

  I’m absolutely miserable without Christen, and I’ve fought the past two nights, trying to force myself to feel something other than pain. The door to my room is flung open and Holly, Nicole, and Madison are standing there. Holly lunges at me and almost punches me in my face before Carter catches her by the waist.

  “I said no bodily harm, Holls.”

  “Carter, what the hell? You could have given me a heads up.” All three girls shoot me death stares and I shut my mouth. They all sit at the end of my bed, and I have to admit, I flinch a little when Holly sits down.

  “Get out, Carter.” Nicole sounds just as pissed as she did the first night I got home.

  “Are you sure I shou—”

  “Get out, Carter!” they all yelled at him in unison.

  “Sorry, dude. Good luck.” He shuts the door.

  “Fucking traitor,” I mutter under my breath. I look into the eyes of the girls, knowing they all want to kill me. “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Well, I can’t speak for everyone,” Holly says, “but I’m here to give you a chance to explain yourself before I go through with my plans to castrate you.”

  Nicole and Madison don’t say anything, they just stare at me, waiting for me to say something. I have no idea what to say. I know if I tell them the truth, they’ll tell Christen. “How is she?” I know it isn’t the smartest thing for me to say, but I need to know.

  Holly jumps up and I can tell she’s about to go off on me when Madison grabs her hand and pulls her down next to her. She looks back at me and I can tell she’s really upset. I know it’s because of me and it makes me feel like shit. “She isn’t good, Shawn. You really wrecked her. She doesn’t understand why you left or what she did to drive you away. She also told us what happened before you left and I honestly can’t believe you would use her that way. I thought you were better than that.”

  Her words shoot me right in my heart. “Shit, I didn’t use her.”

  Nicole’s face gets even redder. “Yes you did, Shawn! You basically gave her the hooker treatment, complete with a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am!”

  N
ow I’m pissed. “I would never treat her like that! She meant everything to me and I just wanted to have her one last time!” When I realize what I just said, I want to kick myself.

  “If she meant everything to you, then why would you do that to her? She’s like my sister, Shawn, and you have no idea what she is going through right now.” Holly looks more upset than pissed now.

  “I do know what she is going through! I can’t get her out of my head! She’s there every time I close my eyes. I tried to fight to get her out of my mind, and that didn’t work. I’m not happy about the way things are at all right now, but that’s the way they are going to have to be.”

  “Why?” When I don’t answer Mads, she gets up and sits beside me. “What is going on?”

  I just shake my head, though. “I can’t tell you guys.”

  Madison lets out a frustrated groan. “Ugh! Why not? I thought all of the secrets were over? I’m going to tell you right now, Shawn, you either tell us what’s going on or don’t bother talking to us again.”

  My head snaps up. “Are you serious?”

  She doesn’t answer me. She just stands up and walks to the door with Holly and Nicole following. I want to stop them but I can’t. A couple of minutes later, my door opens again, but this time when I look up it’s Jason. “Not you, too.”

  “Listen, I’m not here to lecture you.” He shuts the door and takes a seat. “You also know I’m not into this whole share your feelings shit, either, but what the fuck is going on? I get you can’t talk to the girls, but at least tell me. If you fucked up just let it out. I’ve made my share of mistakes, so I am definitely not going to judge you. Shit, I pushed Nicole away in every asshole way you can imagine.”

  I run my fingers through my hair, knowing it would be nice to be able to tell someone about what happened. “Okay, I’ll tell you.” I tell J everything—from the dinner with her parents, to the blackmail her dad laid on me, and even what happened before I left. When I’m done he doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes.

  “Fuck, that’s messed up. I get you not wanting anything to happen to your family, but you know you are letting him win, right? If it was me, I couldn’t stand him knowing he got the best of me.”

  “What the hell am I supposed to do, J?”

  “You are supposed to grow some damn balls, go to the stupid-ass party she’s at tonight, and tell her dad to stick it up his ass. You know how much Christen means to them and how much they don’t want to lose her. If you tell her what’s going on, she’ll make sure your family is okay.” Can it really be that easy? “Plus, the girls said her mom is making her go to the party with some douche tonight so she could probably use the help right now.”

  “What?” I jump up.

  “I’m guessing you know the douche? Oh wait, is it the douche from dinner?” Jason starts laughing.

  I grab my jacket off the chair. He’s right, we’re both miserable and I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t wait to see the look on her dad’s face when I show up there tonight. “You feel like a road trip, J?”

  He smiles at me. “Hell yes.” We walk out to the living room where Carter and Madison are. “I talked some sense into him. You wanna take a boys’ road trip, Carter?”

  Mads smiles. “You’re going to get her?” I nod my head and she jumps off the couch and gives me a hug. “Carter, you should go with them.”

  “Are you sure, babe?”

  “Yeah, I’ll text Nic and see if she wants to come over and hang out. Holly has a date tonight so she will be out anyway.”

  A date? I look over at Carter and can tell he had no idea about this. “Mads, who is she going out with?”

  Madison’s eyes get wide as she realizes she said something she shouldn’t have. “Just that guy Josh she has been talking to. You two need to leave her alone, though. I promised her I wouldn’t say anything.”

  Carter reluctantly agrees and we make our way out to my truck. I just hope when I get there she is happy to see me.

  And that she even wants me back.

  Holly

  Thank God Josh isn’t here yet. I’m usually never late, but of course, everything which could go wrong has gone wrong. Not to mention the fact I had to go over to Jason’s apartment and try to talk some sense into douche-nugget, Shawn. I still can’t believe he acted like such an asshole, but I’ll have to deal with him later.

  I’ve been waiting to go out with Josh for almost three months now. We met on Facebook and have been talking almost constantly since. I swear it’s like he’s my twin, and I am so nervous for tonight because I want it to work. Seeing my brother and Mads, Nicole and Jason, and Christen and Shawn all be so happy together has made me really lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with all of them, but being the damn seventh wheel has gotten old.

  I didn’t tell any of the guys about tonight because of what happened the last time I mentioned meeting Josh online, and also because I knew they would worry. It’s really like having three dads constantly watch over you, and it’s exhausting. I hear the doorbell ring and I give myself one last look in the mirror.

  My heart is beating so fast, and I have butterflies in my stomach. When I open the door my heart stops, and before I can scream he shoves something over my mouth. I try to struggle, but after less than a minute everything goes black.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Christen

  It’s only been two days since Shawn broke up with me, but it feels like a week. I don’t want to eat, and the only time I ever sleep is when I’ve cried so much I can’t open my eyes anymore. It’s not just because I miss him, it’s feeling like such a fool. I can’t believe I never realized he was like that. My mother has been hovering over me and I feel as though I’m suffocating. She refused to let me stay home tonight and practically dragged me out of the house. If that wasn’t bad enough, she decided to try and set me up with Scott again. He’s been with us all night and I honestly can’t take another second of it.

  He is so egotistical and rude. I can’t believe I’ve survived being around him all night. My mother keeps pushing us out to the dance floor, and keeping his hands off my butt is almost a full time job. People like Scott refuse to accept the word no. When we head back to the table, I excuse myself and take a walk in the garden of the country club. I walk out to the gazebo that has always been my escape and sit down on the bench. I wanted to be here with Shawn tonight, not sitting here by myself, trying to hide from Scott.

  I hear footsteps coming, and when I turn around I see Scott stumbling toward me. He’s been drinking a lot tonight because the club doesn’t card. He sits down next to me and the smell of whiskey on his breath turns my stomach. He snakes his arm around my shoulder like he’s been doing all night, except this time when I go to move away his grip tightens.

  “Why are you so uptight?” he slurs into my ear. “I mean, you can spread your legs for riff raff, but not for me.” I swing my hand in an attempt to smack him but he catches it with his free hand. “Uh uh uh, that’s not nice.”

  “Let me go, Scott.” I move to stand up but he forces me back down.

  He moves so he’s now hovering over me. “What you don’t understand, Christen, is I’m done asking. I’m going to take what I want.” His hand starts to creep up my leg and under my dress. I try to push him off of me, but I can’t budge him. The music inside is so loud I know if I scream no one will hear me, but it doesn’t stop me from trying.

  The next thing I know, Scott is flying off of me and lands on the grass outside of the gazebo. When I look up, I see Shawn walking toward him as he’s lifting himself off the ground. Shawn wastes no time and punches him in the face, knocking him back toward the ground. When Scott doesn’t get up, Shawn turns around and comes back toward me.

  “Are you okay?”

  I think I’m still in shock because I can’t even form an answer. All of a sudden, Scott is charging at Shawn and he has a knife in his hand. I yell out to warn him, and he throws me to the side while trying to dodge
Scott. They start to fight and I can barely keep up with what’s happening. Eventually, Shawn ends up on top and I can see a red stain on his t-shirt. He’s punching Scott over and over, and Scott isn’t even fighting back anymore.

  I hear yelling, and when I look up, Jason and Carter are running toward us. What are they doing here? Jason pulls Shawn off of Scott while Carter grabs my hand and leads me out to the parking lot. We walk over to Shawn’s truck and wait for him and Jason. When they walk up, Jason and Carter jump in the front and Shawn and I get in the back.

  I turn to him, his shirt is covered in blood. I’m about to ask him what he’s doing here, when he wraps his arms around me. “I missed you so fucking much,” he whispers as he buries his head in my neck. He pulls back and is about to kiss me when I pull away. I turn my head away from him, overwhelmed by everything that has just happened.

  Shawn grabs my chin and tilts my head toward him. “I’m sorry, babe. You have no idea how much.”

  I look toward the front of the car, apprehensive about having this discussion in front of them. Jason notices me looking at them and then turns on the radio and adjusts the speakers so it’s louder in the front. I’m thankful he does that for us and I turn to Shawn so I can figure out what is going on. “Why did you leave? Why are you here now?”

  He rakes his hands through his hair and I can see the pain in his face. As much as I want to comfort him, I need to be strong and not give in. “It was your dad.”

  “My dad? What the heck does he have to do with anything?”

  “When you were out with your mom, your dad called me into his office. He tried to offer me money to walk away from you. When I told him no, he tried to blackmail me by threatening to send my family into poverty. I didn’t want to leave you, and it killed me to do it. I’ve been so miserable without you, Jason finally got me to tell him what happened, and he talked some sense into me.”