Tainted Light (Codex Blair Book 7)

by Izzy Shows

  His features tightened, his eyes sorrowful, as he rapidly shook his head.

  “It was no ploy, Blair,” he said softly, more pain in his voice than I would have expected. “I was dying when I came to you. I didn’t think it was real, that I was actually there. If I did, I never would have spoken to you. I didn’t expect you would forgive me, or you would come after me…I thought it was only a dream brought about by the pain I was enduring.”

  I wavered, unsure of whether to believe him “You were really dying?”

  His face darkened, and he got a far-off look in his eyes. “Cassiel almost killed me.”

  His words were hard, almost brittle.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “I survived. Let’s leave it at that.” His features were heavily guarded now.

  Which only made me more curious.

  Something flickered in his eyes briefly. But then he blinked, and it was gone. He crossed his arms, looking pissed.

  “Don’t you know how dangerous it is for you to be in hell? You should never have come here.”

  “Asshole!” I gaped at him, unable to believe he had said that. “I thought you were in danger. I fucking came to save you.”

  His features gentled some. “I had no idea you cared so much.”

  I blushed. “I don’t. I just couldn’t let you off so easily.”

  “Of course.” His voice was flat, and his eyes turned stony. “Well, we need to get you out of here before my brothers find out you’re here. You’ve ascertained I’m all right, so now go without further worry.”

  Emily touched my shoulder gently, making sure I was okay. I glanced at her, trying to communicate with my eyes how upset I was. She grimaced, understanding immediately.

  I turned on him, defiant. “Why the fuck does it matter if your brothers find out about me?”

  “What does it matter?” His eyes flashed. “It’s the entire reason I severed ties with you! My brothers were growing curious as to why I spent so much time on Earth. If they found out about you…death would be a mercy. I couldn’t bear that, Blair. You need to leave now.”

  “This is such bullshit. You’re sending me away? I literally walked through hell to find you, and you’re just throwing me away like garbage?”

  He swallowed. “It’s not like that. Believe me, I would like nothing more than to speak with you again, but nothing has changed. I will open the void for you to travel back to Earth.”

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do,” I snapped, glaring at him.

  His eyes darkened. “In my domain, yes, I most certainly do. You obey my rules while you are here as all creatures do. You are no exception.”

  Obey him? As if I were a child who had to follow his rules.

  My temper flared.

  “Fuck you. I’ve always been an exception for you. Why are you treating me so differently now?”

  He dragged a hand through his hair. “I was selfish before. I wanted to be around you. It was dangerous, and yet I threw all of that to the side just to enjoy the time we had.” He sneered, not at me directly, though. “And look where it’s got us.”

  Emily gently squeezed my shoulder, pulling my attention away from Malphas and to her.

  “Blair…” Her voice was soft. “He’s right. The mission was to save Malphas, but he doesn’t need saving. We can go home now.”

  “But…” I grimaced. How could I explain that I didn’t want to leave now that I’d found him again? How could I say out loud, to her, that I’d missed him?

  I shouldn’t have been the one fighting to see him again. He’d been an absolute dick, and he didn’t deserve any of my time.

  I straightened my shoulders and turned back to face him.

  He flashed a grateful smile at Emily. “Thank you. I knew that I was leaving her in good hands with you.” He smiled sadly. ”You are better to her than I could ever be.”

  “It’s easy to be good to her,” she whispered. “You should try it some time.”

  He winced.

  I was angered beyond words that the two of them were agreeing about what to do with me without a regard to how I felt about it. “Fine. You want us gone? Then I’d rather not have anything else to do with you.” “Get us out of here. Now. I don’t want to see your face again.”

  “Blair, you don’t mean that,” Emily said. The small quiver of pain in her voice hurt my heart.

  “I do. I’m done.”

  Pain flashed across Malphas’ face, but he quickly schooled his features. “It’s for the best. If you’ll follow me, I’ll—”

  “My lord,” a panicked voice cried out. I glanced over Malphas’ shoulder. A young man sprinted toward us. How had I missed him?

  Malphas went rigid. “What is the meaning of this?”

  My eyes widened at the commanding tone of his voice. I’d never seen him in his element before. “How dare you interrupt me?”

  The man ducked his head as soon as he reached us, bowing low.

  “My most humble apologies, my lord. I would never dare to approach like this in any other situation, but my news is most urgent.”

  “Get on with it, then, before I have your head for your impetuousness.”

  “Yes, my lord.” The man trembled, gulping down air. “Your brother, Zepar, is marching on Dersius. There is talk that he has declared war.”

  Malphas snarled several words in a language I didn’t understand, but my ears burned with actual pain upon hearing them.

  “This is the last thing I need right now,” he spat. “Get. Spread the word. I want my borders locked down. I want fucking hell locked down. No one comes or goes without my say so. Guard the rifts. Anyone who dares to approach without my permission is to be executed on sight. Allow no one to cross the border.”

  The demon paled. “Yes, my lord. At once.”

  He turned and fled immediately, apparently afraid to waste a single second before following his orders.

  Malphas looked wary. “Zepar will be able to break through the borders eventually, but this will at least buy us some time. I’m afraid you won’t be able to leave hell after all.”

  I opened my mouth to say something but abruptly closed it. What could I say? A war in hell…we were so fucked.

  “Come. I will ensure your safety before all else. I promise you that. But you must stay out of sight. No one can know you’re here.”

  That rubbed me the wrong way. So, I was to be his dirty little secret? We’d see about that.

  Chapter 29

  The capital city of Dersius was beautiful in the extreme. The buildings were carved out of stone, decorated with gems and crystals in a way that brought about the same sort of elegant beauty that Lilith contained. Malphas wasn’t the type to go for crude glamor, and it showed in his city. The streets were paved with gems as well, and the residents of the city were garbed in elegant clothing, all of them holding their heads high as if they were above everything and everyone else.

  Well, it was probable that they were. Living in the centermost ring, serving the most potent Fallen, they were probably the elite demons of hell. I smirked. Malphas would settle for nothing less than the absolute best.

  The demons we passed as we walked through the city cast curious looks as we passed them by. Some of them narrowed their eyes, but most bowed as they moved out of the way for Malphas. Many of them flinched when they saw Emily, careful to cross to the other side of the street. But it was the looks that I earned that confused me the most—respectful, full of awe, and tinged with fear. Why would they look at me that way?

  At last, we arrived at our destination, and then I realized how wrong I’d been about where we were going. This wasn’t just a stronghold. It was a palace.

  It was breathtaking. I had never seen anything so beautiful, and for a moment I yearned just to stop and gaze at it, but Malphas was moving along at a brisk pace and expected us to keep up.

  We entered through the main gate and made our way inside the doors of the palace. The entry hall was grand,
with marble floors and columns scattered throughout. Tapestries hung on the walls, depicting various people that looked like they were probably prominent members of Malphas’ court. Did he have an actual honest-to-god court? I couldn’t believe it, but then again, I hadn’t imagined any of this might be how hell worked. The other rings we’d gone through hadn’t given me this impression at all, but maybe his brothers just preferred simpler things than he did.

  He led us through the palace, and up several flights of stairs, and the demons we passed had much the same reactions as the ones on the street—but they were far more careful about keeping those responses subdued, so as not to attract Malphas’ attention.

  I wondered what would happen to them if they did.

  Finally, Malphas stopped and opened the door, gesturing for us to go inside. It looked like a huge sitting room, but there was a large kitchen to one side. Five doors led to, I assumed, other rooms. A suite? I’d never been in one before. The sitting room alone was larger than my living room and grander than anything I’d seen before.

  This wasn’t what I expected after seeing the flat Malphas had lived in on Earth. Not that his flat was anything to snort at—it was large and extravagant as his ego. But this palace was the sort of thing that belonged to a king.

  Well, Malphas is the king of hell. Why would he ever want to leave all of this luxury—and to spend time with me? “These will be your rooms for the duration of your stay.” He nodded at the room at large. “There are three bedrooms, two of which have a bathroom connected to them. There is a third bathroom through there. Because of the way the palace is built into the mountain, you also have a small garden through that door. It’s walled in, so you shouldn’t have to worry about going out. I will see to it that someone is assigned to attend to your needs. Just ask, and it will be provided. I want you to be comfortable while you’re here.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”

  He frowned. “Because…never mind, you wouldn’t understand.”

  What, did he think I was too stupid to comprehend what went through his head? “I do insist you remain in your rooms at all times. My brothers will be arriving shortly, and I cannot have them finding out about you. Regrettably, I cannot risk sending you to the surface. There’s no knowing what might join you for the ride.”

  “What does that mean?”

  He shook his head. “I do not have the time to get into it. I need to see about locking down hell. I will…check on you when I am able.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t bother.”

  A pained look came over his face, but he nodded stiffly and left the room without another word. What the hell had that been about?

  I heard Emily taking off her armor.

  She sighed. “We might as well get comfortable. I have a feeling we’re going to be here for a while.” “I wish we were already gone.” I hugged myself. “I’m sorry he hurt you again.” Her was voice sad.

  “I don’t know what I was expecting. I…I don’t know. I thought things had changed when he came to see me. He was so contrite, so apologetic, so…so nice. But he was cold now.”

  “He’s not cold. He’s holding back from you.”

  I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  She laughed. “Anyone with eyes can see he still cares for you. Just look at what he did. He made sure we were safe before he went to protect his realm. He put you first.”

  I shook my head. “He just wanted to hide us.”

  “If he didn’t care, he would have left us while he took care of things..”

  “Why are you saying this?” I demanded, squeezing my eyes shut.

  She sighed. “Because I don’t want you making decisions with clouded judgment like pushing Malphas away when you’re wrong about him.”

  “He doesn’t want anything to do with me,” I said, softly, embarrassed to hear the pain in my voice. “He wants a great deal to do with you, but he’s choosing to put your safety above his desires. I’ve never heard of a demon doing anything like that before.”

  My eyes popped open, and my brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “Demons don’t feel, Blair. They have pale imitations of emotions, most often fury, lust, or hunger. They covet, not love. But Malphas is exhibiting genuine emotions. He’s not behaving the way a demon should.”

  My body went cold. “You don’t think he’s tainted, do you?”

  She shook her head. “The tainted behave differently than their natural order, that’s true, but they’re destructive after that. They don’t protect things. They destroy them. Besides, it’s not actually out of the realm of possibility for a Fallen to feel again. It’s how they’re guided back to the light.”

  “So…no, I can’t think about that.” It was too dangerous to entertain the idea Malphas might have genuine feelings for me. The consequences were too complicated even to try to unravel. “We’ll just leave everything as it is for now.”

  She shrugged. “If that’s what you want. But you shouldn’t ignore it permanently. You deserve to find the truth and get to the root of everything.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this.” I walked over to the couch and fell into the cushions.

  “All right.” She came and sat beside me. “Well, what now? Do we just sit and wait for it to be over?”

  “Screw that,” I said, barking out a harsh laugh. “If a war is brewing, I’m fighting in it. I’m not abandoning him, even if he is a royal prick.”

  “This isn’t our fight, Blair. We can’t get involved in the affairs of hell.”

  I lifted my chin. “Like hell we can’t.”

  “Didn’t you hear what he said about his brothers? I can’t protect you against a Fallen,” she said, her voice softening at the end. An anxious look appeared in her eyes. “That’s already been established.”

  I winced. Two years ago, when Malphas had removed the mark and tossed me aside, Emily had been there. Malphas had shoved her against the wall without even touching her, just using his power, and almost choked the life out of her.

  No, she couldn’t do anything against a Fallen. I hadn’t been able to fight back against Malphas, either, but that wasn’t going to stop me from trying.

  “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

  “You can’t fight a Fallen any more than I can!”

  “I can sure as hell try. I’m not hiding, and Malphas doesn’t get to dictate what I do, even if this is his domain, and he’s the head honcho. I’m my own person. I live by my rules, no one else’s.”

  “Blair, if you go up against one of his brothers, you’ll die,” she said softly. “I don’t want to see that happen.”

  “You don’t know that’s what would happen,” I said stubbornly. “I might make it out in one piece. Malphas is the most powerful of the Fallen. He rules the center ring. He controls the lake of fire. And his realm is, without a doubt, the most extravagant. Just because I couldn’t take him, doesn’t mean I can’t hold my own against his brothers.”

  She frowned. “I know I cannot win a battle against an angel. And at the end of the day, that’s what the Fallen are. They’re angels. I can’t defeat an angel, and neither can you.”

  I lifted my chin. “I haven’t faced any other angel or Fallen, so we don’t know for sure that I couldn’t handle it.”

  She sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. “You are stubborn beyond your own good.”

  “Yeah, but you love me.”

  She laughed. “Always.”

  “Good. Because I’m not backing down on this.”

  She stared at me for a long moment before sighing and shaking her head. “All right. I’ll follow you anywhere…to hell itself, apparently.”

  I laughed. “I don’t expect you to fight beside me if it comes to that.”

  She arched one eyebrow. “If you think I would stand by and watch that happen without intervening, you don’t know me at all.”

  “I said I didn’t expect you to, not that I thought you wouldn’t.”
<
br />   “Good. Glad that’s cleared up.”

  I smiled, but it was a little forced. She wouldn’t hesitate to fight by my side against any force in hell. But if it came to blows between one of Malphas' brothers and me, I would do whatever necessary to keep her from it.

  I might fall in battle. I refused to take Emily down with me.

  I wasn’t going to back down or submit to them. And if I had to kill one of Malphas’ brothers to protect Emily, I would do so without hesitation.

  I just had to hope it wouldn’t come to that.

  Chapter 30

  Hours passed. I was about five minutes from going stir crazy when someone knocked on the door of our room. I glanced at Emily, eyebrows raised, but she only shrugged.

  I opened the door just wide enough to see who was on the other side.

  My whole face lit up.

  “Lilith!” I flung open the door and enveloped her in a hug.

  She laughed. “Good to see you, too. I heard you were in the palace and had to come see you.”

  “I’m so glad you did,” I said. “It’s nice to see a familiar face.”

  When I let her go, she glanced past me at Emily.

  “Would you mind if we spoke in private?” She asked, nodding towards the garden’s doors.

  I looked over my shoulder at Emily, eyebrows raised. She nodded and smiled, apparently having no issue being left out of the conversation.

  Lilith and I crossed the sitting room and exited through the doors to the garden. It was just as beautiful up close as it had been through the glass doors. There was a small bench to sit on, though, I elected to remain standing. Lilith took a seat.

  “Only thing that would make this better is a cigarette.” I sighed. We’d gone from treks and trials across hell to bored waiting in what was pretty much a luxury prison. With nothing to distract me, I was niccing like crazy.

  “You want one?” She waggled her eyebrows. “I’m sure your girlfriend will disapprove. And, though it’s no doubt surprising to hear this from a demon, you should probably attempt to discontinue the habit.”