Payment in Love

by Penny Jordan

  He said it again and this time she heard it, her skin crawling with heat and desire as he repeated thickly, ‘Open your mouth and kiss me properly. God, Heather, you can’t know how I’ve ached for the taste of you, for the feel of you, wanting me like this.’

  Blindly she obeyed his command, aroused by the tone of his voice and its raw undercurrent of sexuality, almost as much as she was by his touch. Her lips parted, and she shivered beneath the rough caress of his tongue. She could feel his heart hammering against her skin, and she moaned protestingly at the restriction of their clothes.

  She wanted to feel his body against her own, to stroke his skin and to know its silken warmth. She wanted to explore the male body that seemed so strong and inviolate, and yet that trembled at her lightest touch.

  She felt the impassioned thrust of Kyle’s tongue, and accepted its dominance, letting herself melt into him, moaning a frustrated protest at the barriers between them.

  ‘What is it?’ Kyle demanded, lifting his mouth from hers. He was breathing very fast, his skin flushed and hot. She raised her hand to touch his face, wondering at its heat and strength, and he caught her wrist, touching his lips to her fingertips. Just the sensation of his breath against her skin was enough to make her quiver with need.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he demanded again.

  How could she tell him that she ached to feel the hardness of his body against her? That she longed for him to remove the mutual barrier of their clothes and to cover her instead with the hot skin of his flesh? She couldn’t.

  ‘It’s the light,’ she fibbed huskily instead. ‘It’s so bright.’

  ‘If I go and switch if off, will you promise me that you won’t disappear?’ he muttered urgently against her throat. ‘I’m so afraid that you’re just a mirage, a figment of my imagination, a Heather conjured up by my l…need for you.’

  Had she imagined that tiny check? What had he been about to say before he changed his mind? She shivered as he got up to snap off the light. Before she had had a chance to accustom herself to the darkness he was back, taking her into his arms, kissing her with a fierce urgency that set her on fire. She trembled and then shivered beneath the intensity of his desire.

  ‘What is it, what’s wrong? Are you cold?’

  She shivered harder beneath the slurred passion in his voice. The sound of it was like the purr of a wild animal, fascinating and dangerous at the same time.

  ‘You’re shivering.’ His arms tightened, constricting her breathing.

  ‘Only because I’ve never…I’ve never felt like this before.’

  The admission was out before caution could silence it. For a moment she thought he was angry, and then he moved and she saw his face in the faint light coming in through the window.

  What she saw there made her catch her breath in wonder. She had never imagined that any man could look like that for her.

  She reached blindly towards him, and he gathered her against his body, holding her so that she felt every straining muscle; so that she was immediately and shockingly aware of his arousal.

  ‘I didn’t know.’ She whispered the words more for her own benefit than for his, but he heard them and asked roughly,

  ‘What? That you could make me feel like this, and share that feeling. Is that what you didn’t know?’ His voice was like a caress, soothing and yet exciting her at the same time. ‘Don’t ask me to let you go, because I can’t. I’ve wanted you for too long, Heather.’

  He picked her up and she knew, before he put her down on the bed, what he was going to do. As he bent over her, she shook her head and he tensed.

  ‘What is it?’

  She heard the strain in his voice, and it melted away the last of her doubts. This was no dominating male, confident of his power over her, but another human being, as vulnerable in his desire as she was herself. A man who wanted her and whom, in turn, she wanted. She felt no fear or apprehension, only a marvellous sense of release and rightness.

  ‘The first time your body touches mine, I want it to be without any barriers between us.’

  For a moment she thought she had shocked him, and then he moved. Although his hands trembled slightly, he removed both his clothes and her own; there was no hesitation in either his movements or his voice as he gently covered her body with the silken strength of his own and said quietly, ‘You mean like this?’

  She could hardly speak, she was trembling so much. Nothing had prepared her for the sheer pleasure of being so close to him; the weight of him pressing her down against the mattress, the small movement of his torso as he talked to her causing an almost unbearable frisson of pleasure to pulse through her breasts.

  He caught her soft gasp and instantly his eyes locked on her.

  ‘What is it?’ he whispered. ‘This?’

  He moved again, deliberately and erotically, and fierce pangs of desire raced through her.

  ‘You like that?’

  She could hear the male satisfaction in his voice, but for once it didn’t anger her.

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered back. ‘Yes, I like it very much.’

  She closed her eyes and gave herself up to the voluptuous swell of pleasure surging through her as Kyle bent his head and slowly traced a line of tormenting kisses from the base of her throat to the swell of her breasts.

  She didn’t need any coaxing or urging to arch up against his mouth when it finally reached the tautness of her nipple. The gentle rhythmic caress of his lips as they tugged softly on the erect nub of flesh brought wave after wave of fierce delight rolling through her body, and yet her senses told her that there was more, that Kyle was deliberately holding back.

  When she moaned and pressed his head to her breast, he eased away.

  ‘Heather, no,’ he protested. ‘This is all very new to you and I don’t want…I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you.’

  Once, she would have taken that as a rejection, but now she had enough intuition to sense the frustrated desire behind the denial and, wantonly, she arched up against him, lifting her head so that she could whisper pleadingly, ‘I’m a woman and not a child, Kyle, and that’s how I want you to make love to me. I can’t help it if I haven’t experienced any of this before, but…’

  ‘You can’t help it! Do you honestly think I’m objecting?’ He groaned. ‘Oh, God, Heather!’

  Her lungs seized up in a paralysis of pleasure as his mouth held hers, his teeth tugging at her bottom lip, his need of her so obvious and so almost out of control that she couldn’t suppress the deep wave of feminine excitement shivering through her.

  Voluptuously, she allowed her instinct to take over. When again his lips caressed the sensitive flesh of her nipple, her fingertips stroked the hard ridge of his spine. His gentleness vanished, his mouth fierce in its possession of her breasts, the faint pain of the sharp rasp of his teeth against the sensitive tissue lost beneath the intensity of her pleasure.

  Wherever his mouth touched her, her flesh responded, delighting in the sensation. Boldly she caressed him in turn, filled with wonderment that she had gone so long without knowing how much she loved him. Blocking out of her mind the fact that he only desired her, she gave herself to their lovemaking with the passionate intensity of her nature.

  Long before the final act of possession she was aching for the pleasure of having Kyle within her. Her femininity clamoured for it, ached for it, demanded it, and when Kyle hesitated, searching her face for signs of reluctance or apprehension, she clung to him.

  ‘Now, Kyle…now, please.’

  She closed her eyes as she felt his body surge against her own, and then opened them in disappointment and fear as he stopped.

  ‘That’s better. I want to look at you as I make love to you. Heather, I want to see what you’re feeling reflected in your eyes, and I want you to see what loving you is doing to me.’

  In its own way, it was almost more intimate than the physical union of their bodies. In Kyle’s eyes she saw the same fierce pleasure she herself
was experiencing: the same exultation, the same humbling of pride and self to the demands of their flesh.

  She cried out and didn’t know that she had done so until she heard Kyle’s hoarse response, her body gripped by intense surges of sensation. She felt the heat and power of Kyle’s body within her own and welcomed its strength, exulting in her own power at the moment of their mutual release from earthly bonds.

  ‘Yes…yes…that’s how I wanted to see you,’ she heard Kyle say, fiercely. ‘Now I know that you’re really mine. Nothing could have prevented this from happening, Heather, it was written in our lives too long ago.’

  The pleasure was fading, leaving her tremulous and exhausted, and yet exultant at the same time. Willingly, she let Kyle draw her close to him, as he eased her damp, exhausted body close to his own. She could still feel the frantic racing of his heart. She covered it with her palm, smiling to herself to think that she had the power to affect him so strongly.

  Her last thought as she fell asleep was that she loved him.

  * * *

  Heather woke up abruptly just before dawn, shivering with cold, and then realised why. Kyle had left her. She shivered again, every slight movement of her body reminding her of the intensity of their lovemaking. Now, alone and completely free of shock and trauma, she was forced to consider the folly of what she had done.

  Where would she and Kyle go from here? He had said nothing about loving her; he had made no promises to her. There had been no talk of any future for their relationship.

  Her immediate instinct was to leave, to hide herself away somewhere where she could be alone to contemplate her future, but she couldn’t do that. This afternoon her parents were expecting her and Kyle to drive them to the airport for their flight to Portugal.

  It struck her as she sat there, her coldness forgotten, that Kyle probably felt exactly the same way as she did herself, that there was possibly nothing more he wanted than for her to disappear out of his life. Last night had been an aberration for both of them; a coming together that was a culmination of something begun many years ago. Now it was over; that part of their lives finally finished. She didn’t regret their making love. How could she? Even now, the memory of the pleasure he had given her lingered in her body, and she knew shamefully that, if he were to come to her now, physically she would be unable to stop herself from welcoming him.

  No, she couldn’t do anything until after her parents had left. Her mind raced round in tormented circles. She would have to go home. The house would be cold and unwelcoming, but better that than staying here, embarrassing Kyle with her presence. How long would it be before he put two and two together and guessed the truth? That was a complication that would benefit neither of them. She still retained enough pride to want to meet Kyle on equal terms, but she couldn’t. He had never deceived her. He had never said anything about loving her, probably had no idea of how she felt about him, and that was the way she would prefer it to stay.

  But what if, last night, she had conceived his child? Her heart skipped a beat, thudding rapidly and unevenly as she dwelt on the prospect with a mingling of dread and desire. What had happened to her, that she should actually be half hoping that she would have his child? To even contemplate the possibility was sheer self-indulgent fantasy.

  Incredibly, she fell asleep again, waking only when her alarm went off some hours later.

  She told herself that she should be either disappointed or surprised to find that Kyle had left the house. He had left a note for her and she read it slowly.

  ‘Had to go into the office on urgent business. Back in time to take your parents to the airport.’

  Had he really had to go out, or was that just a manufactured excuse to spare them both any embarrassment? In all honesty, could she have faced him across the breakfast table this morning without betraying how she felt?

  She didn’t know, but she did know that she felt bereft and abandoned by his absence.

  It was half-way through the morning before she spared David a thought. No doubt he would have found some way of getting himself home. It was odd to think that, if it hadn’t been for him, last night might never have happened.

  Kyle’s cleaner had returned from her sister’s and arrived just after eleven. She was a small, thin woman who moved and spoke very quickly. Heather had half expected her to exhibit at least some curiosity concerning her own presence, but she was very quickly made aware of Mrs Evans’ dislike of ‘prying into other folks’ business, and them into mine’.

  Taking the hint, Heather left the woman to her work. Kyle had promised that after they had seen her parents off he would take her to show her the new shopping complex. She couldn’t work for him now, of course, he wouldn’t want her to, anyway.

  The phone rang, and she answered it automatically, tensing when she heard Kyle’s voice.

  ‘I was just ringing to let you know that I’m leaving the office soon. Has Mrs Evans arrived?’

  ‘Yes, she’s here.’

  How odd that she was able to speak so normally when her heart was pumping like a steam engine, and her pulse was racing frantically at the mere sound of his voice.

  ‘Good. She’ll organise something for lunch, so don’t worry about that.’

  He hesitated, as though wanting to say something else, but for the life of her Heather couldn’t dredge up the self-confidence to fill the small betraying silence. She heard another telephone ring, and wondered which of them it was who gave that faint, relieved sigh as Kyle said quickly, ‘I’m sorry, I have to go, the other phone’s ringing. I should be back for half-past one, tell Mrs Evans.’

  It was funny, but for a second or so Heather felt as though Kyle was searching for some way to reassure and comfort her. And yet, why should he bother to do that? Why should he concern himself with her feelings at all? And, most of all, why was it that where she had previously been so blind to all his good points, she was now so acutely aware of his concern and compassion, his caring love for her parents, and his desire to protect them from hurt and pain? She was jealous of Kyle’s love for her parents. How ridiculous and how pointless. Restlessly she went to find Mrs Evans, so that she could relay Kyle’s message to her.

  * * *

  Heather heard the Jaguar the moment it turned into the drive, and only just managed to restrain herself from leaping to her feet and rushing to meet Kyle.

  Instead she stayed decorously where she was, not even getting up out of her chair as he walked into the room. He still looked tired, and somehow defeated as well. As he looked at her, just for a moment she sensed an aura of depression and disappointment about him, but, since she evaded looking directly at him for fear of what she might betray, she decided that she must be imagining things.

  ‘Mrs Evans has just left. Lunch is all ready.’

  She knew that she was babbling, but she was desperate to fill the constrained silence.

  ‘Heather…about last night…’

  Immediately she panicked, dreading what he might be going to say and forestalling him. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, please, Kyle. Not before we’ve seen my parents off. Can’t we leave it…for now?’

  His mouth tightened grimly.

  ‘If that’s what you want.’ He walked over to her, and stood in front of her so that she was forced to look up at him. ‘You can’t push it out of sight for ever, though, Heather. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to face the fact that…’

  ‘That we went to bed together? Kyle, you’re making a fuss about nothing…I…I can’t talk about it now. Please, let’s leave it until after.’

  ‘Very well.’ He wasn’t pleased, she could tell that. What was he frightened of? That she would try to cling to him? Never!

  Neither of them did justice to Mrs Evans’ delicious lunch. Heather could only endure sitting there with him by completely putting from her mind the events of the previous night.

  They set off for the hospital shortly after two. Kyle drove, and as she sat in silence at his side Heather was ac
utely aware of him.

  It seemed ironic now that she had never realised before what lay at the root of her almost desperate determination to dislike him. Part of her had known even then that this could happen, but had hidden that knowledge from herself.

  They reached the hospital in good time. Her father was as excited and happy as a small child. He had always taken such pleasure in so many small aspects of life; pleasure that seemed to pass other people by. When she’d been a child, he had opened her eyes to so much that was denied to others, Heather recognised, smiling back at him. In his smile she read his pleasure at seeing her in apparent accord with Kyle, his excitement at the coming trip, and his relief that his hospital ordeal was over. Her mother stood at his side, less ebullient, more restrained, but just as thrilled, none the less. Heather turned to look at her and just caught the look that she and Kyle exchanged, conspiratorial and protective. Unobtrusively she touched Heather’s father’s arm, drawing his attention away from the small group of hospital staff wishing him well.

  ‘It’s time we left, darling. We don’t want to miss the flight.’

  The nurse Kyle had hired was meeting them at the airport. Looking at her father, seeing him restored to his old self, Heather acknowledged that, even if she could not have loved Kyle for any other reason, she must have loved him for this. Without his help, his money, this operation would not have been possible, nor this convalescence.

  ‘You’re very quiet, darling,’ her mother whispered to her when they reached the airport and she was left standing with her parents while Kyle went to sort out their flight details. ‘Is…is everything all right?’

  The anxiety that momentarily shadowed her mother’s eyes hurt her. ‘Everything’s fine.’ Heather assured her, tucking her arm through her mother’s and smiling as genuinely as she could. ‘Kyle and I…’she swallowed. ‘I’ve realised what an idiot I was all those years ago,’ she admitted quietly. ‘I realised it long ago, in fact, but it was too late then, Kyle had already left.’