Love, Marriage, and Other Disasters

by Shilpa Suraj

  “Hmm?”

  “What are you wearing?”

  Laughter snorted out of her dispelling the gloom of the previous second.

  “Idiot,” she gasped even as her heart slid further under his spell.

  “Will you meet me?” The husky question stopped her laughter. “Will you give me another moment of your time?”

  “That’s not a good idea.” Alisha stared at her slowly rotating ceiling fan.

  “No,” he agreed. “But will you anyway?”

  “Vivaan,” she sighed.

  “Is that a yes?”

  When she didn’t answer immediately, he asked again, “Will you, Alisha? Just one moment.”

  “Yes.” God help her, it was a yes. With him, no matter how hard she tried to resist, it was always yes.

  ---***---

  The car came to a halt a few feet from where she was standing. Alisha pushed away from the wall she was leaning against and walked over. In the dim glow of the streetlight, she saw Vivaan watching her, his hands clenched around the steering wheel.

  She met his eyes through the windscreen, her breath catching in her throat. No one had ever looked at her like that. Like she was precious. Like she was all he wanted.

  The car doors unlocked with a faint ping that echoed in the silence of the night. Alisha didn’t move an inch. Holding her gaze, Vivaan didn’t either. They watched each other in silence until Alisha’s fists finally unclenched.

  She walked around the bonnet of the car and slipped into the passenger seat.

  “Hey,” Vivaan murmured.

  She didn’t answer. She let her head fall back against the seat and stared out through the windshield. This was madness. If her parents woke up, if the neighbours looked out, if anyone found out, if, if, if….so many ifs and all ending in disaster.

  “Jeans and a sweater.” His disgruntled voice broke through her thoughts. “There is nothing scandalous about that. You could have told me over the phone instead of making me drive all the way here to find out.”

  Alisha grinned and turned to look at him, unconsciously mimicking his posture. They were both leaning back against their seats and turning to face the other. Their faces were close, perfectly aligned. So close but so far. It felt like an ocean of space separated them.

  Her smile dying at the thought, she said, “Vivaan.”

  “Don’t,” he said. “Just for this moment, don’t.”

  Don’t talk about right and wrong. Don’t bring up families and expectations. Don’t think about possible and impossible.

  The words unspoken but present hung in the silence between them. One moment out of time.

  On a sigh of defeat, Alisha turned slightly to face him, leaning her back against the car door behind her. Vivaan reached across and hauled her legs into his lap.

  A halfhearted protest left her lips, but she swallowed it at the look he shot her. Stretching her legs out, she let the moment take her where it will. He continued to watch her, unsmiling, as his hands started to gently stroke and massage her feet. The look in his eyes had her breath catching.

  They stayed like that for what felt like an age, eyes locked on each other. The silence gradually eased from charged to companionable and calming and Alisha felt herself unwinding from the stresses of the day.

  After a while, Vivaan started to talk. To tell her about his childhood. About the fights, the laughter, the love that was a steady constant through his growing up years.

  Alisha closed her eyes and listened, fascinated by this glimpse into his past. Into the life that had made him the incredible man he was today.

  “It never occurred to me that things could be different,” he said, now. “We were happy and so I assumed all families were happy. And when you’re younger and in school, you don’t discuss serious stuff. Possibly the biggest question of the day was whether we should play football or cricket.”

  Alisha smiled. Her eyes still closed, she let the soothing warmth of his voice wash over her. The squiggle be damned. This moment and how she felt was what was worth everything.

  Peace. This was what peace felt like. If only…But she slammed the doors down on that thought and concentrated on what he was saying. The ifs were for later. For now, this was enough.

  “I’d always wanted to be a doctor. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t,” Vivaan said. “I worked my ass off for my medical entrance exam and it didn’t surprise anyone, including me, when I got in to one of the top four medical colleges in the state. It was only when I started medical college that reality seeped in.”

  “I’d always been the best student in school and then in my junior college but when I started my MBBS, I realized that I was competing with all the best students from schools and colleges across the country. For the first time in my life, I wondered if I had what it takes.”

  “I got a double promotion in school which means I skipped a grade. And I cleared all the entrance exams in the first shot. So, I ended up the youngest in every class I took. Academics had always come easy, the social and emotional parts along the way took work. Pretty Boy. Class Baby. That’s what my friends called me. You can imagine the names the others had for me.”

  Alisha opened her eyes and tilted her head back, trying to see his face in the shadowed interior of the car. This was a new side to the confident, charming Vivaan she knew.

  “What did you do?” She was sure he’d done something. He wouldn’t have waited around for something to happen to him. Vivaan was a doer.

  “I ran home,” he laughed. “The first weekend I had a spare moment, I ran home to mommy and daddy.”

  Alisha smiled. Her hands couldn’t seem to stay still and started combing through his unruly curls. He leaned into her wandering fingers even as he continued talking.

  “My father laughed and told me it was time to grow up. I was very offended. I’d been mature and responsible right through. I’d never gone through a rebellious phase or even a troublesome one. I’d even got into a top medical college in my first attempt! What did he mean by grow up?”

  He paused for a moment, staring out at the dimly lit road stretching in front of them.

  “He said that I’d had it easy so far. Getting in was not the definition of success. Completing the course and being a good, compassionate doctor in the future would be. In his words, I had to suck it up and show him and the rest of the world what I was truly made of.”

  Alisha laughed. The picture he drew was so clear in her head. She could well imagine Brigadier uncle dishing out tough love while Aunty made him something hot to eat to compensate.

  “Anyway, after that I went off to cry on my mom’s shoulder where I got a lot more sympathy.” His hand came up to absently stroke her hair as it tumbled around her shoulders. Letting the silky strands trail through his fingers, he said, “My dad would be so proud of you.”

  Alisha stilled.

  “You are in every way the success he talked about that day. You’ve survived everything life has thrown at you and come out stronger, smarter and dare I say, wiser.”

  “I wish I was all those things,” she said. “I wish…”

  When her voice trailed off, he prompted, “You wish?”

  “I wish I was more,” she replied, finally. “More than the sum total of my past experiences. More than this battered, burnt out mess. Just more.”

  “You are more, Alisha.” His quiet voice did nothing to disguise the intensity in it. “You’re…”

  But whatever he’d been going to say was cut short by the sharp rap on the window behind his head.

  Alisha looked over his head and met her mother’s furious eyes. The moment was over.

  ---***---

  “I wish I was more.”

  Alisha’s whisper still ringing in his ears, Vivaan reached home to find Arav and Arjun sprawled over the bed. His bed. Swearing when his foot connected with an empty beer bottle and sent it rolling under a side table, he toed off his shoes and sat down.

  “You smell like a brewery,”
he grumbled at Arav.

  “Coming from someone who stinks of cigarette smoke, I’ll take that as a compliment,” his brother shot back.

  Lying back, he listened to the two of them continue their conversation. It meandered from cricket to music to the latest stand-up comedy routine from a notorious group of comedians in Mumbai to women.

  “Sorry about things not working out between Pooja and you.”

  Vivaan’s antenna went up at Arjun’s words and he started paying closer attention.

  Arav shrugged. “We weren’t a great fit anyway. As I was telling Vivaan the other day I found her very immature. I probably wouldn’t have agreed to the match even if that wonderfully melodramatic scene hadn’t happened.”

  With a sideways glance at Vivaan who was sprawled on the bed and pretending not to listen, he asked, “What about you and Alisha? Do you like her?”

  Vivaan kept his eyes determinedly closed as he waited for Arjun’s answer. After a loaded silence, he heard Arjun say, “She seems nice.”

  Vivaan snorted. God, these two were perfect for each other. What the hell was with them and the word nice?

  Sitting up, he glared at Arjun. “Nice. Just nice? That’s the best you can do when describing the woman you’re planning to marry?”

  Arjun raised a surprised eyebrow at the irritated question. “How would you describe her?”

  Images of Alisha flashed through his head. Laughing with her friends at the pub, sassing her parents with love filtering through the words, frowning at her laptop as she worked in the hospital lobby, crying for a girl she’d never met before, sitting by his side in quiet companionship for the moment he’d begged her for, passionately arguing with him, laughingly refusing to tell him what she was wearing a short while back…..

  She was strength, passion, love, ambition, laughter, joy and so much more. She was incredible. She was…. “Incandescent,” he said, quietly.

  “Incandescent?” Arjun repeated, his voice thoughtful.

  Shit. Vivaan’s eyes flashed open. Had he just said what he was thinking? About to come up with an explanation for the open speculation in their eyes, he opened his mouth only to hear his mother shout out his name.

  Saved by mommy. Thank God for mothers. Scrambling up into a sitting position, he escaped the room before either of the two could say a word.

  Silence prevailed in the room after his hasty exit. Arav cleared his throat and tried to come up with something that would help but couldn’t think of a damn thing. Sighing, he gave up and lit another cigarette. The mess that everyone’s relationships were in was enough to drive someone to take up smoking, forget continuing the bad habit.

  “Did he just say what he did?”

  Oh shit. Arjun wasn’t going to ignore the elephant in the room. Arav sighed again.

  “I think so,” he admitted. There really was no point in pretending not to know what Arjun was talking about.

  “Since when?” Arjun’s voice stayed determinedly casual.

  “I don’t know. I only realized he felt something for her at the farm.”

  “Does she feel the same way?”

  “I don’t know.” Arav was truly glad he didn’t. “He says no.”

  “Hmm.” The thoughtful murmur didn’t explain much.

  “What are you thinking?” Arav asked, wishing like hell he could go back to not knowing anything.

  “I don’t know,” Arjun returned with a sardonic smile.

  Touché. Arav acknowledged the barb with a shake of his head. God, what a mess.

  ---***---

  “Alishaaaaaa.”

  Alisha acknowledged the shout with a groan. Holding a pillow over her head, she tried to drown out the noise that erupted downstairs.

  It sounded like everyone was talking at the same time. It was the freaking weekend and all she wanted was to sleep the morning away. Was that too much to ask?

  “Alishaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

  Apparently, it was. Tossing the pillow to one side, she flopped over on to her back and stared at the ceiling. She’d been up most of the night doing just that. Staring at the ceiling. Reliving the brief meeting from the previous night. His whispered words were seared into her brain. Would she ever forget? Did she want to?

  “Alishaaaaaaa. Wake up now!”

  It sounded like her mother was going to come barging into her room any second now. On another groan, she rolled out of bed and into a sitting position at the edge. That was the best she could do for the moment.

  Groggily reaching for her phone on the side table, she quickly scrolled through her emails and found nothing that would require her to work over the weekend. Thank God for small mercies.

  She was just about to stumble towards the bathroom when her mother appeared in the doorway.

  “I suppose you couldn’t hear me calling out to you?” she asked, testily.

  “Oh! Was that you? I wasn’t sure since you haven’t spoken to me in over three days,” Alisha answered.

  Mother and daughter stared at each other for several moments, neither willing to back down. In the end, Alisha gave in.

  “Did you need something, Ma?”

  “I need a lot of things. Peace of mind ranking quite high on that list,” her mother answered, acerbically.

  Alisha sighed. “I told you I wasn’t going to do anything about it, Ma.”

  “You shouldn’t even be feeling any of it for him.”

  “I can’t control how I feel, only what I do about it,” she answered, exhaustion overtaking her. It was still just eight in the morning. This did not bode well for the rest of the day.

  “Is that why you were sitting in a car with him in the middle of the night.”

  “We were just talking!” Alisha hated the defensive note in her voice.

  “Do you think I’m stupid or blind? You’ll have to do better than that. Arjun has said yes.”

  “What?” Alisha just stared.

  “Arjun has said yes,” her mother repeated.

  Just like that. What did he think he was doing? Buying potatoes? He didn’t think he should talk to her first before announcing to the families that he was ready to marry her? All the frustrated desire and emotion Vivaan had woken in her found a convenient target. Arjun.

  Furious now, Alisha stood to face her mother. “Does anyone want to know whether I’ve agreed to the match or not?”

  “Of course, we do,” her mother answered impatiently.

  “It doesn’t sound like it,” Alisha shot back. “You sound as if you’re already planning the wedding in your head.”

  “I didn’t force you to stay in a marriage. Why would I force you into a marriage?”

  Her mother’s stricken face had Alisha flushing. Shame and regret burned a fiery trail through her.

  “Ma, I’m sorry. I-“

  Her mother held out a hand stopping Alisha’s tentative movement towards her. “I came up here to tell you that it’s decision time.”

  “I haven’t decided yet if I want to marry Arjun. I want some time to-”

  Again, her words were cut off by her mother’s outstretched hand. “Marriage and relationships are hard enough when you have everything going for you. When you don’t, it’s doomed from the start.”

  Here we go again, Alisha thought.

  Her shoulders drooping with worry and fatigue, her mother said, “Arjun is a very nice boy. If you don’t want him, then say so. He deserves that much. He actually deserves better.”

  “Deserves better than me, you mean?” Alisha caught her breath as hurt swarmed through her.

  “Yes. He definitely deserves better than marriage to a woman who is in love with his younger brother.”

  “I’m not in love-“

  “Whatever you are,” Her mother had obviously decided not to let her finish a sentence in this conversation. “you are with Vivaan, not Arjun.”

  The words seemed to actually physically hurt her mother. Alisha ached to ease the lines of worry on her mother’s face but before she could say an
ything her mother turned and left. Mind whirling from everything that had been said, Alisha collapsed back on to the bed. She was back to square one. Staring at the ceiling.

  ---***---

  Chapter 20

  “He said yes. Arjun said yes.”

  Vivaan’s heart sank as he stared at his mother’s beaming face.

  “Did he?” Somehow, he never knew how, he managed to keep his tone neutral. He’d known this moment was coming. He just hadn’t known how soon. Of course, Arjun had said yes. Who wouldn’t say yes to Alisha?

  “Yes.” His mother wiped down the counter, chattering like a magpie. “He called and told us last night. Chachi is organizing a dinner for all of us once she finalizes things with Alisha’s family. I’m so happy for them.”

  She stopped, her face turning pensive. “It’s sad that things didn’t work out between Arav and Pooja. Such a nice family but I think that girl is still too young for marriage.”

  Vivaan managed a noncommittal grunt. Work. He had to get to work and away from the marriage madness that seemed to be engulfing his family.

  “Do you remember Pankaj uncle and Rinki aunty from Delhi? Our old neighbours?”

  “Hmm.”

  “They had also contacted us. They are looking for someone for their daughter Sonia. You remember her?”

  “Vaguely.”

  All Vivaan remembered was a thin girl with two tight braids and an unfortunate habit of sucking her thumb even at the age of eight. Arav would be overjoyed. The thought almost made him smile. Almost. His smile had disappeared with his mother’s ‘Arjun said yes.’ Fuck. He’d said yes and Vivaan was sure so would Alisha. After all, Arjun checked all her boxes. Yippee for the two of them.