School Is A Nightmare #5 Winter Breakdown

by Raymond Bean

  I’ve had some pretty bad punishments over the years, but this was off-the-charts bad. It didn’t even seem like something parents could do. It was as if they were canceling Christmas.

  6

  When Are We Leaving?

  On Christmas Eve, Grandma arrived. She always stays with us for about a week around Christmas.

  “Can you be a dear and run out to the car and grab Grandma’s bags?” she asked.

  “Sure, Grandma,” I said, and ran for her car. I clicked the button on her key chain that popped the trunk. It was full of luggage. When I moved the first bag, I noticed a bunch of shopping bags. One was labeled “Justin.” I couldn’t help myself, and I pulled open the bag and peeked inside. On top was a pack of socks. Below that, there was a pair of flip-flops, a bathing suit, and a pair of swim goggles. My heart skipped a beat when I heard the squeak of the front door. After pulling two suitcases out of the trunk, I headed back toward the door.

  Grandma opened it to let me into the house. “My big, strong man,” she said, tousling my hair as I walked by. “I hope you didn’t look in the shopping bags out there.”

  “Where would you like these bags?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “You can set them down right here by the door.”

  “Won’t you need them in your room?” I asked.

  “I’m not staying long enough to unpack this year,” she said with a wink. “Trust me. Leave them here.”

  “You’re staying for Christmas tomorrow, aren’t you?”

  “Perhaps.”

  “When are you leaving?”

  “The question isn’t when I’m leaving, but when we’re leaving.” She snickered.

  “What do you mean? We’re staying home for Christmas this year.”

  “We’ll see,” she said with a grin.

  7

  Hogwash

  All night I tried to get Grandma to tell me what she was talking about, but she wouldn’t budge. It was a pretty normal Christmas Eve. We decorated the tree, a few people from the neighborhood came over to visit, and the girls begged for presents.

  We stayed up with Grandma and watched a movie. It was about this kid who wants a BB gun for Christmas. I thought it was pretty funny because my mom won’t even let me have a water gun. I can’t even imagine her letting me get a BB gun. I asked Grandma if she’d get me one, and she said maybe for my birthday.

  “Your dad had one when he was eight,” she said.

  I looked at Dad. “You had one at eight, and I can’t have one now? That hardly seems fair.”

  “Things were different back then,” Mom said.

  “Yes, we walked uphill both ways, it snowed every day, and everyone was armed. Be happy with your modern life. You can’t have a BB gun in our neighborhood. Someone would call the police.”

  “I still kind of want one.”

  “Forget it,” Mom said. “You can get one when you’re forty. For now, just be happy you’ll be getting anything at all.”

  “Why wouldn’t he be getting anything?” Grandma asked, pulling me closer and giving me a squeeze. “He should get everything he wants. He’s an angel!”

  “He wasn’t such an angel at school,” Dad said.

  “Hogwash,” Grandma said. “He’s a perfect boy.”

  Mindy and Becky sat down on the floor by the fireplace, in front of Grandma and me.

  “Would a perfect boy tell his teacher she’s awful?” Becky asked.

  “Did you do that?” Grandma asked, grabbing my face and squeezing my cheeks like she was trying to pop them.

  “I kind of did.”

  “He also kind of cracked his tooth on his desk because he was playing some childish cookie-eating game,” Mindy tattled.

  “He should be childish. He’s a child. When I was a kid, I was an absolute terror, and I turned out all right.”

  “You were?” I asked.

  “Oh yeah,” Grandma said. “I was a real handful. But your father was the real teacher terror. I was at that principal’s office so much with him when he was younger I thought about getting a job in the school to save on gas.”

  Dad looked pretty uncomfortable. “Let’s change the subject,” he suggested. “Tomorrow’s Christmas, and these guys need their rest.”

  For the first time in a long time, Becky, Mindy, and I all agreed. Grandma should continue her story. We were practically begging when she stood and pulled three small presents from her bag.

  “I agree with your father. Let’s change the subject. He was a wonderful kid, and he never got in trouble. Forget I said anything.”

  “What’s in the boxes?” I asked.

  “I say we find out!” she said.

  “I don’t know,” Mom said. “It’s kind of late, and the kids really need to get up pretty early tomorrow.”

  Grandma smirked. “You’ll have to get up early too.”

  “What do you mean?” Mom said. “I’ve been working like a dog all week. I need to relax tomorrow morning.”

  “Oh, you’ll be relaxed,” Grandma said, smiling.

  “What are you getting at, Mom?” Dad asked. “You’re acting a little strange.”

  “Let’s let the kids open these presents, and then I think it will all make sense,” she said.

  Mom and Dad gave each other a look and finally agreed. Grandma handed each of us a present and squeaked a little with excitement. Mom and Dad nodded that it was all right.

  “OK,” Grandma said, “Mindy, then Becky, and then Justin. Open them in that order, and let’s have some fun.”

  Mindy tore into her present. It was a small box with a magazine cutout of a black stretch limo.

  “You bought me a limousine!” she shouted.

  “Not quite, sweetie. Be patient. Your sister and brother still have to go.”

  Becky opened her present, and it was a magazine cutout of a hotel on the beach.

  “What’s going on, Mom?” Dad asked.

  “Wait for it,” she said. “Your turn, Justin.”

  I opened my present, and it was a gift box. Inside were six airplane tickets to Aruba.

  “We’re going on vacation!” Grandma shouted. “Pack your bags and grab the sunscreen because we’ll be poolside this Christmas.”

  We all just kind of sat there, not sure what to say. Finally Mom said, “That sounds wonderful, but when are we leaving?”

  “Tomorrow morning at six a.m. It will be the adventure of a lifetime. You guys are so busy and caught up in everything here with your work and your school. You’ve got to live a little, and I want to spend some time with my grandkids.”

  “Mom, we can’t leave tomorrow. It’s Christmas,” Dad said.

  “I know, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime trip. I got a deal that would blow your mind.”

  Mom, Dad, and Grandma moved the conversation into the kitchen so we wouldn’t hear them arguing. The girls and I sat silently for a few seconds, confused by what had just happened, when Becky said, “I’m going to pack,” and ran toward her room.

  “Do you think we’re really going on vacation tomorrow?” I asked Mindy.

  “Mom and Dad didn’t seem too thrilled about the idea, but if Grandma wants to go, I’ll bet we’re going.”

  I’d never been to Aruba, but I knew I’d love it. Warm weather, tropical beaches, and pools, what’s not to love?

  After a while, the grown-ups came out of the kitchen. They called Mindy back down to the living room, and Dad said, “Well, your grandma really threw us a curveball with this vacation. We have a choice to make. We can either cancel the trip, and Grandma will lose a bunch of money, or we can go.”

  “Let’s go,” the girls said at practically the same time.

  “What about Christmas tomorrow?” I asked.

  “Our flight’s at six,” Mom said. “If we’re going to make it, we’d have to leave around three in the morning. We’d have to put Christmas off until after we get back.”

  “Postpone Christmas?” Mindy said, sounding less interested than b
efore.

  “Your presents will be here waiting for you when you get back, but we’ll have a week in the sun and sand. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, kids. Who’s up for an adventure?”

  The room was silent as everyone thought about going on vacation instead of Christmas.

  “It’s not what we planned, but it’s very generous, and I’m sure we’ll have a blast. I say we go,” Mom said. “Who knows when we’ll get a chance to go on vacation again?”

  “If you’re in, then so am I,” Dad said.

  The girls nodded that they were in too.

  “I guess I can call Aaron and ask him to take care of my pets while we’re away,” I said.

  “All right then,” Grandma said. “Go put away your coats and hats, and go grab your sunglasses and bathing suits. We’re going to the islands for Christmas!”

  8

  Git Up

  At three o’clock in the morning, my alarm clock went off, and I stumbled out of bed. I grabbed the backpack I’d packed the night before and ran downstairs. Mom and Dad were already in the kitchen. There were a bunch of suitcases by the front door, and I noticed a load of presents under the tree.

  “Are you sure you’re all right with this?” Mom asked.

  “I guess so. Can we open our presents before we go?”

  “Sorry, buddy,” Dad said. “The car to the airport just pulled up. The presents will be here when we get back.”

  It was like torture seeing all the presents under the Christmas tree and not being able to open them, so I snuck over and started looking for anything with my name on it.

  “Justin’s peeking at the presents,” Mindy shouted.

  “No, I’m not. I’m just taking a look to get a sense of what we got. Looks like your stocking is loaded up with coal,” I said.

  “You wish. I should have bought you a coal stove this year because that’s all you’re going to get after what happened with your teacher.”

  Mom walked into the room. “You two better knock it off right now. We’ve got a long ride to the airport and then a long flight before we get where we’re going. There’s to be no arguing today.”

  “Yes, Mother,” Mindy said sarcastically.

  “Don’t ‘Yes, Mother’ me,” Mom warned. “I’m being serious. Cut it out, and let’s get ready for some Christmas joy.”

  “The car’s here,” Becky called from the front window. “At least I think it’s the car.”

  I ran to the window and noticed that the car in the driveway wasn’t a limo like the magazine cutout Grandma had shown us. It was a big black van. The driver had parked in the driveway, and I could see him in the back of it cleaning up.

  “That’s not a limo,” Becky pointed out.

  “No, it’s not,” Grandma said.

  “Well, it’s time to go, so we’d better grab our things and figure this out,” Dad said.

  Everyone grabbed a bag, and we all scurried down the front steps toward the van. When we got closer, I could smell cigarette smoke. The driver climbed out the sliding side door. He looked like he’d just woken up or had been up all night. I couldn’t tell. His hair was a mess, and he had on a wrinkled-up dress shirt and a crooked tie.

  “Merry Christmas. My name is Norton,” he said.

  “Merry Christmas to you as well, Norton. My name is Mimi. You can call me Mim. We seem to have a little mix-up, Norton. This isn’t a limo,” Grandma said.

  “You’re entirely correct, Mimi. This is not a limousine. However, it is here, and your flight is in a few hours.”

  “What happened to the limo I reserved?” she asked.

  “It is broken down on the side of the highway right now, I’m afraid. However, I think you’ll find that this van is more comfortable than any limo you’re going to find.”

  “I don’t think we have a choice,” Dad said. “It’s late. We’ve got to go if we’re going to make this flight.”

  Everyone agreed and climbed into the van. It was huge inside. Dad sat in the front with Norton. Mom and Grandma sat in the two big recliner-like chairs in the second row, behind Dad and Norton. The girls and I jammed into the long couch-like seat all the way in the back. Behind that was all of the luggage. It felt like we were in someone’s stinky living room, but we were flying along the highway at about eighty miles per hour.

  “Justin,” Mom called from in front of me.

  “Yeah?”

  “You packed your bag last night like I asked you, right?”

  “Yep, I’m all set. My bag’s back there with the rest.”

  “You packed your flip-flops?”

  “Umm…”

  “You packed your shorts?”

  “Not exactly…”

  “Did you pack your short-sleeve shirts?”

  I couldn’t believe it. Mom had given me a list of stuff to pack the night before, and I had completely forgotten about it.

  “I kind of forgot a bunch of stuff,” I admitted.

  “What did you pack?” Mom asked.

  “I have a few bathing suits and a bunch of candy.”

  9

  You Look Like You Got Punched

  Mom went off on me for about ten minutes before she finally calmed down. She had been really big on responsibility lately. She wanted me to do more things for myself, and the fact that I failed to pack a simple backpack of clothes showed she had reason to worry.

  The light in the van was pretty low, but I could see the girls in the light from the highway. I caught a glimpse of Mindy’s face, and something didn’t look right. I’d seen it before, when she’d had allergic reactions in the past. Her eyes swelled up as if she’d been the big loser in a boxing match. She was sleeping, and her face was smooshed up in the cushion of the van seat.

  “Mom,” I said.

  “I’m trying to get a little rest before we get to the airport, Justin. What is it?”

  “I think Norton might have cats.”

  “What difference does it make if Norton has cats?”

  “Because I think he might keep them in the van.”

  “Oh yeah,” Norton called from the front. “I have three little pussycats running around somewhere in here. They usually hide under the seats when I’m driving folks.”

  Dad and Mom spun around instantly. “My daughter is allergic to cats,” Dad said.

  “Mindy,” Mom called, trying to wake her. “Wake up, honey.”

  “Are we there yet?” she asked, lifting her head from the seat.

  All of us let out a loud “Oohhhhh.” Her face was completely puffed out.

  She touched her eyes and started to freak out. “No! I can’t go to the beach like this.”

  “Norton, don’t you think you should tell people you have live cats in your van before they load their children into it?” Dad asked.

  “How was I supposed to know that she was allergic?” he said.

  “You weren’t, but it would have been nice if you shared that information with us.”

  “Who’s allergic to cats?” he asked.

  “I am,” Mindy called from the back.

  “Huh, I never heard of that.”

  “You never heard of someone being allergic to cats?” Mom asked.

  “Nope, never once. Must be very rare,” Norton said.

  I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or kidding around. It was hard to imagine a grown man who’d never heard of cat allergies.

  “Actually, loads of people are allergic to cats,” Mindy shouted.

  “Pull this bucket of bolts off at the next exit and get us to a pharmacy right away,” Grandma ordered.

  Norton slammed on the gas, and the van took off like a rocket ship. Becky pulled on her seat belt to tighten it, and it pulled right out of the seat.

  “My seat belt ripped off!” she shouted, holding it in her hand.

  “Yeah, that happens,” Norton shouted back. “I’ll have to screw it back on after you guys get to the airport. Don’t worry. It’s cool.”

  10

  The
Flight Fright

  Luckily, Norton found a pharmacy that was open, and Mom was able to buy some allergy medicine for Mindy. Her eyes were really puffy, but at least she would survive the flight to Aruba.

  I was so tired by the time we got to the airport that I was practically asleep on my feet. Before I knew it, we were on the plane. I realized I’d never really been on a plane before. I was on one once when I was three and we flew to Florida, but I hardly remembered it.

  I was happy Grandma and I got to sit together. I even got the seat next to the window. The girls were seated way in the back with Mom, and Dad was seated all by himself toward the front.

  “I hope this seat next to me stays empty,” Grandma said, patting the aisle seat.

  “That would be great,” I said. As I said it, I realized I was already falling asleep. I didn’t want to because I wanted to experience takeoff and they had a pretty cool movie that they were going to show. There was no stopping it. My eyes were heavy. Grandma was talking, and I couldn’t follow what she was saying.

  I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I was back at school. I was really uncomfortable in my chair, and Mrs. Cliff was rambling on about Aruba. She talked and talked about all the touristy places to go visit, all the good restaurants, and the wonderful beaches. I tossed and turned, trying to change my dream and think about something else, but I couldn’t.

  I finally opened my eyes when I heard the stewardess asking people if they’d like a drink. All of a sudden, I was so thirsty I could hardly take it anymore. I sat up and snapped out of my nightmare.

  The plane was pretty dark. Grandma was asleep. A lot of people were sleeping or reading. It was hard to tell if I’d been asleep for ten minutes or an hour.

  The stewardess was a really tall lady who leaned in and whispered, “Would you like a drink?”

  “I’ll have an orange juice, please,” I said.

  While she poured my orange juice, I peeked out the window and saw nothing but fluffy clouds as far as I could see.