Her Motherhood Wish

by Tara Taylor Quinn

  He’d read all of the legalese. Twice. Understood it all, too. It wasn’t his first contract. By far.

  “And, as you see there, I release you, and anyone else who could at any point in the future be petitioning on Alan’s behalf, from ever coming after you for child support. That statement is mandatory if you’re to be named on the birth certificate, because legally, your name there makes you open to that obligation.”

  He nodded. Was just...speechless. Could hardly believe what he was reading. And had no idea how to proceed. She was making dreams come true he hadn’t even known he’d had.

  “It’s just... I need ‘us,’ our relationship, to have a legal definition. In writing. Before we end up doing something stupid and trying to make it into something it might not be.”

  She was confusing him. Partially because he was reeling with the whole new life she’d just handed him in the form of official documents. Couldn’t get much more legitimate than that.

  “I don’t think I’m following you.”

  “You and I. We’re...or rather, I, am...we can’t... You have a history of becoming what those in your family need you to be, regardless of your personal feelings. And I...grew up feeling torn up inside, all the time, because I knew my father was hurting and alone. He married my mother because she was pregnant and she married him, I’m sure, in part because she was so vulnerable having just lost her father. You married Elaina to take care of her when your brother died. People do things in the heat of intense emotion, and it doesn’t work. I can’t take a chance that we’re going to fall into that same trap. And someone ends up like my dad, lonely, alone, hurting for the rest of his or her life. Or like you and Elaina, divorced, but still sharing a house.” She shook her head. “This...feeling...or whatever is between us... I don’t trust it because there’s no way for us to know if we’re caught up in the intense emotions of the baby and him—maybe not being well, just like my mom and dad and you and Elaina...”

  Some of the elation he’d been feeling faded...but not much. Not in that moment. She made perfect sense. Was saying what he’d already figured out on his own. And she was still inviting him into her life, into his son’s life, permanently.

  He read the paperwork again, key sentences, just to make sure he was getting it right.

  He didn’t like the money part but didn’t worry all that much, either. A simple phone call, making Alan the sole beneficiary to his financial portfolio, with Cassie as executor, would take care of that.

  “I’ve done all the talking,” Cassie broke the silence.

  “I’m listening. Reading.”

  “So, give me your input.”

  “Give me a pen. And a notary—I’m assuming one of the lawyers you mentioned still being here is licensed.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because I know you.” He grinned. “You’re always prepared.”

  She started to smile and then sat up straighter in the armchair across from him. He wanted to tell her that he could see up her dress, but he didn’t want her to put her legs together. They were making room to accommodate her belly. And he was allowing himself the view. A crumb from the dessert he couldn’t taste.

  When he glanced over, he saw her watching him look, and he wondered if she’d known all along. He’d caught her staring at his fly, too, earlier. Probably not smart. But nothing he was going to deny them, either.

  “I’m serious, Wood,” she said then, her hand on her rounded stomach again. So many nights he’d imagined touching that bump. Feeling his baby inside her. “Let’s talk about the agreement. Is there anything that makes you uncomfortable?”

  “Of course there is.”

  “Okay, so what is it? Let’s talk about it.”

  He shook his head. “There’s no need. I don’t like that I can’t help you both out financially,” he said. “I can afford it. I want to do it. But I understand why you need it to be this way. I actually agree with it. I just wish things were different. They aren’t, and I’m ready to sign. I want to sign, Cassie. I want to be locked in.”

  “You’re sure?” Her head tilted as she studied him.

  “I’m sure.”

  “I’ll add a clause that offers you a forty-eight-hour right to rescind, for any reason,” she said.

  He wasn’t rescinding anything. “Do what you have to do.”

  She grinned. Nodded. He nodded back.

  Picking up her cell phone from the arm of the chair where she’d laid it when she sat down, she pushed one button.

  “Marilyn? You can come in now,” she said. And then to Wood, “My paralegal. I asked her to stop by on her way home from dinner with her husband, unless she heard from me not to bother.”

  He broke into a full-out smile. Glad as hell she was as thorough as she was. He was a signature away from being a father.

  And being legally linked to his son and to Cassie for the rest of his life.

  * * *

  Cassie called her mother as soon as she got home that night. She didn’t change. Didn’t even kick off her shoes. Sitting on her sofa, she just dialed. Susan was a night person and Richard wasn’t, so she figured they could have a private conversation. And she needed one. Telling her mother about dinner with Wood, leaving out the bit about their physical situation and the sexual solution they’d chosen together, she did tell her mother about the binding legal agreement they’d signed, and finished with, “I’m excited, like I just got married, and all he did was sign a joint parenting agreement,” she said. “Do you think that could mean that I have real feelings for him? Beyond the pregnancy and hormones and all that?”

  A short silence followed her words, and Cassie waited, half holding her breath.

  “I don’t have that answer.” Susan’s disappointing response took a while in coming.

  “What I do know is this...” Cassie sat upright, fully focused as her mother continued, “It’s not a mistake, sweetie. I can’t tell you why it’s happening this way for you. I can only tell you that things happen for reasons. And that how you handle the seemingly impossible is what defines you.”

  “I can’t sleep with him.”

  “I’m not saying that.”

  “I know. I am. I can’t take a chance with a man’s life. Wood isn’t the type of guy who’d move on if it didn’t work out. He’d stick around and continue to be a great dad to Alan, and our friendship would be ruined. Or at least stilted. Like you and Dad were. How do I know I’m not just feeling so strongly toward him because of what he’s doing for me? And because I really want a traditional family? And maybe even a second child?”

  “I feel like I’m failing you, sweetie, but I just don’t have that answer.”

  “So what do I do?”

  “What would your father say? He was about the wisest man I ever knew when it came to dealing with the problems life left on the doorstep.”

  “He’d say to be grateful for what I have.” Alan. Wood’s friendship for life. A career she loved. The support of family and friends...

  “Sounds right to me.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Wood waited for Elaina to get home that night. He needed to tell her about the agreement he’d signed with Cassie. In the first place, Alan was officially a part of their family. In the second, he had nothing to hide.

  And in the third, he felt like celebrating.

  He was going to tell his men at work the next day, too.

  And probably anyone else with whom he happened to come in contact who’d listen to him babble about it.

  Elaina didn’t pull in until after midnight, had unsavory-looking marks staining her scrubs and exhaustion all over her face. She smiled when she saw him by the door leading into the kitchen. Gave him a wave as she entered her suite from her own door, and that was that.

  His news was too huge for him to accept an exhausted reaction. Too huge to put o
n her when she’d obviously had a long hard day and just needed to rest.

  Elaina would approve. He already knew that. Not that he needed her approval. He just needed his friend—and ex-wife—to know. It didn’t seem real until she—his only family—knew.

  That thought in mind, when the crew broke for lunch the next day, he grabbed his bagged sandwich and ate it in his truck on the way to the hospital. He didn’t visit Elaina often at work, but he knew which floor to go to, whom to see to find out where she was. Maybe it would have been better if he’d waited, rather than appearing in dusty jeans and a sweaty T-shirt at his sister-in-law’s place of employment, but there was no guarantee she’d be home that night. If something happened to him, she needed to know he’d changed his trust papers, giving everything to Alan, not her.

  Like she’d care. Elaina had never been interested in his money. His support, yes, but not the cash flow.

  He just needed her to see his right to his son in writing. To know it existed. It was that important to him. Too important for a phone call.

  As it happened, she was in the cafeteria, so his interruption had been well timed.

  He saw her almost immediately. Headed in her direction, folder in hand, and thought a better plan might have been to save his lunch and eat with her. It took another second or two before he realized that the laugh he’d just heard roll across the room had come from her—and the deeper mirth from her companion.

  The sound of her laughter surprised him. Was almost unfamiliar sounding. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard her laugh like that.

  Then it hit him that Elaina wasn’t alone. Nor was she sitting across from an associate. She was seated right next to the guy—taller than her, in a white doctor’s coat—and their shoulders were touching, their backs to him. Elaina turned to look at the guy and then jerked back.

  She’d obviously caught a glimpse of Wood in her peripheral vision, because she jumped up. Her brow creased in concern, she hurried the few steps it took to get to him.

  “Wood? Why are you here? Is everything okay?”

  “Fine,” he told her. “Everything’s fine.” He looked toward the other guy, only saw the left side of the back of his head and ear. Curious as hell, he wanted to check the guy out, but he wasn’t going to make more of it than it was. Or freak her out.

  Elaina took his hand, pulled him around a pillar. “Don’t make a big deal of this,” she said. “He’s new to town, an internist I met on a case a couple of months ago. We have lunch together sometimes.”

  Her hand was trembling. She cared about this other doctor more than she wanted him to know. More than she could admit to herself, he guessed.

  He remembered back to the beginning of the summer, Elaina saying she was going to buy lunch at work. Hoped to God this guy was the reason why. That he was managing to find a way into Elaina’s heart.

  “Does he know about Peter?”

  “Who around here doesn’t?”

  “Yes, but did you tell him?”

  That was the key. Elaina never talked about Peter to anyone but him, as far as Wood knew.

  When she nodded, he smiled.

  “You like the guy.”

  “I think he’s funny,” she said. “He’s entertaining. And that’s it.”

  And had to be wondering why in the hell his lunch companion had just deserted him so suddenly. He hadn’t turned around to find out. Not yet, anyway.

  Wood had to go. He wasn’t going to mess this up. Not by scaring the guy off. Or pushing Elaina.

  “Okay, well, I just came to show you this,” he said, holding out the folder. “It’s an agreement I signed last night with Cassie. I have another copy at home. I’m just... I wanted you to see it. To know.” He smiled, telling himself there was no reason for him to feel the least bit sad, or like he was no longer needed. He and Elaina would always be family.

  Telling her to enjoy her lunch, sincerely meaning the words, he left.

  And thought about the son he was going to have.

  Life happened as it was meant to. And it was good.

  * * *

  Now that the agreement was signed, Cassie had a whole list of things coming to her to talk to Wood about. She hit him with the first one by text message Tuesday night. He’d sent her a picture of the cradle he’d sanded that night in preparation for the first coat of varnish. With her air conditioner on, blowing out the humid August heat, she laid against a series of throw pillows on the couch in nothing but her sleeveless cotton nightgown, her belly serving as a holding table for her phone.

  Do you want to be present when he’s born?

  The question had seemed pertinent when it had hit her earlier in the day. Seeing it typed out, not so much so. Yes, a father witnessing the birth of his son was accepted and even miraculous to some. But not when the parents weren’t a couple.

  Already typing to rescind the offer, she stopped when his response came through.

  Yes.

  She could have sworn her belly moved at the response. Alan had been more active for the past week or so, kicking at random times throughout the day—and night—but there’s no way the boy could have read his father’s response and have had a reaction to it.

  He could be feeling the clenching in her lower parts, though. Reacting to that.

  There’s a one-day class available through the Parent Portal for women in their third trimester and their coaches. I was going to have a friend drive up from San Diego to go with me, but if you’d like to be there, I’ll tell her she doesn’t need to come up.

  It was asking a lot more than just a background identity in her son’s life. Maybe too much for him. If he said no, she’d have a boundary she wouldn’t cross again.

  Or so she told herself while she practically held her breath waiting for his response.

  Sitting up, she put down her phone. What was she doing here? Creating some kind of fantasy where she and Wood were the parents she’d always dreamed her child would have?

  Because that wasn’t this. At all. And she had to make certain she knew that.

  Give me date and time.

  Was that a yes? Attending a parenting class wasn’t something that you just did if the time worked out.

  They’re offered on a regular basis. 8:30–3:30, various days. I plan to do a Saturday. Goes over third trimester, what to expect in the last stages and then labor and birth.

  They cost seventy-five dollars, too, but she was covering that part, no matter who went with her.

  Pick a Saturday and let me know when to pick you up.

  Well, now wasn’t he assuming a lot?

  He’d taken her to all three of her major tests—of course they wouldn’t suddenly start meeting at the clinic.

  I’d prefer to be asked if I’d like you to pick me up. She hit Send, in spite of the fact that she knew full well she was being cantankerous.

  Noted.

  It wasn’t his fault she’d chosen a sperm donor who was so nice she was becoming addicted to him. Most definitely wasn’t his fault that she was alone, making all the plans, the decisions. The choice had been fully, consciously hers. And what she still wanted.

  Just...

  Nothing.

  It was time to count her blessings and remember all of the things for which she had to be grateful.

  And she added a new one.

  She was grateful that there was still a possibility that she’d meet a man who moved her as much as Wood did without all the other emotional baggage in the way.

  * * *

  Wood was just finishing dinner Wednesday night—meat loaf and asparagus—when Elaina came through the door of her suite into the kitchen.

  “I thought you were going out with friends tonight,” he said. “I would have knocked and let you know there was extra...”

  “I already ate,” she told him. “We me
t early for appetizers, and I didn’t want to stay and drink. I was thinking maybe you and I could watch a movie or something.”

  He had furniture waiting to be built.

  And this was Elaina, probably in an emotional flux because her new relationship, if it was one, was now known to him. Making it that much more real.

  He’d told her, and himself, many, many times over the years, as he’d told his brother on his deathbed, that he’d always be there for Elaina. And so he did his dishes and put leftovers in containers for her, while she changed into sweat shorts and a T-shirt, her long, dark hair loose around her shoulders. She poured herself a glass of tea, offered him one and put a bag of microwave popcorn in while he chose the movie. If life were carefully choreographed, it could look like a normal night in a normal home.

  Instead of a space in Nowheresville being used as a hideout from all that life had to offer. And dish out.

  A space he’d created for her to hide out.

  And him?

  He didn’t see himself beating a path to Cassie’s doorstep...begging her to give them a chance. Assuring her they could make it work.

  He opened the streaming service, and she chose a thriller drama neither of them had seen. And fifteen minutes into the movie, he knew something was up. Elaina wasn’t eating her popcorn. Hadn’t touched it since she set the bag on the coffee table. She wasn’t drinking her tea. And she wasn’t watching the movie.

  “Why did you really want to spend the evening with me?” he asked. He knew her well.

  And to her credit, she didn’t try to convince him she was really into movie watching. “It’s...things are changing. I knew we’d both move on at some point. Hoped it would be once I was making enough money to get a place, and I am now. But...”

  Was she getting ready to tell him she was moving out? “But what?”

  “I just... I’m afraid that you know that the time’s getting closer, and that it’s pushing you into something. I just...can’t bear the thought of you being hurt again, Wood. I’d feel so much better if you were dating someone. Hanging out with a woman who just liked you for you, not someone who needs something from you.”