A Bride for Esau

by Parker J Cole

  His hand pressed against the panes. Was it?

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  A hard knock at the door interrupted Boaz’s bath. Delilah called out, “Coming!” Swiftly she dried her son off and wrapped him tightly in a towel before placing him back in the crib. Wiping her hands off on her clothes, she rushed over and opened the door.

  She gasped. “Heather!”

  Heather grinned and came into the cabin, pulling off her gloves, scarf, and bonnet. Her red hair tied in a bun at the nape of her neck gleamed under the light of the fire. “It’s so good to see you again!”

  Delilah hung up the outerwear on the coat tree behind the door and raced back to where Boaz lay. “I was just getting him out of his bath.”

  “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

  “It’s all right. I’m glad to see you.” They shared a quick hug before Delilah bent down and lifted Boaz into her arms to finish dressing him.

  “It’s a good thing you did that,” Heather smiled. “He was just about to start crying.”

  “Indeed.” Delilah’s heart melted as she gave her son a kiss on his fat cheek. “He doesn’t like to be left alone too long.”

  Boaz made a loud sound of glee. “He’s beautiful,” Heather remarked.

  “Isn’t he?” Her chest swelled. There wasn’t a day that had gone by that she didn’t thank the Lord for making her his mother. It wasn’t that she gloried in Boaz’s mother’s death, a state of circumstances Esau still refused to tell her about. If she had to choose, she’d wished for Boaz to have his own mother back with him.

  Yet, to honor the woman for the great sacrifice she’d made in protecting her son, she would do her absolute best to raise Boaz in the way he should go.

  In the past month, Delilah had come to embrace her new life. At the Society, her days were planned. Work, work, and more work with Scripture, community prayer, and other activities lent to keep Magdalens from being idle, thus leading to a life of sin.

  As Esau’s wife, her life was her own to do as she chose. The first few days after she arrived, she felt homesick. Part of her missed the familiarity of her life back home. She’d already written Anna twice and requested that Esau take the letter to the post office in town. Anna hadn’t written back yet but she knew she would eventually.

  Boaz made all the difference. With him in her life, he made the lonely mornings and afternoons bearable.

  Esau had done what he said and began his rounds again in the territory. Due to the winter weather, he didn’t venture out far, but he went around to the ranches he’d visited before. Sometimes he preached, listened to problems, helped with some project, or just passed through. On two occasions, he’d gone and christened a newborn baby.

  “How is married life for you, Delilah?”

  She shook her head and gathered Boaz close to her breast. “It’s fine,” she said, “but I’m more interested in hearing about you. How are things with you and Tom?”

  Heather’s head dipped. A shy smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “They’re wonderful. He treats me so well. Like I’m a porcelain doll that can’t be harmed.”

  “How lovely.” The smile threatened to fall away but she stretched it further. An acidic aftertaste hit the back of her throat. Why should she be jealous of Heather because she found a man who loved her?

  “I can’t believe it,” Heather went on, her green eyes filled with some inner light. “He and I both know what I was, but it doesn’t matter to him.” She gave a startled, light laugh. “It really doesn’t matter. I’ll admit, I thought that perhaps when we were alone, he would change but it’s been almost a month and nothing’s changed. Our union has grown deeper in fact.”

  “I’m so pleased for you.”

  I don’t want to smile. I’m tired of pretending.

  Why couldn’t she have the same experience that Heather had? Why wouldn’t Esau give them a chance to build a life together?

  Shame crawled along her skin. Why was she thinking like this?

  Because she was jealous, and she had no right to be.

  But how could she contain the green-eyed monster as she listened to Heather go on and on about her perfect husband? She wished Esau showed the same sort of affection for her.

  It didn’t help that she was falling deeper in love with him. She found him handsome, so handsome, that when he wasn’t looking. or if he was occupied with Boaz, she’d take the time to drink in everything she could. Once, she opened the door to let him in as he was bogged down with parcels from his visits around the area. Standing there, he was silhouetted against the snowy backdrop, his darkness contrasting with the light. His dark eyes flashed, and she wanted to reach out and caress the hard plane of his cheeks.

  He was considerate of her in a rather distant way. Although he spoke to her, she noticed he hid behind a wall of reserve. Nothing she could say or do would penetrate it.

  The only one who seemed capable of that was Boaz.

  Whenever he came home from a long day, he’d head straight to Boaz. If the child was sleep, he would bend down and kiss his cheek. If awake, he’d play with the baby for a while, seeing to all his needs.

  With Boaz, he really came to life.

  With her, he remained a polite stranger.

  “And with that—,” Heather was saying, “I have to tell you.”

  “Tell me what?”

  Her friend leaned forward. “I’m going to have a baby.”

  Delilah’s smile widened so much she’d thought it would split her mouth in half. “Oh! I’m so happy for you!”

  Smile even when it hurts.

  The thing was that she really was happy for Heather. To have a child as a fruit of one’s love for their husband was a joyous occasion.

  A bite from the green-eyed monster tore into her mind. Why couldn’t she be the one to have a child? Why couldn’t Esau see her as more than the mother of his son but the wife of his heart as Heather said Tom described her?

  Was it so much to ask for his love? She, who had spent years in the grasp of the Society, told to do whatever they said, to be separate from the wanton nature of her mother.

  Now she had a husband who wanted nothing to do with her. It did nothing to stop her desire for him.

  At first, she thought he wanted to give them a few days to adjust to each other. But the more time that went on, she recognized that Esau simply wasn’t interested in her. There were times when she’d catch a peculiar glint in his eyes whenever they rested on her, glimmering and narrowed as if trying to figure out some weighty problem.

  After those first few days, when he continued to turn around and not look at her from the other bed, she wondered if he’d been sincere in only wanting her for a mother.

  “Delilah?”

  “I’m sorry,” she stammered as Boaz yawned and cuddled his head against her. “What did you say?”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Not at all.”

  Heather eyed her, a frown on her face. “There must be.”

  “No, please continue with what you were saying.”

  “I was saying the baby should be here by fall. I hope you will do me the honor of becoming my child’s godmother.”

  Tears smarted in Delilah’s eyes. “I’m honored,” she said simply.

  “We’ve gone over a list of names if it is a boy or a girl but we’ll see what happens.” Heather’s green eyes sparkled again. “I can’t believe this has happened to me. After everything in my life, God has blessed me with a man who loves me, who doesn’t look at my past and would never hurt me. Ever.”

  “Don’t you think you deserve to be happy?” Delilah phrased the question to Heather but in her mind, she wondered if she were talking to herself.

  Didn’t she have the right to be happy as well? Esau was a kind man. Although she hadn’t known him long, their daily interactions led to that idea cemented in his mind. Some people looked at him differently because of his mixed blood but others didn’t. Did he have to go out to the ranches? Did he have
to stay and help with any projects they needed? No, only a kind man would be able to give of himself, at least to Delilah’s way of thinking.

  “I didn’t think I deserved it, no.” Heather said in a blunt fashion. “But now, I have the best of husbands in the world.” She reached over and tugged at Boaz’s fingers. He gurgled and squealed. Heather smiled again. “And I have you to thank for it.”

  “Oh, Heather, that’s not necessary.”

  “But it is!” A look of entreaty appeared in Heather’s eyes. “I was left for dead in that alley, Delilah. If it weren’t for Anna and you, I would probably still be there.” She shivered as her eyes glanced away to the fire. “It wasn’t just the attack that kept me there, Delilah. It was the fact that I felt I no longer had the care or the will to live anymore. Why not just die and be done with this life? I remember thinking that. But God had a different plan in mind. For some reason, beyond anything I can understand, He chose to save the life of a loose woman while a woman like Boaz’s mother died.”

  Delilah clutched Boaz closer, rubbing her fingers through his hair. “I don’t know but I’m glad I’m his mother.”

  “Anyone can see that, Delilah. I’m sure Esau is grateful to have such a loving wife as part of his family. I can’t wait until you give Boaz some brothers or sisters to play with.”

  Boaz giggled suddenly, giving Delilah a chance to lift him into the air and play, thus avoiding the unspoken question. “You’re a silly boy, aren’t you?”

  He clapped his hands and giggled some more.

  “Delilah?”

  “Hmm?” She blew out her cheeks, making Boaz laugh.

  “I know something’s wrong. What is it?”

  “Nothing’s—”

  A heavy sense of weariness came over her. Why not tell Heather? Why did she have to keep smiling when she wasn’t happy?

  Settling Boaz in her arms, she gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Yes, Heather, something is wrong.”

  There, she’d said it aloud. She admitted to herself that she wasn’t happy.

  Heather reached forward and grabbed her hand. “What is it, Delilah? Is it Esau?”

  “Is it Esau?” Delilah repeated as she absently rattled one of the little wooden toys Esau made for Boaz. “Yes…and no.”

  “What do you mean?” A concerned expression came over Heather’s face. “Is he unkind to you? Has he hurt you?”

  “No. Well, not in the way you mean, Heather.”

  “I’m listening.”

  Delilah didn’t know how to express the thoughts in her heart. So she just said them. “I’m in love with him, Heather.” She let out a watery laugh. “I think I was in love with him before I ever saw him. Now that I’m here, he’s everything a woman can want in a husband; handsome, strong, and considerate. But he treats me like I am his sister.”

  “His sister? I thought you said you would have a marriage in fact.”

  Delilah let out a mournful sound as she set the rattle down. Boaz’s wide eyes stared at her, aware of her distress in that way she noticed in the child before. “I want that with all my heart. At the Society, the matron and others always spoke of how important it was to keep our virtue. That we should give that to our husbands and how pleased God would be with that.”

  Her voice trailed off.

  “And Esau does not…desire you?”

  Her face flamed and she bounced Boaz in her arms. “I thought at first he was trying to give me time to adjust to our relationship as a married couple. But it’s been a month now, and he shows no interest in me that way at all.”

  She sighed. “I don’t want to be like my mother or the other Magdalens. I did everything I could to prove that even though my mother’s blood flows through me, I am not her.”

  “But?”

  “But?”

  Heather smiled. “There’s more you want to say.”

  Boaz was starting to fall asleep. Grateful for an opportunity to get away from the conversation, Delilah went over the crib, and carefully laid the child within its confines. Boaz mewled for a moment, his tiny mouth yawning. Gently, she rubbed his cheeks with the back of her finger.

  When she sat again across from Heather, she said, “I…I…feel…wanton.”

  “For your husband?”

  She nodded, too embarrassed by the admission to look at her friend. “I look at him and I want to be his wife in every sense of the word. I think…things that…”

  “There’s nothing wrong with desiring your husband, Delilah.”

  “But he doesn’t desire me. What is the point of saving my virtue if my husband doesn’t want me?”

  A little smile lifted the corners of Heather’s mouth. “I think you’re wrong, Delilah. I think Esau wants you very much.”

  “How do you know?”

  “He has come to visit us several times in the last month.”

  Delilah’s mouth fell open. “What?”

  “It’s true. I think he comes there because he’s tempted by you. I also sense he feels the same way, he’s protecting your virtue out of some misguided sense of honor.”

  Her heart thumped in her chest. “Heather, really?”

  “The possession or lack of virtue doesn’t make up who we are. It’s a physical property, not a spiritual one.”

  Delilah gave a start. “What do you mean?”

  A far-off look came into her eyes. “I’ve only come to understand this very recently. Esau and Tom have both been so helpful to me.”

  “Esau?”

  She nodded. “We’ve talked about a lot of things.”

  “What did you mean that virtue alone doesn’t make you who you are?”

  “I was a loose woman for two years, Delilah. But God saw me when I almost died in that alley, and He sent you and Anna to me. You rescued me. Although I can’t remember everything that night, I remember thinking that God had forgotten about me because I had given away my virtue, and then entered this life of sin because my family had disowned me.”

  Delilah felt tears form in her eyes. “Oh, Heather.”

  “I wanted to die, thinking that my whole life was a result of that one decision. But it wasn’t. If it was solely based on virtue, then why did God send you to rescue me? Why does Tom treat me as if I am untouched by anyone but him? Virtue is a spiritual thing, Delilah. You can have the kind of past I have and still be virtuous because it is something that God gives, not man.”

  Delilah almost fell on her knees. “Then, then…”

  “God rescued me when I wasn’t virtuous in both body and spirit. And He is making me both by allowing me to honor my vows to my husband and to live in virtue to and for Him.”

  “But what about the desires that I can’t…I can’t help no matter how hard I try?”

  Heather grinned. “Isn’t that what you have a husband for?”

  ***

  Esau stood in front of his home, shivering from the cold but unable to step through the door. He could hear the dim sounds of Boaz gurgling and making noises, hear the soft response of his wife as she answered him.

  His chest throbbed with a sudden painful ache.

  This was his family. It wasn’t the family he asked for but it was the one that God had given him.

  He couldn’t be happier. Such happiness frightened him.

  Before their entrance into his life, Esau felt as if he’d reached a pinnacle in his life as a traveling preacher. He had no one beholden to him or he to them.

  All that had changed with the morning he met Boaz’s mother.

  Boaz. The child was growing on him more and more each day. Whenever he thought of his son, something warm spread through him. Boaz may not be of his own loins but there was still a connection in his heart that was tied to the child. Whenever he cried, an answering ache entered his heart. He lived for the child’s laughter, lived for those smiles, and the light that shone in his eyes whenever he came home.

  Esau wiped his face with his hands. Boaz held a large part of his heart. It was terrifying to think of how m
uch emotion he evoked. If any harm came to him, his world would be upended. Not just upended but destroyed.

  How had he come to care for the boy in such a short amount of time?

  Yet, the affection he felt for the child wasn’t at all like the growing feelings he had for Delilah.

  Esau shivered as a cold wind roared around him. He longed for the chilly air to enter in his body so he wouldn’t be aware of Delilah every time he set foot in the house. Whenever he did, he became sensitive to every movement she made. Cognizant of every breath she inhaled.

  For the first time, he wished he had a bigger cabin and separate rooms. She would be safely ensconced in her own bedroom and he in his.

  No, that wasn’t right. It wouldn’t matter. His growing awareness was leading down a path he had no wish to take. Unlike Jacob, who had at an early age, enjoyed the delights of the flesh, he never had. Perhaps he was like any other man, but that had never been a priority for him. He’d decided early on to suppress that part of him and hadn’t gone wrong with that decision until now.

  It wasn’t just the lure of the physical that drew him. Delilah was everything a man like him, who never had any expectations, could hope for. Beautiful to gaze upon, he often found himself unable to look away from her. She’d taken to wearing a pink scarf around her head whenever she was about to bathe in the small corner of the cabin set up for the use. Those were the days he left the house and worked in the barn or took care of outdoor chores for as long as humanly possible.

  Montana winters being what they were, there were days they were stuck in the cabin for a long stretch. Learning about her in different ways only made the situation worse. Delilah always had a smile on her face, her brown eyes lit from within. Studious by nature, she made sure to keep the cabin clean and warm without much effort.

  Whenever they talked, she had a great penchant for being an attentive listener. She engaged him in a way that made him think of the things he’d say to her or whatever topic they tended to land on.

  Of course, their pride and joy lay in Boaz. He kept their days filled with a kind of bliss Esau never thought was possible.