MInE: A Hate Story

by Andie M. Long

  Melissa sits back in her seat.

  ‘So what is this about?’ She sighs. ‘I know you met and fell for Jarrod.’ She sees my reaction. ‘Sorry, Inez. You met and fell for Inez at explorers. She told me. Then you moved to the estate to what, win her back?’

  ‘Yes, and to take her from you.’

  ‘So, part of this was not undying love and devotion for my ex but the need to get at me. Why? What did I ever do to you?’

  I take a sip of my drink. ‘Our mother wouldn’t acknowledge me because of you.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  I fill her in on all the times I visited our mother. Melissa’s face pales but flushes with the wine she consumes to cope with what she’s hearing.

  ‘Ed. You were born out of wedlock at a time people didn’t accept those things.’ She tries to reason. ‘It wasn’t me that stopped you being accepted. It was the time of your birth.’

  ‘No. She told me. She wanted me in her life, but it would upset you too much, so she chose you over me. She gave me away to my adoptive parents and then rejected me again for you. Twice I wasn’t good enough. I watched you. You had everything. Loving parents, a great family home, a best friend who became a boyfriend and then husband. I had an adoptive father who was never there and a mother who killed herself. Then I got a stepmother with no morals. She knew me from my adoption as a baby and let me fuck her. Who in their right mind does that? You got the life that should have been mine,’ I spit, droplets of red wine splash my chin.

  Mel pulls at the top of her hair while she moves it away from her face. ‘I am genuinely sorry that your life was not idyllic, but I can’t apologise for being born, Ed. My mother made those choices – not me. She chose to have you adopted. She chose not to include you again.’

  I realise then that it’s Melissa who has the power. By seating us in a public place, I can’t unleash my anger. Instead, I clutch the stem of my glass so hard, I fear it may break off in my hand.

  ‘You’re not the only one whose life was a lie, Edward. That’s the joke in all of this. My idyllic’— she makes speech quotes with her fingers around the word –‘life, was based on a mother who hid from me, and maybe even my father, that she had another child. And with them both deceased I have no way of asking either of them what the truth is. So you see, you’ve taken my so-called happy childhood and ruined it for me forever. Well done.’ She slow hand-claps. ‘As for my friend and boyfriend, well we all know how that turned out. Years of lies. You’re not the only person who would like a do-over.’

  She sits back and laughs. ‘I was about to say that I wish I’d never met Jarrod, but I’d still have had you in my life, wouldn’t I? Ready to destroy whatever path I’d have trodden. Did you ever love him? Or was it just to get back at me?’

  ‘It started as getting back at you. I was going to steal your friend. That was all. But he showed me his true self, and I genuinely fell for him. I didn’t try to make him something he’s not.’

  ‘Is that so? Because you named him Inez and you never let him make any decisions. That doesn’t sound like someone who fell in love. You never let Jarrod be who he wanted to be.’

  She puts her glass down on the table. ‘That’s why he’s not seeing you, isn’t it? You want Inez back, but he’s not Inez anymore, is he?’

  The bitch is clever. ‘No. And that’s down to you. You took him away from me.’

  ‘Right back at you. Karma’s a bitch.’ She snorts.

  ‘Are you happy with Dave, Melissa?’

  She bristles at the mention of his name. ‘Don’t bring him into this.’

  ‘But he’s already involved, isn’t he? He’s part of the whole sordid evening. What happened that night, Melissa? What was it like when they took the foetus from your body. Was it already dead?’

  I knock my wine over purposefully and the red spills over Melissa’s top. She looks down at the blood red stains.

  Tears spill down her face. I’ve never seen her weak, and it’s glorious. I want to lick the tears from her face and rejoice in the salty taste on my tongue.

  She takes a deep inhale and exhale. ‘I won’t answer those sick questions except to say that I could cope with your stealing Jarrod. I could have coped with finding out I had a brother. I would have welcomed you.’ She mops at her stomach with a tissue. ‘I always wanted a sibling. I used to nag my parents to death for one. I’d have loved you. But the evening of the accident, when I was hit by a taxi, you left me half-dead. Neither of you came up to help. I’ve never recovered from my loss and I never will. I’m happy with Dave. I truly am. My grandchildren are beautiful inside and out. But they’ll never be mine. You took away the opportunity to do what I’d yearned for my whole life. To give life. I was so excited to meet my baby and then when I did-’ She stops and cries again.

  I wait until she composes herself.

  ‘Are you the slightest bit regretful about what happened, Edward? Do you wish things could have been different?’

  ‘No.’ I tell her honestly. ‘I wish I could bottle every tear on your face.’

  ‘You sick fuck,’ she spits.

  I laugh. ‘Oh, sister, there’s so much more about me you need to know. Like, I’m not done. You’re happy again, and I’m not. So, what’s it to be? You help me get my wife back, or I make sure you don’t have a husband – again.’

  She throws the remainder of her glass of wine in my face. I wonder what anyone watching us is thinking?

  I lick drops of wine off my lips. ‘I wonder what Dave’s blood would taste like?’

  ‘You disgust me.’

  I laugh and shrug my shoulders.

  She sits back down. ‘What do you want me to do?’

  I leave the pub with a great sense of satisfaction. Looks like things are going my way again. I head to the rental property I’ve leased for myself and Inez when she returns. Work let me have an advance on my wages so I could get back on my feet. Inez will love the house. It’s around the corner from our old home, and the layout of the property is the same. I’ve paid a deposit on a new puppy, the exact breed and look as Bounty. Everything will be back to normal soon. Once home, I get my gym kit out ready for the morning and place it on the chair at the end of the bed. I can restart my gym activities now I’m gaining strength and know I’m unlikely to be kidnapped again. Not if my dear sister Mel values that family of hers.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Melissa

  Dave’s face reddens. His eyes protrude and a vein pulses in his forehead. ‘He’s never going to leave us alone then, is he? The man’s psychologically disturbed. We’ve no chance against him. So let’s just cut our losses and disappear.’

  I shrug. ‘And how do we explain that to the children? There’s no way they are going to uproot everyone.’

  He paces. ‘What about the police?’

  I look down at the floor. ‘I think I’d have a lot of explaining to do.’

  He runs his hands through his hair. ‘God, this is such a mess.’

  ‘Yes, well, having split them up, I now face having to get them back together again. What the fuck was any of the past few years for?’ I throw a cushion at the wall, because I’m so damn frustrated, but I don’t want to break anything. ‘You’re better off without me, Dave. I should have never come home.’

  ‘No.’ He rushes towards me, places his arms around my body. ‘Then he’s won. We’ll think of a way, Mel. We will. We need him gone.’

  I break away from him and sit in front of the computer and begin to type furiously.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I’m seeing if I can find any Bonham’s in the area near to where I used to live when I was a teenager,’ I tell him. ‘It’s a long shot but worth a try. Oh, my God, there’s an I. Bonham. Do you think it could be a relation?’

  ‘There’s only one way to find out,’ answers Dave with a weary sigh.

  The next day I’m off to a nearby neighbourhood of my old haunts to see an Inez Bonham. I’m entirely fascinated b
y the fact that she has the same name Ed gave Jarrod. He said he shagged his stepmother, but wow, this is really fucked up. She wouldn’t be drawn into any conversation on the phone, saying she wanted to meet me face to face.

  I enter the block of four grey concrete coated flats. They look dilapidated, and as I open the door, the smell of stale piss fills the air. I ring the doorbell of the number Inez gave me and wait. A few minutes later the door opens. A grey-haired lady who looks to be in her mid-seventies opens the door. Her eyes fix on mine, her gaze sharp.

  ‘Come in, Melissa.’

  ‘How did you know—?’

  ‘No one else visits, dear.’ She strolls back down the hall.

  I’m invited into a stark living room. It has a sofa that’s seen better days and a wooden chair. There’s a radio on the side, but I note there’s no television. A newspaper on a coffee table at the side of the chair is open at a crossword, a pen lying on the paper. Inez’s gait is strong for her age, and it would appear her mind is the same.

  ‘I actually hoped I’d never hear Edward’s name again. It’s been years now. I thought I was free. Sorry, I’m being rude. Would you like a drink of tea?’

  ‘No. I’m fine thank you.’ I hover near the doorway.

  ‘Actually, if we’re talking about Edward, then sherry’s probably more appropriate.’ She passes me to go into the kitchen and returns with a bottle and two glasses. It looks like I’m having a drink whether I want one or not.

  She sits on the sofa, then pours and passes me a small glass of sherry, nodding towards the chair. ‘So, what brings you here?’

  I take a seat. ‘As I explained on the phone. My name is Melissa, and I’ve recently found out that Edward is my brother.’

  ‘Let me guess. That’s disturbed you. He’s disturbed you?’

  ‘It’s a lot more complicated than that.’ I tell her about Jarrod. I leave out that I kidnapped Ed. I let her know that he’s obsessed and won’t leave me alone.

  ‘Oh dear.’ Inez takes a sip of sherry. ‘I know what that’s like. It used to be me.’

  I take a swallow before I speak. ‘Edward said that you and he were lovers?’

  Inez sighs. ‘Oh, that old chestnut’s back, is it?’ She shakes her head.

  ‘You mean you weren’t?’

  ‘No. We weren’t. I was his stepmother, and I loved his father dearly. Edward had problems right from being around three years old. He exhibited very strange behaviour. Quite obsessional compulsive at times. Everything in his room had to be a certain way. He had to do things in a particular order. If not, he’d have a meltdown. His adoptive father worked away a lot, and he was left with his mother. No one realised the stress it put on her until it was too late. She took an overdose. Left a note saying the stress of caring for Edward was too much.’

  ‘So she didn’t do it because her husband cheated?’

  ‘No. He didn’t cheat.’

  ‘He said you were the social worker who arranged his adoption.’

  The corner of her mouth upturns. ‘I was. Lucky me, eh? After Ed’s mother died, Ed’s father, William, came to see us. I was still working in the same department. He wanted to know if we could help with Edward. The department couldn’t, but I became involved - too involved, and in the end, we married, and I became Ed’s stepmother. His behaviour got worse. He was in and out of psychiatric units. He told them I’d slept with him. That led to quite intrusive investigations as you can imagine. He couldn’t come home after that. He had to be fostered. Foster parents couldn’t cope with him either. He ended up in care homes when he wasn’t having psychiatric treatment. He’s never changed his story though. He’s convinced we had a relationship. It broke me and his father up in the end as the doubt was always in William’s mind. There shouldn’t be any doubt in a relationship, should there? There should only be trust.’

  The sadness is etched on Inez Bonham’s face. She clearly loved Ed’s father, and yet it wasn’t strong enough to survive Edward Bonham.

  ‘When did you last see Ed?’

  ‘Gosh, not since the late eighties. He came to see me to tell me he’d met someone. Couldn’t stop going on about them. Said he knew it was meant to be. That was all he’d tell me. Not even a name. Anyway, after that, he left me alone. To be honest, I didn’t care. His obsession with me was over, just like that.’ She snaps her fingers.

  ‘I’m afraid it wasn’t,’ I tell her. I tell her about Edward making Jarrod into Inez.

  It makes me regretful of coming here when I see her tremble. ‘Oh, dear God. I thought it was over.’

  ‘The thing is,’ I tell her. ‘Inez is in a psychiatric ward being evaluated. It’s all got too much. Now Ed wants me to get her back for him. I don’t know where this will end. When is he going to leave us alone?’

  Inez fixes me with those eyes of steel. ‘When his obsession moves on, or when he’s dead.’

  We’re quiet as I drink the rest of my sherry.

  She asks me to excuse her for a moment and then returns from the room she had gone to. She hands me a piece of paper with an address and phone number on it.

  ‘If you need me I’ll be here,’ she says pointing to the piece of paper. ‘It’s my niece’s house. She always annoying me about going to stay. I don’t feel safe here now. If that ex of yours doesn’t go back to him, I don’t know what Ed will be capable of. I’m not going to stay around to find out. I’m too old for his shit. I want to see my last days out in peace. Please don’t let him get hold of this information.’

  ‘I won’t. He won’t know I’ve been here. Thank you for seeing me. I’m sorry to bring up old memories.’

  ‘When you have Edward in your life you’re never completely free of looking over your shoulder.’

  I nod, and after thanking her for the drink, I leave the house.

  The next thing on mine and Dave’s agenda is to get packed for the move to Handforth. We take the For Sale sign down on our house and take it off the market for a short time. That way, if Edward makes enquiries, he’ll think we’ve changed our mind. Instead, we’re escaping to my parents’ old home until we can make plans to move. We only need to pack clothes and essentials as the house is furnished and has everything we need. A food shop and we’ll be sorted. I take clean bedding. We fill up the car, and we’re on our way.

  Dave has never been to the house before, though he knew of it. We pull up outside. The weather today is dismal. It’s been raining for days, and the uneven ground is full of puddles.

  I pull my hood up and clutch my coat tighter around me. ‘Come have a look around inside first, then we’ll unpack.’

  He nods.

  I take him through the front door. The house is in dire need of decoration but is clean. From the small hallway, I show Dave through to the lounge. It’s a long narrow room with an old wooden circular dining table at one end, complete with matching chairs with threadbare cushion pads.

  ‘Gosh, it’s like going back in time.’ He laughs.

  ‘It is. I never saw the point in spending money on it when it's virtually worthless.’

  Dave looks out of the back window. ‘So, the other houses are worthless?’

  ‘Yes, and they’re derelict after years of being left to rot. Roof tiles came off, windows cracked. The rain leaked in. I’m not sure if my house is entirely safe, but I’ve seen no signs of damp, so I’ve always assumed it’s okay.’

  ‘You little risk-taker you.’ He laughs. ‘We’d better take it steady in the bedroom. I don’t want to bring the house down.’ He winks.

  He walks through to the kitchen giving it a cursory glance and then moves into the downstairs study where I hear him gasp. I follow him into the room, and my eyes follow his. I note him taking in the chain dangling from the wall. The tattoo equipment that remains in the room.

  ‘What on earth happened here?’

  ‘You don’t need to know, but from what’s here I’m sure you can guess.’

  He moves to the window and sees the rectangular hole.

>   ‘Dug for psychological purposes only. I wasn’t that hell bent on revenge.’

  ‘The chain though.’ He looks back at the wall. ‘You kept him chained?’

  ‘While I tried to destroy him, yes,’ I bite out. ‘Wasn’t going to work very well trying to reason with him.’

  ‘It’s a shock, that’s all. I’m not criticising. I’m trying to imagine this new side to my wife. I may have to get a tattoo.’

  I smile. ‘Would you really let me tattoo you?’

  ‘I would trust you with my life.’

  ‘And what would you have me etch on you?’

  ‘A chameleon,’ he says without hesitation. ‘To remind me of you.’

  I laugh. ‘A chameleon? Is that what I am?’

  ‘Yes.’ He drags me to him. ‘The outside of you changes but inside.’ He strokes my breast. ‘Is the same woman I’ve always known, deep down. You adapt to your surroundings.’ He begins to move out of the room. ‘Tomorrow I’ll fetch some filler and paint, and we’ll give the study a little redecoration. Maybe you could fill that hole in the garden? It creeps me out.’

  I shake my head. ‘What a wuss. Come on, I’ll show you the bedroom.’

  The bedrooms are the only rooms I changed after my parents’ deaths. New furniture and redecorated rooms that I did myself. I had taken the back bedroom for my own. I’d kept Ed in the front bedroom, and this would need to be cleaned out. I didn’t want a trace of him left in that room. The bedrooms had to be changed as I didn’t want to be reminded of my parents being sick and ill. They’d died within such a short space of time of each other, my father from leukaemia and my mother through a fall that led to pneumonia, though I’d say it was a broken heart that claimed her really. And she’d taken her secret to the grave. Never admitting to me at any point in her life that there was something I didn’t know. Then a thought comes to me unbidden. The Solicitor stating that my mother had left some money to a charity, but she wanted it to be anonymous to everyone. It struck me as odd at the time as she’d never particularly donated anywhere. Had it really been to charity or had she left something to Ed? Had she lied to me even after death?