A Virgin for a Vow

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  He smiled with one side of his mouth. ‘I’m glad you’re having a good time. You deserve it.’

  ‘Are you having a good time?’

  He took her hand and entwined her fingers with his. ‘I’m having such a good time I’m going to have trouble getting back into gear for work.’

  She squeezed against his fingers. ‘Maybe you should schedule in a few more holidays.’

  He turned her hand over and traced a lazy circle in the middle of her palm, his gaze following the movement of his finger, the gentle caress triggering a firestorm in her blood. ‘Maybe I should.’ After a moment, his gaze came back to hers. ‘I used to love going on holidays before my parents divorced. But afterwards...well, it just wasn’t the same.’

  ‘It must have been so hard for you and your mum, trying to make things nice for Ella,’ Abby said.

  He released her hand and let out a jagged sigh. ‘Mum tried her best but she found it hard to see other couples on holiday, other families doing all the things she used to do with us before my dad left. It was painful to witness her distress. I had to step up and do the man-about-the-house stuff—not that my father was any great handyman or anything—but on top of school work and looking after Ella, well, there wasn’t a lot of time left over for hanging out with friends and doing normal teenage stuff.’

  ‘You’ve been an amazing son and a wonderful brother, Luke,’ Abby said. ‘Your mum and Ella are always saying how much they adore you and wish they saw more of you.’

  ‘I know I should see them more often but I’m always snowed under with work.’

  ‘Maybe you allow yourself to be snowed under,’ Abby said. ‘You run a very successful business. Surely you can delegate or outsource a bit more so you can have a life as well as work? It’s not healthy trying to do it all yourself.’

  A frown knitted his brows. ‘I enjoy work.’

  ‘But you might enjoy other things too,’ Abby said. ‘But how will you know unless you free up some time to do them?’

  He reached for her hand again. ‘Okay, Miss Hart. We have the next few days for you to teach me how to kick back and relax. Are you up for it?’

  Abby gave him a high five. ‘Game on.’

  * * *

  Luke was having such a good time relaxing with Abby—and, yes, having fun...that word he’d almost forgotten existed—that he forgot to charge his phone until two days before they were to leave the island. But when he gave it some juice he was a little horrified to see all the missed calls from his office in London. He called to find out there was a crisis with one of the major projects he had going. But what was even more shocking to him was how close he had been to unplugging the charger and ignoring the long list of text messages and emails.

  ‘You don’t have to rush back,’ his secretary Kay said. ‘It can wait a day or two. We just thought you’d better know in case—’

  ‘Of course I have to come back,’ Luke said. ‘I’m responsible for the project. I know all the codes and I can fix this in a snap. I can’t allow anything to go awry at this late stage. I’ll get the next available flight.’

  ‘But what about your holiday with Abby? Don’t you want to stay? You could do the recoding over the phone or on Skype or email them through.’

  Luke did want to stay, which was the scariest thing of all. He never wanted to leave the damn island. He never wanted to leave Abby. But he had to. He was only making it harder on them both by allowing it to get this far. What had he been thinking? He couldn’t just drop everything and hang out on a beach and have picnics and make love at sunset. That stuff was for other people. People who hadn’t been stalked by tragedy and left to carry the guilt like an anchor in their gut. He had responsibilities and people relying on him. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m coming back. This is far more important than a holiday.’

  * * *

  After five days of swimming and snorkelling and plunging into the sea from a rock face, Abby was constantly balancing the scales of having fun with the harsh reality the fun was going to end once the week was over. Making love on the beach, sunset picnics watching the night sky appear star by star, planet by planet, long candlelit dinners and lazy breakfasts had made the days pass faster than she wanted them to. Luke had taught her to fish—something she had always wanted to do—and she had taught him to relax. They had two more days on the island before they returned to London, which meant their fling would be over.

  But Abby had a feeling Luke might be rethinking the time frame. She’d seen him looking at her when he thought she wasn’t watching with a thoughtful expression on his face. And he often toyed with the diamond pendant around her neck when he was lying beside her, letting the chain slip through his fingers and the diamond rest against his palm.

  Was she imagining his change of heart? She didn’t think so. She hoped not. She prayed not. Didn’t the last few days prove how good they were together? She had never seen him smile so much and the tight lines bracketing his mouth and the creases on his forehead had all but disappeared.

  Why wouldn’t he want to stay in their relationship when they were so comfortable together?

  Abby was putting the finishing touches to dinner when he came in carrying his phone and his overnight bag and frowning. ‘What’s wrong? That’s the first frown I’ve seen you give for five days.’

  ‘Sorry, Abby, but something’s come up at work,’ he said. ‘I have to go back early. No one else can fix it but me and it’s not something I can do over the phone. I’ve called the boat operator. He’ll be here in half an hour.’

  Abby’s heart sank and the strings on her hopes severed. ‘But what about me?’

  ‘You can finish the holiday on your own. There’s no point rushing back with me now, as I’ll be stuck in the office for the next week by the look of things. You might as well make the most of the last couple of days.’

  ‘But it won’t be the same without you,’ Abby said. ‘What will I do with myself? There’s no one else on the island.’

  ‘I’ll arrange for someone to be with you. A staff member or—’

  ‘A staff member?’ Abby stared at him. ‘Why would I want to be here with a staff member when I only want to be with you?’

  His features were set in tight lines. ‘Look, I don’t have time for this right now—’

  ‘Make time, Luke,’ Abby said. ‘This is important to me. You can’t just dash back to London as if the last few days didn’t happen. Didn’t they mean anything to you? Don’t I mean anything to you?’

  He let out an impatient breath. ‘Look, if you’re worried about what people are going to say then I can’t see the problem. I’m not in any of the photos you post online so how will they know I’m not here with you?’

  ‘But I will know,’ Abby said. ‘I’ll be here wishing you were with me because...because I love you.’

  He flinched as if she had hit him. ‘Stop it. Stop it right now.’

  ‘I won’t stop it,’ Abby tried to keep her tone calm. ‘I can’t hide it or pretend any more. I love you. The last few days have cemented it for me. I don’t want our fling to end when the week is over. I want to be with you for ever.’

  The frown between his brows brought all the tense lines back to his forehead. ‘I told you what I was prepared to give you and a future wasn’t a part of it.’

  ‘But I think deep down you want what I want,’ Abby said. ‘You want it but you feel you don’t deserve it because of what happened to Kimberley.’

  ‘This has nothing to do with Kimberley,’ he said. ‘You’re shifting the goalposts because you’ve had a great time playing in the sun and the sand, but it’s not real, Abby. None of this is real. It hasn’t been real from the start. It’s just one big charade and I foolishly went on with it because—’

  ‘If you say because you felt sorry for me I will scream loud enough to break all the windows,’ Abby said. ‘I don’t want your sympathy. I want your love.’

  Luke’s phone rang and he put his bag down on the floor.

 
‘Don’t answer it,’ she said. ‘Surely this is way more important than a stupid phone call?’

  He threw her an exasperated look and turned his back and answered his phone. ‘Yes, I’m on my way. Yes. It’s all under control.’ He ended the call and turned back around as he pocketed his phone. ‘I have to go.’ He picked up his bag. ‘There are people waiting for me.’

  People far more important than her. He didn’t say it but then he didn’t have to. He had shown it by his choice to leave her here all alone. He hadn’t asked her to go with him. Why not? It wouldn’t have taken her long to pack. No, he wanted to leave without her because he had never been here with her. Not willingly. Not wholeheartedly.

  ‘You were never truly here with me on this island, were you, Luke?’ Abby said. ‘Your refusal to be in any of the photos is proof you weren’t with me in every sense of the word. I might as well have had a cardboard cut-out of you because that’s all you give of yourself. The outer shell but not the innermost part of you. The part that wants what everyone else wants: love, connection, a future, a family. You’ve locked that part of yourself away and thrown away the key.’

  ‘Abby.’

  ‘Don’t use that lecturing voice with me,’ Abby said. ‘I hate it when you do that. Why didn’t you ask me to go back with you? No, don’t answer that. I’ll tell you why. You want out of this fling, don’t you?’

  ‘I never wanted to be in it in the first place.’

  His coldly delivered statement was like a sledgehammer on the thin ice of her hopes. Each word caused a deep fissure in her heart until she could barely draw breath. ‘Right, well, that’s it in a big fat crinkly nutshell,’ Abby said. ‘Sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you.’ She unclipped the pendant from around her neck and handed it to him. ‘Here. Take it back. The box is upstairs. I don’t suppose you’ll wait until I get it for you and pack up all the clothes you bought for me?’

  ‘I don’t want the pendant or the clothes,’ he said through tight lips. ‘They were gifts.’

  ‘Oh, yes, for services rendered,’ Abby said, casting him a look that could have frozen Mercury. ‘Thanks, by the way, for helping me on that front. I’m sure my future partner will also be enormously grateful.’

  There was a storm brewing at the back of his eyes but that was the only sign he was struggling with his anger. ‘Enjoy the rest of your stay on the island.’

  ‘Don’t worry.’ Abby inched up her chin. ‘I will.’

  * * *

  Luke’s flight was delayed heading back to London so by the time he got to his office one of his junior staff had solved the programming problem that had threatened his multimillion-pound project. He’d always thought Sanjeev had talent but this proved it beyond a doubt. He should’ve felt relieved everything was sorted, but with Abby’s words still rattling around his brain like loose marbles he could feel another migraine coming on.

  He didn’t believe for a second she was in love with him. She was worried about her job and all the silly lies she’d told. They were two days from ending their fling and she was panicking about how she was going to maintain her reputation.

  Well, that had nothing to do with him.

  Not any more.

  He shouldn’t have stepped into the role as her Mr Perfect. That was his first mistake and the second was taking her to that island. A place like that, well, even he’d been a little set off course by all the fun they’d been having. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt more relaxed.

  But that didn’t mean he wanted their fling to continue indefinitely. He’d toyed with the idea of extending it a bit. Sure he had. Why wouldn’t he? But even if he had adjusted the time frame, ultimately he couldn’t give her what she wanted. He hadn’t been able to give it to Kimberley or any other woman he had dated in the past.

  Why should Abby be any different?

  He didn’t want the fairy tale she wanted. She might carry on with that psychobabble she was known for, saying he was overcompensating with work or locking away parts of himself. Well, he was damn fine with locking away parts of himself. Those were the parts that had got him into trouble in the past.

  He wanted none of it.

  No wife.

  No kids.

  No commitment.

  Abby had no right to insist he drop everything he’d worked so hard for just for the sake of the two days left of their holiday. He had responsibilities he took seriously. He had staff he had to provide income for and clients—important clients—and patients from all over the globe depending on him getting this exciting new project off the ground.

  But you could have come back to London later...

  Luke shut down the thought. That phone call had been a good excuse to cut short Abby’s silly little fantasy. He’d done the right thing in coming back. Of course he had. Their fling had gone on long enough. He shouldn’t have allowed it to start in the first place. He’d broken his own rule by allowing her to move in with him. And he never should have bought her that wretched pendant. What was it with women and jewellery? Abby had attached significance to his gift when all he’d wanted to do was give her something worth keeping instead of that fake stuff she wore.

  Luke came out of his office just as his secretary Kay came in from a coffee break. ‘Bet you wish you hadn’t rushed back here now, eh?’ she said. ‘Sanjeev’s a bright young man. We call him Mensa Man behind his back. You should let him do a bit more around here. He’s more than capable.’

  ‘I’m seriously thinking about it.’ He turned back to go to his office.

  ‘Was Abby terribly disappointed about having to come back early?’ Kay asked.

  Luke swallowed a tight knot. He wasn’t ready to explain what had happened on the island. More to the point, he wasn’t used to explaining his private life to anyone. That was Abby’s forte. ‘I left her to enjoy the last couple of days by herself.’

  Kay looked at him as if he’d told her he had left Abby on the moon without a spacesuit. ‘You left her behind? Alone?’

  He shrugged. ‘So? Only I needed to come back.’

  ‘But why didn’t she come back with you?’

  ‘I didn’t ask her to.’

  ‘Why the hell not?’ Kay asked. ‘Did you have a tiff or something?’

  Luke’s throat was so tight he could have sworn he was wearing a tie but he still had on the casual shirt he’d dressed in on the island. He had to give it to Abby. She was a whole lot better at this lying gig than he was. ‘It’s...complicated.’

  Kay crossed her arms and gave him the sort of look a mother did to a teenager who had failed an important exam. ‘You’ve blown it, haven’t you?’

  Luke scowled. ‘Can you quit the third degree? I pay you to work, not to pry into my private life.’

  ‘You didn’t have a private life before Abby,’ Kay said. ‘She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Although I did wonder why she hadn’t posted any photos of you from the island. That seemed a bit odd to me. I hope you weren’t glued to your phone all the time. We tried to keep things ticking over here so you could relax, but then we hit that coding issue and—’

  ‘What’s odd about wanting my private life to be private?’ Luke said with barely banked-down annoyance. ‘I don’t feel the need to tell everyone where I last had coffee or what I had for breakfast.’

  ‘It’s a way of connecting with people.’

  ‘Yeah? Well, I prefer to do it the old-fashioned way.’

  ‘Like that’s been working a treat for you these last five years,’ Kay’s tone was so dry it almost crackled.

  Luke drew in a savage breath and swung back towards his office. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have given you that last pay rise.’

  ‘Do you want it back?’

  He glowered at her over his shoulder. ‘Keep it and your opinions to yourself. Understood?’

  Kay saluted and clicked her heels. ‘Yes, sir.’

  * * *

  Abby flew back to London the following day in such low spirits two of th
e flight attendants asked during the journey if she was all right. She mopped at her streaming reddened eyes and told them it was just an allergic reaction. When she came through Customs and saw all the couples being reunited it made her heart feel as if it was being crushed.

  Why couldn’t Luke love her? Why couldn’t he want to be with her for ever? Why did he leave her to fend for herself like everyone she had ever loved had done?

  There was no way she could have stayed on the island without him. Every corner, every space, every view contained a memory of their time together. All she had now was memories. She didn’t even have any photos of them together because he’d been so darn stubborn about taking any. She’d sneaked a few of him when he wasn’t looking, but there were none of them together. It was as if their time on the island hadn’t happened, it was just a mirage.

  Just like her life...

  Abby couldn’t avoid the truth any longer. For years she had been hiding behind a web of lies. Telling people who she wished she was instead of who she actually was. She wasn’t the got-it-all-together girl of her blog and column. She was a lonely single young woman from a disadvantaged background who dreamed of having the fairy tale.

  But her handsome white knight had locked himself in his tower of guilt and there was nothing Abby could do to change him. She shouldn’t have even tried. If she had just come out with the truth in the beginning she wouldn’t have caused herself so much heartache. So many times she had given people advice in her column but she hadn’t taken it herself.

  There was no way she would have told someone to pretend to be engaged to save face. She would have told them a relationship based on a lie wasn’t an authentic relationship. What right did she have to give advice? Her life was a mess. It had always been a mess. Her whole life was a lie. And it had to change.

  Right here.

  Right now.

  She took out her phone and started typing a new column. Felicity might hate her or even fire her for it, but at least Abby would no longer be living a lie.