Rescued: Mother and Baby

by Anne Fraser

  Georgie shook her head. ‘It’s not that, Mum.’

  ‘Then what is it? Go on, mo ghràigh, you can tell me.’

  Georgie wrapped her fingers around her mug. ‘I love him, but I couldn’t spend the rest of my life with him.’

  Mary raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

  ‘The army is his life. When he finishes his stint here, he’ll be going back. Back to the front line sometimes and every day he’ll be putting his life in danger. I just can’t spend every moment he’s away wondering if I’ll ever see him again. I can’t put myself through that and I won’t put Jess through it either. My life was fine before Logan came along. And it will be fine again. I have Jess and you and Kirk and that’s better than nothing. Much better than nothing.’ She forced a smile.

  ‘Oh, Georgie, you can’t run away from love.’ Unconsciously, Mary echoed Sarah’s words. ‘Don’t you know that by now? Even if you’re not with him, do you think it will stop you worrying about him?’

  ‘I’ll get over him. As you said, we haven’t known each other very long. In time what I feel for him will fade.’

  ‘You don’t really believe that, do you?’ Mary said softly, reaching out and taking one of Georgie’s hands in hers. ‘What happened to my brave girl who used to know that nothing in this life is guaranteed and that happiness should be snatched whenever possible? If nothing else came out of Ian’s death, surely it was that?’

  ‘But what if I lose Logan too?’ Georgie wailed, feeling the pent-up emotions of the last few weeks rise inside her. ‘I couldn’t bear it, Mum. It was hard enough to hold it all together after Ian. If it hadn’t been for you and Jess, I don’t think I would have been able to get through it. I never ever want to feel like that again. Can’t you understand?’

  Mary stood up and came to stand next to Georgie, placing an arm around her shoulder and hugging her close. ‘Maybe you’re not quite ready, love. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If Logan is half the man I think he is, he’ll be patient and will be there waiting for you when the time is right.’

  Georgie allowed herself to rest against her mother. ‘Maybe. I don’t know. I just don’t know if I’ll ever feel differently. All I know is that I love him, and I wish I didn’t.’

  Back at his flat, Logan was restless. He couldn’t settle to read and there was nothing on television that interested him. Images of Georgie kept whirling around his brain. Did she have any idea that she could have been killed?

  He changed into his running gear and let himself out of his flat. A ten-mile run would tire him out. Maybe he could exhaust himself so much he could keep Georgie out of his head.

  But as he pounded the deserted streets he knew it was no use. Images of wavy red hair and grey-blue eyes the colour of a stormy sky kept coming into his mind. Georgie. He loved her. He’d never been more certain of anything in his life. But what could he offer her? Even if she had agreed to marry him, would he have been able to stick with it? What if he couldn’t? None of his relationships had lasted more than a few months. Whenever they’d shown the remotest chance of getting serious, he had been out of there.

  He followed the street along the river Clyde, concentrating on keeping his breathing regular. His mind drifted towards the woman who had abandoned him when he was two and the conversation he’d had with her. If he’d thought she would have been pleased to hear from him, he’d been very much mistaken. At least he had the information from her he needed. There was no family history that would prevent him having a family.

  As a small boy, he’d let himself believe that his mother had given him up because she had been dying from some terrible disease and knew she had to find him a home before she died. Although, as he grew older, he’d known that it was just a romantic fantasy, somewhere in the back of his mind he had always wondered. But now he knew for sure that illness hadn’t been the reason she had given him up. And that left him free to commit to Georgie. Except he didn’t know if he could. Was that the real reason he didn’t want to resign from the army? What if he was like his mother and couldn’t deal with the responsibility of a family? What if something inside his soul was permanently damaged and he too would want to walk away—what then? How could he do that to Georgie and Jess? It wouldn’t be fair. She had lost one husband and Jess a father. How would they cope with losing another, if not physically, then emotionally?

  It was better to walk away. Georgie would get over him in time. But would he ever get over her? The answer almost tore him in two. He had never loved anyone the way he loved her, and he would never love anyone the same way again.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ‘I NEED volunteers,’ Lizzie announced during one of their shifts a few days later. ‘To walk the West Highland Way in relays. It’s for charity. Who’s up for it?’

  ‘In relays?’ Georgie said puzzled. ‘How will that work?’

  ‘We divvy up the route into manageable sections. We each take one, preferably in twos or more, and walk it. Simple as that.’

  ‘You mean we wait for each section to be completed and then start the next? Walking through the night? I’ve heard of people who have done it in the past. It sounds fun,’ Sarah said. ‘I’m up for it but I’d rather do the civilised daytime hours if possible. I’m happy to do up to thirty miles. I think Jamie and I could manage that in one day.’

  ‘Great. I’ll put the pair of you down for the middle section from Tarbet to the Devil’s staircase, then. Anyone else?’

  From the glint in Lizzie’s eyes, it seemed as if no one was going to get out of it. Volunteering apparently didn’t have the same meaning for Lizzie as it had for everyone else, Georgie thought with a grin.

  ‘I’ll do the Devil’s Staircase to Kinlochleven,’ Georgie offered. ‘I know that part of the walk well. So if it has to be completed in fading light, I’m up for that. As long as my mum is happy to look after Jess, that is,’ she added hastily.

  ‘I’ll do it with you,’ Logan interjected quietly. Georgie was surprised. If anything, these last few days he had gone out of his way to avoid her when they weren’t actually on a job together.

  She ignored the speculative looks from her team. ‘If you like,’ she said casually.

  The others were wheedled by Lizzie into volunteering until they had the full journey covered.

  ‘If we all aim to finish our sections by five, six at the latest, then we can meet up at Loch Lomond for a barbeque to finish the day off. Everyone is welcome to bring their families. It’s been a while since all of us were out together,’ Lizzie added wistfully. ‘And who knows when we’ll get the chance again.’

  ‘When do you go on maternity leave, Lizzie?’ Sarah asked. ‘It can’t be that long now.’

  ‘Another three months. I’m not planning to come back for another twelve after the baby’s born. I want to make the most of those early days.’

  ‘Who’ll be covering for you while you’re away?’ Jamie asked. ‘Has there been any decision made about that yet?’

  Georgie caught the glance Lizzie sent her way. Lizzie still hadn’t given up trying to persuade her to take on the post. It would be the right thing to do for Jess’s sake. But would it be the right thing for her? She felt a wash of sadness as she thought about the future. It wouldn’t be long before Logan was out of her life for good, and the thought made her heart ache.

  Two weeks later and the day of the walk dawned. Lizzie, Sarah and Lata had spent any spare time between patients organising the barbeque they planned for the evening. As they couldn’t rely on the weather, they had decided to hold it on a part of the lochside near a hotel. Several of the staff played musical instruments and had agreed to bring them along. All in all, everyone was looking forward to the day out.

  The June day was better than everyone had hoped. As they drove along the twisting road that ran along the loch and up into the hills towards Loch Lomond, Georgie sneaked a glance at Logan. Since they were doing the stretch together, it made sense for them to share a car. This time Georgie had insisted on
taking hers and to her surprise Logan had agreed without a murmur. Sarah and Jamie had taken Jess with them.

  Something was bothering Logan—Georgie was sure of it. Every now and again when he didn’t think anyone was looking, she would catch him frowning. Whereas before he had been an extrovert, he had become distant, almost withdrawn, and she wondered if the rest of the team had noticed. During the journey they chatted easily about patients and the MERT service, but Logan seemed guarded, and Georgie longed for the old easiness of before. But could she blame him really? She had rejected him, and for a man like Logan that must be hard to bear.

  As usual, Glencoe was eerily magnificent. The glen still seemed to be haunted with the ghosts of the past, but Georgie loved the sense of history as well as the dramatic rise of the mountains. It rarely failed to put life into perspective for her.

  ‘Have you climbed all these mountains?’ Logan asked.

  ‘Many times. Some are more difficult than others, especially in the winter.’ She hesitated. ‘I still get a thrill when I think of being out there, competing against everything nature can throw at me. I guess I never felt so alive as when I was climbing.’

  ‘The way I feel when I’m doing my job,’ Logan said quietly.

  Georgie wasn’t sure whether he was reprimanding her, or trying to make her understand. And she did. No one had the right to stop someone doing something they loved. Now that she had lost her fear, she knew she would be back out on the mountains at every opportunity. Not being out there, hiding from what she loved most, had done something to her soul. Something she could never do to anyone else. Even if it meant putting her life at risk. And she had a young child to think of.

  Suddenly it all became clear. Logan was who he was and she loved him not in despite of that but because of it. If that meant standing by while he risked his life doing something he loved, then that was the price she had to pay for loving him. Being without him in her life would slowly but surely eat away at her. She had lost her fear of climbing; she could also lose her fear of loving.

  They pulled into the car park at the foot of the Devil’s Staircase. The hike wasn’t difficult and they would need no more than their walking boots and a small backpack each. Georgie smiled when she saw Logan pull out the emergency bag he always kept with him. They weren’t so different after all.

  As they made their way up the Devil’s Staircase—a series of steps cut into the mountain—Georgie thought about what she should say to Logan. His expression as he climbed was closed, forbidding even.

  She had to tell him she had changed her mind. She loved him and that was all that mattered. Living all over the world, worrying about him, would be dreadful, but not having him in her life would be worse still.

  The path was busy with other walkers, some of whom tramped beside them for a chat along the way, others whom they passed with nothing more than a cheery hello. It wasn’t really the time or place, Georgie thought, to talk to him. She would wait until the right opportunity presented itself.

  Georgie revelled in being alone with Logan for the first time since the night of the stabbing. She pointed out the mountains to him and he told her about competing in the pentathlon. It was apparent that he had always loved being out of doors. Whenever she tried to get him to speak about his time in the army, he deftly turned the subject back to her.

  Halfway through they arrived at the top. Beneath them the mountains stretched away to the right. To the left Loch Leven sparkled in the afternoon sunshine. The air was crystal sharp with only the faint scent of wildflowers on the breeze. Georgie felt truly happy for the first time in as long as she could remember.

  ‘Let’s stop here for lunch,’ she suggested. ‘It’s all downhill after this.’

  Logan nodded briefly and they found a flat piece of ground away from the main track. Georgie laid out the sandwiches and shortbread she had brought while Logan added flasks of coffee and juice, as well as some fruit.

  They ate in companionable silence, enjoying the view. Georgie’s heart was racing. She wanted to tell Logan she had changed her mind, but didn’t know where to start.

  ‘Logan…’ she began hesitantly.

  He turned to look at her, his expression unreadable.

  ‘I made a mistake, I’m sorry.’

  ‘A mistake? When?’ He looked baffled, clearly thinking she was talking about a clinical error.

  ‘Not at work.’ This was more difficult than she had thought it would be. ‘When I said I didn’t want to be with you. I was wrong. I do want to be with you. Whatever that means. Wherever you go, I want go.’

  To her surprise he turned away from her and looked out into the distance. This wasn’t at all how she’d imagined it would be. Surely at this point he was supposed to be smiling and kissing her?

  ‘No, you weren’t wrong. You were right all along. It was me that made the mistake.’

  Georgie could hardly believe her ears. Icy fingers clawed at her heart.

  ‘I should never have asked you to love me,’ Logan continued. ‘I had no right.’

  ‘But I do love you. And you were right. It was me who got it all wrong. I was scared. But I’m not now. At least, I am, I will always fear for you, but I’m more scared of being without you. I know that now.’

  Slowly, he turned towards her and what she saw in his eyes made her heart freeze further.

  ‘No. I’m sorry, Georgie. I’ve been thinking about it too. There is no future for us. I should never have spoken out.’ He laughed ruefully. ‘I guess I wasn’t thinking straight.’

  ‘And you are now?’ Georgie could hardly get the words past her swollen throat.

  He made as if he were going to touch her but dropped his hand. ‘Trust me, Georgie, I’m not the man for you.’

  Now she was really confused and didn’t know what to say.

  ‘I’m sorry, Georgie,’ he said softly, and this time there was no mistaking the regret in his eyes. ‘I wish I could feel differently, but I can’t. At least…’

  But Georgie wasn’t listening any more. She had heard all she needed to. Wordlessly she began to pack up the remains of her picnic.

  ‘I seem to have made a world-class fool of myself,’ she said between frozen lips. ‘Can we forget I ever said anything?’

  Georgie knew she must’ve imagined it when she thought she saw pain flash in his eyes. She had made a mistake and the sooner Logan disappeared from her life, the better.

  Back down at the barbeque site, preparations were well under way. Everyone had completed their share of the hike comfortably and spirits were high. Sarah had picked up Jess along with her son and brought her out to the loch. Jess and Calum were frequent playmates and were now absorbed by something down at the shore. Jamie and Sarah crouched next to them. Laughter drifted across the water.

  The sight of her two colleagues still so much in love made her own sense of loss deeper. Just when she thought she had found love again it had all been snatched away and she couldn’t understand why. The walk back down the hill had been tense. Both of them had made attempts at small talk but it had been clear that neither of them had had the heart for it and they’d eventually lapsed into silence.

  The rest of the evening was hard, but Georgie managed to act as if she was enjoying herself, even if her heart felt as if it was breaking into little pieces. After they had eaten and Jess was listening to a story Sarah was telling Calum, Georgie strolled away from the main group and wandered off to the water’s edge. The sun was sinking slowly in the sky, turning the loch red and gold. There was only the hint of a breeze, just enough for her to catch the scent of wood smoke in the air.

  What had happened back there on the hill? Could Logan’s feelings for her have changed so quickly? She simply could not accept that. He had told her he loved her and wanted to spend his life with her only two short weeks ago. If he hadn’t meant it, what had he been up to? Did it have anything to do with the woman he had been seeing? The one who had phoned him when she had taken the call in the car? Was it possib
le Logan had been using her? No, she couldn’t believe that. Not when every instinct in her body told her otherwise.

  Logan watched the solitary figure of Georgie as she looked out over the loch. His heart ached for her. But he was doing the right thing, wasn’t he? She’d get over him in time. It was better this way. She had made it clear she’d find it hard to accept his job in the army, to live with the fear every day, wondering whether he was still alive. And he couldn’t blame her. She had suffered enough.

  But, the relentless voice in his head was back. Was that the real reason? If he loved her, he could leave the army. But if she truly loved him, she would never have asked him to. The realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. That’s what he was scared of. That she didn’t love him enough. That one day she too would leave him. That was the true reason he had rejected her back on the hill. He was scared that she would leave him eventually, the way his mother had. He wasn’t protecting Georgie. He was protecting himself.

  Georgie heard the crunch of shells and whirled round to find Logan standing behind her.

  ‘Logan,’ she said flatly. ‘I thought we had said everything we had to say.’

  ‘I can’t leave things between us like this. It’s not fair. You deserve to know the truth. Even if there is no future for us, I can’t pretend that I don’t love you.’

  The icy fingers around her heart began to melt. He did love her. Was that what he was saying? Now she was really confused. Logan was the last man she would ever have imagined not to be able to explain himself clearly.

  He seemed to read her mind. ‘I know I’m not making any sense. Look, can we go and sit somewhere—where no one can see us?’

  She followed his gaze back up the shore. Sure enough, people were glancing their way. They were bound to be curious, although there wouldn’t be an ounce of malice in their speculation. Nevertheless, whatever Logan had to tell her was best heard out of view.