Side Order of Love

by Unknown

  It had been hours, and yet the raw pain of her discovery was still so incredibly acute. The way Aly had looked, all smug and sneering. And her words… We’re going to try to work things out … pierced Torrie all over again, making her want to scream. Sorry for your luck. Torrie tortured herself over and over, immersing herself in the awful sting of the words, wanting to remember this pain always so that she could avoid it in the future.

  And she would avoid it. She would not be so stupid again. She’d made a fool of herself, falling for Grace the way she had. Worst of all, it wasn’t even Grace’s fault. It wasn’t like Grace hadn’t warned her she wasn’t over this Aly creature yet, that she wasn’t ready to give herself completely to Torrie. But no. Torrie had to barge ahead anyway and fall in love with her, and then confess her love.

  God, she must think I’m an idiot.

  Well, no more. No more reckless play on her part. Course management, Torrie, course management. It was how you won golf tournaments, playing course management. It meant playing smart, playing conservative and not letting the course get the best of you by taking risky chances. You controlled the course, made it yours, and you didn’t panic about one bad shot or one bad lie. You certainly didn’t go out on a limb and strand yourself, setting yourself up for failure. Exactly as she’d done with Grace.

  Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She’d forgotten the damned thing was even there.

  “Cannon,” she answered tersely.

  “Hey, Torrie.” It was Catie. “Where the hell are you?”

  “Smoke Island.”

  “Well, get your ass over here. The weather’s coming on.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.”

  “Good. I’ll meet you at the dock.”

  “Look, you don’t have—”

  “I said I’m meeting you at the dock, Tor.”

  “Why?” The hair on the back of her neck bristled. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ll tell you when you get here.”

  Torrie slapped the phone shut and swore to herself. She couldn’t get to the boat fast enough. Had something happened to Grace? Christ, she hoped not, but her heart pounded, and she feared the worst. She might have lost her to that snotty lawyer bitch, but she wasn’t going to lose her to yet another force beyond her control.

  Moments later, Catie helped her tie up the Zodiac.

  “Is it Grace?” Torrie’s empty stomach lurched. She thought she might be sick.

  Catie shook her head, and Torrie stumbled with relief.

  “Are you okay, Tor?”

  “Yes, dammit.” She bent over to catch her breath and to still her unsettled stomach. “Just tell me what the fuck is going on, would you?”

  “It’s Aunt Connie. Her friends she’s staying with called me an hour ago. She broke her leg in two places yesterday. She was parasailing, of all things.”

  “What?” They hurried to the nearby ferry, which was just loading up its final few passengers. There was no time to load a car. They’d cab it to the hospital. “Is she fucking crazy? Parasailing?”

  “I know, I know.” Catie quickly paid their fare and they climbed aboard.

  “Is she going to be okay?”

  “Yeah. Eventually, I think. She won’t be able to stay on the island for the rest of the summer, though.”

  They took a seat below decks in a quiet corner.

  “Well, I for one am going to give her holy hell,” Torrie grumbled.

  “No, you’re not. It’s too late for that anyway.”

  Torrie sighed and stared out the window at the undulating, gray waves. They reminded her of Grace’s eyes and the way Grace had looked on the porch this morning, sort of guilty and contrite. Tired too, like she hadn’t slept. Maybe by now Grace realized she’d made a mistake letting Aly believe they might patch things up, but still Torrie couldn’t fathom why Grace would even consider giving her ex another chance, especially after the night she and Torrie had shared. How could she think of going back to Aly, after Torrie had told her she loved her? It burned her, thinking of Grace with Aly, doing those exquisite things with Aly, letting Aly touch her in the very same places Torrie had. Aly loving her. It was beyond hurtful. It was shattering.

  “What the hell is wrong with you anyway, Torrie?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “Why did you run off by yourself today? And Grace seems upset too. Trish is with her. Did you guys have a fight or something?”

  Torrie just shrugged, wanting to be left alone with her misery.

  Catie tapped her fingers impatiently on her lap. “Does it have to do with that Aly woman who showed up last night? I know I’d sure be pissed if Trish’s ex just showed up like that.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it, C.”

  Catie sighed and squirmed beside her, like she wanted to press Torrie, but didn’t quite know what to say. Torrie was in no mood to indulge her. The diesel engines rumbled and the ferry chugged along. Torrie just wished like hell they were there already.

  “Torrie,” Catie said in her stern caddie voice, the one meant to get Torrie to focus on the task at hand.

  “What?” Torrie knew Catie meant well, that she was just worried about her. On the golf course, she listened to Catie, and she tried to now, but it was halfhearted.

  “Grace is crazy about you, you know. Even I can see that. She wouldn’t do anything stupid.”

  Like hell, Torrie thought, but she didn’t say it. Grace had made her choice, and it was abundantly clear that their time together was over before it had ever really even begun. It was the most disappointing loss Torrie had ever experienced. “Look, Catie. Sometimes things just…” Torrie drew a deep breath, corralling her strength. “…aren’t meant to work out, you know?”

  Catie looked at her with surprising disappointment. “It’s not like you to be a quitter, Tor.”

  Torrie gave her a searing look. It wasn’t a matter of quitting, but of cutting her losses. Of letting Grace sort out her life on her own time, not Torrie’s.

  The ferry give a light bump as it brushed its mooring station. Standing, Torrie shot Catie a warning look. “Don’t you dare say anything about this to Aunt Connie.”

  Grace rushed from the cab to the hospital doors, afraid she wouldn’t get to see Connie before visiting hours ended. She already knew she wouldn’t make the final ferry back to the island, that she’d have to spend the night on the mainland. That was fine with her. Trish would look after Remy. As for Torrie, she didn’t know what the hell her plans were, the way she’d run off this morning looking so angry and hurt, like Grace had committed some unforgivable mistake by inviting Aly in last night. Her behavior had been frustrating and hurtful, because Grace could have used Torrie’s support and understanding, not her jealousy and fear.

  She asked a receptionist for the room number and was about to turn toward the elevators when Torrie and Catie strode through the lobby.

  Catie waved her over.

  “You guys got my note?” Catie asked. She’d left a note for Grace and Trish explaining what had happened to Connie and saying that she was already on her way to the hospital.

  “Yeah, thanks. Trish stayed behind, but I wanted to come over right away and see Connie.” She didn’t look at Torrie immediately. She wanted to, but if Torrie was still angry and hurt, a public confrontation held no appeal. “Is she going to be okay?”

  “Yeah, she will be. We just came from her room. She’ll be thrilled to see you.”

  “I’ll be glad to see her too.” Grace’s emotions welled up without warning. She could use some of Connie’s sage advice right about now, but she didn’t want to burden her, especially with her injuries. It didn’t help either that Torrie was her niece. “I’ve missed her.”

  Catie cleared her throat, looking from one to the other. “I want to give Trish a call. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Grace didn’t know whether to bless Catie or curse her.

  “Don’t be long, or we won’t make the ferry,” Torrie called after he
r. She looked like she wanted to follow Catie.

  It would be just like her to run again, Grace thought irritably. She put her arm on Torrie, deciding to get at the root of things. “Can we talk?”

  Torrie grunted and Grace took it for a yes. She led her to a bank of vending machines in a corner.

  “Look, Torrie, I didn’t know Aly would just show up like that. And when she did, I felt like I couldn’t just send her away without at least talking to her.”

  Torrie’s eyes were strangely void, as though she’d walled herself off, and Grace’s exasperation mounted. Torrie was being petulant and unreasonable, and Grace, frankly, didn’t deserve it. She’d done nothing wrong.

  “If she wanted to talk, it was the least I could do after three years together.” Grace sighed heavily and leaned against a machine that offered twelve varieties of chocolate bars. She wouldn’t apologize, but she could try to pacify. “Look, she was hurting and I felt bad for her, okay? Maybe I shouldn’t, but I did.”

  “Is that why you want to get back together with her? Out of guilt? Was I just a revenge fuck?” Torrie’s words were harsh and blunt, and the accusation hit Grace like a sledgehammer.

  “What?”

  Torrie’s arms were crossed over her chest. She looked defiant, hurt and totally unforgiving. “Aly. She said…” Torrie looked away.

  Grace was confused until the realization of what Aly must have told Torrie dawned on her with sickening force. Her first thought, when she could finally form one, was: that fucking bitch. Her second was: oh, no. She saw and keenly felt the damage that had been done by Aly’s spite. Perhaps irreversible damage.

  “Torrie,” she gasped. She shook her head. “Whatever she said…you believed her?”

  Torrie’s eyes were on her Adidas runners, her hands jammed in her pockets. The rigidity of her posture was slowly abating, but not enough to satisfy Grace that she was ready to listen to reason. “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?” Grace demanded.

  “I’m sorry,” Torrie said grudgingly. “I should be big enough to handle it, but I’m not.”

  “I don’t understand. There’s nothing to handle, Torrie.”

  “You mean you’re not getting back together with her?”

  Grace could hardly believe what a nightmare this was becoming. “Torrie, we need to talk. But not here.”

  Grace took her by the wrist and led her down a hall. She tried a door that was locked and kept going until she found one that was open. She tugged Torrie into the storage closet.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” Torrie said petulantly.

  Grace seethed. “Of course I didn’t tell her I wanted to get back with her.”

  “Do you want to?”

  “Torrie, how could you ask me that after our night together? Do you really think I would make love with you when what I really wanted to do was get back with Aly? How could you think that?”

  For the first time, Grace felt a twinge of regret about her night with Torrie. She’d known, deep in her bones, that it was too soon for them. Why didn’t I listen to myself? Why couldn’t Torrie and I have been stronger and waited?

  Torrie sat down hard on a metal step stool and slumped. “I don’t know, Grace. I don’t know what to think, okay? I mean, Jesus, she was there all night. What else could you be talking about all that time?”

  “Torrie.” Grace tried to stay calm, but Torrie was drifting away from her, one word at a time. “Aly hasn’t dealt with the breakup very well, that’s all.”

  “That’s her problem, not yours.”

  “Yes, it is her problem. But it’s my responsibility too. I’ve learned you don’t just walk away from three years like they never happened. It’s just not that black and white. Life isn’t made up of seamless stages.”

  “It is to me,” Torrie said stubbornly. “Because I don’t think Aly’s going to take no for an answer that easily, and I won’t fight for you like you’re some trophy to win, Grace.”

  “You told me you loved me,” Grace roared, wanting Torrie’s words to bite her in the ass. She was so tired of people telling her things they didn’t mean.

  “I do.” Torrie looked stricken. “I didn’t know it’d be this—”

  “Hard? This much work?” Grace knew she sounded bitter, but she wanted so badly to inflict the same kind of pain she was feeling. “You thought making the declaration meant it was so? That that was all there was to it?”

  Torrie shook her head slowly. She began to cry softly. “I don’t know what I thought.” She was nearly inaudible.

  “Oh, Torrie.” A flood of emotions washed over Grace, drowning her almost. She wanted to kick Torrie in the ass, but she also wanted to hold her tightly and tell her everything was going to be all right. That they’d get through this. That she just needed more time.

  “I was stupid to fall for you so quickly, Grace.” Torrie was muttering, rambling, her words making Grace reel back on her heels. “It’s not like you didn’t warn me you weren’t ready to move on. You never told me you loved me back. I was stupid. So stupid. I’m sorry.”

  Grace’s mouth went dry with disbelief. Not only was Torrie slipping away, she wanted to negate what had happened between them. “That’s it? You’re throwing in the towel?”

  Torrie simply shrugged and it was several anguished seconds before she spoke. “I thought I could do this relationship thing, Grace. But I’m a failure at it. It’s not you. It’s not your fault, okay? I just can’t fucking do this. I guess I can’t be normal and do relationships like everyone else.”

  Grace was astounded. This was the woman she thought she was falling in love with? This, this coward, this child who shrank so quickly from a challenge? Well. Let Torrie choke on her words. Let her run off to her golf and her girls and her carefree— careless—lifestyle.

  “Fine,” Grace finally said, her voice grating, like broken glass. “I won’t hold you back. I just hope that someday you’ll learn that when you tell someone you love them, you actually mean it.”

  She turned before Torrie could say anything more and made her exit, her legs somehow functioning. She was trying to stay afloat with nothing to grab onto but her own anger and pain.

  “Torrie’s gone, you know.”

  “Well, that’s a helluva greeting.”

  “She left first thing this morning. Catie said she packed all her stuff and was heading back home.”

  Grace threw her keys and bag on a nearby table. It had been a long, sleepless night at the motel near the hospital. She was not in the mood for an argument with Trish, especially where Torrie was concerned.

  “To Arizona,” Trish continued.

  Grace flopped down on the couch, threw her head back and closed her eyes. Christ, this just kept getting worse and worse. “It’s not my fault, Trish. I’m not responsible for Torrie going to Arizona or wherever. She’s a big girl.”

  Grace opened her eyes in time to see Trish shoot her an admonishing look. Really, did Trish think she was supposed to chase after Torrie, hunt her down in Arizona and beg her to come back? It was Torrie who’d made it plain she was giving up on them. It was Torrie who needed to grow up, needed to show some trust and patience. Grace gave Remy, who’d waddled over to her, some loving pats on the head and turned away from his stinky dog breath. “What’s Aunt Trish been feeding you, Remy? Dead fish? Yuk.”

  Trish stood before her with her hands on her hips. “All right. Who is this cold, heartless woman and what have you done with Grace?”

  “Why don’t you just spit it out already? Tell me I’m a heartless bitch because I broke Torrie’s heart or something. Isn’t that what you’re really trying to say?”

  “Well, did you break her heart?”

  “I don’t know, Trish. And frankly, I’m a little too pissed right now to care.”

  “Why?”

  Grace still burned with the memory of her argument with Torrie. Torrie believing Aly over her. Torrie taking the coward’s way out. “Because
Torrie thinks I’m being too nice to Aly and that I secretly want to go back to her or something.”

  Trish’s eyes widened. “Do you?”

  “No! Christ, not you too.”

  Trish shrugged apologetically. “Sorry. I just thought… Shit. I know break-ups are seldom tidy. That sometimes it’s two steps back for every step forward.”

  “Is that why you and Scott kept separating and getting back together for awhile?”

  “Even when you know it’s not right, there’s something comforting about familiarity, you know?”

  “Yeah, well, there’s nothing comforting about the idea of getting back with Aly.” Grace would not slide backward. But she didn’t want any blurred lines before she fully committed to Torrie or anyone else. Everything in her life had to be in its place, just like her mise en place…the chopped herbs in their own bowl, the diced onions in theirs, the garlic in its own little pile, the spices proportioned out. Aly needed to be firmly and cleanly in her past before she could fully turn to the future. She knew that now.

  “Look, you can’t blame Torrie for jumping to conclusions.” Trish plopped down beside Grace, stretching her legs on the coffee table.

  “Yes, I can. She doesn’t trust me.”

  “She doesn’t know you well enough, that’s all.”

  “She knows me well enough to tell me she loves me,” Grace said. As soon as the words were out, she began to tremble. She tucked her hands under her thighs to still them.

  “Oh, no.”

  Grace nodded, wanting to cry. “I thought she was telling the truth about that, Trish. I was wrong.”

  Trish moved beside her, touching shoulders. “Trust. Love. They’re new to her. And even if they weren’t, those two things are never easy. You know that.”

  Grace supposed so. She hardly knew much about them herself. “I don’t want to be anybody’s Guinea pig.”

  “Can’t you give her some time, Grace? Give her a chance?”

  Grace squeezed her eyes shut, annoyed that Trish was so quick to take Torrie’s side. “I’m the one who needs some time here, because you know what? I think I’ve had it with women right now.”