Conall held onto his father's shoulder and Moved them. They appeared in front of Duncan's farmhouse. Zach was surprised – why would she come here?
As soon as he felt stronger Zach strode to the door, walking straight in and through to the kitchen, knowing that was the room most used.
There, sitting at the large table, was Margaret and Duncan with worried looks on their faces. “Whit's happened son? She's in an awful bad way – whit the hell did ye dae tae that lass!” Duncan's voice was accusing and Margaret's look was the same.
“Where is she?” Zach asked and Duncan nodded upwards.
“Yer room, lyin doon, she disnae look good!” and Zach turned and moved back out of the room.
“You tell them!” he said to Conall as he passed his son. Conall really didn't want to – but knew he had to. Duncan and Margaret both looked so worried and that worry was for his mother.
Conall moved in and sat down, took a deep breath and told them. Duncan's face was beet red, his anger vast. Margaret's face was pure white in comparison to her mate's. “No.” she gasped.
“Jest as well he's deed – I'd kill the fucker maself!” Duncan growled. Conall only nodded and waited.
Zach got to the room quickly, pushed the door gently and walked in. Alex was lying curled up on the bed, sobbing her heart out.
Zach's stomach was in knots, shit, how could he salvage this. How could he help his mate?
He moved closer, quietly, and sat on the bed, on the side so that she could see him. Her eyes opened, “Zach.” she managed to get out and that one word held so many emotions.
Fear, hurt, despair and the one he hated the most – betrayal. He had lied to his mate...when one of the first things he had told her so long ago was that he wouldn't do that – ever.
“I'm sorry Alexina, afterwards we thought it was for the best.” Zach moved a little closer and reached out trying to stroke her face. She pulled away from him and that one act just about killed him.
“We? Who's we?” she asked and Zach knew he had to just tell her the truth – all of it.
“When we got there, when I got to you, well Andre was – shit Alex – he was raping you. You were bloodied and broken and Lisa had to get Michael to come and help. You were dying meine Kleine. Michael told us your mind was in turmoil and we had to think about what to do. So back at the hotel in Vegas when the twins got back they went in to see you. With their powers they saw everything that had happened to you …..” Zach had to pause, the memories hurting him deeply.
“So the kids knew what had happened?” Alex whispered., mortified that others knew but the thought of their children knowing broke her heart.
“Yes, Lexi then said she could take that memory away – you had gone through so much! Lisa said that if it was her she would pray to have those memories taken away! So I told Lexi to go ahead, I didn't want you to suffer that Alexina. I'm sorry.” Zach finished and tried again to touch his mate.
Once more Alex pulled away, tears still running down her face.
“So basically everyone knew what happened but me?” her voice was accusing as she threw the words out at Zach. Every one hit it's mark and he lowered his eyes, not bearing the look he saw in hers.
“Well no not everyone. Just who was on the mission – and Vlad....”
“Vlad?! Just how and why did he know?!” Alex's voice had risen and Zach felt she was near hysteria.
“Well Simeon pointed out that we would have to doctor the video feeds and yours in particular. Vlad was the only one who could do that properly, without anyone knowing there were gaps.” Zach looked up, he could feel her pain, his body physically hurt with the sensations that were running through her.
“So you blocked it from your mind also, so I didn't know?” and although it was a question Zach didn't answer – she knew that already.
Alex curled tighter into a ball, her knees up at her chest and her arms around them, holding on for dear life.
“Alexina, my mate, I'm sorry – I did what I thought was best. I didn't want you remembering what he had done to you. I didn't want you remembering that I hadn't got to you in time – I'm so sorry I failed you my wife. I'm just so sorry!” Zach's voice was full of emotion, he had felt his failure every day since that time. He should've got to her in time...should've saved her before that fiend abused her so.
Alex could feel his emotions and saw his thoughts. She knew it wasn't Zach's fault what had happened – she didn't blame him for what had happened. BUT she did blame him for lying to her – how could her mate have lied so easily to her.
“I HAD to! I couldn't see you with that haunted look abused women get! We've dealt with so many Alexina – so many – abused, hurt, and they all have that look...I didn't want to look you in the eyes and see that. Every time I did I would know it was my fault!” Zach's voice was pleading...not a tone that had ever crossed his lips before.
“Oh Zach, Zach, Zach, it wasn't your fault what happened – even now I know I don't blame you. Really I don't, but the fact you all lied to me. All of you, and it was your decision. What happened to 'I will never lie to you Alexina'? Eh – Zach – what happened to that?” Alex was now looking at her mate and she didn't know if they could get back from this.
It hurt her to her core...her core beliefs, the core that their relationship stood on...truth and honesty...always.
“Oh dear god Alexina – Alex – please I'm so sorry – please you need to believe me!”
That Zach used her shortened version of her name shook Alex – never – not ever did he do that.
“Oh I believe you're sorry Zach, I do, I can feel it, but you lied to me – my mate – you lied!” Alex started crying again, she hurt so much she could barely breathe.
Zach moved right onto the bed, sat at the top with his back against the headboard and pulled Alex onto his lap. She struggled trying to get away and she was strong, very strong – but Zach was stronger. He forced her to sit on his knee and wrapped her in his arms. He didn't say anything, just held her.
They stayed like that for hours and hours, Alex crying still, but Zach refusing to let her go.
Finally Alex mumbled, “I need some loo roll or hankies – I'm all snotty!”
Zach placed her back on the bed and moved quickly to the ensuite, bringing her a full roll of loo paper, handing it over before resuming his place on the bed. Once more pulling her onto his lap.
Alex wiped her face and blew her nose, very loudly, and hiccuped. She felt bad – as bad as she had ever felt.
She kept getting flashbacks of lying on Andre's bed as he whipped her bloody and raped her. She remembered the feelings she had – apart from the pain he was inflicting – the main feeling was she had to hold on. She had to hold on because if she did then so did Zach. Her thoughts had not been for herself – no – not a one – they had been for her mate.
Zach could sense a slight change in her, could see her thoughts, he gently kissed the top of her head. “I really am sorry my little one, I dearly wanted to protect you from those memories. Thinking on it now I was probably trying to protect myself too! If you didn't remember I could try and forget too. Please my mate – please forgive me.”
Zach's voice was so low even Alex's Vampire hearing was strained. “I know Zach – but you know how highly I place trust – it's the one thing that would hurt me the deepest. I think it's going to take some time for me to get over it. That and these fucking visions in my head!”
Zach sighed, he would get her though it, all of it, he would get her through it, no doubt in his mind that he would. No matter what it took to do.
Alex knew she loved Zach, more than life itself, she couldn't live without him – literally. She also knew that it would take a while to build up that total trust that they once had. That thought all on it's own made her so sad – as sad as she had ever felt in her entire life.
She also thought she might need to talk to someone about what Andre had done to her, they had a good psychologist that worked with people
they rescued, she envisioned having a standing appointment for a while.
“You need to truly promise me you won't ever do anything like that again – no way no how, Vampire!” Zach smiled at the tone of his mate, she was telling him straight!
“I promise Alexina, never again.” Zach kissed the top of her head and Alex leant back into him and he had never felt happier, it was a start.
“Uhm – I can also say I don't think we'll be using that position for a while either.” Alex's voice was low as she said this...the visions of Andre behind her...hurting her...shit it was bad.
“Whatever you say my love, whatever you say.”
Alex was tired, all of this had really taken it out of her – especially the way she had felt the moment she arrived here in Scotland. Being so far from Zach had hit her hard and she could barely stand up. She was crying and shaking and Duncan had picked her up and brought her upstairs to bed. Margaret had stayed for a few minutes trying to find out what was wrong but Alex wouldn't even look at her.
God she was so embarrassed, why had she Moved here? She wasn't sure, maybe because Scotland was where she was from. You can take the man (or in her case woman) out of Scotland but you can never take Scotland out of the man!
It had been a saying she had heard many a time and she only realised now that it was probably true.
Chapter 18
Alex and Zach stayed in the room until the next day, Alex staying in Zach's arms. Neither moved and nothing happened. No lovemaking, no kissing, nothing.
She thought it was probably the first time that had happened. However, the thought of sex at the moment scared her. No it didn't scare her...it terrified her.
She knew Zach wouldn't hurt her, she knew it deep down, but her fear was like a rampaging torrent through her system. She had no control over it whatsoever and she was scared about being scared.
“It's okay Alexina, we can talk about it, everyone says these things need to be talked about to get over them. Or we'll go see the psychologist – together – we'll work it out. Don't worry my mate.” Zach tried to ease her fear but he didn't think he had done so. He felt her fear enveloping her entire being and it struck him deep inside – he had to help her and he had to figure out how to do that, fast.
Alex got up and went for a shower, knowing she would have to put on the same clothes as they hadn't brought any others. She had stepped into the shower and closed her eyes, letting the water flow over her and just as she was beginning to feel relaxed a hand touched her bare shoulder.
She screamed and jumped, turning round and punching forwards with all her Vampire strength. Her fist connected with Zach's sternum, throwing him backwards with a look of pure shock on his face.
Alex sank downwards, her bum on the shower floor and her knees drawn up tight. She was shaking and crying and then there was banging at the bedroom door.
“Whit's wrong?! Zach open this bloody door or I'll break it doon!” Duncan was roaring at the top of his voice and Zach stumbled out and opened the door.
Duncan marched passed, looking for Alex, “Where's the little lady?” Duncan commanded, completely and utterly all Alpha.
Zach was rubbing his front, that punch had hurt...bad, he thought something had broken, probably some ribs.
“She's in the shower, I gave her a fright, she'll be fine.” Zach got out haltingly as he tried to gasp air in.
“Naw laddie she'll no be fine, she needs tae see someone...someone who deals wae these things, an ye need tae get her tae one fast – before it's stuck in her mind. Ma Margaret told me an if she says so then it's right, so although yer both welcome here anytime – ye need tae get her help – noo!” Duncan had placed a large paw of a hand on Zach's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
Zach nodded knowing his friend spoke the truth, “Okay, we'll be down in a bit then I'll take her home, we've got someone on staff who can help.”
Duncan just nodded and left, leaving Zach to get Alex ready.
As he walked back into the ensuite Alex was on her feet - “I'm sorry.” she said – knowing she had hurt Zach but fear still coursing through her system.
“It's okay, come on, we'll go down and maybe Margaret's got some of that sausage stuff you like then we're going back. You're going to see the doc – this morning – or evening – or whatever it will be when we get back – but as soon as we do you're going. No arguments.” Zach was leading Alex back to the bedroom gently and she nodded, her wet curly hair getting more than a few drops of water on him.
Zach gently dried Alex, his touches soft and caring but with no hint of sensuality. Alex was glad, if his hands had touched her the way they normally did she wasn't sure how she would react. She thought the reaction would not be one that either of them would like. Zach seemed to sense this and took things slow, drying her and then helping her to get dressed.
All the while he took shallow breaths, he was sure his mate had broken at least one rib, probably more.
When they were ready Zach took Alex's hand and led her out of the bedroom, downstairs, and to the kitchen. Margaret's cooking smells wafted out and Alex's nose flared, Margaret was a great cook.
As they entered Alex's face flushed, she was a little embarrassed. “Come in, ye must be after some oh ma mate's cooking!” Duncan greeted them fondly and friendly, no sign of any discomfort at all.
Zach was grateful to the large Wolf and smiled at him as he sat down. Alex's behind had barely hit the chair and Margaret was putting a plate in front of her. It was full of her favourites including her square sausage and tattie scones with eggs done just right.
“Now, Conall says to tell you that he went home, he'll see you when you get back.” Margaret told them as she went back to cooking – jeez, she always seemed to be cooking.
Alex smiled and started eating, but she didn't say a word. This worried Margaret greatly as Alex usually chattered away. Margaret looked at Alex closely and saw the tension in her body. She was sure she saw fear too. Margaret had to stop herself from taking the tiny Vampire into her arms to comfort her.
Zach only took some coffee, he didn't think his stomach could take anything. It was still clenched tightly...his mate needed help and it was his job to get her it.
After Alex had finished everything on the plate she looked up, “Thank you,” she said and everyone knew she didn't mean for the food.
“Not a problem Alex, tho maybe tell Zach where you're going next time. I've never seen such fear on a Vampire's face before!” Margaret said, letting Alex know how much Zach had feared for her.
“Okay I'll try. Duncan can I ask a favour?” Alex looked towards the huge hulk sitting at his place at the head of the table.
“Ye know ye can little lass – whit is it?” Duncan smiled over at the tiny Vampire.
“Is it okay if we come back soon...for a holiday...I always feel safe and at peace here.”
“Of course ye can – tho ye could maybe phone next time. I nearly had a heart attack when ye jist appeared!” Duncan spoke jokingly, knowing that Alex was trying hard to appear normal – so he played along.
“Thank you, I think I may need a little break – from all our missions. I think I need time for me – and Zach.” Alex now looked to her mate and his smile was there for her to see. He knew – knew that she needed this – they both did.
“We'll go back and I'm taking Alexina to see our Doc, when she gets the go ahead we'll come back. Thanks Duncan, and you Margaret, you are always such a good hostess.” Zach gave Margaret one of his smiles, the ones that usually had ladies falling at his feet.
Duncan growled, he had seen the blush creeping onto his mate's face.
Alex laughed, a small one, but a laugh nonetheless. “Oh Duncan – you know Margaret only has eyes for you!” and the Alpha just growled again, though a smaller one this time.
Zach stood up, pulling Alex with him, “Okay. Thanks again you two – come on Alexina – we're going home.”
Both disappeared and Duncan snarled, “Why is it only they bl
oody vampires can dae that!” and he went back to eating his replenished plate, he hadn't even noticed Margaret topping it up.
Zach and Alex appeared outside their work building and Zach immediately started pulling Alex towards the wing that they housed victims they brought back in. It was late evening and Zach checked the windows, seeing the light on in the office they wanted he moved on.
As they entered the hallway Alex slowed, she didn't know if she could talk about all of this.
“Oh yes you will, we both know it's the only way Alexina, if you want me in the room I'll be there. If not I'll wait outside, but one way or the other you're going in – okay?” Zach's tone was the one he used while at work, when he was in total charge of a mission. Not one that left any room for an argument.
Alex didn't say anything, just followed her mate.
Zach knocked on the door and entered, their Doc lifted her head, and once more Zach was glad they had a women in the job. It was obvious she knew, the look told them that.
“Come in Alex and sit down, we've got a lot of talking to do.” and with that it began.
The healing – or rather the start of the healing – took some time. Alex was in that office for more than four hours that night. Only leaving when the human doctor started to yawn, she had been at work now for nearly twenty hours.
Alex was back the next day, and the next. Soon she started to feel better...just a little...but she no longer felt the utter fear and despair she had at the start.
She and Zach had made love the night before...it had been very, very, hard for Alex...but as soon as Zach started to kiss her, his hands very gently roaming her body, she remembered how they had been before. Before the memories of the rape had crashed into her mind.
Zach was so caring, loving, gentle, that it brought Alex to tears. They also both fed – not having done so in quite a few days. If they hadn't done so that night both would've had to take donor blood or risk getting weak. However, with the feelings that feeding brought it could only, realistically, be done during lovemaking.
Defender's Blood The Fallen (An Urban Fantasy) Page 15
