Something More Than This

by Barbie Bohrman

I didn’t answer because I wasn’t used to anyone wanting me around. I mean, my brothers obviously cared a great deal for me, but I was sure it got to be more of chore for them to be my babysitters.

  “Come on, Shadow,” he said.

  “Shadow?”

  “Yeah,” he said and bumped my shoulder with his. “You’re following me like you’re my shadow.”

  I gnawed at my bottom lip as the butterflies in my stomach swirled and swirled. Turning around, I glanced back to where my brothers were still playing football and made my decision.

  “Okay, I’ll come with you,” I said, then hesitated before stepping off the curb.

  Conner smiled and asked, “What’s wrong? You look like somebody stole your favorite toy or something.”

  Shifting from foot to foot, I said, “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just that I don’t really know you. Like really know you, and my brothers might get mad at me for leaving, and—”

  “My name is Conner Roberts. I’m thirteen years old. I just moved here from Pennsylvania a few weeks ago since my parents just got divorced, and this is where my mom’s from originally. I have an older sister, Maggie, who is in high school. I like Batman . . . a lot. I don’t have many friends yet and probably won’t have many now thanks to your brothers.”

  He looked up to the vibrant blue sky as he thought about what he was going to say next.

  “Oh,” he said with a spark in his eyes when he looked my way again. “I met my shadow today, and I’m hoping that she’ll be my friend and go with me to the store across the street.”

  I couldn’t hide the smile that crept up on my face when he finished talking. I could only nod in agreement and follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked me. Instead, I settled on trailing behind him to the store, where he bought us each a Gatorade. Afterward, Conner walked me back to the park just in case my brothers were looking for me.

  They were. And they weren’t happy.

  But Jonathan, always the mediator, stepped in and tried to defuse the tension by asking for a drink of my orange Gatorade. It worked. Simon walked away before attempting to embarrass me again.

  “Don’t worry about it, Katy,” Jonathan said and handed me back the bottle. “Just don’t wander off without telling at least one of us where you’re going, okay?”

  “They’re just looking out for you,” Conner said as we watched him walk away. “My sister can be a little overprotective too.”

  He smiled and asked, “So, same time tomorrow?”

  “Sure.”

  I didn’t think Conner would want to deal with Simon, so my hopes weren’t very high that I’d ever see him again.

  To my surprise, the next day came, and there he was waiting for me at the park.

  And the day after that.

  We were like two peas in a pod after that first day, and he became so much more to me than just a friend or confidant . . . he was everything.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  So that’s how I ended up giving Katy the nickname Shadow.”

  Mimi smiles after Conner’s detailed retelling of the first day we met, bringing the memory to the forefront of my mind in vivid Technicolor.

  “I like that nickname for you, Katy,” she says. “It kind of suits you perfectly, you know?”

  “I liked it . . . I mean, I like it too. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it, though; it’s kind of strange hearing it now.”

  “How long has it been exactly?” Conner asks.

  I pretend to take a little longer to calculate the years, months, weeks, and days in my head, as if I have no clue the actual amount of time that has gone by since we last saw and spoke to each other. Not like I’ve been pining away for him or anything. However, in front of him, the last thing I want to come off as is someone who’s been doing exactly that for nine years and a month or two, give or take a few days. But who’s counting . . . apparently me.

  “A little over nine years, I think,” I say, then quickly add, “I’m not sure exactly. Something like that.”

  “Wow, has it really been that long? It can’t be,” he says, then takes a sip of his beer. “I’m trying to remember the last time we saw each other.”

  Mimi’s face goes slack. She’s trying her hardest to keep a straight face and not break under the pressure. Thank God, for once she’s not blabbing like the loose cannon that I know she can be.

  “Oh, barmaid,” a male patron calls from the other end of the bar. “Can we get a little service?”

  Mimi curses under her breath and tells us she will be right back.

  It’s not that I’m embarrassed by the letter anymore . . . well, maybe a little bit. It’s just that I don’t want to rehash that part of my past with anyone, much less with Conner. And if I know Mimi well enough, she will have colorful commentary about the letter and how I still have it, and then who knows where we’ll end up in that conversation.

  I turn casually on my bar stool to face Conner, trying very hard not to be thrown off by the very handsome man he’s become in the years that have stretched between us. His hazel eyes especially . . . they were always my favorite thing about him when we were young. It always felt like he could read my mind before the words would come tumbling out of my mouth. As he gazes upon me now, it’s different.

  Tugging some hair behind my ears and with a nervous smile, I say, “So.”

  “So? I can’t believe it’s really you.”

  “It’s really me.”

  He searches my face for a few seconds, and the weight of his stare makes me want to look away, but I keep my attention trained on him. I watch as his expression shifts from simple curiosity to a beaming smile, as if he had found the missing piece to a puzzle.

  “You grew up, Katy,” he says finally. “You look . . . different.”

  “Like I said, it’s been about nine years, so yeah, you could say that.” My tone comes off as defensive.

  He laughs. “I don’t mean it in a bad way at all. I mean you look like—”

  “Like what?”

  “A woman,” he says simply. “It’s kind of gross.”

  My mouth drops open in shock until Conner laughs at my reaction. Then I start to laugh right alongside him. I playfully smack his upper arm. “Very funny.”

  “Well, it’s true. I remember you being all gangly arms and legs and always fighting with your brothers.” He takes another sip of his beer and then runs a hand through his hair. “Wait, that’s not entirely true either. Just Simon . . . Jonathan was always pretty cool with me.”

  I roll my eyes at the mention of my brothers. “Simon hasn’t changed much. He’s a cop now, by the way.”

  “Really? That sounds like it would be perfect for him.”

  “Actually,” I say, stopping to give a quick look around the bar and then the front door. “I’m surprised he’s not even here yet. He’s usually following me home or checking up on me at some point during the day and night.”

  “Wow! So he’s still the same overprotective and overbearing big brother, huh?”

  “Are we talking about Simon?” Mimi asks, propping her elbows on the bar. I nod and then she says, “He’s still the same asshole you remember him to be, I bet.”

  “He was harmless,” Conner says. “He was just looking after his baby sister.”

  I can’t help the twinge of annoyance I feel at hearing him refer to me as the baby sister. It shouldn’t, seeing as I’m older and know better. But the truth of it is that not only does Simon remind me of this fact regularly, but being around Conner again makes me feel that way too. Not in the sibling kind of way, but in that he’s always going to see me as the gangly girl he grew up with.

  “Yeah, but I’m not a baby anymore, Conner.” Damn, there I go slipping into that defensive tone again.

  But Conner doesn’t detect it. Or if he does, he doesn’t pay it any mind when he quietly says, “No, you’re definitely not.”

  “Did you find out what he’s been doing? Where he’s been?” Mimi asks out of nowhere.

&nb
sp; Conner smiles as I let Mimi know that I was working my way toward that but got sidetracked. “You might as well tell us at the same time, since she”—I point my finger at her—“won’t quit until I tell her everything.”

  “Let’s see,” he says. “You already know I went away to college.”

  “Where did you go?” Mimi asks.

  I already know the answer: UCLA, located on the other side of the country.

  When I was sixteen, Los Angeles might as well have been Russia when my best friend and crush moved there. Back then, I was so hurt that I never bothered to get an e-mail or physical address from him to stay in touch. On the other hand, he obviously knew where I lived and not once sent a letter or called to see how I was doing. Then, within a year of Conner moving across the country, my parents were gone, and the life I knew was over . . . so he kind of became an afterthought. And as more and more time went by, he was just someone I used to know. Of course, I wondered what happened to him and where he was every so often. But that was always quickly followed by wondering why he never reached out to me . . . at least until now.

  “I ended up staying there after completing my undergrad and going to medical school. I’m in my last year of residency, then I’ll have another few years of a fellowship for sports medicine to complete before it’s all said and done.” Conner pauses and then thoughtfully looks at me. “It’s actually because of Shadow here that I became as interested as I am in sports medicine.”

  “Me? How did that happen?”

  Mimi groans. “Please warn me if we’re about to launch into another hour-long discussion on sports. If we are, then tell me right now, because I have side work I could be doing to get out of here on time tonight.”

  Conner chuckles and shakes his head. “I take it you don’t like sports, huh?”

  “Pfft! Having to listen to Katy talk about football nonstop is more than meeting my daily quota on sports, thank you very much.”

  “Okay, we get the picture, Mimi,” I say, half laughing, half annoyed because she interrupted him as he was about to tell us how I, of all people, inspired his life’s calling. I pivot in my seat to give Conner my full attention again. “So, you were saying?”

  “Oh right . . . sorry.” He puts down his beer bottle and then turns in his stool to face me. “You don’t remember, do you?”

  “Remember what?” I ask at the same time Mimi does.

  His mouth tips up in a teasing smile, and his hazel eyes twinkle with amusement while my mind starts racing, trying to remember exactly what he’s talking about.

  Conner leans forward and says, “Come here, I’ll give you a hint.”

  Nervous at being this close to him, but very curious, I meet him halfway in the space between our bar stools. Obviously not satisfied with how close I am to him, he leans a little farther. In that handful of seconds, I close my eyes and inhale. I actually freeze the moment in my head and smell him like he’s a fresh bouquet of roses or something. And in that instant of cataloging his scent, it brings to mind the brightness of the sun after a rain shower and how it makes everything more beautiful in the light of day.

  A quick snap of Mimi’s fingers brings me out of my break with sanity. I open my eyes; she rolls hers and then points like a crazy person at the back of Conner’s head, which is poised by my ear. As if sharing a secret between old lovers, he speaks quietly, so only I can hear him.

  “Knight in shining armor.”

  “Excuse me?”

  As he leans back and smiles at me, he says a little louder now so Mimi can hear him, “That’s your hint.”

  Conner watches as I search my memories. Many of them are of us as kids goofing around and playing in our neighborhood park, where we initially met. Later memories are of me not knowing what to say and feeling awkward around him; the whole time, Conner was oblivious to how I was developing a whopper of a crush on him.

  “I’m disappointed, Shadow,” he says finally. “I consider that moment to be one of my top five to this day.”

  The realization hits me then, and I smile shyly as the memory replays in my head. “I remember.”

  “For chrissakes, will one of you just say it already?” Mimi asks, exasperated.

  “Shall I?” he asks me.

  I shake my head and glance at Mimi, who looks as if she’s about to lose her mind if one of us doesn’t start telling the story.

  “Hey, Bartender? Do you think you could spare us some of your time over here?”

  This comes from the same guy as before at the other end of the bar, but this time his voice is infinitely more annoyed.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” Mimi grumbles under her breath. “The nerve of people . . . interrupting me to do my job. I’ll be back, kids. Do not start without me.”

  As she hustles to the take the drink order, Conner starts to laugh. “She’s pretty funny, Shadow. Where did you guys meet?”

  “In high school during my sophomore year. We’ve been best friends ever since.”

  He half smiles, and if I’m not mistaken, I notice a bit of a grimace. Which really kind of bugs me. Because he had his chance to remain friends but didn’t do anything about it.

  “After my parents died, I was a bit of a mess. We all were . . . Simon and Jonathan included. I met Mimi almost right afterward. She has been nothing but loyal and honest and a true friend.” I stop and realize that this conversation all of a sudden took a turn down a more serious route than I intended. So I try to make things light again. “Well, except for that time recently where she told my old best friend who I haven’t seen in years that I would meet him tonight.”

  “You didn’t want to meet me tonight?” he asks, his eyebrows pulling together in concern.

  Placing my hand on his forearm gently, I say, “No, it’s not like that at all, Conner. Of course I wanted to see you. Are you kidding? It’s awesome seeing you again. But she kind of ambushed me and I was completely caught by surprise. It’s a great surprise, I promise.”

  His smile unfurls slowly, like he’s just now seeing me . . . really seeing me for the very first time in years. “It’s really great to see you too, Shadow. And I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when your parents died. I wanted to be, I really did, but—”

  “Okay, I’m back. Get to talking,” Mimi announces and puts a stop to Conner’s explanation. “I had to buy that guy and his buddies a shot each to shut them up for a while.”

  “Well, I think I was twelve and—”

  “You were thirteen and I was fifteen,” Conner says adamantly.

  “Okay, so I was thirteen and trying out for the soccer team at my junior high school.” I then look to Conner, who is resting his chin in his hand while leaning against the bar. His eyes never leave my face as I start to get lost in the memory. “It was the third day of tryouts and there were maybe three or four of us that were vying for the forward position.”

  “She was really good,” he says, looking at me.

  “I’m sure,” Mimi says, then shushes him so I can go on telling the story.

  “Anyway, there was this one girl, Christina Cox, who was one year older than me who always played a little dirty.”

  “The little bitch,” Mimi says under her breath.

  “Since she was older too, she thought the position should automatically go to her. So when the coaches kept putting me in during scrimmage instead of her, she got really irritated. Finally, though, she got in the game.”

  “You should have seen this girl,” Conner says to Mimi. “She was taller and broader than I was. She looked like she played for the Soviet Union men’s hockey team and she was mean as hell.”

  Conner and I start to laugh until Mimi gets me to start the story again. “So there I was, making my way with the ball, passing to this one and that one, and right before I line up to make my shot, Christina comes out of nowhere and takes my legs out from under me.”

  “I told you she was a little bitch,” Mimi says.

  “It’s not illegal to do that, but
then she slammed her cleated foot down on my ankle when I was on the ground.”

  “I was watching from the sidelines,” Conner says. “It was brutal. I have never in all my life wanted to hit a person of the opposite sex . . . except this one time. It took everything I had to just stand there and watch.”

  “Oh my God! What did the coaches say?” Mimi asks.

  “They yelled at her and kicked her out of the tryouts, but it made no difference to me because I was in so much pain. Then . . .”

  Conner sits up proudly and pretends to dust off his shoulders. “Then her knight in shining armor came to the rescue.”

  “The next thing I know, I’m being picked up off the ground by Conner,” I say, stopping briefly to relish the memory. He whispered in my ear that he was going to pick me up and that I should put my arms around his neck. “He carried me off the field to the sidelines, and when I thought he was going to stop and put me down, he just kept right on carrying me home.”

  “It was like two miles, at least,” he says.

  “Shut up. It was more like two blocks,” I say with a laugh. “Nobody was home, so Conner had to play doctor until my parents got there and took me to the emergency room.”

  “Oooh, playing doctor,” Mimi says with a coy smile. “Smooth, Conner. Very smooth.”

  A sudden flush of embarrassment hits me, but Conner shakes it off with a laugh. Then he looks over to me and winks. “Her mom’s the one who called me Katy’s knight in shining armor and said I had a great bedside manner.” He shrugs. “All I had done was get her some ice and make her keep her leg up on a pillow. I knew that it was probably a severe sprain, and the way she looked made me stay until her parents got there.”

  “How did I look?” I ask, genuinely curious. I glance over at Mimi, who’s waiting with bated breath for Conner to explain too.

  “Broken.”

  “Awww, Conner, that is the sweetest thing ever, and coming from me—trust me—that is saying a lot,” Mimi says.

  I, on the other hand, after hearing that one word, don’t think of that day but the ones after that. Because that day changed everything between us. Or, changed me at least. I saw him in a completely different light; not as my friend, but as the boy I was slowly falling for more and more each day.