Alayziah II: When Loving Him is Complicated

by B. Love

  “This is called, As I Wait.” Inhaling deeply, she tilted her head to the side and looked at me briefly before looking at Kai and smiling.

  “As I wait.

  Wait while you sleep.

  Wait as God molds me into who He wants me to be.

  As I wait.

  Wait for Him to bring me to you as He did Eve.

  As I wait. I can’t wait.

  Until the first time I see your face, and he says to me, ‘That’s him, Beloved, he’s awake.’ A poem for my future husband… I am your Eve.

  Adam. I am your rib.

  How have you been able to survive without me?

  Have you been lonely?

  I’m here to save you from that.

  Give you the companionship you lack.

  Commune with you.

  And, display God’s mysterious equation of how 1 + 1 will equal one flesh, never 2.

  I am your Eve. Adam. I am your rib.

  I was created to protect your heart.

  I was created to love you.

  To support you as you fulfill the purpose God created you to do.

  I was created to give you life like no other woman can.

  To respect you.

  To encourage you.

  And to lift you up as a man.

  As my man. I am your Eve. Adam. I am your rib.

  And I will not cause you to sin.

  No, I will not use my influence to hinder you.

  No baby.

  I’m going to be your help… Meet.

  Your salvation and relationship with God will be safe with me.

  If anything, I’ll help you grow in your walk with God.

  That’s what a real woman does.

  He will fill me with Him and I will drench you with His love.

  I am your Eve. Adam. I am your rib.

  I will bear you a son who will want to grow up and be just like you.

  I will bear you a daughter who will want a man to treat her just like you do… Me.

  Baby.

  We will live.

  And, we will love and we will serve.

  And, nothing will separate us until the grave.

  And, even then, our bones will be side by side as our flesh rests peacefully.

  And I believe your spirit will recognize me.

  And, we’ll meet in heaven and if our hearts are visible, your name will be tattooed across mine.

  And, like an eternity, our love will not be constrained by time.

  I am your Eve. Adam, I am your rib.

  So, I wait… Wait while you sleep.

  Wait as God molds me into who He wants me to be.

  As I wait.

  Wait for Him to bring me to you as He did Eve.

  As I wait.

  I can’t wait.”

  Alayziah

  I had the hardest time concentrating during my set. Kai invited the sexiest man I’d ever seen in my life with her and he was distracting me. Yes, he was a beautiful man physically, but there was also something about the way he looked at me that made me see no other man but him. From his dreads to his thick eyebrows and chocolate brown eyes, full brown lips tattooed arms and chest to his skin that was the same color as mine he was finessing these niggas. His dreads were in a high bun and he was wearing a white v-neck with a pair of dark jeans and royal blue hi top Adidas. It seemed like no matter where I looked my eyes always found their way back to him, and every time I would look at him, he’d smile.

  Once my set was over, I walked my way over to their table. After hugging her and speaking to Bishop, she grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly as she said, “This is Terrell. Everyone calls him Rell. He’s the producer I was telling you about.”

  Trying not to stare, I smiled and waved as I took a step back.

  “The sun is shining in your eyes, Beautiful.” His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me into his chest.

  The feel of his six-pack through his shirt had me licking my lips. As much as I didn’t want to be turned on, I was.

  “I’m sorry… when did I give you permission to touch me?” I asked as I tried to push myself away from him.

  “I don’t need your permission to touch what is mine,” he replied, his grip on my waist tightening.

  I felt my face twisting up as Kai and Bishop laughed. Rell’s face was serious like he meant what he said. Quickly correcting him, I placed my hand on top of his forearm and tried to push him away again with no success.

  “Nigga, I am not yours. I don’t even know you.”

  “You are mine. You my girlfriend. You my woman.”

  I laughed. I mean, I really laughed, and the more I laughed, the more serious his facial expression was, which made me laugh even harder.

  “Yo, you crazy yo. I am not your girlfriend,” I said once I finally stopped laughing. I was still smiling, though, and he looked at my lips like he wanted to kiss my smile away. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look me in my eyes. “My eyes are up here. Don’t be staring at my lips like that.”

  “Fine… I won’t stare.”

  I opened my mouth to respond but when I did, he pulled my lip into his mouth and sucked the shit out of my top lip as he squeezed me tightly. I didn’t want to moan but I did. Pushing him off me, I slapped his ass before walking away. I didn’t know who this crazy nigga was that Kai tried to link me up with, but I was going to have to find another producer – soon.

  Rell

  I didn’t know why she was acting like she didn’t wanna get down with a nigga. To be honest, I didn’t know what even came over me. I’ve never done any shit like that before, but I just couldn’t help myself. Her lips were taunting me. I had to taste them, and even though she slapped my ass, I was glad I did. I could tell by her moan that she was feeling my kiss, but before I could even slip her some tongue, she was pulling away. Then, she had the nerve to haul off and slap a nigga and try to walk away like I was just gone let her get away from me that easily.

  I walked up behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist – pulled her into me. She rested her head against my chest briefly before she could catch herself to try to fight me away. Then, she started pushing the back of her body into me as she tried to remove my arm.

  “Stop fighting and putting that ass on my dick. That’s only gone make it worse, Alayziah,” I said just above a whisper into her ear before brushing it with my nose and burying my head into her hair, taking in her scent.

  “Rell… let me go,” she pleaded.

  I couldn’t tell if her voice was filled with lust, frustration, or both.

  “Why?” I asked turning her around to face me, making sure to keep her inside of my arms.

  I didn’t trust her ass. For a moment, she just looked into my eyes. I didn’t know what she was looking for but I prayed she found it. As I caressed her cheek with my thumb, she covered my hand with hers, pulled it to her lips, and kissed it, her eyes never leaving mine.

  “What do you want from me?” she asked finally.

  Honestly, I didn’t know. I was done with relationships for the time being. So what did I want from with her? I didn’t even know anything about this woman. All I knew was that I wanted her and whatever came with her.

  “Rell…”

  “I just want you,” I said honestly.

  “You don’t even know me,” she said, trying to release herself from me.

  “I want to know you. I want to know you on every level possible, Alayziah.”

  “I’m not tryna be on that love shit right now, Rell. I’m just… tryna focus on school, my poetry, all that other shit…” Her eyes filled with sadness as she tried to pull away from me again.

  This time, I let her go. I nodded in understanding as I took a step back from her and stared at her so long and hard she looked away. “I feel you, Alayziah, but let me tell you this… I’m not gone chase you and I’m not the type of nigga to constantly pursue a woman once she lets me know how she feels. I know you want me just as much as I want you. I’m not gone wait
for you and play with you because of what the last nigga did. So, if you want to focus on you, that’s cool. We can link up in the studio and leave it there.” I took one of my business cards out of my pocket and handed it to her before I walked away.

  I didn’t plan on acknowledging Bishop and Kai, but Bishop stepped up to me with the biggest smile on his face and stopped me.

  “So, what’s up? What y’all gone do?” he asked as Kai took one last bite of her burger and stood by his side.

  “We ain’t gone do shit. She on some broken hearted girl I just wanna focus on my school and poetry shit,” I replied nonchalantly.

  I could see the disappointment in Kai’s eyes, but shit, what could I do?

  “So, you’re just going to give up? You niggas don’t give up on what y’all want. Rell, you can have her head gone by the end of the night if you really wanted to,” Kai said as she looked behind me at Alayziah.

  “I ain’t finna chase that girl, mane. You know how I do. If she wanna keep it on a professional level so be it.”

  I smelled her before I saw her. Her scent was fruity. Swear the shit made me want to pick her up, throw her on one of these tables, and feast.

  “Al, what’s up? Why you won’t give my brother no play?” Kai asked.

  I looked behind me and Alayziah was making her way towards us. She gave Kai a half smile before she looked me up and down and bit her lip. Her eyes met mine briefly and she shook her head before turning her attention towards Kai.

  “Kailani, I’ve told you before that I just want to focus on school and work.”

  “Well… just tell me this…”

  I rolled my eyes and groaned as I tried to walk away but Kai grabbed me by my forearm.

  “Wait, Rell. Al, are you hungry?”

  I looked at Kai in confusion and so did Alayziah.

  “I could eat,” she mumbled.

  “Well, I know Rell could too because he couldn’t eat for staring at you, so why don’t you two go out and grab a bite to eat and talk about your CD, you know… since you both are so into y’all careers. Why not start tonight?”

  Bishop burst into laughter but stopped when Kai side-eyed him.

  “You crazy, mane. Leave these folks alone and let them do them,” he said, wrapping his arm around her neck. “Al, it was good meeting you. Hit me up tomorrow, nigga.” Bishop turned Kai around as she said goodbye and then started yelling at her for being messy and in other people’s business.

  Sighing heavily, I turned to face Alayziah as she looked everywhere but at me. Figuring she wasn’t going to make this any easier, I gave in and asked, “So… what you want to eat?”

  Alayziah

  When we made it to IHOP, I just knew I saw Carmen through the glass window. I went outside and looked around for her while Rell was in the bathroom, but I couldn’t find her. Maybe I was seeing things. I shrugged it off and went back to the table, trying to mentally prepare myself to eat and talk to this nigga. The entire ride here I kept telling myself that this was strictly business, that nothing personal would come between us, and that what I felt for him at my set was strictly lust. Now, if he wanted to be on some fuck shit, we could do that, but there was just something about him that was telling me that I would be setting myself up for failure if I thought I could have sex with him and let that be the end of it. So, seeing as I’d sworn off love for the time being I had to be careful. Being with him was like an alcoholic being inside a liquor store.

  I watched as he walked back to our table and I couldn’t help but blush. His spirit was so commanding. As he walked everyone in the restaurant watched him, but the entire time his eyes were on me. Instead of sitting in front of me, he sat next to me. I scooted towards the window and he chuckled.

  “Why would you sit next to me?” I asked.

  “I figured it would be too intimate for me to be sitting across from you… you know… staring in your eyes and shit, so I figured this would be better.”

  I licked my lips unintentionally. “That was very thoughtful of you, Terrell, but I think this is worse.”

  “How is this worse, Ziah?”

  My heart immediately dropped. No one called me that but my papa.

  “Out of all the variations for my name why that?” I asked as the server made her way to our table.

  He shrugged. “Who else call you that?”

  “Just my dad.”

  He smiled.

  “You guys ready to order?” she asked.

  Rell looked at me as he ordered, “She’ll have… an order of strawberries and cream crepes, a stack of pancakes, and… do you eat pork?” he asked me. I smiled and nodded. “And, an order of bacon. I’ll have the breakfast sampler.”

  “I’ll have it right out. Anything else for you guys?”

  I looked at him and he smiled. “Did I forget something?” he asked. “I know, give her a cup of hot apple cider as well.”

  When she walked away, he took a sip of water and I chuckled. “What makes you think you know me well enough to be ordering my food, Terrell?” I asked.

  “How did I do?”

  As much as I didn’t want to admit it, he did very well.

  “You did good, Terrell,” I said lightly before taking a sip of my water.

  “So, what’s up with you, ma? Tell me about this project you want to link up to do.” I watched as he licked his lips and turned to the side slightly – giving me his full attention.

  “Well, I want to do a poetry CD and DVD. I want you to produce my CD. I need someone who can vibe with me, and get a feel for my sound and vision for my project. I wanted guitars and piano originally for this project…” Thoughts of Alex immediately filled my mind and I stopped talking as tears filled my eyes.

  “What’s wrong, Ziah?”

  Concern dripped from his voice and I don’t know why but it pissed me off.

  “Don’t call me that,” I snapped, palming my face and resting my elbow on my thigh. I’d turned to the side as well and had one of my legs folded Indian style on the seat.

  “Yo, what the hell is your problem? Talk to me…” His hand covered my wrist and he pulled my hand down.

  Tears were staining my face and I was so embarrassed. “I’m sorry. Let me out so I can go and wipe my face,” I said, avoiding eye contact.

  He didn’t move or speak. He just sat there and stared at me.

  “Rell…” I whined trying to push him out of the booth but his strong ass wasn’t going.

  “Look at me, Alayziah.”

  “Ion want to,” I mumbled, reaching for napkins before his hand stopped me. “Rell,” I said in irritation.

  “Look at me.” His voice lowered and I couldn’t help but oblige him.

  I looked into his eyes as he took the napkin from my hand and patted my face dry, which only led to more tears, and he wiped those too.

  “I can’t fix the shit if you don’t let me know what’s going on, Ziah. Let me in.”

  “You can’t fix it.”

  “Try me.” He pulled my hand into his as I exhaled deeply.

  “It’s nothing, I just… thought about this guy that I was messing off with. He was supposed to help me with this but… things got personal and complicated and he… got into a really bad car accident and died. Talking about it just made me think about him and that messed me up.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said as he squeezed my hand tighter. “Loyalty is for the living, though, Ziah. Ain’t shit that nigga can do for you from the grave. I’m here now and I can take care of whatever he left unfinished – professionally and personally.”

  My nipples hardened and his eyes fell on them immediately. He blushed before pinching my left nipple lightly through my dress.

  “Rell…” I moaned, pulling myself away from him.

  “I’m sorry. You bring out the man in me, woman. All I want to do is bury myself deep inside you. I’m trying to behave.”

  His voice was so husky. My pussy was so wet it felt like it was going to leave a stain
on my dress when I got up. I thought Jabari and Alex knew how to awaken the beast within me, but Rell was taking it to a whole other level.

  “You wanna sex me?” I asked him boldly.

  “No,” he replied sincerely.

  Shock covered my face as he smirked. His hand gripped my jaw and he pulled my face close to his. He looked at my lips and licked his before finding my eyes.

  “I want to make love to you and I’m going to, but not right now.”

  “Why not?” I asked, surprising the hell out of myself.

  “Because if I do, you won’t respect me or take me seriously and I’ll never have a chance to make you mine. We’re going to do this right. Until you want to commit, we’re going to focus on business, but, trust me… when you’re ready… this dick will be waiting for you.”

  I looked up at our waitress as she smiled at us.

  “Sorry…” she said, putting our plates down.

  Rell released me but he kept his eyes on me. I blushed and ran my fingers through my hair.

  What have I gotten myself into?

  Rell

  Once she finally started to loosen up, our late night breakfast went by smoothly. She told me about her plans for her CD and DVD, and she even told me about what she had going on personally as far as school and work were concerned. We talked about her desire to build a creative arts center. What she didn’t know was I was already thinking of ways to help her make that dream a reality.

  I, too, opened up to her. I told her about how my label was doing, how I eventually wanted to venture into opening a community center with different types of studios in the hoods of Memphis. I wanted to create a space for kids to come and record music, draw, write and dance. Whatever they wanted to do, they could. Actually, we both held the same type of vision. The only difference was she wanted to do one and she wanted it to be a nonprofit and I wanted to open multiple centers with my own money so I wouldn’t have to worry about depending on anybody else. She also wanted her main area of interest to be poetry and writing. She wanted to have plays and shit there. Mine was strictly for the kids.