A Sense of Belonging (Perceptions Book 1)

by Wendy Soliman

  ‘Indeed. We just spent a charming hour together.’

  ‘Charming?’ He gave her a dubious look. ‘Are you absolutely sure about that?’

  ‘Perfectly sure.’

  He still seemed unconvinced. ‘She didn’t throw anything at you?’

  ‘Only accusations that were intended to undermine me.’ Flora folded her hands in her lap and decided that his concern for the old lady had earned him a smile. She bestowed one upon him, surprised when he looked away and muttered something that sounded surprisingly like a curse his grandmother would have approved of. Was she not supposed to smile? Had she already committed a faux pas?

  ‘You are aware of my grandmother’s…err—’

  ‘“Eccentricity” is the term she favours,’ Flora supplied helpfully.

  ‘I am sure it is.’

  He gave a deep chuckle that had a most disconcerting effect upon Flora. That was probably because she was unaccustomed to male amusement of any sort. Her father was disinclined towards frivolous behaviour. As for Mr Bolton, the only other man whom she’d had the dubious pleasure of associating with unsupervised over recent years…well, she didn’t want to think about his dour personality but was perfectly sure that he was not given to chuckling either.

  ‘You are aware that she has seen off three companions already this year?’

  ‘I am. Now,’ she added, for emphasis. ‘That was not made clear to me when I was offered this position. However, it doesn’t signify. Your grandmother and I already understand each other very well.’

  ‘Forgive me,’ he said, crossing one foot casually across his opposite thigh as he leaned one elbow on the arm of his chair and rubbed his fingers absently across his low lip, ‘but my grandmother can be difficult.’

  She blinked at him, deliberately obtuse. ‘Difficult? In what way?’

  ‘She likes to shock.’

  ‘Oh that.’ Flora flapped a hand. ‘She has already tried it and was disappointed to discover that I am un-shockable.’

  ‘And yet I have been told that you are a clergyman’s daughter.’

  ‘You imagine I have led a sheltered life, I dare say.’ Flora nodded, as though answering her own question. ‘Your grandmother had reached that same conclusion, but now knows better. Which, if you don’t mind my saying so—’

  ‘Would it matter if I did mind?’ he asked, sounding amused rather than offended by her impertinence.

  ‘I suppose you think I am being disrespectful.’ She shrugged. ‘Perhaps I am, but since I was not entrusted with all the facts prior to taking up this appointment, I feel I have earned the right to speak my mind.’

  ‘Absolutely,’ the earl agreed, appearing to fight a smile.

  ‘Well anyway, where was I? Ah yes, in my view it is unwise to jump to conclusions about the character of a person one has not met, basing one’s opinion solely on that person’s connections. In my experience, people constantly surprise one.’

  ‘In your particular case, I couldn’t agree more.’ He shook his head. ‘A less likely cleric’s daughter I can scarce imagine.’

  ‘Thank you.’ She treated him to a beaming smile. ‘That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a very long time.’ He looked shocked by the admission but remained silent, forcing Flora to continue making her point. ‘Your pre-conceived perception of me, which I clearly don’t live up to, is rather like you saying that your grandmother is difficult. One only has to delve a little deeper to discover that she is simply lonely and behaves irrationally to get the attention she desires.’

  ‘Lonely?’ Both is eyebrows shot up. ‘Good heavens, is she really?’

  ‘You had not realised? It took me less than an hour in her company to reach that conclusion.’

  ‘It did?’

  Flora lost patience. ‘She keeps photographs close by, almost all of them featuring your father. Her dead son. She is still grieving, Lord Swindon, and might well have temporarily lost her wits when the news of her devastating loss reached her. I can assure you that she is now completely sane, but amuses herself by pretending otherwise.’

  ‘You see a great deal,’ he said, inclining his head in acknowledgement of her perspicacity. An acknowledgement which she did not deserve. But since she couldn’t possibly tell him about her gift for fear of being sent packing, she accepted his compliment with quiet dignity. ‘I wish I were half as perceptive.’

  ‘Don’t be hard on yourself,’ she said kindly. ‘You have a great deal to occupy you, I dare say, whereas my only responsibility is your grandmother’s care.’

  ‘She cannot possibly be lonely.’ The earl sighed. ‘We keep employing companions for her but she chases them away and says she doesn’t need anyone.’

  ‘They are terrified of her and foolish enough to let it show. She takes advantage of that and amuses herself by bullying them, I suppose.’ Flora gave a derisive sniff. ‘They should be made of sterner stuff.’

  ‘I chose all your predecessors myself.’

  Flora tore her eyes away from the books to her left and fixed him with a penetrating gaze. ‘Did you ask her ladyship what type of companion she would prefer before making those appointments?’

  ‘Touché!’ He offered her a rueful smile. ‘I take your point, Miss Latimer, but you must realise that if I had taken her opinion into account, she would have insisted that she didn’t need a nursemaid and would most likely have thrown her hairbrush at me rather than them. Besides, even if I could have extracted an answer from her, she would not have asked for a child in your situation.’

  ‘I am hardly a child, Lord Swindon.’

  ‘My apologies.’ He inclined his head. ‘I am simply surprised that you appear to have got through the initial meeting unscathed and unperturbed, as well as reaching startling conclusions about Grandmamma’s state of mind.’

  ‘I have had to fight my share of battles growing up. Don’t mistake an ecclesiastical background for one that lacks discord.’

  ‘I never would. How many wars have been fought in the name of religion?’

  ‘Quite.’

  ‘It’s just that Grandmamma has a particular aversion to clerics since the death of my parents. She never quite got over the tragedy; you are right about that. None of us did, but I think it affected her the most profoundly. She became withdrawn for a long time, and has never been the same since.’

  ‘She is probably afraid to show affection again for fear that the object of those affections will be snatched away from her. I have seen such reactions before and understand them.’ Flora straightened her spine out of habit, even though her posture was seldom anything other than upright. Slouching was not permitted in her father’s household, and the reprimands dealt out to those unwise enough to risk the occasional slumped shoulder were severe enough to ensure that the offence was not repeated. ‘I wonder at nothing having been done for her arthritis, though. If she was not in constant pain then her disposition might improve. There again, I doubt it. She rather enjoys amusing herself by pretending to be batty.’

  His lordship elevated both brows. ‘Pretending?’

  Flora gave an impatient huff. ‘How can I make you understand that she is far more astute than you give her credit for?’

  ‘I know her a great deal better than you do. I can understand why you have reached your conclusions, since she has obviously taken a liking to you, but perhaps you have simply caught her on one of her more lucid days.’ Lord Swindon returned his elevated leg to the floor and leaned forward, resting his arms on disconcertingly solid thighs. Lord have mercy, Papa would have a conniption if he could even guess the turn her thoughts had taken! Not having him there to witness her response to an attractive man was a release in itself. Even if she had not taken a liking to the dowager countess and felt great sympathy for her situation, she would have still remained in her position, if only to continue enjoying the freedom to do and say whatever she liked. ‘Why do you suppose she has arthritis? Oh, the hands, of course. We have noticed, naturally, but she insists there is nothi
ng wrong with them.’

  ‘Stubbornness clearly runs in your family.’ Flora rolled her eyes, which produced a startled look from the earl. Subordinates clearly didn’t make a habit of rolling their eyes at him, nor of pointing out his shortcomings. Flora quelled a smile, reminding herself yet again not to allow her tongue to run away with her. And not to roll her eyes at her betters, especially not the man who had the power to evict her from this lovely house if he took exception to her freedom of expression. ‘No matter, I shall make her up a tincture that might help.’

  ‘She won’t agree to take it. As you say, stubbornness…’

  ‘I shall endeavour to persuade her.’

  He leaned back and laughed, looking more at ease than he had when she first entered the room. ‘I suspect that if anyone can, it will be you.’

  ‘We shall see.’

  *

  Luke’s appalled reaction to the creature who had presented herself to him, a defiant tilt to her chin, quickly gave way to guarded interest. Just possibly Dobson had known exactly what he had been doing in appointing such a seemingly unsuitable person to bear his grandmother company after all. He was cautiously optimistic, simply because the girl had survived an hour in Grandmamma’s company and already seemed to understand the old lady’s character—perhaps better than Luke himself did. But then again, she seemed anxious to remain as far away from her family as possible, so might have withstood Grandmamma’s antics for that reason. No doubt she was on the prowl for a husband—one who had absolutely no connections to the church—if Luke read her right.

  She was a curious mix of impertinent confidence and disarming vulnerability. He suspected that she would be furious if she realised she had permitted brief glimpses of her insecurities to show. He couldn’t have been more surprised, or delighted, when she failed to bow and scrape, instead taking him to task for not having a better understanding of his grandmother’s character.

  His first uninspired impression had been wide of the mark. He had allowed her buttoned-up appearance and unflattering hairstyle to influence him. Outwardly, she was the epitome of the devout daughter, but experience had already taught him that appearances could be deceptive. In her case they almost certainly were. She was rebelling, he decided, most likely against a strict religious background that stifled her personality. He had wanted to tell her that she would not be overburdened by piety in this household, but she would soon find that out for herself. As long as she managed to temper the worst of Grandmamma’s eccentricities—and he was cautiously optimistic regarding her abilities in that regard—then she was assured of a roof over her head.

  She could be attractive, he thought idly, taking in the unusual burnished copper hair, what he could see of it, if only she made an effort. Her hair was coiled into a plait so tight that he was surprised it didn’t give her a headache, with not a loose curl or escaped wisp in sight. Her large almond eyes were a rich violet and reflected a curious nature, as evidenced by her constant longing glances at his bookshelves. A wide forehead led to high cheekbones and a small nose dusted with freckles that her sisters would have abhorred, but which Luke thought suited Miss Latimer’s unique personality. Her chin was delicate and her long, smooth neck added elegance to her appearance, as did the amusement that frequently lit her eyes and which she didn’t attempt to rein in. Many things, it seemed, amused Miss Latimer, not least his own conceptions about her inability to control his grandmother.

  ‘You enjoy reading?’ he asked when her gaze once more drifted towards his bookshelves.

  Her eyes came alight and she again treated him to the infectious smile that had previously sent his mind on an involuntary detour. She would likely be appalled if she knew it, since he was sure she hadn’t intended to be provocative. ‘Very much so,’ she said. ‘It is one of life’s greatest pleasures, but one that I have not had as much opportunity to indulge as I would like.’

  ‘Because your father did not approve of your reading choices?’

  Her eyes flared. ‘How did you know that?’

  ‘You are not the only intuitive person beneath this roof. Besides, it was an easy enough conclusion to reach. Your father is Canon Chancellor at Salisbury Cathedral, is he not?’ She nodded. ‘Well, there you are then. I dare say he has ambitions to rise higher and—’

  ‘And having a daughter who is not the epitome of piety would hold him back.’ She chuckled. ‘I had hoped that no one would notice my defects quite that soon.’

  He smiled at her. ‘Your secret is safe with me.’ He allowed a short pause. ‘Have you been introduced to my sisters yet?’

  ‘No, only your grandmother and now you.’

  ‘Well, I dare say Grandmamma will put that right before dinner. The girls usually call upon her for half an hour before they change. And you will have the pleasure of meeting my brothers at table.’

  ‘I look forward to it.’

  She clearly assumed that the interview was at an end and made to stand, but Luke was surprised to discover that he wasn’t ready to let her go. ‘Please help yourself to any books you would like to read,’ he said, waving at the shelves with an expansive sweep of one hand. ‘I have more here than I ever find the time to look at.’

  ‘The collection is the work of several generations, I would image.’

  ‘Indeed.’

  ‘Then thank you, I shall enjoy delving into it.’

  Before Luke could think of an alternative line of conversation to detain her, a tap at the door preceded Paul putting his head around it.

  ‘Alvin’s just arrived,’ he said, looking surprised to find Miss Latimer still with him.

  ‘Ah good. I wondered where he’d got to.’ Alvin Watson had been at Eton and then Oxford with him and Paul. The three of them were still the firmest of friends. Alvin would stay for the duration of the party, but Luke had asked him to come early. He needed reinforcements outside his immediate family circle to help him make sense of what he was about to do. Their shared travails had created an unbreakable bond between them that made it possible for Luke to express himself in a candid manner, assured of receiving sound, sensible advice in return. ‘Have him come in here the moment he’s settled and join us yourself.’

  ‘I am in the way.’ Miss Latimer stood and Luke rose with her.

  ‘I am glad that we have had this conversation,’ he said, ‘and I look forward to seeing you later.’

  ‘Good afternoon, my lord.’

  This time she dipped a brief curtsey that implied he had passed muster in her eyes. Miss Latimer, he suspected, did not suffer fools gladly, and even if she desperately needed this position he was willing to wager that she would not have remained if she disapproved of him. She had probably expected him to throw his weight about and give her strict instructions about how to cope with Grandmamma. Ha! If he ever discovered how to achieve that objective then he would be a very happy man.

  ‘Well,’ Paul said, closing the door behind her and turning towards Luke with a raised brow. ‘Will she do?’

  ‘Actually,’ Luke replied, ‘I think she will do exceedingly well.’

  Chapter Four

  Lady Emma Beranger pressed her nose against the window glass in the upstairs sitting room she shared with her sister.

  ‘He’s here at last!’ she cried.

  Lady Mary rolled her eyes. ‘No need for me to ask whom.’

  She joined her sister at the window and the two of them watched a tall gentleman alight from his carriage and bound athletically up the front steps, where he was greeted with warmth by Paul before disappearing inside.

  ‘Don’t you think him the most dashing creature on God’s green earth?’ Emma asked dreamily.

  With nothing more to admire, Mary chuckled as they moved from the window and returned to the table where Emma had been struggling over the details for the house party. Miss Haughton, their governess, left with few duties to perform now that the girls’ education was complete, continued to fuss over them and offer conflicting advice, making Emma doubt her own
competence. Emma solved that difficulty by inventing an endless series of errands for Haughty to run on her behalf, keeping her out of the way. The sisters were doing much better without her well-meaning interference, but it seemed disloyal to admit as much.

  ‘Even if I privately held that opinion, I would never admit it in your hearing,’ Mary said. ‘You deserve first rights to Mr Watson’s affections, simply because I cannot recall a time when you haven’t mooned over him. I would not dare to come between you.’

  ‘There is nothing for you to come between,’ Emma replied gloomily. ‘At least not yet. He hardly knows that I am alive.’

  ‘That’s because he still looks upon you as a child. But when he sees you acting as Luke’s hostess and has an opportunity to admire you in all those lovely new gowns you’ve spared no expense in having made, he cannot fail to be impressed by your womanly charms and will fall madly in love with you.’

  ‘But what if he does not?’ Emma propped her elbow on the table and gloomily dropped her chin into her cupped hand, pouting. ‘There are many more sophisticated ladies attending the party. What if one of them catches his eye?’

  ‘Don’t think in those terms, dearest. Besides, gentlemen prefer younger ladies to those who have been out for several seasons and have not taken. Everyone knows that.’

  Emma blinked. ‘They do?’

  ‘Most decidedly. Anyway, if you really have set your heart upon engaging Mr Watson’s affections—’

  ‘I have!’ Emma cried dramatically. ‘I cannot abide the thought of even looking at other men. And just consider, the house he has recently inherited is not twenty miles away, which is very convenient. Luke says it’s very big. Not as big as Beranger Court, of course, but I expect Mr Watson finds himself rattling around in it all alone and so needs someone to bear him company.’ She giggled. ‘And more.’

  Mary laughed too. ‘Good job Haughty isn’t here. She would have a conniption!’

  ‘I would not have said such a thing in her hearing. Poor old Haughty, she would be shocked rigid and blame herself for my lack of reticence. Her ideas are more outdated than Grandmamma’s. It really is time for her to enjoy her retirement; Haughty, that is. I will talk to Luke about it as soon as the party is over.’