Bury Me

by Tara Sivec

  Still holding the piece of wood in my hands, I let out a deep, satisfying sigh as I wipe a few specks of splatter blood off my cheek. I stare down at the mess I’ve made, wishing I could take a picture and frame it. Another shrill cry echoes around the room, followed by a gasp of pain. The wood clatters to the ground and my head whips in the direction of the noise. I quickly formulate a plan and muster up some tears before I rush to his side, dropping down on my knees.

  “Oh thank God! Oh Nolan, I was so scared he killed you,” I cry as I wrap my arms around him and help him sit up.

  He moans again in pain, pressing his hand to the back of his head, quickly pulling it away to stare at the bright red blood that coats his palm.

  “What the hell happened? I remember walking in here and you were telling me a story,” he speaks in between groans of pain. “Something about guys who died down here in the 1800’s. I don’t remember anything after that.”

  Wrapping my arms tightly around his waist, I help him stand and watch as his eyes land on Tanner’s body behind me, blood dripping down the side of his face and pooling on the floor by his mouth.

  “What the hell? Oh, no! Ravenna, oh my God, what happened to him?” Nolan cries.

  I scrunch up my face in fake distress, forcing the tears I’ve gathered in my eyes to drip down my face.

  “Oh Nolan, it was awful! Tanner is the one who hit you over the head. He went crazy, Nolan, absolutely crazy,” I sob, adding a few sniffles for good measure.

  “I was so worried about you, and then he came at me, trying to get me to fall into the hole,” I tell him. “I thought I knew everything, but I was wrong, Nolan. We were both wrong. I moved away from him, but he just kept coming at me, screaming the truth and telling me everything.”

  Nolan wraps his arms around me, turning me away from my father’s body.

  “Shhhh, it’s okay. Everything’s okay now. Don’t look at him—just look at me,” he whispers soothingly.

  It’s suddenly easy to make the tears fall because I’m upset and frustrated. I don’t want to stop looking at Tanner’s dead body. I want to stare at it and laugh at it and maybe kick it in the stomach just because I can.

  “It’s so much worse than we ever thought, Nolan. I managed to get past him and I grabbed the piece of wood he dropped. I didn’t mean to do it, I swear. He was going to kill me! Oh God, he was going to kill me!” I cry, pressing my face into his chest, finally being able to smile now that my face is hidden.

  Nolan rubs my back, moving both of us away from the hole and out of the room. I sigh in relief that he did exactly what I hoped he’d do, instead of going to the edge of the hole and looking down.

  “I’m getting you out of here,” he tells me as we make our way through the basement and up the stairs. “I’ll call the police as soon as we get upstairs. You can tell me everything while we wait for them. I need to check on my mother, but I don’t want to leave you.”

  When we get to the top of the stairs, I move out of his arms and slide my hands into his.

  “I’ll be fine now that I’m up here, I promise,” I reassure him, swiping away my tears and putting on a brave face, knowing I’d make a great actress in Hollywood. “I’ll call the police while you go check on your mother.”

  He hesitates and stares down at me, his face filled with worry.

  “Nolan, I’m okay now, I swear. I would never forgive myself if you stayed here and something happened to your mother,” I tell him with a perfect sad shake of my head.

  “I don’t even know how long I’ve left her alone. She’ll probably need to eat and take her medicine, and then I’ll need to sit with her until she falls asleep to make sure she digests everything okay,” he explains.

  “It’s fine. It will take the police a while to get all the way out here anyway. I’ll go upstairs and rest on the couch until they get here. Take your time. I’ll be fine,” I reassure him.

  With a quick kiss to my cheek, he turns and races down the hall to the front door. He gives me one last questioning look over his shoulder before he walks out the door.

  “Go, I’ll be okay,” I tell him.

  As soon as the door closes behind him, I turn and run as fast as I can back down the stairs into the basement.

  “You really are an evil genius,” Mavra says with a laugh, pulling me from my memories. “I can’t believe you were able throw a bunch of heavy stones into the hole to keep her weighted down, drag a hose over to it and fill it with enough water to cover the body.”

  Turning my head to the right and looking into the kitchen, I smile when I see the old, faded newspaper article held up with a yellow smiley face magnet.

  “Brave eighteen-year-old woman endures nightmare and lives to tell the tale,” I say aloud.

  My eyesight doesn’t let me see much farther than a few feet in front of me, but I don’t need to see the title of the article to repeat it.

  “Now you know why I kept the article all these years,” I tell her, looking away from the fridge and back at my daughter. “It’s not like I could go around telling people I’m an evil genius, so I wanted to make sure I’d always have a reminder.”

  I’m treated to another eye-roll from Mavra.

  “Even though I’ve read that article so many times over the years, now that I know what really happened, I am completely amazed. You were able to explain away everything so the police wouldn’t convict you of murder, and you gave Nolan something he could believe and something he would understand,” she states. “They all believed you really did have a twin sister and her name was Ravenna, allowing you to move forward using your real name of Tatiana. They even believed she died when you were both five years old from drowning in the lake. And on top of that, with Nolan’s statement confirming your parents’ strange behavior toward you in recent weeks, they even believed that your parents were so distraught over the death of their daughter Ravenna that they spent the next thirteen years trying to turn you into her, pretending like it never happened. Complete with electric shock therapy to make you forget you had a twin.”

  I smile, happy that my daughter acknowledges just how much trouble it was to come up with all of that, while at the same time trying to hide my sister’s dead body so it would never be found.

  “Don’t forget, Tanner supposedly found out two weeks before my accident in the woods that the twins his wife gave birth to eighteen years prior weren’t really his, but the product of an affair she had with his brother, who was locked in a cell in his own prison, right under his nose,” I add, reciting more of the article.

  “That’s right,” Mavra replies. “A perfect explanation and one that Nolan could once again confirm for the police, to explain why you started acting so differently two weeks before the night in the woods and why your father suddenly behaved as if he hated you.”

  “And then of course we have the night in the woods, when Nolan found me bleeding from the head, on the ground during a thunderstorm,” I continue. “Tanner, already a little off kilter after years of trying to make one daughter take the place of a dead one, lost his mind when his wife admitted the truth and chased me out into the woods. The police wanted to know why he did it, but I just cried and cried. I couldn’t tell them why. I didn’t know if he meant to kill me or just hurt me because he was so angry. And I’d never know since he was dead. Oh God help me, my whole family is dead. I never meant to kill him; you have to believe me, Officers! He was just angry, and he wouldn’t stop coming at me, and I knew if I didn’t do something, he’d push me right down into that water-filled hole!”

  I wail, wiping fake tears from my cheeks as Mavra slowly claps her hands together.

  “Bravo, Mother, bravo,” she commends me.

  She grows quiet again, and I watch the smile fall from her face.

  “Just ask, Mavra. Whatever you’re thinking, just ask,” I remind her.

  She blows out a breath, her loose lips making the sound of someone blowing a raspberry.

  “I know you said you would n
ever lie to me, but did you tell us the truth about our father?” she whispers.

  I’ve always wondered why this question has never come up before, from either of my girls. I was honestly shocked that they took my explanation as gospel and just accepted it. I pat Mavra’s knee comfortingly, feeling bad that she’s probably held this question in for thirty years, my decision to finally tell them everything today the only reason she’s finally asking it. I could give her the truth she’s seeking and hope that it wouldn’t make her hate me or look at me differently, or I could stick with what I told them when they were ten years old, even if it’s selfish of me.

  “Yes, everything I told you about your father was true,” I confirm. “I tried, I really did, Mavra. I tried for ten years to have a normal life and be a normal person, hiding the biggest part of myself from my husband, and it just became too much for me. It’s true that he left and never looked back when I asked him to go, but don’t blame him. Don’t ever hate him for leaving. He was a good, kind man and a wonderful father to you and Faina. His only fault was always doing anything I asked of him, even if that meant leaving his daughters behind.”

  Mavra lets out a relieved sigh, and I reassure myself that I did what I had to do. The truth would only hurt her.

  “Tell me again,” I ask, standing in the kitchen with my hands clasped together behind my back.

  Nolan stops making a sandwich and turns to face me. “Again? Aren’t you getting tired of hearing this?”

  He laughs, wiping his hands on his jeans before walking across the kitchen to stand right in front of me.

  “We’ve been married for ten years, Tatiana. You lived through hell and came out stronger than I would have ever believed. You gave birth to our two gorgeous girls, and you took over running Gallow’s Hill all by yourself. You’ve survived all of this and still, you never believe what I tell you.”

  He smiles down at me, letting me know he’s not mad at all that I’m asking this question again for probably the hundredth time. Nolan reaches up and brushes a lock of hair away from my face and I clench my teeth, forcing myself not to cringe at his touch.

  “Please, one last time, I promise,” I tell him as I stare up into his blue eyes that shine down on me with so much love and devotion that it’s almost hard to believe.

  He brings his hands up and holds my face in his hands.

  “Only if you ask,” he whispers softly.

  “Tell me when you first fell in love with me,” I whisper back.

  Nolan replies immediately and without hesitation. “I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you, stuffy dress, pulled-back hair, snobby attitude, and all. I spent two years loving you from afar and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

  I close my eyes and sigh, feigning relief. I’ve asked him this same question since I was eighteen years old and his answer has never changed. I’ve tried so hard to be a good wife to him. I’ve tried so hard to make this work and have a normal life, but it’s just not possible. I can’t live like this anymore.

  Nolan’s answer to my question will always be the same, and I’ll always wonder if he loved Ravenna more than me. She’s the one he saw on his first day of work. She’s the one he loved from afar for two years, not me, even though my carefully constructed lies have led him to believe it was me the entire time.

  If Ravenna was alive today and he knew us both, would he still pick me?

  I can’t live with unanswered questions. I always have to know the truth, and this is a truth I’ll never learn.

  I open my eyes and smile up at my husband. My stupid, clueless, gullible husband. I say a quick apology in my head to Faina and Mavra, grateful that they are at school all day today.

  “Close your eyes, Nolan, I have a surprise,” I whisper softly.

  He does as I ask, just like always, his blue eyes disappearing beneath his eyelids, a smile frozen wide on his face.

  “I tried, I really did,” I whisper too softly for him to hear.

  Taking a step back from him, I move my hands from behind my back and lift the hammer over my head.

  “Thank you for telling me the truth about Dad,” Mavra says, filling the silence in the room and once again pulling me out of my memories.

  “Always, my love. Always,” I reply, still wondering why she has a confused look on her face.

  “Why do I have to keep reminding you to just spit it out, Mavra?” I ask with a laugh.

  She lets out a deep sigh.

  “I swear this is the last thing. I just don’t understand it yet. Your mother gave birth to twins, both of them from a man who wasn’t her husband. How could they love one so completely and hate the other so much?” Mavra asks. “Just because of a silly birthmark?”

  This is the part I’ve been waiting for since I finished my retelling of history to my daughters. I knew Faina would never believe it, and she’d leave in a huff, and I knew it wouldn’t bother me. It didn’t matter if she believed me, because I knew Mavra would, and I knew she’d ask all the right questions.

  “Science has come a long way since 1965, my love. Still, after that night in the basement, I went back to see Tobias. I visited him as often as I could,” I tell her, a smile lighting up my face when I think about all the conversations we had over the years behind a piece of glass, never being able to hold his hand like my daughter is holding mine right now. “Even though I knew in my heart he was my father, I’d spent too many years with unanswered questions, and I refused to live like that ever again. I had to know the answer to that final question. Luckily in the early 1960’s, paternity testing became highly accurate. I asked Tobias to take a blood test and he agreed. It took several months to get the results, but they confirmed what I’d always known. Tobias Duskin was indeed my real father.”

  I can see the awe on my daughter’s face in her wide, excited eyes and the way her lips form into the shape of an O. If she’s this enthralled by a simple blood test, the final bit of information left will certainly make her head spin. My hands shake with excitement, but I wait. I let the anticipation build, and I savor the moment until she asks the final question.

  “Okay, I know you explained that the birthmark was the reason Tanner couldn’t make himself love you, but I’m still confused,” Mavra says.

  The thrill is almost too much for my old heart to take, but I know it will be worth the wait.

  “I’m still not understanding why they kept Ravenna and gave you away to be raised and tested and tortured by a man who thought he could rid you of your evil thoughts,” she says, the frustration growing in her voice. “Even if you pushed her into the lake, even if they thought that meant you’d turn out exactly like Tobias, how could they be certain Ravenna wouldn’t eventually end up the same way? How could Tanner love her, cherish her and never see his brother looking back at him in her eyes and not feel the same betrayal he did when he looked at you?”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath, savoring the moment, letting her stew a few minutes longer with her confusion. Opening them again, I smile and finish my explanation.

  “Have you ever heard of the word superfecundation?” I ask.

  I know Mavra is highly intelligent, even if she went backpacking across Europe, instead of going to college and law school like her sister. I know she’s incredibly smart even though she spends her days out in the yard, instead of arguing cases in a courtroom. I’ve spent forty years constantly being amazed by both of my girls and maybe just a tad jealous that they are so much smarter than I ever was at their age. It’s nice to finally know something she doesn’t know.

  After a few minutes of deep concentration, Mavra finally sighs in annoyance and shakes her head. “I have no clue what that is, and I’ve never heard of it before.”

  I pat the top of her hand in sympathy. “Don’t feel too bad. I’m sure we could count on one hand how many people in the world know what that word means.”

  Sitting in the same spot for so long made my bones and joints ache, so I shift my body into a more
comfortable position, turning to face Mavra and leaning my shoulder against the back of the couch.

  “Did you know I still have a box in the attic with a few of Tanner and Ravenna’s personal items?” I ask her.

  “You might have mentioned it one time. I think I needed a photo of my grandmother for a school project when I was little and you took me up there to get it,” Mavra remembers.

  “I don’t even know why I kept some of the things I did. I probably just grabbed random items to pack away and trashed the rest of them,” I muse. “I never realized at the time that the things I packed away would come in handy many years down the line when so many new and incredible advancements in science would be invented.”

  Mavra hangs on my every word and I make sure to draw it out so I can receive as much satisfaction out of this that I can. I’m sixty-eight years old and I take my thrills where I can at this point, even at the expense of my daughter’s temper.

  “Even though DNA testing has been around since sometime between the late 70’s to mid 80’s, it wasn’t something you could easily request unless you were with law enforcement,” I explain. “Somewhere around 2008 this nifty little test was invented where you could send hair samples to a lab for DNA results. Would you like to know the items I just so happened to still have packed away in a box in the attic in 2008?”

  Mavra keeps her mouth tightly closed, even though I’m sure she already knows the answer, allowing me my moment.

  “Ravenna’s pale pink hairbrush and Tanner’s dark brown one,” I finish with a smile.

  Mavra’s mouth opens and closes like a fish gasping for air. “Okay, but what does that have to do with supercala…whatever that word was you said and why would you need another DNA test when you already got the blood test results that Tobias was yours and Ravenna’s father?”

  Pulling my hands out of hers, I fold them together in my lap.

  “Superfecundation is the fertilization of two eggs from two different sperm donors. There haven’t been too many documented cases and the ones that were made public always resulted in fraternal twins, not identical twins.”