Breaking Stars

by J. Sterling

  Pushing away from her desk, she rose to her feet. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

  I smiled and checked my e-mails and text messages while I waited for her to return. It had been almost a week since I left Tatum, and still no word from him. I had half expected an apology, or at least some sort of communication from him. How could he be perfectly fine without me when I had to work hard to hold it together without him?

  Madison walked back into the office with a giant smile and an older gray-haired gentleman in tow. “Paige, this is my boss, Gerald Taylor. Mr. Taylor, this is Paige Lockwood.”

  I extended my hand and he gripped it tightly, surprising me as I said, “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You too. You’re kind of a big deal, you know, young lady,” he said teasingly, and I blushed. “Madison says you’d like to come on board, and I wanted to be the first to welcome you to our agency. You’re in good hands with Miss Myers.”

  “Thank you so much. I’m really excited to have her on my team.”

  After his personal welcome, Gerald Taylor excused himself, leaving me alone with Madison.

  Catching her eye, I smiled and said, “Guess I’d better go fire Jayson.”

  She grinned back at me. “And then I can e-mail you the contracts to sign. This is going to be awesome, Paige.”

  “I seriously feel a thousand pounds lighter already. Oh, I wanted to ask you something.”

  “As your new agent, or as a friend?” she asked before sitting back down at her oversized desk.

  “Agent,” I answered.

  “Shoot.”

  “I was thinking about writing an open letter to my fans about what really happened and posting it exclusively on my website. People will still have questions, and the media will most likely still want interviews with me, but I wanted to tell my story in a way that I could control it.”

  Madison nodded. “I think that’s a great idea, honestly. I love it. Send me the final draft before you post it?”

  “Absolutely. Oh, and one more thing.” I paused as she lifted her eyebrows at me, signaling for me to continue. “I want to fire Corryn as well. She’s my manager, and I believe she has my best interests at heart about as much as Jayson does. Do you think I’d be okay with only an agent for now?”

  I could practically see the wheels turning in Madison’s head as she mulled it over. A moment passed before she said carefully, “That’s entirely up to you. But if you’re looking to head in a new direction for a while, I don’t see what your manager would handle that I couldn’t. I mean, in the grand scheme of things it’s a manager’s job to look out for you and plan your future, your roles, where you’re headed, and what you want to do going forward. But those are all things that I’m interested in as well when it comes to my clients.” Gazing at me with hope in her eyes, she said, “I’d like to think that until I’m proved wrong, I could sort of bridge that gap and play both roles.”

  Comfort immediately filled me, and I smiled. “I think it’s worth a shot. Thank you, Madison. For everything. Give Walker a kiss for me,” I said with a wink as I stood up to leave.

  I chuckled under my breath, happy that things were finally falling into place, and proud of myself for being the one to make them happen.

  “Will do. And, Paige?” she called after me.

  I paused at the doorway and turned to face her.

  “One day I want to hear all about this broken-down town and this guy, okay?”

  I gave her another smile, trying to hide the sadness that filled me at the realization that my time with Tatum now only existed in memories.

  “Okay.” Unable to resist glancing down at my phone again, I noticed that he still hadn’t called or texted.

  That was fine. I’d be fine.

  I had to be.

  • • •

  Back in the solitude of my too-quiet apartment, I picked up my phone and dialed Jayson’s number.

  “Paige, why were you at Warren Taylor’s?” he yelled instead of answering with a normal greeting. “What the hell is going on?”

  “I’m about to tell you,” I said evenly, forcing myself to stay strong.

  He groaned. “What is it?”

  “You’re fired.”

  “Excuse me?” he shrieked.

  “I’m pretty sure you heard me,” I said firmly, my inner confidence growing and building upon itself. “My lawyer has sent you an e-mail asking to terminate our business relationship effective immediately.”

  He breathed harshly into the phone line, and knowing what was coming, I pulled it from my ear.

  “I made you what you are, Paige! Good luck getting any work in this town again! You think that Madison, my assistant,” he added snidely, “can do anything for you? What a fucking joke! You’re both a pair of idiots. Idiots who will be out of work by the time next pilot season rolls around,” he screamed before hanging up.

  Instead of feeling nervous or worried with his threats, I instantly felt relieved. My shoulders lightened as the load I subconsciously carried lessened.

  Dialing Corryn while I was still brimming with confidence, I listened as the phone beeped each time it rang, signaling that she was on the other line. When her voice mail clicked on, I left a message.

  “Hi, Corryn, this is Paige. As of today, I will no longer be requiring your services. You should have an e-mail detailing our termination clause in your in-box from my lawyer. Thank you for your time and help over the years. I wish you the best.” And with that, I ended the call and danced in my living room, freedom filling me from the inside out.

  After my five-second dance party, I pulled open my laptop to read over the draft of my open letter one last time before sending it to Madison for review. I attached it to a quick e-mail telling her that I was officially on the market for a new agent, and asking if she knew anyone who wanted to represent me.

  I giggled, amazed at my ability to be and feel silly with all the chaos that constantly hounded me. In a way I felt like a new person, with my new short hairstyle that I chose for myself, and my professional chains cut free.

  Dear Fans, [Madison, I hate calling them fans—it seems too snobby and rude. How else can I address them that makes them feel more appreciated?]

  There has been a lot of speculation about where I’ve been the past few weeks. Since returning to town, I’ve been bombarded with accusations and unkind words, brutal reminders of the reality of this business that I otherwise normally love. I’ll admit that part of me wanted to say nothing and hope it would all go away on its own. But the rest of me really wanted to set the record straight.

  You have no idea how hard it is to read such utter lies about yourself printed everywhere for everyone to read. Worse than the made-up stories is the fact that people believe them…a lot of people. And that’s why I’m here, writing this letter to you now. I needed to talk to you the way friends do, and I wanted to be the one to do it—not a publicist or an agent or manager, but me.

  It’s not an exciting story, to be honest. The truth is that I needed to get away in the wake of everything that was going on around me. I’m human, just like you, and sometimes I want to escape from my problems and disappear for a while. And frankly, that’s exactly what I tried to do (in the form of leaving town, that is, not in the form of rehab, drug overdose, alcohol binges, or any other of the made-up excuses). I realize that being a twenty-one-year-old actress is nothing to complain about, and believe me when I tell you that I’m not complaining. But please understand that choosing this life means that I miss out on so many of the amazing things that you all get to do and experience every single day.

  I know, I know—you’re probably rolling your eyes and calling me crazy right now because you’re supposed to be the ones envying my life, not the other way around. But to be honest, sometimes I crave normalcy with every fiber of my being. A normalcy that I never seem to get. A normalcy that I’ve decided to fight for because this is my life and I want to be the one in charge of it. :)

  In
the midst of the destruction of my relationship with Colin, I did exactly what I said above. I escaped. My heart landed in a tiny town I’d never heard of before, but I’ll never forget. Part of me is still there, and I think it always will be. Because in this tiny town in the South, I got to be Paige Lockwood, normal twenty-one-year-old girl, instead of Paige Lockwood, Hollywood actress.

  I spent my nights drinking sweet tea and watching the sun set with an adorable black Lab at my side. I now own the most beautiful pair of authentic cowgirl boots I’ve ever seen (thank you, Emily). I got to experience my very first bonfire field party with giant trucks, hay bales, and some really good-natured people. Have you ever swam in a swimming hole complete with the obligatory rope swing before? Well, I never had, not before a few weeks ago. Heck, I didn’t even know that kind of thing really existed outside of the movies. And I loved every minute that I was away because for the first time in a long time, I was just like everyone else. I felt normal.

  Being away was exactly what I needed. And no, not because I hated myself after what Colin did, or because I couldn’t get over him (I am SO over him, for the record). I’m not pregnant. I most certainly did not try to kill myself, and why anyone would even make light of something so serious is beyond me. Suicide isn’t a joke. I don’t find it funny, and I don’t think that the press should be able to throw that type of accusation around whenever it suits them (but that’s a discussion for another time).

  There are so many things that each of us take for granted in our lives. I don’t believe we do it on purpose; we just get used to the things we have, the things that surround us on a daily basis, that we stop seeing how unique they truly are. Sometimes the most beautiful things in our world stop being so pretty because we see them all the time. But that’s on us to change our perspective and start really seeing again.

  My eyes have been reopened. I can see clearly now exactly what it is that I want and need in my life to feel a little more like you and to be more relatable.

  I’m sorry that I disappeared without a trace and made some of you worry. Please forgive me for causing you any distress, as that was never my intention. And please understand that escaping the chaos that surrounded me for a little while was exactly what I needed to do for me, but I won’t do it again. At least, not without letting you know. I promise.

  I hope that you understand and that you’ll continue to follow me on my journey. It’s been the most incredible seven years, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But it’s time to expand my horizons a little. I’m not quitting acting—so please don’t think that—I’m just finding my balance, my happy place in this world.

  It’s a space that exists in each of us that only we truly know what fuels it. I hope you have yours. And I hope you’ll stick around to watch me find mine. I love you all so much!

  Sincerely and with respect,

  Paige

  My cell phone rang within minutes with my new agent’s name on the caller ID. “Is it okay?” I asked instead of saying hello.

  “It’s perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing,” Madison said, making me really smile for the first time in what felt like months. “Did you get the e-mail with the contracts?”

  “I did. They should already be headed back to you right after my lawyer looks them over.”

  “Perfect.”

  “Any idea on a word change for fans?” I asked before I forgot, caught up in the excitement over posting that online.

  “Oh! Yes. I was thinking friends.”

  I released a short breath as I smiled to myself. “Oh jeez, of course! The answer was so simple, it was hard to find. I love it. Thank you.”

  “One last thing. You can either hit publish on that now, or you can wait until I get all the websites updated with your new agent contact information. It’s up to you,” Madison said, all business, and I liked it.

  “How long will that take?”

  “About fifteen minutes.”

  I laughed. “Oh! I thought you were going to say like two days or something. Text me when you’re done with the update. I’ll make sure my website contact information is updated as well before I post it.”

  “I’m excited, Paige!”

  “Me too,” I said before hanging up.

  And I was. This would be the first time I was truly standing up for myself, speaking my piece in a way that no one could take away from me—not the press, not Colin, not Jayson, not anyone who wanted to bring me down with lies, accusations, or false words. There would be no reading it wrong or getting the wrong idea, no misinformation, because it would have come straight from me.

  I sucked in a long breath before I exhaled it slowly, a smile on my face as I waited for the signal to press Post.

  When my phone dinged, I glanced down and saw the message from Madison that simply said, “GO FOR IT.”

  So I did.

  Who Cheated First

  Paige

  My phone had been ringing off the hook since the letter went live on my website. Madison informed me that we crashed the server multiple times, and that screenshots of the letter were currently going viral on all media outlets and social media sites.

  Feeling quite happy with myself, I silenced my phone for the night. For the first time since getting back to LA, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  Reaching my hands over my head in the morning as I stretched, I instinctively reached for my cell sitting on my nightstand and turned the volume up, noticing the insane amount of missed calls, text messages, and e-mails. My phone hadn’t blown up like that since the news of Colin cheating had broken.

  I wrongly assumed that overload of messages were from the press wanting further comment about my open letter, but as I opened up the Internet browser on my cell, my breath caught in my throat as headlines with my name caught my eye.

  Paige Cheated First! And We Have the Proof!

  Colin Heartbroken Over a Cheating Paige!

  Paige Gets Cozy with this Southern Hunk!

  My heart dropped as I scanned the photos that accompanied the lies, all pulled from various social media accounts. One was of Tatum and me at the field party, sitting in the back of his truck, and the other was of us kissing inside the bar. And I’d just mentioned the field party and the trucks in my letter the night before.

  Dropping my head into my hands, I wondered when this nightmare was going to end. When had I become a target for constant scandal? Refocusing, I clicked on one of the headlines and scanned the contents of the article, noticing the mentions of “reliable sources” that meant absolutely nothing when it came to sensational journalism these days.

  How could I have forgotten that I told everyone from Hanford they could start posting the pictures once I left town? Rubbing my eyes with the palm of my hands, I was suddenly scared for the sweet town. The press, not to mention the world, would soon know everything about my time away and the people who were a part of it. The one thing I had longed to keep quiet would soon become an absolute circus. I could never stand to show my face there again if I ruined their peace and quiet. How would I forgive myself?

  Glancing back at the pictures, I couldn’t ignore the way my stomach flipped when I looked at Tatum’s face next to mine. And the photo of us kissing in the bar almost made me come apart completely. Everything I felt for him seemed so transparent, so glaringly obvious in that picture. I missed him. But as quickly as that emotion entered my body, I dismissed it, forcing myself to remember that he hadn’t so much as called since I’d been back.

  I jumped out of bed and dialed Madison’s number as I walked into the bathroom and reached for a washcloth. She was quickly becoming someone I trusted, and I realized that I always had to some extent. Calling her was almost second nature, and we’d only just become business partners the day before.

  “Paige,” she answered.

  “My God.” I didn’t know what else to say; I was at a loss.

  “It’s okay. We’ll deal with this. Do you want to release a statement?”

  I balled
my hand into a fist a few times before responding. “But I just released a huge statement on my website. We just posted that last night, and now this?”

  “I know you’re frustrated. Why don’t we see how the day plays out, and then we can figure out what we want to do, if anything.”

  I was tired. Tired of this constant defense of myself, my actions, my thoughts, my movements. It was something I’d never dealt with before, so I wasn’t necessarily good at it. The letter to my friends had drained me, and I’d already said everything I wanted to. I didn’t want to talk anymore, suddenly feeling like all my honest words from last night were negated by a few pictures and lying headlines.

  “Okay, Madison. Let’s just sit on it if we can. I’m tired.”

  “I know you are. This will be okay. But can I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “If that’s the guy from the broken-down town, I wouldn’t have wanted to leave either.”

  A small smile tugged at my lips. “I know, right?” I said halfheartedly.

  “I’ll be in touch,” she said.

  Tossing my cell aside, I fought off the urge to dive back into bed and hide out under the covers. Instead I padded into the kitchen after brushing my teeth and started my coffeemaker. I rifled through the cupboard, then pulled out a box of cereal and started munching on it straight out of the box.

  I reached for my laptop, then hopped up on my countertop and placed it on my lap as I waited for my coffee. It seemed like every outlet had picked up the pictures of Tatum and me and were running them nonstop. They printed articles saying how I cheated on Colin first, and that’s why he did what he did. Suddenly, I was the bad guy and Colin was the victim. It sickened me.

  When I came across a post from Colin that said, “Now everyone knows what I was dealing with,” I almost threw my laptop across the room. The utter betrayal enraged me, forcing to wonder again how any one person could be so malicious toward a person they claimed to have loved.