A Midsummer Night #nofilter
Page 4
Demetrius
Maybe we’re still dreaming?
Lysander
I guess we should listen to Theseus and meet up with him tonight. Maybe things will make sense by then.
Bottom
I can’t BELIEVE the night I had. It was NUTS. Wait until Quince and Flute and Snout and the others about it!
REPLY
Flute: You better show up for the play!
Snout: Y’okay, ya crazy.
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Quince: Where are you? Answer my texts!
[Scene 2]
Group text: Quince, Starveling, Flute, Snout, Snug, Bottom
Quince
Has anyone Bottom yet? He must be . I saw his status update.
Starveling
Nada! Do you think he was kidnapped and only just released
Flute
Maybe he was abducted by .
Quince
He better show up or the entire play is ruined.
Snout
Has anyone heard from Snug?
Snug
I’m on my way! I’m coming from the .
Theseus and Hippolyta are married. And so are two other couples.
I can’t believe we weren’t able to put on our play.
Flute
We couldabin rich! Let’s find out what happened to Bottom. I’m texting him again.
You alive, B?
Bottom
Ciao, you guys!
Quince
B! What a RELIEF. Where have you been?
Bottom
I have SO much to tell you! But I can’t right now.
We have to hurry. We don’t have a lot of . Grab a bunch of new clothes and props. We’re putting on this play after all!
No time to explain. Just hurry. LET’S GO!
[Scene 1]
Hippolyta
omg what a great day!! i’m so happy we’re married.
Theseus
Me too! Wait. Aren’t you worried about your bill?
Hippolyta
well, now that we’re married, the bill is in yer name, hehehe.
Theseus
You! Aw. I’m too happy to care. So much lately!
Hippolyta
i know! even tho the stories those four told were cRaZy.
Theseus
Right? People in love are srsly outta their minds, though. We should know.
Hippolyta
i mean, all their stories are the same!
so even tho it all smells a little , i believe ’em. SHRUG.
Theseus
Samesies. But let’s move on. This is a happy day!
Time for some fun! Lemme text my party planner.
Group text: Theseus, Philostrate, Hippolyta
Theseus
Philostrate, you around?
Philostrate
Holla!
Theseus
What’s the 411? What’s going on tonight?
Philostrate
I gotchu. There’s a whole buncha things.
Wanna a battle? How bout some harp ? A sad comedy ?
Theseus
Talk about an oxymoron. How does that work?
Philostrate
Ugh. Not that one, plz.
It’s about ten words long, which is ten words TOO long tbh.
It’s sooo bad. And all the actors are AWFUL. I was crying…from laughter.
Theseus
Who are the actors?
Philostrate
A buncha regular workers who do not belong on a stage.
Pretty sure they used up the last of their brain cells to put on this play for yer wedding.
Theseus
So let’s it, then!
Philostrate
OMG are you srs?
Theseus
Absolutely. Now, go.
Philostrate
All riiight. Didn’t think I’d be celebrating yer funeral on the same day as yer wedding, but it’s yer choice.
Hippolyta
r u sure about this? he just said they’re not good actors.
Theseus
Yeah, c’mon. We’re in for a show no matter what!
Philostrate
We’re ready to start with the prologue. All good?
Theseus
#readysetgo
In honor of
Hippolyta and Theseus’s wedding,
a full transcript of
“A Very Tragic Comedy About the Horrible Deaths of Pyramus and Thisbe”
Quince: AHEM. Ladies and gentlemen—if we offend you, it’s on purpose. Not even sorry bout it. We’re not here to make you . We’re here to make you FEEL. We hope you’re prepared for what you’re about to . Please hold all until the end.
Quince: In this play, you’ll meet two lovers: Pyramus and a beautiful named Thisbe. You’ll also meet a man portraying the wall the lovers speak through with the best we could come up with , another man playing the part of the because they plan to meet at night, and a man roaring as a , who scares poor Thisbe, causing her to away at night.
Quince: So then basically Thisbe drops her coat, which the stains with his bloody mouth, and after Pyramus finds it, he takes a to his , and then Thisbe takes the same and kills herself , but it’s all pretend so don’t be !
Quince: Aaand…action!
Snout: I AM A WALL!
Snout: Well, it’s actually me, Snout. And I’m pretending to be a wall. With a in the middle so Pyramus and Thisbe can chat through it. Everyone got that??
Theseus: I’m pretty sure actual cement could play this role better.
Bottom: I am Pyramus!
Bottom: Ohhh, night. Oh, night, night, night. It’s so sad. Sad, sad, sad.
Bottom: What a .
Bottom: And where is my Thisbe? Oh, look. A wall! It has a in it. Let me if Thisbe is on the other side.
Bottom: Oh, . She’s not.
Theseus: Yeesh. That should “accidentally” fall on him.
Bottom: Excuse me! It’s still my line. Not the ’s line.
Bottom: Also, Thisbe, ya missed your cue.
Flute: OH, OOPS.
Flute: Here I am!
Bottom: Thisbe! You’re here.
Flute: ILU. ILU. I think.
Bottom: Yeah, ILU too . And I KNOW it.
Flute: I’ll always be faithful to you!
Bottom: Same! Let’s through this nasty !
Snout: That tickles.
Bottom: Will you meet me at Ninny’s grave later tonight?
Flute: Totes! TTYL!
Snout: Welp, I’m done! Wall goes away.
Snout: Oh! Those were my stage directions. OK, bye!
Theseus: Guess Pyramus and Thisbe should’ve waited a second longer.
Hippolyta: this is so silly! hehehe.
Theseus: Get ready because I think it’s about to get even sillier.
Snug: Hiii. Don’t be afraid of me when I roar! I’m not a real . It’s me—Snout! NBD!
Theseus: What’s with all these disclaimers?
Demetrius: So far, he’s the best actor tbh.
Starveling: And I’m not really a , but I’m a “” for this play.
Starveling: Think in the . I am here to shed .
Hippolyta: booorrring. they should bring back the at this point.
Helena: hipp, ur so bad!
Lysander: Don’t be rude, you guys!
Hermia: Yeah, shh! It’s getting good. Uh, I think.
Lysander: Go on, Mr. .
Starveling: No, that’s it. That’s all I was gonna say.
Lysander: Oh.
Demetrius: Wow.
Flute: Here I am at Ninny’s ! WYD, Pyramus?
Snug: HEY THERE!
Snug: I mean. Uh. ROARRR!
Flute: OMG. No, ty! Bye!
Helena: awesome roaring, !
Hermia: Nice running, Thisbe! #legday
Snug: Thisbe dropped her coat. I am going to tear it apart with my teeth now.
Theseus: Way to go, ! Get it like a with a .
>
Bottom: Hello, I’m back! Shoo, .
Snug: G2G. See ya!
Bottom: OMG. What is this? This bloody coat belonged to Thisbe?
Bottom: Oh gawd, that killed the love of my life!
Bottom:
Hippolyta: wow, i feel kinda bad for him.
Theseus: I know, me too. Strange.
Bottom: I can’t live in this anymore!
Bottom: I must take this and stab myself in the . Adieu, cruel world.
Bottom:
Theseus: Should someone get him to a ?
Hippolyta: o no. what’s going to happen with thisbe now?
Flute: Wakey, wakey, my love.
Flute: Hello? Pyramus? OMG. What’s happened to your ? A ?
Flute: I can’t believe my .
Flute: If I can’t have you in this life, then I’ll join you in another.
Flute:
Theseus: Wow, that escalated quickly. Who’s going to bury them?
Demetrius: I guess the . And the . The could help too.
Bottom: Psst. Gotta break character for a sec to let you know that the was taken down, so technically it can’t help bury us.
Bottom: Wanna hear an epilogue
Theseus: Um, no, that’s OK.
Theseus: You were all fantastic. Bravo, bravo!
Theseus: But it’s midnight , so it’s time to .
Theseus: Don’t fret, though. We’re gonna keep celebrating for two weeks! G’nite!
Group text: Oberon, Titania, Puck
Oberon
Well, that worked out better than I thought it would.
Titania
We should and too with all the fairies!
Puck
I that idea! Let’s all take a selfifie.
Posted! #nofilternecessary #midsummermemories #
Puck
What a crazy four days it’s been! So many mixed-up stories. OK, maybe I had a little something to do with that. #trickster But don’t be at me! Maybe the past week has been a dream all along. Maybe not. It’s not up to me to decide—it’s up to you. G’nite, everyone! And may you have the sweetest dreams.
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REPLY
The 411 for Those Not in the Know
411: Information
BRB: Be Right Back
BTW: By The Way
FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
G2G: Got To Go
H8: Hate
HDU: How Dare You
IDC: I Don’t Care
IDGI: I Don’t Get It
IDK: I Don’t Know
ILU: I Love You
JK: Just Kidding
L8R: Later
NBD: No Big Deal
NMF: Not My Fault
NP: No Problem
OMG: Oh My God
RN: Right Now
SMH: Shaking My Head
STFU: Shut The F*ck Up
TBH: To Be Honest
TL;DR: Too Long; Didn’t Read
TT4N: Ta Ta For Now
TTYL: Talk To You Later
TTYS: Talk To You Soon
TY: Thank You
WTF: What The F*ck
WYD: What You Doing
YW: You’re Welcome
Y/Y: Yes/Yes
Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book
Angry
Anguished
Blank (straight)
Confused
Dead/Dying
Devious
Disappointed
Embarrassed
Extremely angry (fuming)
Extremely funny (crying)
Extremely sad (crying)
Flirty
Friendly (wink, wink)
Frustrated
Goofy
Happy
Love
Nervous
Sad
Shocked
Shocked and screaming
Sick
Silly
Sleepy
Unamused
Whistle
Worried
BRETT WRIGHT has a BFA in creative writing and works full-time as a children’s book editor in New York City. In college, he studied Shakespearean tragedy, which was sadly lacking in emojis. If he’s being honest, he prefers fall to to summer . @brettwright
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE was born in Stratford-upon-Avon in 1564. He was an English poet, playwright, and actor, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world’s preeminent dramatist. His plays have been translated into every major language and are performed more often than those of any other playwright.
[Scene 3]
Witch #1
It’s ! Where my girls @?
REPLY
Witch #2: Oh, you know, killing .
Witch #3: U?
Witch #1: Well, I won’t bore u w/ the details, but there was a and a and some s. She didn’t want to share, . Let’s just say, it didn’t end well for her. LMAO.
Witch #3: I a drum! Macbeth is almost here. U guys remember the chant?
Witch #1: We weird sisters …
Witch #2: in , travel all over the …
Witch #3: , 3 + 3 + 3 = 9. Yay! The spell is ready.
Macbeth
Banquo, I’m almost there. This weather is TERRIBLE!! At least we won! Did you I’m #Trending?!
Banquo
Congrats!
Hey, can you see those ? WTF! They have longer beards than me.
Witch #1
Hail, Macbeth, Thane of Glamis.
Macbeth
Who are you & how did you get our numbers?!
Witch #2
Hail, Macbeth, Thane of Cawdor.
Banquo
Huh? Macbeth, did u get promoted w/o telling me?
Witch #3
Hail, Macbeth, soon 2 b king.
Banquo
Um, if u can see the future , can u give me good 2?
Witch #1
Banquo, < lesser than Macbeth and greater >.
Witch #2
Not as happy , but much happier .
Witch #3
You’ll have s, but you won’t be yourself.
All hail Macbeth & Banquo!
Macbeth
Huh? I’m Thane of Glamis already. But IDK anything about Cawdor. Last I heard, that guy was still alive. (And the life of every party! ) And ? Well, that’s just crazy ! Tell me more…?
Not Delivered
Banquo
Hello??
Not Delivered
Banquo
Hey, Macbeth, my txts to aren’t goin thru.
Macbeth
They prob heard you comment on their beards. #SlowClap #TypicalBanquo
Sux 2 be u, man. All those royal s, but never urself?
Banquo
Ha, right. Like ur actually gonna be !
Group text: Ross, Angus, Macbeth, Banquo
Ross
Hey. I know ur still OTW from battle, but just FYI the king is pretty w/ u, Macbeth.
Angus
And…
Ross
He chose u as the new Thane of Cawdor.
Macbeth
But the old Thane of Cawdor’s still alive…rite? I don’t wear borrowed kilts, if u know what I mean. #ThaneLife
Ross
Yeah, he’s alive, but to the . He admitted to treason and everything. It’s all you.
Macbeth
Wow, thx!
Macbeth
Banquo, I’m Thane of Cawdor! Do you think this means your s will be after all?
Banquo
They said u were gonna be remember?! But we should b careful. Maybe it’s all a trick.
Macbeth
Yeah, the best trick EVER!
Banquo
Can the tell the truth?
The Three Witches like this.
REPLY
Okay. Let’s look @ the facts. The Cawdor thing is great , but I can’t become , can I? Not until Duncan dies, anyway. And IMHO I don’t that happening any soon.
To-Do List:
&nb
sp; 1. Patiently wait for Duncan 2 die