A Question of Trust

by Angeline Fortin

  “If that’s a not so subtle hint, I will give in gracefully and invite you to join me for dinner,” she offered.

  “In your room?”

  “Yes, I have a separate sitting area where we can dine.” She raised an inquiring brow. “Can I trust you to be a gentleman?”

  “Of course.”

  Chapter 23

  “Friendship often ends in love;

  but love in friendship – never.”

  Charles Caleb Colton

  Still aboard the SS Teutonic

  A few days later

  Nearing the port of New York

  “You know,” Jack murmured softly, “MacKintosh has told me again and again how good Eve is at this but I never imagined you would be as well.”

  “I’m very talented.”

  “More than I might have imagined.”

  Kitty sighed and stretched, reading the focus and concentration as he contemplated her thoughtfully. “Your move, Jack. What are you going to do now?”

  “How did you get so good, I wonder?”

  “Practice, Jack. Lots and lots of practice.” She grinned at him, wondering what he would try next.

  “As we’ll make the port of New York tomorrow, this is my last chance. Very well,” he muttered, and slid his piece to the left. “How’s that?”

  Kitty just smiled and shook her head ruefully. “Not good at all, Jack.” She leaned forward. “Check mate.”

  Jack sat back in his chair and stared at the ceiling, running both hands through his hair in consternation. “Ugh! I cannot believe it! I have never seen a woman play chess as well as you!”

  “Just a woman?” she teased, resetting the pieces on the board and toying with his king before tipping it on its side.

  “I stand corrected!” He reached across the table and took both of her hands in his, pressing a kiss of worship to each palm. “I am defeated, master.”

  Kitty couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped her. Jack had been incredibly supportive during the entire journey from Scotland, tolerating her moods with aplomb and standing ready to catch her if she began to sink deeply into her dark mourning again. In this last week of their two week crossing, he had spent his days listening to her stories of her father with patience, holding her when needed and otherwise respecting her grief and privacy as she and Eve mourned together. In the evenings, they would dine together, or with Francis and Eve in their stateroom. She didn’t know how she could have made it without him.

  Each night before he left her alone in her room, Jack would kiss her goodnight to remind her of the nights that would be theirs someday. It had come as a bit of a surprise, that first evening he joined her for dinner, that passion could override her sadness and leave her restless through the night for reasons that had only to do with him. Though he would walk with her and keep her company through the day, he reserved those longing kisses for the evening. She had begun to wish the days away completely, so eager for the nights was she.

  Their kisses and embraces became more passionate and intense with each passing night. Their intimacies grew more daring as she urged him on and tempted him farther and farther, relying on his strength to leave before they went too far.

  She yearned for the day when they could finish what they started, when he could take her fully and show her the something she was sure she had been missing. The something that would put an end to the tension and frustration plaguing her.

  Someday soon, when their love affair ended, he would continue on to other women and eventually, perhaps, a wife. She hoped by that point he would be back in Scotland, because Kitty wasn’t sure how she would bear watching him go to another. What she would do then, she had no idea, but she was determined to enjoy him as long as she could until that day came.

  It would certainly come, she knew. Jack might have shown a side to her these past days he rarely revealed – the man of depth and caring, nurturing – but that would not change the essence of who he was, and Jack Merrill was a man who would never settle down to one woman. She knew it, had been lectured on that point again and again. Kitty might not like it, but she accepted it.

  When the time came, her heart might ache with pain and loss but it could not be broken when no promises had been made. No expectations shattered.

  “It’s getting late.” Jack looked at the clock mounted on a table under the window. Kitty’s stateroom suite consisted of two small bedchambers connected by the small sitting room where they took their evening meals and entertainments afterward. Kitty, of course, had one chamber. Hannah and her nursemaid occupied the other though, Kitty confessed, Hannah shared her bed most nights.

  Francis and Eve had been assigned one of the largest suites available in first class, a benefit of the Glenrothes title, while Jack, under those same auspices, had been given a large single cabin with appointments better than his own home. Sung Li had insisted on taking a steerage berth initially, but Kitty rejected that summarily. He was below in second class, coming above frequently to assure himself that his mistress’s needs were being met.

  When Kitty said nothing further, Jack turned to discover she had been watching him through lazy eyes. Bedroom eyes, he thought, taking a deep, controlling breath. These last nights had been a test of that control. Kitty’s passionate kisses and responses to his roaming hands had put him on the edge of undeniable temptation. That she was clearly relying on him to bring a halt to their encounters made him feel unworthy of that trust. His control was waning. The enticement was growing. The unsatisfied lust eating at him. If she knew he wanted nothing more than to throw her down on the bed and ravish her for days on end, she might ban him from her cabin for the remainder of their journey.

  “I should leave,” he said. While I still can.

  Still she only stared at him from across the table, silently assessing, until the tension stretched between them so unbearably Jack actually jumped when the connecting door opened. Hannah’s nursemaid stuck her head in.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, mum, but Hannah woke and is calling for you to tuck her up.”

  “Of course.” Kitty cast an unreadable glance at Jack as she stood.

  Hannah appeared in the doorway, looking delightfully soft and rumpled as only a sleepy child could. She was rubbing her eyes with one hand while the other kept a ragdoll tucked next to her. “No! I want Uncle Jack to do it!”

  Kitty rolled her eyes when Jack’s brows shot up in surprise. “It’s your own fault.”

  Sure and it was, Jack thought with a reluctant smile. Frequently, over the past days, he had taken to playing for a bit with Hannah when he arrived to escort Kitty on deck, and just today had tucked her up for her nap before they left. Strangely, he didn’t mind at all. He held his arms open to the wee lass and she dashed into them, flinging her arms around his neck. Cuddling the toddler’s sleepy, warm body to his with a kiss to the top of her head, Jack caught Kitty’s intense, wide-eyed look. He certainly wasn’t sure what it meant.

  They hadn’t talked about it at all, but now he wondered if she might be dismayed by her daughter’s new found attachment to him. Perhaps she feared that Hannah might miss him when he left one day, when Kitty decided their romance was done. Over the course of the past week, he had begun to wonder if he would ever get enough of Kitty after he finally had her. Jack knew without a doubt that Kitty would have to be the one to end their bargain, as he intended to keep her for as long as she allowed.

  It was as if her own particular fantasy were playing itself right before her very eyes, Kitty thought as she watched Jack carry her daughter back to bed. A pang of yearning rang through her heart. He was the picture of a loving father, tossing his child into the air before he swung her down into the trundle bed that tucked up under the nurse’s during the day. A father figure much as her own loving Da, though she doubted he would appreciate the comparison.

  When he rubbed his nose and cheek against Hannah’s, Kitty thought she might swoon.

  Pressing a hand to her heart, Kitty turned away, unab
le to bear the sight as her throat tightened and her eyes burned. Longing welled within her, stronger than any she had ever felt in her life. She wanted him in her life so badly! She wanted to watch this scene take place a thousand times and revel in each one. She wanted Jack. Wanted him to be a father to her children. In that moment, she realized there was no chance to halt the downward slide she had been on for weeks. She loved Jack, and wanted nothing more than to have that love returned. Their lives could be so very good together. She wished he could see it that way! His love could give her the family she always wanted. That magical unit she had seen in Eve’s home and in Abby’s.

  “Mama, kisses!” Hannah demanded, and Kitty swallowed back the welling emotion to move to the bed and press tender kisses to her daughter’s cheeks and forehead.

  “Now, sleep, young miss!” she commanded sternly, though her voice was tight with feeling.

  “Yes, Mama.” The child immediately rolled to her side, cuddling the doll under her chin.

  With a nod to the nursemaid, Kitty withdrew to the parlor then to stare out the little window, as Jack offered her daughter sweet dreams before closing the door behind him.

  Jack noted the stiff posture of Kitty’s shoulders as she looked out at the passing ocean. The lights of the ship bounced off the wake, creating a twinkling display. He was certain he knew her thoughts. He had overstepped his bounds with her daughter. How could he explain to her that he enjoyed the impish child and her unbound enthusiastic affection? Kitty and Hannah had given him a glimpse of something he had not been a part of since Abby’s mother, his stepmother, had died. She would think him a sentimental fool if he confessed to such claptrap!

  With a sigh, he moved to the door, ready to leave this haven that tempted him with thoughts he shouldn’t have. With women who were not his to hold forever. But as he turned to reach for the knob, a pair of soft, feminine arms slid around his chest as Kitty embraced him. Turning in surprise, he allowed himself to be pushed back against the door, his arms encircling her as hers slid up and around his neck.

  Without a word, she pressed her lips to his, parting them with a sigh. Any coherent thought fled Jack’s mind when Kitty pressed her lush body against the length of his. His lips claimed hers roughly as his strong arms embraced her like steel bands. Turning his head, he devoured her lips again, his tongue gaining entrance to spar with hers. He rotated, pushing her back against the door, his hands coming up to her cheeks, then her neck, before urgently running down her arms, pulling the cap sleeves down as they went.

  As he nipped at her shoulders, then neck, licking and sucking a hot path to just behind her ear, Kitty clung to Jack’s shoulders, reveling in his power and strength. Her head tilted of its own will to allow him better access to her neck. His breath panted against her flesh, creating an answering urgency in her as she caught his earlobe lightly between her teeth.

  Jack groaned, and returned his lips to hers in a kiss that burned through them both. His groin throbbed painfully, insisting on release, on an end to the frustration. He caught her breasts in his hands as hers slid aggressively inside his dinner coat and pushed it from his shoulders. Through the thin cotton of his shirt, her hands were hot, as they kneaded his chest and shoulders before moving to the buttons on his waistcoat and shirtfront. When her hand met his bare chest and moved across his ribcage, Jack’s lust rocketed beyond any he had ever imagined.

  The feel of his flaming skin thrilled Kitty as she caressed his chest and abdomen inside his open shirt. She wanted that naked flesh pressed against her own. As if hearing her plea, Jack loosened her bodice and pushed it down, allowing her to feel only briefly the delicious friction of his chest against hers before he ducked his head, capturing one nipple between his lips.

  She clasped his head against her, thankful as he gathered up her skirts with his hands. She was able to wrap a leg around him, to feel that hard length of him pressed against her. When his hand came up to cup her bottom, Kitty raised her other leg as well, wrapping them both around his hips as he supported her weight.

  His lips followed a path back up to her lips as he carried her through the connecting door into her bedroom, kicking it shut as he passed. Holding her body flush against his, he lowered them down to the bed and pressed her down as she gloried in his weight, his engulfing power. His lips took hers fiercely again, dragging them both farther into the turbulent passion that enveloped them. She tilted her hips up as he ground himself against her.

  When Kitty gasped audibly, he only chuckled low in his throat.

  “Shh, my love.”

  In the next minute, he froze, pulling himself up on his forearms to stare down at her. Sweat beaded his forehead; he was as breathless as she.

  “Jack?” she moaned, still lost amidst the strength of their hunger. Unconsciously, she arched against him, wrenching a low groan from him. “Jack, what’s wrong?”

  Jack rested his forehead against hers with a painful, depreciating chuckle. “You don’t want this, Kitty,” he whispered.

  “Yes, I do,” she returned, sliding her arms around his chest and urging him to return to her as she caught his lips once more with her own.

  Gathering all his inner strength and resolve, Jack levered himself up and sat up on the edge of the bed, cradling his head in his hands as he fought a battle with his own will. He was hard, ready, and wanted nothing more than to plunge himself into depths he knew would be hot and welcoming. Just the thought made his body shudder with want and lust.

  He could take her now. He knew it. She lay still against the bed with her bodice open, her skirts raised. One knee bent up in open invitation. Kitty’s eyes were eager, ravenous even. His body begged him to just roll back into her embrace and take what he wanted so badly.

  Pulling at all his resolve, he stood and fastened his buttons with shaking hands, refusing to look back down at her until she pulled down her skirts and adjusted her bodice. “What’s wrong, Jack?” Her voice trembled. “Don’t you want to…?”

  Jack could not stop the painful moan that escaped him. “Good God, Kitty! I do want you, can’t you tell?” He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his throbbing groin, even as the contact forced an animalistic growl from him.

  He released her hand, but she lingered, caressing his length with some fascination.

  “Stop,” he heard himself beg.

  “Why? Why, Jack?” she whispered, her voice dark with desire.

  “Because this is not what you want, Kitty.” He held up a hand when she started to speak. “I know you say you do, but I know once you regain your senses, you will remember what you have said before. You wanted to wait.”

  “I…”

  “I have seen this coming for days. I should never have let it go this far.” He buttoned his waistcoat and gave it a tug at the bottom. Kitty tucked her legs under her skirts and blushed with embarrassment as Jack sat again next to her and reached out to caress her cheek. “Don’t shy away, my love. It is only because I don’t wish to face your regrets in the morning that I have the strength to stop myself from taking you.”

  His possessive tone deepened Kitty’s blush. Taking her. Little did he know how much she truly wanted to be taken. She longed to become one with him. She supposed she should be thankful he maintained his control, but a tiny part of her wished he would set aside his integrity! What a shameful woman she had become!

  “We will arrive in New York tomorrow afternoon,” he reminded. “The next few days will be busy ones. Soon you will have a chance to speak with your father’s lawyer about the divorce proceedings. I will focus on that, my love, because when it is done, I will be able to finish what I started, and I will finish it, I promise you.”

  He lifted her chin until her eyes met his. “I want to finish it, Kitty. More than you can imagine. I want you,” he bent forward and kissed her tenderly, “madly, wonderfully, painfully.” He punctuated each quality with a light kiss, eliciting a breathy huff of amusement with the last.

  Jack rested his forehead agains
t hers as they both regained steadier ground. Kitty savored the soft stroking of his thumb against her cheek. “Thank you, Jack,” she whispered.

  Jack sucked in a laugh. “God, Kitty! Don’t thank me! If you knew half the thoughts in my mind…!” He kissed her once again, wistfully. “Good night, my love.”

  “Good night.” When the door closed softly behind him, Kitty collapsed back on the bed, wishing Jack’s iron self-control to the devil and calling herself ten times a fool for it. He was right. He had done as she asked. She couldn’t be angry at him. But disappointed, yes, as she faced another sleepless night.

  Chapter 24

  “What in me is dark

  Illumine,

  what is low raise and support…”

  John Milton

  The law offices of Jensen and Schuler

  Manhattan, New York

  June 1892

  Kitty sat in Lelan Preston’s lawyer’s office with Jack at her side. The earl had become her rock since they arrived and the realities of life had once again set in. Her safe harbor, where all the pain and emotion of the outside world might be tucked away. His hand in hers kept the sting of it all from wounding her. She would never be able to express her gratitude for what he had done for her, as the world of her childhood collapsed with each ritual.

  The previous morning they attended their father’s funeral at St Patrick’s Cathedral, their family church on Fifth Avenue. Eve and Kitty had grown up in that old church, taking their communion there for the first time. Eve’s first wedding had even been there. The building’s familiar architecture and detailed stained glass windows brought her comfort during the difficult day, as had Jack’s presence by her side. A full mass was said in her father’s honor, followed by a blessing over his grave in the churchyard. That public ceremony had been conducted weeks after his actual burial since he’d had to be buried shortly after his death, given the summer heat.