Dark Night of the Soul

by Kristi Belcamino

  The new moon superstition was dumb. I knew it was childish and ignorant and primitive. I didn’t give a fuck about all that because this week I had seen bad omens come to life.

  Sitting on this cliff overlooking the sea, tears running down my face, any reluctance I had to commit cold-blooded murder had fled me. I was out for vengeance. I was out for blood.

  My fear of being an evil, violent person, was gone.

  I wasn’t evil. I wasn’t violent. But I could be both. Fuck with those I love, and I would be both. I was still the big-hearted person that Bobby had believed in. I vowed to never let go of that person I had become through Bobby’s eyes. The person who could care and love and still fight injustice. All of those people were inside me.

  When I finally finished crying, I lay down. I closed my eyes and curled my legs up to my chest, hugging myself. I would sleep on it. In the morning, if I hadn’t rolled off the cliff in my sleep or died from going to sleep with a concussion, then I would make plans to exact my vengeance. I fell asleep to the image of a female’s black silhouette standing in the moonlight.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Invitation

  Blinding sun reflecting off the sea woke me. I squinted, confused. Then scrambled back from the cliff edge. I’d make it through my own dark night of the soul.

  I would live.

  With a caveat. I’d decided to live for one thing and one thing only: vendetta.

  But first I needed to get the hell off the cliff and get to a doctor. My head still hurt like hell.

  The inspector was happy to hear from me.

  “We were going to send out a search party. We saw that you’d never checked into your hotel.”

  He knew I had reservations at Hotel le Palme?

  “It’s very easy to trace a credit card. You rented a car with one. You made hotel reservations with one.”

  I grunted. Even talking made my head hurt. I was obviously a terrible spy or criminal. Whichever way you looked at it.

  “Are you heading back here? Possibly already in town?”

  “Actually,” I said, looking around. “With your super sleuth skills, I’m surprised you don’t already know: I’m stuck on a cliff.”

  I explained my predicament and told him where I thought I’d gone off the road. He told me he’d call me back.

  A few minutes later, my phone rang. Clicking to answer, I saw the battery was about to die.

  “Help is on the way.”

  To my surprised, I was relieved. I guess I really did want to live.

  “I will see you this afternoon?” His voice held a question. He sounded distracted.

  “Can you stay on the phone with me? Just for a little bit longer?”

  His voice softened. “Yes.”

  I stared at the sea before me, now calm and comforting. The menace I’d felt the night before gone.

  “Why were you so certain the Queen of Spades didn’t do it?”

  He exhaled loud enough for me to hear.

  “We don’t make this public. She always leaves a calling card. An actual playing card. There was no card found. We looked.”

  A card?

  “The Queen of Spades.”

  Boom. Of course, she did.

  “Maybe she didn’t have time.” I knew it sounded lame.

  “The shooting was not her style.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t say that the reason I wanted the Queen of Spades to be responsible is because then there is no way the shooting was my fault. That the motorcyclists weren’t acting alone because I’d pissed them off.

  “And,” he hesitated as if he were reluctant to say it. “The motorcyclists are known La Cosa Nostra.”

  He’d said it. Like the baker. But did that make it true?

  “You are telling me that the mafia was behind this?”

  I don’t know why, but it seemed much more outlandish than my theory about the Queen of Spades killing a bunch of Americans: a bunch of Americans that included the man I loved and my best friend’s husband.

  “I wanted to talk to you about this in person, but maybe it’s time you know. Maybe your crash off the cliff was not an accident.”

  “What are you talking about? It was totally an accident.” I was fucking around with my phone and not paying enough attention to the road.

  “A witness we spoke to yesterday told us something new. About you.”

  “Wait?” I replayed what he had said. “About me?”

  “One of the shooters asked for you.”

  It took me a few seconds to understand what the inspector had just said. “My name? What?”

  “He asked where you were.”

  Mother fucker.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “We don’t, either. We’re trying to figure out why someone would target you. Why La Cosa Nostra assassins would target you specifically.”

  Just then my phone died.

  Dante was right. It was all my fault. But none of it, not a god damn single part of it, made sense.

  I heard shouting from above. I leaned over and saw three faces peering down. I waved. One man scratched his head. Yeah. Good luck figuring out how to rescue me.

  After a few minutes, a rope with a pulley and harness dropped down beside me.

  A few hours later, I was sitting in the inspector’s office. I’d had the driver take me directly to the police station. I needed answers. But when I was told Inspector Brossard would be back soon and told I could wait in his office, I regretted my haste. I had stopped in the bathroom and looked like death.

  My shirt was ripped and sopped in blood. My hair was tangled and a blue goose egg protruded from above my left eye. It went well with my scar, I thought. The leg of my pants was ripped, too.

  I’d tried to wash the dried blood off my hands, but I needed new bandages for my side and leg. I probably should have had the driver drop me off at the hospital first. Oh well.

  When Inspector Brossard recoiled at the sight of me, I knew I looked even worse than I’d thought.

  I held up my hand. “I’m going to the hospital as soon as I’m done here.”

  He turned and walked out, saying over his shoulder. “I’m driving you there right now.”

  I waited a few seconds and when I realized he wasn’t coming back, went looking for him. He was waiting by the door, holding his car keys.

  At the hospital, I got seven stitches in my side, four in my leg and an MRI scan.

  The doctor scratched his chin looking at the results. He said something in Italian that the inspector laughed at and said, “Si.”

  “What?”

  “He said you have a thick head.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “No concussion.”

  “Well, I’ll be goddamned. That’s a first.”

  “He says you can go home now.”

  Home. What was home? An empty loft in San Francisco? Home was where those you loved were. I had no home.

  The inspector must’ve seen the look on my face. He took my arm by the elbow, gently guiding me toward the door. “You hungry?”

  For a second, I was going to say I needed to go see Matt and Dante and Mrs. Marino on the second floor of the hospital, but then I remembered. Matt was dead. I nodded, fighting back tears. I swiped at my sniffling nose. I’d have some food and then go find Dante and beg his forgiveness.

  The café Inspector Brossard steered us to was like a secret hideaway.

  He stopped at a turquoise door and knocked three times. The woman who opened the door wore a flowered apron over a sleek beige shift and greeted him with a kiss on both cheeks.

  She smiled at me and they spoke in Italian while I tried to peer past her. A long hallway was lit at the end by daylight and I could see the blue shimmer of the sea in the distance. Leading us down the hallway, past several closed doors, the woman made small talk with Inspector Brossard. I could make out a few words. They were talking about children and school and bocce ball and the beach. Something coming from a hidden kitch
en smelled amazing but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. I also couldn’t remember the last time I’d ate.

  When we got to the end of the hall, I nearly gasped. The doorway opened up onto a wide patio that spanned the entire width of the house. It was filled with tiny fountains and massive pots of flowers. Five small tables with white cloths were pushed up against the balcony. The woman led us to one in the middle and filled our water glasses with the carafe of water already on the table.

  Inspector Brossard spread his napkin on his lap and I followed suit.

  The woman promptly appeared again with small plates of bruschetta that contained some type of seafood sprinkled with pink sea salt.

  I tried one. “Yum.” But instantly I felt guilty enjoying food while Bobby’s body was in a dark box or worse, in the hold of an airplane on his way back to California. The inspector was watching me. He hadn’t touched his food. I finished chewing and met his eyes. He cleared his throat.

  “I think that you should go home to America. Soon. Sooner the better.”

  “But I thought you didn’t even want me to leave town?”

  “That was before I suspected that you were the assassin’s target.”

  I avoided his eyes, taking a bite of the bruschetta. “I can’t leave yet. Without knowing why.”

  Brossard popped a bruschetta in his mouth and made an approving sound. He finished, dabbing his mouth with a linen napkin and said, “It’s not safe here.”

  That’s when I remembered Bobby’s funeral was only a few days away.

  “I need to be back in the States in a few days anyway.” I said. I didn’t tell him I was sticking around so I could kill the murderer myself.

  “We can’t provide security for you,” he said as the woman placed a dish of some type of pasta and seafood swimming in buttery broth. “Maybe you should consider hiring a bodyguard?”

  “Maybe.”

  “What were you doing in Calabria?” He shifted suddenly and wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  “You heard about those murders, right?” I twirled the pasta onto my fork. “The two young men?”

  “Of course.”

  I took my bite and chewed it carefully and as slowly as I could, but he was staring at me, waiting. Finally, when I couldn’t prolong it any longer I swallowed. Then I took a sip of water before answering.

  “The newspapers said the Queen of Spades killed them.”

  “That’s what we think.”

  “We?” I was blotting my chin. A little of the buttery sauce had splashed. Classy.

  “There is a chance,” he lowered his voice and looked around, even though we were utterly alone. “There is a chance they were two of the shooters. From the hotel.”

  I threw down my napkin. “You got to be kidding?”

  He shook his head.

  I sat back thinking about it. I’d been in shock from Bobby’s murder and Matt’s death and the blow to the head in the car crash. My thinking had been fuzzy. Now, it all was crystal clear:

  Of course. I’d never considered that the two dead men in Pizzo were the motorcyclists because I had thought the motorcyclists were The Queen of Spades henchmen. But then a thought struck me. Maybe they were. Maybe she was ruthless enough to kill her own men if she thought they were a threat or might roll over on her. At this point, anything was possible.

  Inspector Brossard dropped me off at Mrs. Marino’s hotel. I’d never got the address where Matt and Dante were staying for their honeymoon. I knew it was some extravagant home nearby. Before Brossard let me get out of the car, he made me memorize his personal cell phone number. I repeated it back three times.

  “Again,” he said. He looked over his glasses at me.

  I rolled my eyes. But did it.

  Finally, he let me go. I stood on the sidewalk until his car left. I knew I was delaying the inevitable. I’d dialed Mrs. Marino and Dante on the drive over and neither had answered, both calls going straight to voicemail. Anything that was left of my heart shredded into even smaller pieces. People who I loved, and who I’d thought loved me back, had abandoned me at my worst hour. I would confront them in person. Get on my hands and knees and beg that they forgive me for whatever small part I had played in the murders. If there had been any chance my angry words at the rehearsal dinner had set these madmen off, I would beg their forgiveness and continue begging until the day I died. I wouldn’t give up. I would do whatever it took for them to know the extent of how goddamn sorry I was.

  But I had to steel myself to do so.

  Finally, taking a deep breath, I pulled back my shoulders and entered the hotel. But a few minutes later, I walked back out. Mrs. Marino had checked out two hours ago.

  Standing on the sidewalk, I tried her number again. This time it rang. I heard fumbling. She picked up for a second and then promptly hung up on me.

  “What the hell?” I stared at my phone. A few seconds later, a text appeared.

  “Sorry. Can’t talk. Plane about to take off. We are heading home.”

  “Is Dante with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you please tell him I need to talk to him?”

  Nothing.

  “Please.”

  Again, no response. No little bubbles.

  Maybe she’d shut off her phone for take-off. Or maybe she was ignoring me.

  A cab dropped me back at the villa. Even though it wasn’t late, I fell into bed and slept like the dead all the way through until early the next morning. When I woke, the sun had not yet risen. I showered in a daze and packed my things. Check out was today and I knew another couple or family or movie star dude would be arriving any minute.

  I was happy to leave the villa behind. Memories of Bobby lingered in each room. I walked past the kitchen counter where the caretaker usually left my breakfast and newspapers. Instead, a paper bag sat on the newspapers and some other papers. I’d grab them on my way out.

  Inside the bedroom, the bed was made and my bags had been packed, my clothes folded between scented sheets of tissue paper. I stripped, wadding my own clothes into a ball and stuffing them in the outside pocket of my bag. They belonged in the trash, but I wanted to leave the room clean in case the new occupants arrived before the caretaker came back.

  Rummaging through my suitcase, I tossed everything on the bed looking for something to wear. At the bottom of my bag was a small white box with a red ribbon. I reached for it and then drew back as if it burned me. Taking a breath, I tried again and this time opened it. A small silver whale tail lay nestled on black velvet.

  I had planned on giving it to Bobby when we got to Sicily. Instead, I looped it around my neck and fastened the clasp. It hung down in the hollow between my breasts. I stood naked, looking at myself in the mirror, staring at the whale tail.

  The squawk of a seagull outside my window startled me back to life.

  Bobby’s bag was beside mine. I unzipped it, my heart racing. The black linen shirt he had worn for the rehearsal dinner was folded on top. I pressed it to my face, closing my eyes and inhaling. It smelled like him. I placed it on the bed

  In the shower, I put the water to near scalding and washed the grime and blood off me as best I could without wetting the bandages on my leg and chest.

  After I dried off, I slipped on Bobby’s black shirt and tugged on some cut-off jean shorts and sandals.

  Lugging our bags into the kitchen, I stopped to peer into the paper bag. The caretaker had made me lunch. A roll stuffed with prosciutto and some fresh fruit. Underneath the stack of papers was a large white box with a small envelope attached. My name was typed on the outside. I ignored it and lifted the lid to the box.

  A silky navy dress lay inside. Armani. My size. And black patent leather stilettos. My size.

  My first thought was: Dante.

  The envelope contained an invitation. Gold words on a black background.

  There was no description of the event. Just a time and date and location: Villa dei Fiore.

  An address
followed. 287 Calle dei Fiore. Sicily.

  The street was named after the villa?

  Nine tonight. In Sicily.

  No indication of who it was from. I was about to crumble up the invitation when my phone dinged. The number was blocked. Not Dante.

  “See you tonight.”

  I stared at the words.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The Bad Things

  The wind blowing in the windows of my rental car whipped my hair around my face. I had two more stops to make before I left town.

  I’d stopped at the post office and sent my suitcases and Bobby’s suitcase back to America. I had packed a duffel bag with a few toiletry items, two changes of clothes, and the outfit I was wearing to the mysterious party.

  I wanted to travel light.

  In addition, I’d gone to the bank and withdrawn several thousand dollars so I could pay cash for the car and any hotel I used. I didn’t need nosy Inspector Brossard tracing my movements.

  He’d know what I wanted him to know. And that was it.

  I didn’t need him worrying about me, anyway. Or worse, trying to stop me, or protect me.

  The cash would also help me buy a gun if I could just find someone to sell me one. The last time I’d try to buy a gun in Sicily, I’d ended up with a concussion. I’d have to be smarter this time around.

  Simona the florist cried when she opened the door and saw me standing there. I tried to brush off her sympathetic clucking about Bobby and Matt as she held the door for me to enter.

  “I’m sorry. It’s too soon.”

  She threw her hand up to her mouth, horrified. “Forgive me. You are right. We all grieve in our own way on our own time. Please come in.” She opened the door wider.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, standing spread eagle, immobile. “I can’t come in. I’m on my way out of town, but I need to ask you something.”

  She waited silently.

  “When we were here the other day, there was a woman all in black, hunched over walking down your road toward town. Since the road dead ends at your place, I thought maybe you might know who she is.”