Seeking the Balance

by A. R. Moler

  “Somebody I know?” asked Nathan.

  “No, I doubt it. He’s... military.”

  “Oooh, that’s gotta make things awkward.”

  “Yeah, some parts of it are difficult.”

  “You never did easy very well. That’s probably why we never stuck as permanent thing.”

  “Oh come on, we were in college and getting laid by anybody was half the goal in life,” laughed Mason.

  “You got that right.”

  “How’s Ed?” asked Mason, referring to Nathan’s partner.

  “Fine. Home. I miss him like hell. I have two more days in the area before I fly home.”

  “You still looking into starting a family?”

  “Sort of. Maybe. I don’t know. Doing a little research. Trying to make up our minds. Wondering if we’d be better off buying a dog,” said Nathan.

  Mason snickered. “Pooper scooping versus diapers.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Come on. I’ll introduce you to my partner. Last time I looked he was talking to Villetti. Probably about motorcycles.” Mason pulled Nathan along.

  Near the sliding glass door, he saw Cam leaning on the wall listening to a conversation. Mason reached out and laid a hand on Cam’s arm. The slow simmer of anger was made even more apparent by the touch. Mason was somewhat mystified. Cam turned toward him.

  “Hey I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine. We went to college together,” said Mason. “Nathan, meet Lt. Cameron Bradshaw, Cam, Nathan Carter.” The two men shook hands.

  “Lieutenant? In this area, does that make you Navy?” asked Nathan.

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sales rep for a pharmaceutical company. Lots of traveling.”

  “Sounds interesting.”

  “Only sometimes. Some weeks are hell. I spend too much time alone,” lamented Nathan.

  Mason felt a hard flash of annoyance from his partner. What the hell was going on?

  “Alone has its uses,” said Cam. Mason raised an eyebrow at Cam. This really wasn’t like his partner at all. “We really need to head out. I have duty tomorrow.” Now Mason just stared at Cam, because unless something had changed in the past hour, that was a blatant lie.

  “Um, yeah, okay. We should really try to grab a meal together before you have to fly back. Maybe tomorrow? I’ll give you a call around lunch,” said Mason.

  “That should work,” replied Nathan. Mason slowly followed Cam toward the door, stopping briefly to say goodbye to several people.

  Outside, Mason pushed Cam against the bricks of the wall around the corner of the house, and stood with his hands braced on either side of Cam’s head.

  “Okay, give. What’s up with you?” demanded Mason.

  “Nothing.”

  “Don’t give me that. One minute you’re looking at me like you want to rip all my clothes off and the next you’re looking like you’re thinking about decking me!”

  “I... don’t want to talk about it. I thought we were leaving.”

  “Yeah I guess we are, at your insistence.” Mason turned to walk away then turned back. What ever the hell Cam was so pissed about must have a reason, and that man was never easily upfront and verbal about his emotions. Mason put a hand against Cam’s chest and pushed him back harder against the wall and kissed him. Cam relaxed a fraction. His arms went around Mason, pulling him tight to his body. One hand clenched in the hair at the back of Mason’s head and the kiss became more aggressive.

  Mine, was what Mason heard whispered inside his head. Oh. Now he understood. How could he have been so stupid not to realize his lover was jealous of his easy familiarity with Nathan?

  Mason let Cam take control. The pilot twisted him so that Mason was the one pinned to the wall as Cam’s hand pulled his T-shirt loose at the waist and ran a hand up underneath the fabric. His hand was warm on Mason’s skin, sliding up his ribs around to the back of his waist. Cam’s hand wormed down inside his briefs and cupped the curve of his butt as Cam ground himself against Mason’s crotch. Cam had one foot braced on the ground pushing. The force with which Mason was being crushed against the bricks was uncomfortable, bordering on the edge of pain. Suddenly Cam stepped back, letting go.

  “God... sorry... I didn’t...” huffed Cam. He stared at the ground, breathing hard. “You would have... I could have...” Cam stumbled away toward the line of cars parked along the now darkened street. Mason followed, at a slightly slower pace.

  Cam had finally stopped. He leaned forward with crossed arms braced on the roof of Mason’s Mustang. He wrapped both arms gently around Cam’s body and leaned against his back.

  “You wouldn’t actually hurt me. Not on purpose. I’m fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize Nathan would make you jealous. I’ve known him for a long time,” Mason whispered in Cam’s ear.

  “Not jealous,” mumbled Cam, his face buried in the crook of his arm.

  “Yeah, you are. And I’m sorry I was slow on the uptake. But I’m flattered, too.”

  “Why?” muttered Cam.

  Mason placed a line of kisses down the nape of Cam’s neck. He felt his lover draw in a shuddering breath.

  “Because it’s part of the whole relationship thing. If you care about me, then it makes you crazy to think about me being with someone else. I’m yours. Body and soul.”

  “Still want to rip off your clothes and fuck you over the car,” muttered Cam.

  “Would you settle for in the back seat? We’d draw less attention that way,” replied Mason.

  “Oh geez, don’t tempt me.”

  “I wasn’t kidding. There might even be a tube of Wet Stuff in the glove compartment...” suggested Mason.

  “I don’t have a condom with me, do you?”

  “We don’t really need one, you know,” said Mason softly. He waited for Cam to remember the brief discussion of the blood tests from earlier in the evening.

  Cam was still leaning on the roof of the car. He turned slowly in the circle of Mason’s arms to face his partner.

  “I... you really sure about this? You and me in the back seat like a couple of horny teenagers?” whispered Cam. Mason nodded. He was very sure. Cam pulled Mason into a careful kiss.

  ~

  Two full grown men in the back seat of a Mustang was pretty damn awkward. There had indeed been a partially used tube of slick in the glove compartment. Cam was sprawled on top of Mason along the seat. The car wasn’t exactly warm, but neither of them wanted to turn it on and draw more attention to their escapade. Cam’s mouth was currently plastered against Mason’s and he was kissing Mason slowly while his hand was stuffed down the front of his lover’s partially unzipped jeans stroking the hard cock inside.

  Cam could feel the thrum of energy that came with touching the healer. It was warm and addictive and purely Mason. His body wanted to drive into his partner and pound him into the seat and prove just how much this man belonged to him, but Cam forced himself to slow down. Cam eased Mason’s jeans down over his hips, then it became something of a wrestling match to get Mason’s long legs out of the pants in the confines of the small space. They were both giggling like idiots by the time it was accomplished.

  “Next time, remind me just how damn small the back seat of your car is,” snickered Cam.

  “Shut up and concentrate,” said Mason.

  Cam groped on the floor for the tube and squeezed out a generous amount on to his fingers. Mason let out a groan as Cam’s fingers pushed into him. After a couple of minutes of careful preparation and some unbelievably hot sounds from his lover, Cam ran his slippery hand down the length of his own raging hard-on and hesitated. This was a big deal. They’d never done it without the condoms, and here they were going hot and heavy in the back seat of a car like they were still in high school. God, he’d never loved anyone like he loved Mason, never believed he could feel like this about a man.

  He swallowed hard and pushed into Mason’s body. It was almost over right then. It was always a deliciously tight, all-encompassing he
at but there was nothing separating them this time. One of Mason’s legs was braced against the edge of the window and the other on Cam’s shoulder. Cam’s hands awkwardly supported himself on either side of Mason’s head.

  “Breathe,” said Mason. Neither one of them moved for a number of seconds.

  Slowly Cam eased back a little and thrust in. Mason bit down on his own lip, face contorting. Cam could tell he was struggling equally hard to postpone his climax, the vibration of the energy pouring off of his body everywhere they touched was at a fever pitch. Drawing back again and slamming forward with very little control left, he must have nailed Mason in exactly the right spot. His partner’s body jerked and semen spurted in a sticky spray across his stomach and the bottom edge of his shirt. That was it. All he wrote. The pulsing contractions sent him over the edge and Cam slammed repeatedly against Mason’s body riding the rush of his orgasm. Drained, he slumped weakly on top of his lover.

  Love you. Mason’s thoughts whispered inside his head.

  Love you, too. replied Cam. The intimacy of shared emotions was as intense as the things their bodies had done. Minutes ticked by before they peeled themselves apart and struggled back into discarded pieces of clothing.

  ~

  “Ya know it’s a good thing we’re going home, ‘cause I’m not sure anybody could miss noticing what we’ve been up to,” said Mason. He knew there was a stupid smile on his face.

  “Uh-huh. You look well and truly fucked,” replied Cam.

  “And sticky.” Mason gestured toward the mess on his shirt and a shiver ran through his body. Mid-October was definitely heading toward chilly.

  “You’re the one with the car keys.”

  “Unh... this is going to require that I move isn’t it?”

  “Yup,” replied Cam.

  Mason groaned as he climbed out of the back seat.

  The first part of the drive home was mostly quiet. Mason finally broke the silence.

  “I would like to meet Nathan for dinner tomorrow. I’ve known him for more than a decade. Yeah, we kinda sorta had something a long time ago. But it was never serious. And he’s happily married to a nice guy named Ed. They’re thinking about having children.”

  “Do you know how weird it sounds to use the words married and to a guy in the same sentence?”

  “They live in California, so they made it legal. Well, at least until the shit started flying.”

  “Mmm, forgot about that. So the children part. Guess that implies adoption, since it’s not like either one of them can carry a baby.”

  “There’s other options. Fostering and surrogacy.”

  “You seem to know an awful lot about this guy who lives on the opposite coast....”

  “Little thing called email. We try to keep in touch at least once a month or so.”

  “Oh.” The flatness of Cam’s tone told Mason that his lover still had jealous reservations about what Mason might feel for Nathan.

  “I went to college with him for four years. The pre-med part. He was a good friend. My first openly gay friend. Yes, we occasionally screwed each other stupid, but he’s about as head blind as they come, and I could never commit to anything permanent. We both knew anything serious would never work between us. We do much better as friends. And he’s taken. Just as much as I am,” Mason tried to reassure Cam.

  “Does he know you’re a healer?”

  “Yeah, actually he does. One of the very, very few people outside my family.”

  “You never talk about your family.”

  “And you do? I know you have a brother. That’s it.”

  “My parents are dead. Yours?”

  “Alive and well and would probably prefer that I was the one that’s dead.”

  “Ouch. You an only?”

  “Nope. Got two older brothers and a younger sister.”

  “Wow. So what’s the deal?”

  “The healer thing was rough, but it’s not exactly like I can run around telling the world about that. Being gay though...”

  “And they can’t handle that.”

  “Nope. Doesn’t matter that their son is a respected orthopedic surgeon. He fucks guys, so obviously he’s not worth shit.” Even just saying the words brought up bitter memories and emotions within Mason. And per usual he tried to choke them back down. Cam reached across and squeezed Mason’s leg. “What about your brother?” asked Mason.

  “Shea? He was always the wild child. He does bomb disposal for a living, a Navy E.O.D. tech. I always expect one of these days I’m going to get a phone call asking where to send the pieces of his body.”

  “When you had the motorcycle accident, supposedly someone called him...”

  “He was out of the country for six weeks. He did eventually get a hold of me. We’re really not that close.”

  “Would he have a cow if he knew you were involved with a guy?”

  “I doubt it. Like I said, he was always the wild child. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t at least tried the idea on for size... He’d probably laugh at me.”

  ~

  In Mason’s bedroom, Cam watched his lover strip out of his shirt. The bedside light threw just enough illumination to highlight the dips and planes of Mason’s naked torso, the narrow furrow of his spine, the way the muscles at the back of his waist flexed, the broad shoulders. Cam wanted to run his mouth over every inch of exposed skin. Oh, and the parts he couldn’t see at the moment. too.

  “You enjoying the show?” said Mason, a teasing tone in his voice.

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “You don’t really have duty in the morning do you?”

  “No,” Cam admitted. “I just... wanted to...” Cam fished inside his brain for a phrase that wouldn’t sound like he had been behaving like a jealous bastard.

  “Get me to leave?” offered Mason.

  “Yeah. I’m sorry.” Cam felt embarrassed.

  Mason crossed the room and looped his arms loosely around Cam’s neck. “I think maybe I like you being jealous, just a little bit,” Mason said softly.

  “Watching him with his arm around you... It’s not like you usually let people touch much... and not like that...” Cam’s voice trailed off. Trying to come up with words to describe his sudden intense response to seeing another man possibly trying to claim Mason’s affection was damn difficult. “Get naked,” whispered Cam. “Lie on your stomach on the bed, I’ll be back in a minute.” Cam had a sudden insanely silly idea. Mason looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Cam merely smiled and headed in the direction of the kitchen. There was a black Sharpie somewhere on the kitchen counter, he’d seen it.

  When Cam came back into the bedroom, Mason was obligingly stretched out on the bed, facing the door, chin propped on his fists. Cam crawled onto the bed and straddled Mason’s thighs. He popped the lid off the marker. When the cool wetness of the Sharpie tip touched the curve of Mason’s left butt cheek, Mason’s head jerked up.

  “Hey, what’re you doing?” Mason asked.