Breaking Stars

by J. Sterling

  “I was just going to say that I have a hard time opening up to people.”

  It was a small admission, but I felt like I’d just gotten to break ground on a new development project. Tatum had just smashed the first cinder block, and I planned on knocking down all the rest. One at a time, if that was how he needed it to be.

  Leaning a little closer, I said, “I know we don’t really know each other, but I’d like to get to know you better. I mean, I’m going to be here for at least a week, right? Can’t we be friends?” I deliberately used the F word, hoping to put him at ease. Privately I hoped that his concept of friendship included hot-and-heavy make-out sessions in his converted barn. Knowing how proud Quinn would be of me and my dirty thoughts, I stifled a laugh.

  “And here I was, thinking we already were, Princess.” Tatum winked at me and I suddenly wanted to sock him in the eye. And then kiss it to make it all better. Seriously, what the heck was going on with my hormones?

  “You have to stop with the princess stuff,” I huffed. “I don’t hate much, but I think I hate that.” I ran my fingers through my long hair and tucked it behind my ears before taking a sip of the tea.

  “Prove to me you’re not one then, and I’ll stop.” He took another gulp from his cup.

  “You’re so irritating,” I snarled, even though I wasn’t really mad.

  “But you like it,” he said before leaning into me, his shoulder pressed against mine. I did like it, but I refused to admit it.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Go for it,” he said as he poked me playfully in the rib with his finger, and I squirmed.

  “That day when you picked me up. You said you knew who I was, right?” I wasn’t sure why I was bringing this up now, or why it even mattered. I think I simply wanted to continue chipping away at his armor and let him know that he could trust me. Which I was aware, was ridiculously ironic.

  “Hell yeah, I knew. I told you that.”

  “Then why were you so mean? I tried to shake your hand and you wouldn’t even touch me.” I thought back to when I first hopped into his truck.

  Tatum laughed as he took a sip of his beer. “Paige,” he said solemnly as he turned his face to look at me. “You had just bent over and I couldn’t stop staring at your ass. I got—” He paused, apparently trying to choose his words carefully. “—excited. I figured touching you anywhere else would only fuel my situation.”

  “Oh,” was all I could muster up for a response. I hadn’t expected that answer. I liked that I turned him on, but wasn’t sure what to do with that information. Maybe I should bend over every time he was in range of my ass so I could render him stupid and speechless? I almost laughed at the crazy thoughts swirling in my head.

  “Sorry. You asked and I didn’t want to lie.” He smiled before turning his attention to the emerging stars.

  “No. I appreciate your honesty.” I followed his lead and stared up at the darkening sky.

  Watching the blue fade away, I was mesmerized by the streaking oranges and pinks in the distance that eventually lost their battle to the night. The sky was one of the darkest I’d ever seen, and the multitude of stars was amazing, almost hypnotic in their glow.

  “I don’t hate your movies, by the way.” His voice broke through my silent star-gazing and I smiled without moving a muscle.

  “Thought you didn’t watch chick flicks,” I teased, already knowing differently.

  “I don’t. But Brina used to make me watch them with her all the time.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sure that must have been painful for you,” I said mockingly.

  He sucked in a quick breath. “Look. Your movies were the only ones I never bitched about having to watch. I don’t know why, but you’re one of the few Hollywood actresses whose heads I don’t want to rip off,” he said, and I was slightly taken aback.

  “Care to share who else’s head you like attached to their body?” I asked, wondering what other actresses he liked besides me.

  “No. I don’t. But I will tell you this, and probably only because I’ve been drinking. Brina used to tease me all the time about you. She used to say I had a thing for you. Eventually we stopped watching together any movie you were in.”

  My smile grew even wider. “So,” it was my turn to poke him in the ribs, “did you have a thing for me, Tatum? Like what you saw on the big screen?” I giggled.

  “This conversation is over,” he snapped, but his tone wasn’t unfriendly. I dropped it, but the idea of Tatum liking my work and my movies warmed me from the inside out.

  I wasn’t sure how long we stayed side by side, our bodies pressing against each other with nothing but the sound of our breathing between us, but I knew damn well I wouldn’t be the one to break our connection or our silence. It was the most comfortable stillness I’d ever experienced.

  Until it ended.

  “I can’t believe that Paige freaking Lockwood is in our hometown,” said a guy who had wandered along with his girlfriend next to the truck. “Tatum, you lucky son of a bitch, keeping her all to yourself!” The guy lifted his arm to give Tatum a high-five, but couldn’t reach him.

  His girlfriend grinned at me, her teeth flashing white in the darkness. “Paige, it’s so nice to meet you. I love all your movies. You’re so pretty in real life. And so skinny. What’s LA like? Is it as amazing as it seems? Do you see movie stars everywhere you go? Wait, what am I saying.” She paused and then giggled. “I mean, you’re a movie star, so of course you do!” The girl rattled off questions quicker than I could answer them, so I just smiled and waited for her to stop.

  “You said you wanted normal,” Tatum whispered while the girl continued to talk.

  “This isn’t really normal,” I said as the realization dawned on me that he had a point.

  Tatum shot me an amazed look. “Paige, when will you realize that you aren’t normal? Your life isn’t normal. You want something you’ll never truly be able to have. People are always going to treat you differently because of who you are. You have to accept that.”

  I didn’t respond; I couldn’t. I hated that he was right. His points were making too much sense and it scared me.

  Tatum eventually cleared his throat and the girl stopped talking when he said, “Paige, I’d like you to meet Luke and Jessica. This is Luke’s parents’ farm. And Jessica has been his girlfriend since we were about thirteen.”

  “Twelve!” they both yelled in unison before giving each other a sloppy kiss.

  “It’s nice to meet you both. Luke, I love your property. It’s beautiful. And Jessica, thank you for all the compliments. You’re super pretty too.”

  Tatum leaned over the side of the truck bed and waved them closer. “Will you both do us a favor?” he whispered, acting like he was letting them in on a big secret. Luke and Jessica leaned in close. “Don’t tell people that she’s here, okay? I already asked everyone earlier to keep it quiet, but I don’t know where you two lovebirds were.”

  They laughed and started to say something, but Tatum interrupted. “And I don’t want to know. But listen, we can’t have it getting out that Paige is in town or she’ll have to leave.”

  “Oh no! Don’t leave!” Jessica giggled, reaching for my hand.

  “Don’t ever leave! Marry Tatum and stay here forever so we can all be best friends,” Luke slurred as he tried to regain his balance.

  Brina’s bitchy voice cut through the night and my back stiffened. “Like that would ever happen. Paige Lockwood, Hollywood royalty, marry small-town, going-nowhere, biggest-disappointment-in-three-counties Tatum Montgomery? Why on earth would she ever do something as stupid as that? She could have anyone she wanted.”

  I turned to look at Tatum, but he was too busy shooting daggers at Brina through narrowed eyes. Reaching out my hand, I placed it on his bicep, but he shrugged it off. Swallowing the hurt that followed, I searched for the right words, desperately wanting to help.

  “Cut it out, Brina. I’m sorry, you guys. She’s drun
k, don’t listen to her.” Celeste maneuvered around her best friend and tried to pull her away.

  “I might be drunk, but that doesn’t mean what I’m saying isn’t true. Tatum, you think you could ever keep someone like her? What a joke,” she spat out, venom dripping from every word. “You couldn’t even keep me.”

  “Thank God for that.” The words tumbled out under his breath and I gasped.

  Brina narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “What did you say?”

  “Last time I checked, no one was beating down your door to take you out, so why don’t you leave me the hell alone?”

  “You were supposed to get me out of this town, Tatum! You promised we’d leave it behind and have a real life. But you’re still here and I’m still here and neither one of us is ever getting out and it’s all your fault!” She started to cry and I couldn’t believe the scene that unfolded around me. Talk about a made-for-TV drama.

  “Celeste,” Tatum growled. “Get her out of here. Now.”

  “No! You can’t make me leave,” Brina shrieked as she fought against Celeste’s hands trying to tug her away.

  I sucked in a deep breath before speaking, my tone firm. “Brina. Go home. You’ve said enough.”

  She lowered her head at my words. “You don’t really like him, do you? You can’t possibly.” She stopped talking as Celeste wrapped an arm around her and led her away. “There’s no way Paige really likes Tatum, is there, Celeste? That would never happen. Not in a million years. Not even in one of her movies. Right?” Her voice faded as Celeste pulled her out of earshot.

  “Well, that was fun,” I said, trying to lighten the mood, but Tatum was fuming. His chest heaved in and out and he breathed heavily through his nose. I hated that he was hurting. I felt protective of Tatum in what I assumed was the same way he seemed to feel protective of me.

  “Tatum?” I said softly. “Tatum, please. Look at me.” When he slowly turned his head to face me, his gaze low as I placed my hand on his thigh, I said, “It doesn’t matter what she says. It doesn’t matter what she thinks. You can do whatever you want and be whoever you want. If you want to leave this town, then do it. But don’t let her words bring you down. Don’t let her define you.”

  “You don’t even know what you’re talking about,” he said in a low, hurt voice, “so how ’bout you just don’t talk.”

  I drew in a deep breath, then said calmly, “Don’t do that to me. Don’t be a jerk when all I’m trying to do is help you.”

  “I don’t want your help, Paige. I didn’t ask for your help. I don’t need your help. I’m not a charity case,” he growled, his voice still low.

  “I never said you were. You’re impossible, you know that?”

  “Well, thank God you won’t have to deal with me for very long. Once you leave here you can go back to Hollywood and forget you ever met me. Your life can go back to normal and you can forget I exist.”

  I brought my free hand in front of my face and squeezed back the tears that formed in my eyes. “You don’t actually believe that, do you? You think for one second that I’d just forget you?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” He looked away as he pulled off his cap and ran a hand through his hair.

  “It matters to me.” I squeezed his leg, half-surprised he allowed my hand to stay there.

  Tatum pulled his cap low over his forehead, then shot me a glance and said, “Get in the truck, we’re going home.”

  I didn’t move, and he couldn’t make me.

  Ex-Girlfriends

  Tatum

  Brina’s words had struck a chord, picking at a wound that had been festering inside me for the last three years. I had promised to take her out of our tiny town and build a life in a bigger one. I’d made myself that promise, as well. What I hadn’t planned on was my dad dying and how my life changed so drastically in the moments after he took his last breath. How Brina could ever blame me for that, I’d never know. And honestly, I couldn’t give a shit, but the things she said about me and Paige were exactly why I couldn’t allow myself to get close to Paige.

  It had been so easy to start lowering my walls with Paige tonight. She had made it so effortless. At least, until Brina came around and gave me the harsh reminder that I had so clearly needed. Paige Lockwood would never hook up with a small-town guy like me, and any thoughts I conjured up in my head to the contrary were a crazy man’s way of thinking.

  Why would Paige choose me when she could have her pick of any guy she wanted in the whole damn world? Who in their right mind would ever choose someone like me when they had options like that? No one, that’s who.

  When I’d admitted to Paige earlier that she had been one of the only actresses whose head I didn’t want to rip off, I hadn’t been completely honest. Truthfully, she had been the only actress whose head I didn’t want to rip off. All the others annoyed the living shit out of me. Matter of fact, the whole idea of Hollywood irritated me, and I was getting pissed off just thinking about it.

  Everyone there seemed so entitled and lived a life that I felt almost shouldn’t be real. Should people really be that privileged while the rest of us worked our asses off every day to make ends meet? Those elitists lived their lives, getting the world handed to them day after day, not sparing a single thought for what the rest of us had to do just to survive. Why did people who already had so much get rewarded with more when so many others had so little?

  Paige and I weren’t just from two different worlds; we were from two different galaxies. I would do well to remember that.

  “Well, thank God you won’t have to deal with me for very long. Once you leave here you can go back to Hollywood and forget you ever met me. Your life can go back to normal and you can pretend I don’t exist.” She clearly needed the same reminder that I’d just been given. Our worlds couldn’t be more different, and she had to have realized that. She would be going back home soon, leaving me and this town behind.

  Paige moved her hand in front of her beautiful face, and I thought I saw tears glistening in her eyes. I knew I was acting like a complete dick, but I needed to keep up the charade. If Paige saw through me, I’d be done for. If she called me out, I’d beg for her forgiveness on my knees if that was what she needed. I wanted her, but I knew I couldn’t have her. This conflict was tearing me up inside. Or maybe it was the beer.

  “You don’t actually believe that, do you? You think for one second that I’d just forget you?” she asked me. Her voice almost caused me to break my resolve.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I reached for my hat and pulled it off. I needed to keep my hands occupied so they didn’t reach out for her and blow it all to hell.

  “It matters to me.” She squeezed my leg and I ran my fingers through my hair, tempted to yank on it.

  “Get in the truck, we’re going home.”

  She didn’t move. She just sat there like a defiant little princess. “Goddamn it, Paige, get in the truck!”

  “No,” she said firmly, her gorgeous face scrunched up in a scowl that didn’t suit her one bit.

  Frustrated, I shook my head and looked away. “Stop it, Paige.”

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop acting like we’re in some movie that has a happy ending. We’re not. And it doesn’t.” We both needed that reminder. At least, I sure as shit did.

  Paige finally moved to climb into the cab, her face filled with hurt. I wanted to apologize to her, but couldn’t find the strength or the words. We drove back to Mama’s house in complete silence; I’d even turned off the radio. I couldn’t handle country music lyrics right now.

  When I pulled in front of the house, Paige opened the door and jumped out before I turned off the ignition. As I watched, she raced through the screen door and didn’t look back. She wanted nothing to do with me, and I didn’t blame her.

  • • •

  The next morning I arrived at the shop to find some deliveries waiting for me at the back door. After unpacking the supplies and parts
, I got a call saying that Paige’s new tire would be arriving around three. I pretended to be nonchalant about the delivery, but I was half-tempted to tell them to hold off and deliver it, say…never.

  When her tire arrived, I sighed before rolling it into the garage, frowning at it while Buster whined in the background. Debating about whether I should hide it or put it on her car, I finally decided to do my job and put it on. That didn’t mean I had to tell her that her car was fixed, but at least it would be ready for her when she was ready to go.

  I jacked up the BMW and removed the ruined old tire. While I was there, I figured I’d better check the brake pads, rotors, and other parts connected to the wheel. Once I decided that everything looked fine, I put on the new tire, tightening the lug nuts and making sure everything was in working order. After sliding out from the car, I lowered it to the ground and wondered for a moment if I should hide it. I had a tarp I could throw over it so no one would know it was ready.

  Shaking the crazy thought from my head, I swallowed hard as my chest ached at the sight of her perfectly drivable car. A car that she could get in right now if she wanted and drive away from here—and me—forever.

  Shit.

  I wasn’t ready for her to leave my life yet. No matter how much I fought her or myself on it, I didn’t want her to go. I’d tried to push her away, tried to keep myself from her, but it wasn’t what I wanted. Nothing about Paige being away from me was even remotely close to what I wanted.

  What I did want was that perfect little mouth against mine, that bikini-clad body in the swimming hole with me, and every single thing that Paige would let me have. But how could I tell her that after the way I acted last night? When it came to this girl, I acted like a complete asshole ninety percent of the time. The other ten percent I acted like a pure idiot.

  I didn’t know what to do, so in typical asshole fashion, I decided I’d head over to the bar after dropping Buster off at Mama’s. I’d drown my sorrows in some good old-fashioned moonshine.

  A One-Bar Town