DEAD AS a DOORNAIL

by Tonya Kappes

  “With a drizzle of chocolate added.” I pulled both cups of steaming coffee to me, cupped the creamers, and dragged those over too.

  Duke laid down next to my chair, pushing my feet to the side to make room for him.

  “Uh-oh.” Ben’s brows cocked over his brown eyes. “Bad morning already?” He looked at his bare wrist. “You never have a drizzle of chocolate this early.”

  “You could say my morning could’ve started out better.” I took a drink of the much-needed cup of joe. “Darnell Lowell found Lucy Ellen deceased this morning.”

  “That’s terrible.” Ben’s forehead wrinkled. “How?”

  “Natural causes” came out of Finn’s mouth and “We aren’t sure” came out of my mouth at the same time.

  “Which is it?” Ben looked between the two of us.

  “We aren’t sure.” I picked up the cup and took a sip.

  “I’ll have the breakfast hot brown.” Finn put the menu back and clasped his hands around his cup of coffee.

  I glanced through the paper while Finn and Ben chitchatted about the local high-school football team that was making big state news for the upcoming fall season. Plus the quarterback had some D1 college scouting him over the season.

  Just like every other woman in Cottonwood, I flipped to what was known as Page Two. Page Two was really page two, but it had all the social gossip that was going on in Cottonwood and I was sure something about Polly Parker’s maid of honor dropping out had to be in there. Boy, was I caught off guard to see a photo of Tina Bowers standing out front of her shop with her hand planted on her hip looking as if she were fussing at someone. On the right corner of the photo was another photo that showed Tina on the side of the road picking up limestones. The headline read “Tiny Tina’s Small-Town Fraud,” and was written by none other than Lucy Ellen Lowell.

  Ben headed back to the kitchen.

  “Here is why I think it could be more than just a heart attack.” I turned the paper around and pushed it across the table.

  Silently I sipped my coffee and watched Finn read. It certainly was the highlight of my morning. I could watch him all day long. I smiled and brought my cup up to my lips.

  “Really?” Poppa rolled his eyes. “Leave all the goo-goo-ga-ga for later. We’ve got to go visit Tina Bowers.” He stood behind Finn and pointed to the paper.

  “There are always these sorts of crazy reviews in here every week from her. A couple of weeks ago there was one in there about the Pet Patch not carrying some sort of dog food.” His lip drew up, his nose curled. “Don’t forget about the one she did on Jolee’s food truck.”

  “I agree. But I witnessed an argument between Tina and Lucy Ellen yesterday that’s going to be hard to forget now that Lucy Ellen is dead.” I dragged my finger across my neck like Tina had done. “Tina did this and said that maybe she should do Lucy’s hair and let the scissors slip.”

  “Why would she say that?” Finn asked. This time he took a little more interest.

  “Apparently Lucy Ellen has a bad habit of not showing up or cancelling appointments. She also just strolls into Tiny Tina’s when she needs something done and expects them to accommodate her right then.” I took another drink of my coffee. I continued, “Yesterday Tina had booked all of Polly Parker’s pre-wedding appointments and Lucy Ellen was so mad because Tina and Cheree told her they couldn’t fit her in and Cheree told her they didn’t have any open appointments this week.”

  I glanced around the diner, half paying attention as my mind tried to make the jumbled thoughts in my head somewhat organized. The tables were filled and the squeak of the chairs echoed in my head. Ben pushed through the swinging door between the diner and the kitchen with a tray in his hands. He maneuvered his way over to our table and set our food down.

  “Doesn’t stuff like this happen all the time in those places?” Finn still wasn’t buying it. He grabbed the pepper and shook it over his plate. “Gossip. Fights. In ten minutes they’re back to being best friends again.”

  “Y’all need anything else?” Ben asked. “Besides coffee refills?”

  “No, I’m good.” I picked up the small bowl filled with melted chocolate and poured it over the biscuits instead of using gravy. It was delicious, and I needed some chocolate along with my coffee to think. My eyes zeroed in on my nails and the natural color I’d picked. “Yes,” I said to Finn. “But no one usually ends up dead. And Lucy Ellen tried to buy the fingernail polish she wanted painted, but Tina makes her own colors and doesn’t sell the polish. That’s how Tina has people coming back.”

  It looked like I was going to have to talk to Tina.

  “Maybe she went back there last night.” Finn stuck the forkful of food in his mouth.

  “Maybe.” I shrugged and took a few bites.

  I let out a long sigh before taking another drink. I wasn’t necessarily frustrated, I just knew that she’d been murdered for the pure fact that Poppa was here and I could see that I was going to have to look into it. “I’m going to have to see what the autopsy says.”

  I took my phone out of my back pocket and sent Max Bogus a quick text to get me the preliminary autopsy as quickly as possible. My phone rang.

  “Oh!” I turned the screen to Finn. “It’s Max.” I scooted my chair back and hit the talk button before I walked outside and stood on the sidewalk. Poppa and Duke next to me. “Hey, Max. That was quick.”

  “I got your text and wanted to let you know that Darnell didn’t want an autopsy.” His words pierced my ears.

  “What?” I asked in shock.

  “Why would he want to pay for an autopsy when it’s pretty certain she died from natural causes?” he said.

  “I want an autopsy.” I knew that I couldn’t order an autopsy if there was no real evidence that pointed to a murder.

  “Kenni, I just can’t give someone an autopsy because you want it. It’s against the law unless you have a reason to think it’s a homicide. What’s going on?” Max asked with a curious tone.

  “Listen, do me a favor.” There were some things I wanted to check out before I could point fingers. “Hold off on embalming her until I can get some questions answered.”

  “He wants her cremated, so that shouldn’t be too hard. I can tell him we only cremate certain days. You just let me know how long you need.” Max clicked off the phone, letting me know I had a little time to check out what I needed to.

  “This might be our hardest one yet.” Poppa jumped around like a jumping bean, causing Duke to think he was playing. He barked a few times. “I always loved a good mystery to solve.” Poppa rubbed his hands together.

  I headed back into the diner. Just as I was about to sit down, my phone rang again. For a hot second I got excited thinking Max had something else to tell me, but that faded when I saw it was Tibbie Bell, one of my best friends.

  Finn laughed when I held the phone out to show him who it was.

  “Hi, Tibbie.” My tone was flat like my enthusiasm for being in Polly’s wedding.

  “Kenni, I heard Lucy Ellen Lowell is dead, which puts one of the wedding tables out of whack with an odd number of people and that will just upset Polly, but I’m thinking out loud because that’s not any concern of yours.” I held the phone away from my ear; she was so loud. “I got a call from Polly. She and I were going over the toast for the wedding.”

  “I’m assuming you don’t mean toast you eat?” I joked.

  “In a normal situation with you, I’d think that was funny. In Polly’s case, not so funny.” Her voice was tight, stressed. “Your toast since you’re the maid of honor.”

  “Tibbie.” I was going to keep my mouth shut and put on the ugly dress and do my job, but Polly was overstepping the fake friend thing. “You and I are best friends. I would have a lot to say in a toast about you when you decide to get hitched, but Polly? Come on? Can’t someone else in her wedding party
do it?”

  “Don’t you think I suggested that, Kenni?” she asked. “Polly insists that you do it. And...” She took too long of a pause.

  “What?” I asked with apprehension.

  “First thing tomorrow morning I’ve got a counseling session for you and Polly with Preacher Bing.”

  “What?” This was getting ridiculous. “Preacher?”

  “It’s no different than pre-marriage counseling,” she said like she was trying to sell me on the idea.

  “I’m not marrying Polly Parker.” This whole maid-of-honor thing was a big mistake. Huge. “I’m not coming to no counseling with Polly over a fake friendship.”

  “Kenni, please. This is a big job for me. If I can pull off a wedding for the Parkers, it’ll be great for my portfolio. Just do it for me.” Tibbie pulled out the big guns.

  “I’ll only go if you’re going to be there too.” It was my one stipulation. I wasn’t about to do this alone.

  “Yes.” Suddenly her voice was much happier. “You’re the best, Kenni. Be there at seven a.m. It’s the only time Preacher had.”

  “Bring me a coffee. It’s the least you can do.” I stared over the table at Finn. He was getting money out of his wallet to pay for the food.

  “I’ll see you at seven a.m. sharp. Don’t forget the dress fitting today.” Tibbie hung up.

  “Are you okay?” Finn’s lips turned down and his eyes dropped to the phone in my hand. He looked back up at me. “You don’t look happy.”

  I took the last piece of biscuit and emerged it into the chocolate sauce, then popped it into my mouth.

  “Images of me getting stuffed into that dress is something no one should see.” I patted my belly and shook my head, rolling my eyes when Finn looked at me with a question in his big brown eyes.

  Chapter Six

  To everyone else in our small community, life was hunky dory. The wedding was still the talk of the town and a few grumbles about poor Lucy Ellen and her heart attack was all I’d heard during my rounds. Finn and I had said goodbye and he headed back to the department to look through the fax and phone messages that were left overnight. Then there was Betty Murphy, who fielded all the dispatch calls during the day and did small secretarial jobs for us.

  Cottonwood was too small to have more than the three of us on staff and during any normal week, there wasn’t a murder and this was our routine. This week would seem normal to them until Poppa and I could prove otherwise.

  Secretly, I had no other choice but to start looking at possible suspects and Tina Bowers was first on my list. I sat in the Wagoneer in Tiny Tina’s parking lot and waited for Tina to turn the sign on the door to OPEN before I interrupted her morning ritual where she got the shop ready for her clients.

  “How are we going to get Max to do some sort of toxicology report?” I asked Poppa.

  “I haven’t figured that out yet.” Poppa and I continued to watch the shop door.

  My elbow was propped up on the windowsill and my hand twirled my ponytail, my hairstyle choice for work. It didn’t take me long to get ready. With my boyfriend as my coworker, you’d think I’d take a second to get ready by putting on makeup and fixing my hair. But I knew that he’d obviously been attracted to me looking like this, so why alter my appearance? Besides, being sheriff wasn’t about being pretty and all girly, though Mama would have me in a pretty gown, heels, and full makeup.

  “See what you find out here and then take it from there.” He shifted in his seat when Duke jumped to the backseat of the Wagoneer. “What are you trying to accomplish here?”

  “I want to see if Tina did Lucy’s nails after I left. I know what I heard. There was a roomful of people who could say the exact same thing. I saw what she did with her hand.” I slid my finger across my throat. “And then she ends up dead? You and I both know she was murdered. Did Tina do it? She threatened to. But if Tina did do her nails, then maybe she didn’t really mean the context of her words and had been just talking.”

  “You mean gossiping?” Poppa smiled and jerked his head to look at the shop. “What about the other gal in there?”

  “Cheree Rath?” Poppa nodded. I said, “I thought about her too. But Lucy Ellen went to Tina. It was Tina that she gave the most grief to.” I watched and wondered if Tina Bowers really had it in her to kill someone.

  “Not only Tina had a lot to lose from Lucy Ellen going around town and badmouthing everyone. Cheree could lose her job too,” Poppa mentioned and adjusted himself in the seat.

  “If Tina’s business took a nose dive, then there wouldn’t be enough customers to have an employee.” I looked at Poppa. His brows rose. “Just a thought,” I finished.

  “One you might want to explore, but I agree that we start with Tina Bowers,” he said and pointed to the salon.

  Tina flipped the sign on the door to open.

  “Let’s go,” Poppa said before he ghosted out of the Jeep.

  I made sure the windows were down, even though it was a cool morning. Duke liked to stick his head out the window.

  “Stay,” I demanded of Duke and pointed the corner of the Chronicle at him before I shut the door.

  “Kenni, what are you doing here so early?” Tina fiddled with a clipboard from behind the counter and stuck it on the ledge where customers signed in when they arrived for their appointments.

  “Solving a crime. Geez.” Poppa’s head popped back. “Why do you think?”

  He ghosted around the room, darting from one end to the other.

  “Two reasons.” I wasn’t sure if she’d yet heard about Lucy Ellen since it just happened and I wasn’t sure she’d seen the paper. I pulled the tucked paper from underneath my arm and set it on the counter with the review facing her. “Have you seen the paper?”

  She picked up the Chronicle and then set it back down.

  “She didn’t waste no time,” Tina said and pushed the paper a little closer to me. I don’t care what she thinks. If she thinks...” She stared at me for a second. “What? What’s that look on your face?”

  “I had a call from Darnell Lowell around four this morning. He found Lucy Ellen dead when he got home.” There was no good way to put it.

  “Oh no.” Her chest deflated and she gave me a blank stare. “That’s awful.”

  “Are you sure you didn’t talk to her since she was here yesterday?” I asked.

  “What? You think I had something to do with it?” Her eyes lowered. “You’ve lost your cotton-pickin’ mind.”

  “Has she? Has she really lost her mind?” Poppa got really close to Tina’s face and narrowed his eyes. “I’d say she’s doing her job.” Poppa glared at Tina.

  The phone rang and she grabbed it.

  “Tiny Tina’s.” She did a few mm-hms while flipping through the calendar. “I can reschedule you. Oh.” Her eyes slid up to me. She grabbed the paper and took another look. “Fine. Don’t call me back when you can’t get your nails done somewhere else or when you’re in a pinch.” She didn’t hang the phone up, she smacked it down. “I swear, if she were alive, she wouldn’t be for long, because I’d kill her.”

  The phone rang again.

  “Tiny Tina’s Salon and Spa. Hi-do, shugs.” She smacked her hand on the appointment book. “Mm-hm. I’m sorry you’ve got to cancel. I’m more than happy to reschedule you for later in the day.” She grabbed the pencil, eraser side down, and used it in the appointment book. She grabbed the pencil on both ends and broke it in half. “Ugh!” She threw them on the desk after she hung up the phone.

  “I’m guessing that was another cancellation due to the newspaper article?” I asked.

  “What the hell is going on?” She spit and gnawed on her lip. “That...that...” She stomped out from behind the counter and threw the paper in the trashcan. “That nasty woman.”

  “Calm down.” I tried to distinguish if she was upset abou
t the cancellation or the article or all of it in general. “Can you tell me where you were last night after you closed the shop?”

  “Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?” she asked as if I hadn’t heard her the first time. “You think I killed her?”

  “No one said she was murdered.” I eyed her suspiciously. “The only reason I ask where you were is because I found it so interesting that she came in here and demanded that you paint her nails and do her hair. You turned her away and when I went there this morning, her nails were painted Perfectly Posh.”

  “Not my Perfectly Posh.” She drew her hand up to her chest. “I only have one bottle and don’t make more until I’m out.”

  “What if you run out?” I questioned.

  “Then I go right back there and whip more up,” she said and gestured to the back room.

  Tina darted from her station to Cheree’s station, picking through the bottles of nail polish.

  “Where in tarnation is it?” Her eyes darted around the room before they settled on mine. “It’s not here. She stole it!” Her face grew red as her hand fisted at her side. “She stole it when she was here yesterday and I wasn’t looking.”

  She went from station to station, through every drawer, tearing up the place.

  “Listen.” I stuck my hand out and tried to stop her. She was frantically looking under, in, and around every nook and cranny in the salon. “If she came back later in the day and you did her nails, it’s fine. I just need you to tell me.”

  “I’m telling you right now that I didn’t call her. The last time I saw her was when you saw her.” She stomped her foot and pointed down to the floor. “Right here in this very spot.”

  “Did Cheree have her come back in?” There had to be an answer to this strange situation.

  “Not that I know of. Cheree left before I did. It was my late night.” She darted off toward the back of the shop. “I’m going to look back here just in case Cheree put it back by the color lab.”

  “Color lab?” I asked.

  “It’s where I make my color magic for my polishes like the one Lucy Ellen stole right from underneath my nose!” She hollered before she disappeared through the hippie hanging plastic beads that substituted for a door.