True North

by Allie Juliette Mousseau

  The golden orange blaze lifted its arms into the night sky. It looked tall enough to touch the stars. Everything was illuminated in its glow and warmth, and I loved it. I’d always loved bonfires. Outdoor parties were awesome—you could be with a bunch of people or all by yourself under the open sky and in the fresh air.

  Jules and I had polished off the bottle we had snuck away with. It was only half full so we were nicely buzzed. I liked drinking until I was close to drunk but not so much that I had to worship porcelain.

  She offered to refill my drink or get me a beer. I knew her guise; her real plan was to stalk past Nate, wiggling in her little dress and hoping he’d catch a whiff of her perfume.

  “I’m good, but you go ahead.” I went the opposite way, over to the rocked out DJ that they’d hired, and asked if he had Steppenwolf’s “Magic Carpet Ride.” It was my all-time favorite feel good song.

  “Cool with me, beautiful,” the DJ said, winking.

  I flashed him my biggest smile. “Thanks.”

  Yep, no doubt. I was buzzing, from my fuzzy brain to my almost numb feet.

  I let myself bask in the warmth of the fire and get lost in the song. I lifted my arms over my head as I swayed my hips to the beat. At the moment I was the only person dancing. So I closed my eyes and remembered my theme song tonight, “Fuck You.” I moved myself to the beat; jumping and curving my arms around me as I let all the pent up adrenaline, energy, rage and a million other emotions come out through my feet and fingertips, until I felt like a goddess. I was sorry that the song was almost over but, at the last chorus, the DJ spun it again from the beginning. My hero.

  Speaking of heroes … the social lubricant worked its magic on my courage and I put on a show for the one set of eyes I cared about.

  I zeroed in on Jake while I invited him closer with my body. I lifted my arms above my head, bending them at the elbow and bringing my wrists close to my hair as I turned a tight circle, rolling my hips and ass and making sure my torso stayed strong and my breasts pushed out just right.

  When the whistles started up, I wondered if this was what a stripper felt like when every guy in the room had their eyes locked onto her body. Of course, my clothes were staying on and I was only dancing, but still. I didn’t feel dirty in the least. I felt empowered. Especially when Jake’s jaw dropped and his eyes stayed glued onto mine, even as bitch-girl Jessica was trying to reclaim his attentions.

  Something came over me in that moment; seeing her hands groping on his hard body when he was obviously more interested in what I was doing. I gathered my long skirt into my fists and showed him some leg.

  The guys were now whooping and hollering and I was pretty sure I heard Jules yell, “HOLY SHIT!”

  I swished my skirt about my knees and thighs until the look on his face read that he was all mine. Like a magnet to steel I let my dance draw me closer to him until my hand reached for his.

  “Come on, soldier, how about a dance?” I offered.

  Mesmerized, his hand lifted to mine, while Jessica pouted off to the side. Some idiot yelled “LAP DANCE!” and I almost lost him. Jake’s face twisted up with fury towards the voice. But before he could engage I gave him a pull and turned his attention back to me.

  I brought him closer to the fire and we danced. Not sexually now, just fun. We jumped and he twirled me, and for a moment … for that moment … we were friends again with no time or space between us. The darkness I’d seen in his expression earlier dissipated and he looked … just like Jake. We both smiled from ear-to-ear and I could feel the heat of the Celtic knot against my skin under my shirt. He had done this, knotted out hearts together. I was hoping to remind him.

  A few seconds later a bunch of others came into the fray and started throwing themselves around. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

  I am awesome!

  That’s when the DJ changed the music. “We’ve got so many couples out there, let’s slow it down for one song.”

  “The Only Exception”—Paramore.

  Oh. Shit.

  Jake stood in front of me. Twelve inches could have been a mile if neither of us had the nerve to close it. We stared at each other, trying to catch our breaths.

  Empowered feeling—gone.

  Until he stretched out his long arm, and his strong hand lighted onto the curve of my waist. He looked as scared as me as he took two steps to shore up the distance between us. I couldn’t look at him anymore; the intensity was pulling me in like an undertow, deep into a wave I would never be able to swim back up from. Instead I closed my eyes and let my head lean against his shoulder.

  Four years he’d been gone. FOUR YEARS! The thought screamed into my mind. But I wouldn’t trade this moment or feeling for anything. I wouldn’t even trade my own pride or anger because, in contrast, it made the intensity of this perfect moment just that much stronger. With my messed up background I didn’t really believe in love. Jake North was my only exception.

  The sensation of his hands on my hips made me take in a sharp breath. Desire pooled through me. He made sure he held me at a respectful distance, and I wanted to scream. But his hot breath on my neck, close to my ear, told me he felt the same thing I did. His breath was ragged, like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs, and every time he breathed out he sent a current of heat shooting down my neck all the way down to my most intimate place. Dancing didn’t normally feel like this. Nothing felt the same without Jake as it did when he was involved.

  I hoped he could smell my shampoo. He smelled like fresh night air mixed with the heat and smoke of the fire, body spray and the sweet scent of his own musk. I wanted to pull him closer; I wanted to know what our bodies would feel like close up and tight to one another. I inched forward a bit and got away with it. A little more and I felt his chest pressed more into mine. My breasts hardened at his touch. Oh my God, it was such a beautiful sensation, a rush I wanted more of.

  As I tried to bring myself closer he stayed me with his hands on my hips, not letting me go any further. Embarrassment heated my face and limbs and I wanted to run, mortified by my moment-ago-behavior.

  That’s when I heard Jake North sing.

  At first I thought I’d imagined it; I was living a little—okay big—fantasy here. But it was real. He didn’t push me back or away, just halted me from getting closer. At that moment his fingers dug deeply and needfully into the muscles of my hips and he breathed the lyrics of the song over my ear.

  I nestled my face into his chest until I could hear his heartbeat. Meanwhile he pressed his head gently against mine as if to say, “I’m here,” and kept sing-breathing the words of each chorus until the song ended.

  Everyone clapped and I was forced to wake up to reality.

  That’s when Drew and Brian came running up with the other guys and began dousing Jake with full cups of beer. I jumped back quick to miss the shower.

  Caleb threw Jake over his shoulder and the group swallowed him up, chanting and jeering. I took a few calculated steps back. I knew the party was far from over, but I needed some air. The kind of air no one else was breathing. So while all eyes were on Jake and the ensuing riot, I headed around to the front of the house.

  I found the yard swing and got into it. Chevelle was blaring over the prairie now, and I knew no one would hear me as I giggled like a hyper lunatic because Jake North had just sung to me.

  I gripped the ropes and let my legs meter in and out, putting the swing in motion. This thing had been here for forever. Jules and I used to spin each other on it, while Will and Sam would give us underdogs, making us scream.

  I was dizzy enough and decided swinging probably wasn’t the greatest thing to do. Instead I let my feet touch the grass and pulled the Celtic knot from under my shirt, putting it to my lips.

  “Hey, you okay?”

  “Hi, Nate.” I didn’t have to turn around to know it was him. “I’m just fine.”

  “Uh huh. Well it’s getting cold.” A zip up sweatshirt landed on my head.
<
br />   “I’m not cold.”

  “It’s North Dakota, it’s cold—put it on.”

  “Fine.”

  Nathaniel came around and sat in the grass in front of me.

  “Oh god! Tell me this isn’t the big brother talk,” I groaned.

  “Not from me. You’re old enough to make up your own mind now.”

  “Really? Can I have that in writing?”

  His voice turned serious. “Something happened.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I know you’ve had a thing for Jake for a long time and I’m not blind, I’ve always seen the way he looked at you, but something happened while he was away, and I don’t know what. Neither does Caleb. Jake hasn’t told anyone,” he said.

  “How do you know? What makes you think so?” I leaned in to hear him over the buzzing in my own ears.

  “You really do think we live on separate planets.”

  “Stop teasing and spit it out already,” I said, annoyed.

  “The letters.”

  I was sure my heart stopped beating. “What about them?”

  “When did your letters and email from Jake stop?”

  When I didn’t answer he did. “Yeah, mine too. So did Caleb’s. I don’t know what happened over there but I do know Jake might just be a ticking time bomb if he doesn’t open up and get the help he needs. He’s here Olivia, but he isn’t home.”

  Nate stood up. “Be careful with you.” And walked away.

  All of a sudden I didn’t want to be all alone out here. “Wait up. I’ll walk back with you.”

  I looped my arm around my brother’s and we started back towards the party. “So what’s with the chick who’s all over you out there?”

  “Nothing, as usual.”

  “She’s not good enough for you. You should cast your line in another direction.”

  “Okay, little sister, we’re not having this talk.”

  “Oh I get it, the train doesn’t go both ways.”

  “That’s right.”

  As we headed back to the party, we heard everyone chanting Jake’s name. A group had formed around the picnic table on the deck where Jake and Charlie, a friend of theirs, were playing a drinking game.

  Charlie looked pretty bad while Jake looked like he was just getting started. They pushed back a shot each and turned the cup upside down on the table. Jake had a sizable shot glass pyramid in front him while Charlie’s was just growing. I could tell Charlie wasn’t Jake’s first opponent.

  “Dude, you suck! But in a good way.” Charlie reached over to grasp hands with Jake.

  Everyone laughed, and Jessica shouted, “Jake wins again!”

  She pulled his arm up to show him off as champion then bent down to give him a kiss. The inside of my mouth turned to copper. But as she closed in, he blocked her face with his hand and shook his head. My stomach did cartwheels!

  Jessica frowned but tried to act like nothing happened.

  “WHO SHALL BE THE NEXT CONTENDER?” Sam North growled into the crowd, lifting his arms up over his head like Rocky on the Philly Art Museum steps. His silver studded belt glinted in the firelight, and his wrists were covered in leather and silver bands.

  Sam was always brave and outspoken, always going for what he wanted. I wished I could be more like him; Julia and I were still trying to find our secret formulas or mojo or something to help us hit our targets.

  “I’ll take him on.”

  Wow! That was one way to get noticed. All eyes fell on me.

  Damn, people—look away!

  Jake looked at me like he must have heard me wrong.

  “Jeesh, you guys, it’s a game not a rite of passage. Let’s just have a little fun.” As soon as I said it, Jake almost cracked a smile.

  I sat down opposite him and got ready.

  I cocked an eyebrow and tried playing it tough. “So what’s the drink?”

  “It’s been vodka, but I know you hate that, so how about rum?”

  Did he know his eyes ignited every part of me? He didn’t even have to try.

  “Let’s put a spin on it,” Jules chimed in. “If she needs a break she can tag me.”

  Laughter ensued. Jules was not known for holding her liquor.

  “Hey she’s not a pansy-ass!” I defended. “She’s my second. I don’t mind the handicap.”

  I saw Nate walk over to the DJ, who looked like he was facilitating the game, and said something to him.

  Jake hadn’t taken his eyes off of me since I’d sat down.

  The DJ announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen, since we’re dealing with little sisters we’ll be toning down the questions a notch.”

  I groaned as everyone around us laughed. Meanwhile Jake’s expression never changed.

  I leaned back into Jules. “Questions?”

  “It’s a truth or dare game,” she whispered in my ear. “I thought you knew.”

  Fuck. Me.

  Chapter Five

  “Crash and Burn”

  Lifehouse

  The DJ put on Earshot’s “Wait,” and Drew came up with a bottle of rum and filled each of our shot glasses.

  “First question goes to the lady,” The DJ announced. I panicked. I didn’t even know the rules! “Name three things that make you go weak at the knees.”

  Easy, Jake, Jake and Jake. “Brown eyes, tattoos and muscular arms.”

  The crowd whooped and whistled, and I was sure a small smile came through Jake’s tough exterior. He picked up his shot while penetrating me with my favorite warm, deep brown eyes in the world and tossed his head back before adding his glass to his pyramid. He was in nothing but a t-shirt, and I had never seen the tats that now decorated his arms. I wanted to move closer to examine them and ask him what each meant, but the DJ threw me when he said, “Our champion’s question is … Imagine you have two hours left to live. You get to spend those precious hours with the lady of your dreams. What would you do to her?”

  Holy hell!

  At this, the crowd went wild. I was sure every girl was swooning. If these were the toned down questions, I wondered what the regular questions were like. I was already feeling all hot and bothered and he hadn’t even answered the question yet.

  “I’d touch her so sensually, so artistically, I’d make her forget any man she ever had before me. I’d slide my lips across her ear and bite the flesh there before I trailed the vein of her neck with hot kisses and nips from my teeth, all while I buried my hands in her long, thick raven hair.” He’d just described my hair. I hoped no one noticed the blood rushing into my face as he continued, “I’d follow that path all the way to her most intimate places and do the same there until she begged me for release, but I wouldn’t give it to her just yet.” As Jake went on with his description, his eyes followed along my body until he reached the table—Mr. X-Ray vision was at a loss. Nope—he just kept his eyes on the table in the exact space that hid me from him and used his imagination. All my nerves fired like it was Chinese New Year.

  I picked up my shot and saluted him. I was a mess. I downed the shot, flipped over the empty glass and put it on my loser’s pyramid. My face must have been as red as an apple.

  “Ooooo-kay! Very descriptive. Good show.” The DJ put on Black Keys before announcing, “Now, ladies and gents, we have bets rolling on this next question.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Will our girl give up her truth or forfeit and drink her shot?” The crowd clapped and shouted, and terror shot through me.

  “Describe the undergarments you’re wearing right now.”

  The guys in the audience whistled and the girls oohed.

  This one was kinda easy. “I’m not.”

  Jakes eyes closed, and the corners of his mouth tugged up.

  Damn, I was embarrassed and knew my face had gone through all kinds of shades of red, but I was still in the game. Jake took the shot and held his gaze away from mine for a moment. I was hoping he had to recuperate just as much as I did.

  “Jake, it falls back to you. What
is your favorite sex toy?”

  The crowd shouted excitedly and offered a few ideas of their own, but Jake answered, “Handcuffs.”

  Handcuffs!?

  Drew filled my glass and I promptly emptied it, thinking about Jake having me in handcuffs, doing everything he’d just described. The combined effect of that hot fantasy and the alcohol made the space between my legs start to sizzle. So much so that I had to rearrange the way I was sitting.

  When the crowd calmed it was my turn again.

  “We have a fun situation having two opponents of the opposite sex. So to spice it up, this next dare is that Olivia has to act as if she’s having an orgasm and cry out Jake’s name as she does it.”

  The level of rowdy went from five to ten faster than a V8 engine can go from 0 to 60.

  I’d seen When Harry Met Sally, so I knew what to do. Thanks, Meg. But before I had a chance to even start, Jake suddenly stood up and broadcast cruelly and loudly, “Game’s over. It’s past the little girl’s bedtime.”

  “Excuse me?” I was practically shaking with humiliation. “I am not a little girl.”

  “Yes you are.” He leaned over the table until we shared the same air, poised himself onto his fists and hissed into my face, “You’ve embarrassed yourself enough for one night. Don’t go any further and make a spectacle of yourself.”

  The look of anger on his face and his mocking tone hit me almost physically—my chest ached and I felt like I suddenly couldn’t get enough air. How had he flipped out so easily when he’d been playing along just fine moments ago?

  “What the fuck, Jake?” Jules said from behind me.

  “Yeah what the fuck—you go with her,” he retorted.

  “You’re being a drunk asshole,” she said, defending us.

  “Maybe a drunk realist,” he mumbled. Then he abruptly left the table and made his way around the house.

  The DJ attempted to fix the situation by asking who else would like to play, but the awkward moment couldn’t be defused that easily.

  I stood up. Almost. Luckily, Jules grabbed my arm to steady my footing. I pulled my legs from underneath the table but, in the effort, hit the tabletop just right so that all the shot glasses came tumbling down, scattering over the table then dropping to shatter on the deck.