Living for the Badman (Russian Bratva Book 4)

by Hayley Faiman

I turn to Ashley, who is sitting on the sofa in silence.

  The woman who owns my heart.

  I close my eyes for a moment and imagine if Pasha and Sonia were replaced by us. If I had to hold her lifeless body in my arms, how would I feel? Devastated is not a strong enough word.

  Ashley is my rock and my home. Without her, I am not a person. I am this thing that fucks and breathes, but, I am not human. She makes me human.

  “I love you, Jacob,” she whispers as her little arms wrap around my waist.

  “I love and adore everything about you, pchelka. Thank you for being absolutely everything I could ever need or want in this life.”

  I watch as Pasha, Timofei, Maxim, Radimir, Yakov, and Kirill carry Sonia’s casket down the aisle runner and to its place in the front, over her deep grave. We watch in silence as the pastor places a photograph of Sonia in the center. The service at the church was beautiful, absolutely stunning. Passages were read, songs were sung, and there was not a dry eye in the filled to capacity cathedral.

  Tatyana’s hand wraps around mine as we stare at the framed photo of Sonia that sits propped in the center of her closed casket. In the picture, she’s gorgeous, as usual. The photograph is a recent one, and she’s smiling for the camera.

  At the viewing, after everyone had left, Pasha told me that he was the one to snap it. It wasn’t a professional shot, but a candid picture. He had said something that made her laugh. He was so mesmerized by her beauty that he had to capture it right then and there.

  “How will I live this life without her at my side? She’s been there since I was twenty-one years old,” he whispers, looking at the photograph.

  “I don’t know. But you have two beautiful children who will hopefully bring you grandchildren. You must live, Pasha,” I whisper.

  “She wanted grandchildren more than anything,” he murmurs.

  “Sonia had so much love to give, she probably wanted a whole house full of them. Now—now she gets to love all those babies that have gone to heaven,” I say, trying to make him feel better, if it’s possible, which I highly doubt.

  “We had a few ourselves,” he says. “Babies that went to heaven. She didn’t talk about it ever. I wouldn’t talk about it at all, but we had four babies that didn’t survive. No doctor could tell us why. She’s with them, isn’t she?” he asks, turning to me with moisture in his eyes.

  I wrap my arm around his shoulder and I nod.

  “She sure is. And they’ll be waiting for you when the time is right.”

  Yakov comes in a few moments later and the intimate moment is over. He looks at me with question but I shake my head.

  Later that night, I hold him tighter than I ever have in my life while I tell him what Pasha said to me. I don’t say it to gossip. I tell him so that he’ll be aware and keep an eye out for his friend. Pasha is hurting, and it’s up to us to ease his pain as much as we all can; as his friends, but also because it’s what Sonia would want us to do.

  “Are you okay?” Tatyana asks.

  “I am. This is just rough,” I whisper.

  “There are no words to describe this situation,” Tatyana mumbles.

  “Agreed.”

  We sit through the rest of the service, Tatyana holding one of my hands and Emiliya holding the other. Haleigh is gripping onto Emiliya’s hand, her face bent as her shoulders shake with sobs the entire graveside service. Maxim watches her with worry clearly etched in his features.

  When the service is over, everybody leaves to go to the hall for the reception afterward. Is that what they’re called? A reception. I’m not sure.

  A reception should be a happy thing, and this is anything but happy. The four of us women don’t move. We stay rooted to our spots and stare at our men, who have not moved, either.

  Pasha, Timofei, and Oksana leave, and I know that they’re going back to The Mark instead of the after service reception. The days leading up to today have been taxing, tiring, and long. They’re going to rest. Tomorrow, Timofei leaves for Denver.

  The four of us look to each other and then we nod before we all stand. We keep our hands linked as we walk down the aisle toward the men. Only when we reach them do we break contact and go into their waiting arms.

  I inhale Yakov’s calming scent before I turn in his arms to face the casket, placing my hand on the warm wood. A few seconds go by and I hear three more hands come down on the wood as well.

  “Sonia is the reason I didn’t go completely insane. She was more than a friend to me. She was everything I wanted to be as a Bratva wife,” Haleigh whispers.

  “Without her help for my wedding, it would have been a disaster. Without her at the house during that whole thing after my accident, I wouldn’t have survived it,” Tatyana murmurs as tears stream down her cheeks.

  “She was so beautiful inside and out. So loved, and so lovely. Her smile—I’m going to miss that smile that lights up the world,” Emiliya says with a trembling voice.

  “Sonia gave us all a piece of her to carry with us, always. Her wisdom and her love, her guidance and her generosity. We all know how to be better Bratva wives and women because of her,” I whisper.

  “I am the man I am today because of Sonia,” Maxim announces. “Pasha has always been my mentor, but Sonia was like my mother.”

  We stay in silence for a few moments longer, and then we turn away and leave in silence. None of us go to the reception or celebration of life. Instead, everybody comes back to our new home. Most of the furniture and basic necessities have been delivered, all things that Sonia helped me pick out.

  As soon as Yakov and I walk into the house, I decide right then and there that I refuse to be sad when I see the things that she helped me choose for my home.

  I’m going to be happy, and I’m going to remember all of the great things about her every time I look at a piece I know that she picked out. She was helping me build a home for my future family, a home to raise my children in, and a home to love my husband in.

  I’m not going to think about the fact that she’s gone, but rather the fact that she lived. And she did live.

  Sonia loved and lived with all that she had inside of her. She lived for her children and she lived for herself; but she most certainly lived for her badman.

  Just as Haleigh, Emiliya, and Tatyana live for theirs.

  Just as I live for mine.

  Four Months Later

  I FEEL YAKOV’S HAND slide around my belly and stroke my skin, signaling that he’s finally home. I whimper, my skin so sensitive to his touch that it makes me weak and breathless.

  I pinch my eyes closed and pray that he’ll dip a little lower. I’m not wearing panties in hopes that he would be home at a decent hour. He wasn’t. It’s—I crack my eye to look at the clock—three in the morning.

  When his fingers graze where my panties should be and come into contact with bare skin, I hear him growl. I part my legs slightly as his hand travels down to my center, cupping me and finding me already wet and ready for him. He groans in my ear before his teeth nip my lobe.

  I let out a sigh as his fingers dip inside of me and his palm grinds against my clit. He knows it’s the fastest way to bring me to an orgasm.

  I lift my arm and wrap it around the back of his neck as my hips rock and seek more friction—more, just more of everything. Yakov’s other hand wraps around my breasts and he pinches one of my hardened nipples, which brings me right on the edge.

  “I need more,” I whisper.

  I need something he won’t give me, not right now, and not for a while.

  I need some pain.

  “Sorry, pchelka,” he murmurs. “Climb up top.”

  He removes his hands from my body and I do as he requests. My body is on fire, hyper-sensitive, and ready for him, to take him and to ride him unashamed. I straddle his hips and take his hard cock in my hand, lining it up to my center before I sink down.

  “Ashley,” he groans.

  “You can’t tease me, Jacob,” I warn.
/>   “I can, but I wasn’t trying,” he grunts as I rise and fall down hard on him.

  I fuck him like I’m using him for one purpose and one purpose only. I’m like a woman possessed. I can’t stop myself, and neither do I want to try.

  “Touch me,” I demand.

  I feel him before I hear him chuckle beneath me, but I don’t care. I want to climax, and I want it now. I’m impatient and greedy and I don’t care if he knows it.

  Later, he can tease me, he can have complete control; but right now, it’s all me.

  Yakov’s hands skim my hips, my waist, and then cup my breasts. I hiss as he squeezes the flesh. It feels magnificent.

  “Now, you touch yourself, pchelka. Make that tight cunt squeeze me like nobody else’s can,” he groans.

  I reach my hand between our bodies and I start to touch my clit. It doesn’t take more than a few swipes before I’m throwing my head back with a long moan as my body rushes over into a hard, explosive release.

  “Fuck,” Yakov growls.

  His fingers move from my breasts to wrap around my hips, and then he’s thrusting his hips from beneath me and fucking me with hard, fast strokes. He groans as his cock twitches, and he comes as his eyes roll in the back of his head.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, smiling down at him, my hands resting on his tattoo covered chest.

  “You’re a wildcat. I didn’t think I’d like a woman to be so wild and demanding, but, pchelka, you just proved me wrong,” he grins.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me,” I murmur, embarrassed.

  Yakov slides out of me and gently rolls me so that I’m on my side and facing him. His eyes scan my face before his hand cups my cheek.

  “You never need to apologize for anything that happens in this bed. You needed something from me, and you took it. It’s why I married you, to give you all that is mine, including me. So take when you need it, Ashley. Even if it’s sex—I’m yours for the taking,” he grins.

  “I was so demanding,” I blush.

  “It’s the hormones,” he chuckles as his hand leaves my cheek. He wraps his fingers around my belly.

  “They’re making me crazy,” I say, biting my bottom lip.

  “I’m not complaining about any of it, pchelka. I don’t expect you to be the exact same person you were before. Your body is changing at a rapid pace. Everything is flowing through you times a hundred,” he says as his blue eyes pin me to my spot.

  “You’ve been reading that book again, haven’t you?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.

  “Kirill was not wrong when he let me borrow it. I’m learning so much,” he grins.

  “You’re annoying,” I huff.

  “I’m sorry I was unable to go to the doctors with you earlier today. I’m going to try to make them all from now on,” he says, changing the topic.

  “Would you like to know what we’re having?” I ask with a sly grin.

  “You know?”

  “Congratulations, you’re having a sweet baby boy,” I whisper.

  I watch as his eyes light in a way I have never seen before. I thought he was happy before, but now—now he’s in pure bliss.

  “A boy?” he asks.

  I nod, trying not to cry.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m going to need to be inside of you again,” he grunts. “Roll over, hands and knees, pchelka.”

  I do as he orders and squeal when his hand lands hard on my ass. A second later, he’s rooted deep inside of me and his body is stone still. I drop my head and try my hardest not to move against him, knowing that, right now, he doesn’t want me to.

  “I thought we were waiting to find out,” he grinds out.

  He’s pissed, but he’s happy all at once, and I know he doesn’t know how to properly react to that feeling.

  “I didn’t mean to. I wanted her to put the results in an envelope, but I looked over and it was right there,” I explain. “It wasn’t hard to miss.”

  “Quiet,” he grinds out.

  I feel him slide from me before he slams back inside. I throw my head back with a moan as he takes me. He isn’t extremely rough, but he’s rougher than he has been the past few months, and I’m relishing in it, loving every second, every deep, hard thrust of his cock.

  It’s taking everything I have to hold myself up on my shaking arms. Yakov reaches around and begins to stroke my clit. One touch and I can’t control myself a second longer. I rear back against him, hard. I’m going to take us both there, with sheer determination as my driving force to bring us toward our release together.

  “Ashley,” he grunts. It sounds a bit like a warning, but I don’t care.

  “Harder,” I moan.

  I need his thrusts harder and his strokes against my clit harder. I need all of him—harder.

  He does as I demand, and within seconds, I’m screaming out his name as my body shakes and I come. One stroke later, Yakov roars with his own release. He doesn’t collapse on top of me like he would in the past. He lies down on his side and hugs me, my back against his chest.

  “I’m sorry for knowing before you,” I whisper.

  “I should have been there. I should have refused the meeting and been at your side, instead.”

  “Refuse a meeting with an Irish mob boss? I don’t think we need any more wars. Besides, I scheduled one of those 4D ultrasounds, and you’re going to get to see him all lifelike and creepy,” I whisper.

  “You did?”

  “Of course I did. You need to see your son,” I yawn.

  “Get some sleep. I love you,” he whispers against my ear.

  “Love you too, Jacob.”

  I close my eyes, knowing that the man holding me is the man I was always meant to have. He loves me, and loves our unborn child, more than he does himself.

  The meet he had today wasn’t just any meet; it was to ensure that there would be no more war. The man responsible for calling the orders against the Bratva and their families is dead.

  Not only is he dead, but now there’s a contract between the Russians and the Irish which should end all future bloodshed. This meet was the signing of that contract. Pasha was there, as were Timofei and Yakov.

  Timofei came from Denver just for this meeting. Yakov could not cancel it.

  I wrap my hand around Yakov’s, which is protectively wrapped around my belly. Even in sleep, he protects our baby and me. My badman, my master, the man I live for. The man I lived for when I thought all was lost in the world, including my own humanity. He’s everything to me, and he treats me as though I’m everything to him.

  A power exchange—a mutual love—a partnership.

  Everything I ever wanted, and everything I thought I would never have.

  I’m grateful and thankful every day that I chose to live for my badman.

  Russian Bratva #5

  JANUARY 12, 2017

  Dominik has promised himself to another, never taking his lovers as more than just bedmates to pass the time until he fulfills his contract to wed.

  That is, until he comes across the sexy real estate agent, Inessa.

  Will Dominik be able to take Inessa into his bed and not his heart?

  Will Inessa be able to do the same?

  Also by Hayley Faiman

  MEN OF BASEBALL SERIES—

  Pitching for Amalie

  Catching Maggie

  Forced Play for Libby

  Sweet Spot for Victoria

  RUSSIAN BRATVA SERIES—

  Owned by the Badman

  Seducing the Badman

  Dancing for the Badman

  Living for the Badman

  Tempting the Badman (January 12, 2017)

  Protected by the Badman (2017)

  Surrendering to the Badman (2017)

  Betrothed to the Badman (2017)

  NOTORIOUS DEVILS MC—

  Rough & Rowdy

  Rough & Raw

  Rough & Rugged

  Rough & Ruthless (February 3, 2017)

  Rough & Ready (201
7)

  Rough & Real (2017)

  STANDALONE TITLES

  Royally Relinquished (March 23, 2017)

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  Website: hayleyfaiman.com

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  As an only child, Hayley Faiman had to entertain herself somehow. She started writing stories at the age of six and never really stopped.

  Born in California, she met her now husband at the age of sixteen and married him at the age of twenty in 2004. After all of these years together, he’s still the love of her life. Hayley’s husband joined the military and they lived in Oregon, where he was stationed with the US Coast Guard. They moved back to California in 2006, where they had two little boys. Recently, the four of them moved out to the Hill Country of Texas, where they adopted a new family member, a chocolate lab named Optimus Prime.

  Most of Hayley’s days are spent taking care of her two boys, going to the baseball fields for practice, or helping them with homework. Her evenings are spent with her husband and her nights—those are spent creating alpha book boyfriends.

  I want to thank every person who took a chance on what lies beneath the cover of my books. I appreciate you more than you could ever know.

  I always say a special thank you to my husband, my best friend, and the man who supports me in every single one of my dreams. He’s my biggest cheerleader and the man who has owned my heart for the past sixteen years. Thank you babes.

  My mom, she’s always supported wholeheartedly everything I have ever decided to take a leap of faith on, including my writing. She’s the kindest, most loving, and most supportive mom in the world. Thank you Banana Boots.

  Rosalyn my editor, my bestie, my confidant. All the words have been said, they’ll be said over and over again and I’ll never tire of saying them. God brought us together for a reason, in a time where we truly needed each other’s guidance and friendship. Thank you for always, always being an ear for me and thank you for believing in me when I don’t always believe in myself.